Secluded with the Rogue

Chapter 7

Seven

G avin remained silent the entire way back to Kingsbridge. He insisted they go there instead of Havenwood after their hasty elopement. Being so close to the Scottish border made it easier for them to wed. No need to have bans read when they could take an hour ride and say their vows—Odessa was disgusted.

She should be happy, but she wasn’t. How could she take joy in something Gavin found so distasteful? She almost said no and took off home. If he didn’t want to marry her, she shouldn’t force him to. Her stomach churned from the unease of it all. In the end, she went through with the wedding because she fully believed it was the right thing to do. When she didn’t suddenly go crazy or die, perhaps he’d realize his belief in a family curse was for naught.

Odessa followed Gavin to the stable. He hopped off his horse and then went to assist her off of hers. Hamish came out to greet them. “Ah, Lady Odessa, it’s good to see you,” he said with relief filling his voice. “Lord Thornbury went looking for you this morning when we realized you never came home after the storm.”

“Has he returned?” Gavin asked.

“Not yet,” Hamish said. “I expect he will shortly. The sun is starting to set, and he’ll be forced to give up the search. I’ll let him know of your homecoming when he brings his horse to me.”

She hated that she’d worried Killian. He’d scream at her for a long time once he returned. She’d apologize and he’d hug her tight. They were as close as a brother and sister could be. Maybe he could help her weave through the mess she’d made with Gavin. She’d confess all and beg him for help. At this point, she’d listen to anyone who offered aid. For now, she’d focus on the moment though. At least Gavin was still by her side. That had to count for something, didn’t it?

“Thank you,” Odessa said.

Hamish nodded and took the reins of Odessa’s horse. “Will you be staying, Lord Havenwood?”

Gavin shook his head. “I’ll see Odessa to the castle, then come back. I won’t be long. You can leave my horse tied here.”

Her heartbeat skipped and her stomach went from churning to something much worse. She was close to losing everything. Gavin planned on leaving her. How long had he carried this crazy notion? Had this been his plan all along? What kind of man marries a woman and runs as fast as he can from her?

Odessa frowned. She supposed a great deal of men were afraid of matrimony and might regret it afterward. Gavin hadn’t seemed like the type of male that would though. It was sorely disappointing to realize he wasn’t as infallible as she’d believed.

“You don’t have to bother,” she said. “I can see myself to the castle.”

She spun on her heels and away from him as fast as she could muster. Never in her life had she been so angry. The deep desire to punch him was rather overwhelming. She clenched her fist at her side and somehow managed to refrain from making the striking blow that filled her mind’s eye. Her cheeks heated as she thought about how gratifying it would be.

How dare he throw their love away as if it was worthless. Why should she fight for him when he wouldn’t do the same for her? She should have listened to Killian a long time ago and had a season in London. Maybe, if she’d gone, her heart wouldn’t be tearing apart and she could have a family of her own by now.

“Odessa, wait,” Gavin shouted. “Don’t walk so fast. You might slip and fall.”

She spun around and allowed him to catch up to her. When he reached her, she punched him in the stomach. At first, she’d considered hitting his face, but decided to hit him where it would hurt more. “Don’t act as if you care about me. I’ve been walking this path since I was a little girl and I’m capable of seeing myself home. You did your duty and gave me your name. Go home, Lord Havenwood. I don’t need you anymore.”

“Don’t…”

“Don’t what?” She lifted a brow. “Love you? Want to be with you? Wish that you loved me too?” A tear fell down her cheek. “It’s too late for all of that too I’m afraid. I can’t unlove you as much as you want me to. If you don’t want to be with me, I can’t force you.”

He wiped the tear from her cheek. “I never wanted this.”

The tears came even harder after that. Of course he didn’t want to break her heart. She wouldn’t have fallen in love with a man who did that sort of thing. He was a damned fool who believed in a curse more than the power of their love. There was nothing she could do to make him see how preposterous that was.

“Go,” she demanded. “I don’t want to see you again.”

Odessa turned and left him there. This time he didn’t follow her, and she was grateful. She couldn’t go through all of that a second time. If he couldn’t love her the way he should, then she was better off alone. In time, she would be all right, and somehow she’d find a way to move on with her life. He should have waited to see if she was pregnant before marrying her. This sham of a marriage might be for nothing, but secretly she hoped it wasn’t. She wanted his child and a reason to hold on to at least a small part of him.

She was a maudlin fool and in some ways a bigger idiot than Gavin. He had an absurd belief he held onto instead of living and she couldn’t let him go even when all signs pointed to him being a lost cause. She had made a lot of mistakes when she set out to finally make him admit he loved her. Not once had she considered it might not turn out as rosy as she’d hoped.

She pushed open the door to the castle and went to the main salon. She found Aubriella drinking tea with her mother. They both set their cups down immediately when she stepped into the room.

“Oh, thank heavens,” her mother said. “We’ve been so worried.”

“So worried you stopped to have a bit of tea?” She had to look a fright. Her hair had been plaited but her clothes had to be wrinkled, dirty, and even still a little wet.

Her mother jerked back as if she’d slapped her. “I…”

“Don’t worry, Mother,” Odessa said. “I don’t expect you to be mourning me or something similar. This isn’t the first time I’ve disappeared, is it?”

She had a penchant for running off. It had driven her mother crazy when she was younger. After a while, it had become normal. Killian was the only one who continued to try to locate her. “Right,” her mother said with a hint of relief in her voice. “You always do come home, don’t you?”

This was the same mother who forbade her from going outside in inclement weather. Was the whole world falling apart? Normally, her mother would be lashing out at her for her recklessness. Perhaps something had changed while she was away. Gavin had given up on her, and now it appeared like her mother had as well. Honestly, she was surprised she hadn’t done so sooner.

“Would you like some tea?” Aubriella asked graciously. “I can summon a maid.”

“No,” Odessa said. “It’s been a long day, and I think I want to take a nap.”

More like curl up in a ball and cry until she had no tears left. She’d had so much hope and determination when she’d left the castle. She was going to make Gavin admit he loved her, and in that regard, she had. He loved her, but not enough to be with her. She walked out of the salon, having done her duty to report her return. Killian would let her rest and deal with her adventure later. She was almost to the stairs when she heard her name.

“Odessa, wait.”

She turned to meet Aubriella’s gaze. Sadness seemed to reflect back at her. Aubriella stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“You have nothing to be apologize for,” Odessa told her. It wasn’t her fault Gavin had broken her heart. She wasn’t responsible for Odessa’s reckless behavior.

“I know I don’t,” she stepped back. “But you’re hurting, and I couldn’t ignore it.”

Odessa blinked several times, fighting the tears that threatened to come again. Killian had mentioned something about Aubriella being sensitive to emotions. She hadn’t fully understood what that meant.

“How?” she finally asked.

“I thought Killian explained it to you.”

Odessa sighed. “You know my brother. He’s not exactly the talkative sort. He said something about your sensitivities. I took that to mean I shouldn’t hurt your precious feelings.”

Aubriella laughed. “I do love that man, but you’re right. I should have explained it to you sooner. Come sit with me in the library, and we can have a nice, long chat.”

Odessa didn’t exactly have anything else to do, so she followed Aubriella to the library. At least her mother wasn’t in the room, and she didn’t have to placate her. She sat down and waited for Aubriella to do the same.

“What your brother didn’t say is that I’m an empath,” Aubriella began. “I feel emotions strongly, yes, but I also sense the emotions of others. Most of the time I can block them from exploding through me, but sometimes it’s impossible. You were projecting rather hard earlier, and with my pregnancy, my shields haven’t been the strongest. Do you want to tell me what happened while you were away?”

She had a good relationship with Aubriella, but wasn’t sure she wanted to share the details of her night with Gavin. She did need someone with common sense to talk to though. So she explained Gavin’s curse problem, and how he’d married her but left her at the castle.

Aubriella nodded. “He does love you. I’ve always sensed that. As to the curse…” She tilted her head. “Did you say his mother got sick after he was born?”

“Yes, is that important?”

Aubriella nodded. “I don’t know. It might be. It sounds like she had the birthing sickness, as some might call it in this time.” She tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows together. “I think she had postpartum depression.”

She said the strangest things sometimes. Killian took it in stride, but every now and then, Odessa had to ask her what the blazes she was talking about. This was one of those times she had to come out and tell her she made no sense.

“I don’t understand,” Odessa said.

“Some women’s hormones…” She waved her hand. “Forget about that. Let’s just say that, after a woman gives birth, it’s a super emotional time and not all are able to bounce back from it. Gavin’s mother was sick, and there wasn’t anything that either his father or Gavin did wrong. It’s a part of who she was.”

That made a little bit more sense. How could she make Gavin believe that though? He wouldn’t take her word for it. “That’s nice, but Gavin isn’t going to listen. That is only one explanation for one person in a long line of tragedy. Deep down, he knows his mother was sick, and I don’t think he’s going to realize anytime soon that we belong together because, in his mind, it just proves his family is cursed and he’ll lose me in the end.”

“Don’t give up on him,” she said. “He might come around. I’ll leave you alone for now.”

Aubriella left her in the library. It gave Odessa time to think about what she’d said. Maybe she shouldn’t give up on Gavin yet… Aubriella gave her insight into what might have happened to Gavin’s mother at least. Maybe that was something she could use to convince them they belonged together. At this point, she’d try just about anything.

G avin didn’t get far before he realized he’d made a mistake. He couldn’t leave Odessa. He was terrified of what might happen, but he wanted to at least try to have a good life with her. He owed it to himself, but mostly he had to make things right with her. She’d believe in him when he’d lost all hope of ever having even a glimpse of happiness. He turned his horse around and headed back to Kingsbridge. He met Killian along the way.

“Gavin,” he called in greeting. His voice had an edge of worry in it. “Have you seen my sister?”

He nodded. “Aye, she’d back at home.”

Killian cursed. “She’ll be the death of me one day. Always running off and finding trouble.”

Gavin should explain that Odessa was no longer Killian’s concern, but knew that wasn’t true. Killian would always look out for his sister. She was Gavin’s wife though.

“She’s a hellion,” Gavin agreed. “Always has been.”

“That she is,” Killian said and grinned. “Were you heading home?”

“I forgot something at the castle,” Gavin said. Something he never should have left behind. He was a bloody idiot. Odessa should skin him alive for being a moron. He’d make it up to her if she let him. Gavin wouldn’t blame her if she never forgave him.

“Must be important,” Killian said a bit intrigued. “Never know you to return when you could retrieve something another day. You’re at the castle enough.”

Gavin nodded. “It’s more vital than breathing,” he said. “I couldn’t live without it.”

They rode in silence after that. Killian didn’t talk unless he had something to say. Gavin was grateful for it too. He wasn’t ready to explain he’d married Odessa and then abandoned her. He wouldn’t easily forgive that slight.

After they stabled the horses, they headed inside. Aubriella greeted Killian with a hug. “Don’t worry about Odessa. Go change. Dinner should be ready soon.” She looked at Gavin and said, “She’s in the library, and if you grovel enough she might forgive you.”

Killian narrowed his eyes and glared at him. “Please tell me I don’t have to murder you.”

He shook his head, hoping Killian wouldn’t want a long explanation. He had to go to Odessa and try to win her back. When Killian didn’t show any signs of demanding answers, he took it as a sign to go find the woman he loved. He didn’t say a word and left Killian and Aubriella in the foyer as he went in search of his wife. He found her exactly where Aubriella suggested she would be. She stared at a fire in the hearth. Her face was white and emotionless. He wanted to hug her and make her smile. He’d done this.

“If you want, I’ll punch myself in the face,” he attempted to charm her.

“I doubt you’d do a good enough job. It would have to hurt a lot to match the pain in my heart.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. At least she was talking to him. He could work with that. “Perhaps the fireplace poker—you could hit me in the head with it.”

She met his gaze. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

He didn’t deserve her, but if she gave him a chance, he’d work every day to make her happy. Odessa had always owned his heart. He shouldn’t have let a family curse stand in the way. “I hate that I caused you pain. Can you forgive me?”

Odessa remained silent for several heartbeats. He was starting to lose hope. He’d been too late, and she wouldn’t be able to let him back into her life. Gavin didn’t blame her.

“When I first walked in the door, I’d have said no to that question, but now that I’ve had time to calm down, I’m more open to the possibility.”

Hope flourished inside of him. He cautiously stepped closer to her until he stood directly in front of her. Gavin dropped to his knees and laid his head on her lap. She brought her hand up and caressed his cheek.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” he said. “I’m terrified, and I will probably hold it inside of me every day. Maybe, in time, I’ll be a little less afraid of losing you, but I can’t live without you.”

She leaned down and kissed his cheek. “I’m glad I didn’t have to hunt you down again. It wouldn’t have been pretty.”

He chuckled, lifted his head and clasped her hands in his. “Will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

“I don’t know,” she said lightly. “I might find a better offer in London. Maybe a man with less baggage.”

He pinched her side. “Don’t be cheeky.”

Odessa’s laugher floated through the room. “You wouldn’t have me any other way.”

She was right. Odessa was the one pure thing he had. He’d never change her because that would be like removing everything good in his life. Without her, he’d have no reason to go on. That was what truly frightened him and also made him realize he’d made a huge mistake. He needed her, and if he turned his back on her he’d lose her.

“I love you, Lady Havenwood. Please come home with me.”

“After dinner,” she said. “I’m hungry and we have to still explain all of this to Killian. He might want to call you out for compromising his sister. You owe him the chance to shoot you.”

Gavin laughed and got to his feet. He held his hand out to her. “Civilized men duel with swords, my dear, and as I’ll be the one challenged, I get to choose.” He pressed his lips to hers. “I’d never deny Killian a good sword fight. I know how much he loves it.”

It wasn’t going to be easy, but they had a chance of a good life together. As long as he kept reminding himself that he’d have nothing without her. Their love would be the one that survived. He had to believe that. His soul had recognized hers, and after that there was no turning back. Their love was worth any risk, and he’d do everything in his power to ensure it thrived. He’d never hurt her again.

“I love you,” Odessa said. “I’m glad I waited for you.”

So was he… Some love was worth fighting for. “Not more than I am,” he told her. “You’re my heart, and I am glad I gave you mine.”

Sometimes, a leap of faith was the only thing needed to find a happy ending. There was no way to know what the future might bring, but he wanted it to be with Odessa. He wouldn’t have it any other way.