See Her (Turn it Up #1)

Chapter 36

36

MAYZIE

I open my eyes after a night of restless… well, I don’t know if you could call that sleep. It was more like lying in bed in the dark, torturing myself with thoughts of what Jack is doing all those miles away while I drift in and out of consciousness. I’ve oscillated between worrying myself to death to convincing myself there’s nothing to worry about at all, so much so I’ve given myself mental whiplash.

I think I’ve felt every feeling there is to feel in this scenario, and had every thought there is to think. I’m weak, exhausted, and completely depleted.

I’m ready.

I reach over to my side table and retrieve my phone that I’ve had turned off for twenty-four hours now. Whatever it is I’m about to find out, I’m ready to hear it; to deal with it.

As my phone comes to life, my heart rate quickens, missing a few beats in the process. I feel it thump erratically at the base of my throat now as I unlock the device and watch as several notifications blink rapidly across the screen.

Thirteen messages.

My breath is ragged from the nerves rattling through my chest wall as I click on my voicemail app and bring the phone to my ear, clutching my covers close for support.

Each one of Jack’s messages is like a layer of balm to my tortured heart, soothing it; healing it.

“You are the most important thing in the world to me.”

“I love you so much, and I want you back here with me more than anything.”

“Sweetheart, please call me, I need to talk to you.”

But as I get further to the end of my mailbox, the words start to bring on new feelings of ache and regret.

“Baby, this is killing me, not being able to hear your voice. I want to know what you’re thinking; if you’re okay. Please call me. I love you with all that I am.”

A lone tear escapes from my eye, rolls down my cheek and onto my pillow as I listen to the next one.

“Mayzie Krasinski! I’m about to leave this tour and come home to you if you don’t turn your phone on and let me know I still have a loving wife that’s waiting for me!”

“Oh, shit.” A soft giggle erupts out of me without permission as I blink back another tear.

“You hear me?” the message continues. “I will LEAVE. THIS. TOUR. I will abandon this whole thing and fly home to you and I won’t leave until we’re happy in love again!”

“Oh my God,” I breathe out to myself, feeling so much love and relief mixed with feelings of disappointment at my own stupidity and fear. What the hell is wrong with me? I love him and he loves me, and all this is so ridiculous. I switch over to the next message.

“Baby I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” His voice has switched to that tender croon I love . “I just miss you and this tour is going crazy, and I can’t stand not knowing what’s going on. Please call me, baby. I love you.”

Another small laugh of relief bubbles out of me as I wipe the tear streaks from my face and shuffle to sit up in bed.

I need to call him .

I’m about to dial his number when the voicemail cues one more message, and I decide to listen to this last one before calling.

“Mayzie, it’s Josh…”

My poor, overworked heart comes jolting to another stop; startled by the voice and the name it just heard. It sits in shock, waiting for me to give it permission to start beating again. I swallow hard and hold onto my breath as I listen to what Josh has to say.

“Look… I know I was an asshole to you that day you left, and, um… well, I’m sorry. I don’t know if your phone is off because you saw what I think you did, but I’m just going to go ahead and assume so. I also know you have no reason to believe me, but I have to try and do the right thing here. I know I owe it both to Jack, and to you.”

I hear him pull a deep breath in and let it out.

“If you’ve seen the photo of Jack outside a blonde’s hotel room – that was a random drunk girl from the after party that was coming onto him. He completely shut her down. I know because I was there,” he explains, and I remember the two party pictures featuring both Jack and Josh, side by side. “She was three sheets to the wind and throwing herself at him. He wasn’t having it, and he saw her back to her room so that she wouldn’t be in any danger, and also to get the fuck away from her. He spent the rest of the night with a bottle of Johnnie and ignoring everyone around him, until Matt hauled him to his room.”

I let out a sigh of exponential relief. The anxiety floods out of me so hard and fast it almost hurts, and I draw in another sharp breath of air, trying to bring more good energy in.

Of all people… Josh Nolan offers up the answers I’ve needed on a platter without so much as me asking.

Could he just be covering for Jack?

I feel it down in my bones that he’s not.

“Anyway, I know I’m not your favorite person right now,” he continues, “but for what it’s worth, that’s the truth of what’s been g oing on. Jack’s done nothing but his job on stage and appearances, and then being a miserable fuck missing you,” he concludes, ever so charmingly. But I’ll give him the points. “And… I apologize for how I spoke to you that day. I know none of what I said was true,” he concludes in apology. I know there are some feelings towards Jack’s band mate I need to sort out later, but right now, I’m focused on us.

After he signs off, I hurriedly bring up Jack’s contact on my screen. My heart is almost whole. I just need to take care of one last thing, and I can’t waste another second.

Jack

I groan and roll over in the bunk as the distant trilling of my cell phone relentlessly pulls me from a restless and groggy sleep. In my disoriented state, I try to resist, until my brain makes the connection. When I remember I want my phone to be ringing, I jolt and scramble, retrieving it from under my pillow. My bleary eyes can just barely make out an M on the screen, but I take a chance.

“Baby?” I mumble into the phone. My voice is thick with sleep, but I’m alert as can be.

“Jack…” She simply whispers my name on a breath.

“Fuck, baby, where’ve you been?” I ask, trying to control my voice. I’m not sure what time it is, but I don’t want to wake anyone else on the bus. More importantly, I don’t want them to hear our business.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” she responds, and I hear the tightness in her voice, like she’s trying not to cry.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” I try to soothe her. “What are you sorry for?”

I hear her suck in a breath like she’s trying to compose hersel f. “I saw a picture of you…” I fucking knew it. Fuck! “…with some girl, and it looked like you might be going into a hotel room with her,” she hurries the words out like they’re hurting her to say.

“I know exactly what picture you’re talking about, baby, and I swear to God, that’s not what was happening.”

“I know…” she says quietly. “I know you’d never do anything like that, but, Jack, everything between you and I happened so fast, and that photo just screwed with my head.”

“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me? If I’d seen a photo of you and some guy, I would’ve flown off the handle,” I assure her.

“And then I tried to call you immediately and your phone was off, and that messed with me even more,” she reveals, and I close my eyes, blowing out a hard breath.

“Shit… baby, I swear to God my battery died. I had a bad night on stage, I was missing you and got wasted, and on top of that my phone died,” I explain, and she follows it with a few seconds of silence before answering.

“I get it… I just freaked out and I’m sorry. I turned my phone off too, and then I… just left it off because… I was just trying to deal with it, I guess.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry…” I drone out. “I’m sorry you went through that. I saw it too and tried to call you right after I saw it, and I’ve been going insane ever since.” I feel my mind slowly start to ease and my chest start to unclench.

We’re talking.

That’s all I needed to happen.

“I know, and that’s why I’m sorry.” Her voice is so sweetly sincere; I just want to pull her into my arms. My words just don’t feel like enough.

“Sweetheart,” I say with just a little added firmness. “You did nothing wrong, baby. This is so fucking hard and confusing for the both of us. Just know that I wasn’t even entertaining the idea for a second. That girl did come up to me, drunk off her ass, and she wa s not taking a hint. I didn’t want to just leave her at the mercy of whatever sketchy randoms were at that party, I just wanted to get on with my night.”

“Yeah, Josh told me,” she reveals, and I feel my eyebrows shoot up.

“Josh? When did you speak to him?” I ask, perplexed. He didn’t make any mention of it to me. Then again, this is Josh we’re talking about.

“I didn’t, he left me a message. I heard it just now when I turned my phone on.”

“Son of a bitch,” I grumble, rubbing a hand across my eyes in disbelief. “Did he apologize to you while he was at it?”

“In his own way,” I hear her snicker.

“Of course,” I scoff.

“It’s okay,” she chides.

It’s not, but I’m letting it go for right now.

“He didn’t have to call at all, but he did, and it helped.”

I take a moment to absorb that, and a moment of comfortable silence passes before I speak again.

“Are you okay, baby?” I check in. It’s been a long day and a half of not talking to her.

“I am now,” she whispers, and it makes me release another breath out through my nose. Fuck, I want her in this bunk with me so I can hold her locked against me until she feels every ounce of devotion and love I have for her. “And I promise, in the future, we’ll talk things out in real time and not avoid it. This marriage thing is still so new, I just didn’t know what to do,” her quiet voice conveys.

“Baby, I’m not exactly qualifying for husband of the year right out of the gate over here,” I point out, not wanting her to blame herself, and it earns me a warm breath that I think I can hear a small smile behind. “I miss you like hell,” I tell her after another few beats of bonding silence.

“I miss you, too,” she returns, and after a few moments, she follows with, “I love you, Jack. ”

“Fuck, I love you,” I tell her, closing my eyes and replaying her words over in my head a few times like they’re my favorite song. “Are we okay?” I ask, almost feeling like a lovesick teenager – and probably sounding like one too.

“Of course, baby,” she’s quick to tell me. “This is all just so hard, and I can’t wait for you to come home.”

“The minute this is over, sweetheart,” I promise her, “I’m running straight home to you… so we can continue our forever.”