See You at the Finish Line (Run, Love, Repeat #1)

21. Paige

“Is everything okay?” Nate asks me.

I look up from my scallops, realizing he’s staring at me expectantly. I guess I’ve been quiet.

I met Nate my second day on the job and, big surprise, he’s a hockey player. I’ve always had a thing for athletes, but since Utah hasn’t had a professional hockey team until recently, athletes like Nate Leverre have been few and far between out there for me to date. Until I moved here and have been surrounded by them every day.

He’s sweet, if not a little preoccupied with himself sometimes. Not tonight, though. We’ve been on a few dates, and I know he thinks tonight’s the night we’re having sex. I thought so too until my conversation with Adam in his office.

Just being alone with him in that room for five minutes set my body on fire more than any of my dates with Nate, even though he’s a delicious specimen of muscles and cheekbones.

To be fair, so is Adam. He’s a lot more muscular than the last time I saw him. It’s physically painful to look at him because I simultaneously want to scratch his pretty blue eyes out and climb his body to have my way with him.

It’s been a struggle.

Nate has been a fun distraction for the most part. He asked me out a few days after we met, and when I told him I had to think about it, Leah threatened to drive up here and beat the shit out of me. So I said yes. And not because I believe for one second that my incredibly smart but incredibly limp-noodle-armed sister could take me down. I did it for me. And because my therapist also agreed it would be a good idea.

Nate is looking at me, a small smile on his lips. He’s so pretty.

“Sorry, I had a fight with my ... boss today.” Is Adam my boss? Not really. More like a client, right?

“With Maxim?”

Shit. “Uh, no. I guess boss isn’t the right word. Just someone from work.”

“Want to talk about it?” He’s so sweet tonight. Almost too sweet.

“No, that’s okay.” I make it a point not to have those deep conversations with him. Whenever we begin talking about something other than hockey, work, sports, or our love of dogs, I steer the conversation back to those safe topics. Though I know more about him than he does about me. My therapist said I need to start broaching some deeper topics if I’m ever going to get close to anyone again.

I see the crestfallen look in his eyes, and I feel guilty I’m not giving him a real chance to know me. So I pull up my big girl panties and take a deep breath.

“It’s about the staff race,” I tell him .

“The 5k?”

“Yeah ... I don’t want to do it.”

He laughs like it’s a joke. “I don’t think many of us want to do it, but Adam’s always trying to get us to do crazy things.”

I find it kind of funny that he thinks a 5k is a wild idea. “Oh? Like what?”

He takes a sip of his water. The season is starting soon so he’s not drinking. It’s been good, actually, because I don’t like drinking alone. It makes me uncomfortable, so I’ve cut back as well.

“When he started, oh, when was it? Less than a year ago, I think. Anyway, he tried to get us to go to Utah to do some big hike called Angel’s Landing. We looked it up but our general manager shut the idea down instantly. We’re worth way too much money to die falling off a cliff,” he says with another laugh.

“He wanted to go to Utah?”

“Yeah, said he was there a while ago and fell in love.”

Water gets lodged in my throat as I take a sip from my glass. I try not to cough so hard it comes out my nose and I’m suddenly aware that the room is stifling. Did they turn the heat up in the last few seconds? Nate gives me a minute to collect myself.

“I didn’t know he was seeing anyone.” Did that sound casual? I don’t think so. Everything is so loud in my head right now. I feel like I can taste my lungs.

Nate looks at me, confused. “He’s not.”

“You said he fell in love.” My heart will not stop racing.

“Yeah, he loved Utah. Said the desert was super cool or something like that. ”

Oh.

“Well,” I say, trying to shift the topic away from Adam, “I’m from Utah. And I’ve done the Angel’s Landing hike a bunch of times. It’s relatively close to where I used to live.”

“Really? What a coincidence,” he says with a smile. A coincidence indeed.

“Yeah, small world. The hike is really good, but there are more intense ones that are less popular. Angel’s Landing is just the most dangerous open to the public. It’s pretty scary when you’re going up but, honestly, it’s not too bad. As long as you’re not an idiot about it, you’d be safe.”

He snorts. “And let me guess? Idiots are the ones who wreck it for everyone else.”

“Yup. I once saw a woman wearing flip-flops on the trail and another time there was a guy with his baby strapped to his back.”

Nate shakes his head. “There should be an intelligence test to become a parent.”

“Agreed.”

“So ... You used to live in Utah. Are you planning to go back?”

“Not if I still have this job. Ask me again in a month and a half.”

“Oh, right. I just assumed you were a shoo-in—everyone talks about how amazing your hands are.” His eyes dip to said hands and catch on my lips as he brings his gaze back to meet mine. I clear my throat.

“I meant to thank you for opting out of my massage. It was a nice gesture,” I say, steering the conversation again .

Nate waves his hand like it was nothing. “I felt weird about it,” he says simply. I nod my agreement, scooping up another bite. The scallop melts on my tongue and I involuntarily let out a moan.

“Good?”

I smile sheepishly. “So good,” I say around my mouthful and Nate laughs.

“So why don’t you want to do the race?”

Damn it. I thought I had successfully changed the subject.

“It’s a long story.” I inwardly cringe at the cliche.

He answers in kind. “I’ve got all night.”

I laugh and then can’t stop the tear that leaks from my eye. I try to brush it away quickly, but Nate sees me, his brows furrowing.

“What’s wrong?” He reaches over to take my hand.

I sniffle as more tears fall. “I lost my mom just over a year ago, and I miss her.”

His eyes soften. “I’m sorry, Paige.”

“Thank you.” I hesitate and realize he’s still waiting for me to give him an explanation about the running. “I took a break from running a little bit before I lost her, and then after her death, I couldn’t bring myself to lace my shoes up again. I’ve tried a couple of times since the email went out but haven’t made it out my door.” Not the whole truth, not the part about the panic attacks that do not allow me to leave my apartment, but it’s a start.

I clear my throat and take my hand out of his to dab my eyes with my napkin.

“Probably not how you thought the night would go, huh? Me crying into my food.” I laugh and wipe my nose as discreetly as I can. When my hands are no longer occupied, he reaches across and grabs both of them, leaning in and whispering to me.

“Well, I did expect tears, just not until later after you realize how good I am in bed.”

I snort out an unexpected laugh, and my chest feels a little lighter than before, even though the line is a little sleazy. I hate it when Leah and my therapist are both right. Sharing was helpful, even if it wasn’t my entire life story. Small steps.

“And what makes you so sure you’re going to get me into bed?”

“Have you seen me?” He gestures to himself and I laugh again.

“Yes, my eyes may never recover.”

“I have that effect on people.”

“I’m sure you do.”

Before he can retort, there’s a camera flash, followed by a swell of whispers and more flashes.

“Shit,” he mutters, plastering a smile on his face. I throw my head back and laugh at the awful fake smile. It’s truly atrocious. My laugh brings a genuine smile to his face, and someone takes another photo.

“Do you want to get out of here?” he asks, his voice low.

Do I? I don’t know. I think I could like him. It could be that Nate is the kind of guy I need to get over the slump I’ve been in. Who knows, maybe I’ll even fall in love with him.

Lying to myself is becoming second nature.

“Let’s go.”

We stand, one of his hands landing on my lower back as he leads me out of the restaurant accompanied by more camera flashes and trailing fans.