See You at the Finish Line (Run, Love, Repeat #1)

27. Paige

For the next month, I train my ass off for this race. Ignoring Adam has been hard. We didn’t talk after he told me what his father said. Realizing that he thinks getting disqualified from the race was the universe or whatever’s way of stopping him from making a bad decision hurts. But I have my answer, and it’s time to move on.

For real this time.

At first, running was so much harder than I remember. Have I always felt this heavy? Why are my footfalls so loud? Do my lungs even remember how to breathe?

Eventually, though, my body stopped being a dick and remembered that we used to do this religiously. I brought Shay out on a few runs with me as her punishment for lying about my sex life to Adam. It gave me a sick sense of satisfaction to watch her struggle. Although it backfired because she progressed faster than I did initially.

I know it’s only a 5k race, but I miss the days when I would run for three hours in the morning and everything else melted away. Once, I even brought Mateo on a long run. I like him—he has such a calming presence that the hour we ran together was the most comfortable hour of silence I’ve ever spent with another person. I’ve never had a brother, but I think Mateo is the kind of person I’d choose for the job.

I’m feeling great. The two years away from running was terrible, but it also allowed me to find other ways to exercise that helped strengthen my body and give me some enjoyment outside of racing.

All the cross-training has been so beneficial since I started putting on more miles. I feel great about myself as I step out of my shower and admire the weight I’ve put on. If there was anything that could convince someone to start running, it would be the essential consumption of carbs.

I’m fuller in the hips and curves and my skin pulls taut over my muscles. I feel strong.

My doorbell rings, which sets off Q’s barking. No one has ever rung the doorbell while I’ve lived here. I didn’t even know we had one. Someone must have buzzed whoever it is into the building. I look through the peephole, dropping my towel in surprise.

Adam is standing outside my door.

Adam, who I’ve said maybe five words to in the past month. Adam, who sat on my couch last month and told me he thought I was the wrong choice. Adam, who I am trying to let go.

And I’m naked.

“What do you want?” I say through the door.

“Paige?”

“Did you knock on my door expecting someone else?”

“Just double-checking.”

“What do you want?” I ask again .

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Does he sound irritated?

“Because I said no.”

There’s an audible sigh.

“Okay I’ll go, but before I do ... I have a toy for Q.”

And on cue, Q barks happily, changing her mind about strangers and falling in love with him.

“She’s not here at the moment.”

“You have a very convincing dog bark.”

“Thank you, I’ve been practising. Can’t be too careful as a single woman living alone. You never know what crazy person might show up unannounced at your place of residence.”

“One of your neighbours just poked her head out the door and told me to be quiet. Can I please come in?”

“No, I’m naked.”

There’s silence on the other side and I look through the hole again. His distorted face is staring up at the ceiling, eyes closed, jaw clenched. I can’t help the smile that pulls across my face. The pre-race day jitters are turning into something else entirely, and I’m trying not to focus on the fact that Adam is here and I am naked.

How many times did I fantasize about something like this when I lived in Utah? After the ultra, every single day. I had to get a hold of myself and snap out of it because clearly, that never happened.

And since I’ve been here? I shake my head. Only my subconscious has allowed me to imagine this.

“Can you put something on so I can come in please?”

He’s asking so nicely. And I am very curious as to why he is here. Can’t hurt to see what he wants.

The masochist in me just can’t say no. “Fine.” I unlock the door and remove the deadbolt. “Count to twenty and then let yourself in.”

I race to my bedroom with Q on my heels happily wagging her battering ram of a tail, not quite understanding my need to rush through the apartment but happy to be along for the ride. She nearly knocks over a side table in her excitement as we race past the couch. I barely manage to shut my bedroom door before the front door opens and Adam comes in.

That was definitely not twenty seconds.

Q looks confused and then turns to me, her eyes sad and betrayed.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I whisper, kneeling to pet her. She’s reluctant at first but she’s a big softy and eventually forgives me for not letting her maul Adam and collect her new toy the second he stepped into the apartment.

I’m still damp from my shower, so I can’t put on the clothes I was planning to spend the day in. I dig through my closet to find my robe, wishing I had a thin, sleek, silky one to look a little sexier in, but it doesn’t matter.

I pull on the thick, fluffy, white robe, tie it tightly around my waist making sure every body part from my neck to my knees is hidden, and make my way out to the living room where Adam stands peering around at the pictures I have displayed everywhere .

“Leah had a baby,” he says by way of greeting, still looking at the pictures.

“She did.” I remember I told him in the email I sent a while ago.

“He’s cute.”

“He is.”

Adam finally turns around and his eyes widen a little before he shifts his attention to the big mass of russet brown fur heading his way.

Q zooms past me and almost launches herself at Adam.

“Hey, none of that,” I tell her, and she slows down. “Sit.” Her giant butt reluctantly plops down. “Good girl. Now stay.”

Adam looks back up at me. “May I?”

“Sure.”

He smiles and my heart catches as he gets right on his knees in front of Q. Brave man.

“Nice to see you again, Q,” he says, letting her sniff him before he reaches out a big hand to stroke her.

I swallow involuntarily and try not to get jealous of my dog.

“You are beautiful, aren’t you?” he mutters to her and she melts.

I do not melt. My cold heart stays firmly in my chest and my brain does not fight the urge to drop my robe. I am unaffected. Completely unaffected by seeing Q climb into Adam’s inviting lap like it’s her new favourite place in the world.

My mouth is dry. Is that a side effect of lying to myself I didn’t know about?

“She likes you,” I say through gritted teeth, and he beams at me.

“You hate that, don’t you? ”

“A little.” My teeth grind together.

He laughs and the sound fills my apartment with life. Turning his attention back to Q, he whispers something in her ear that I can’t hear.

“Didn’t you say you brought her something?” I say to distract myself.

“That I did.” He tries to manoeuvre to reach into his bag, but the 110-pound Newfoundland dog is not making it easy for him. He laughs again as she starts sniffing around. Finally managing to undo the zipper, he takes out a squeaky stuffed orca.

Q goes wild and immediately jumps out of his lap to sit in front of him, her tail wagging ferociously. She’s so excited that a big glob of drool drops down onto his pants.

“Wow,” he says, surprise in his eyes as he looks up at me.

“Yes, asshole, I do train her.”

“Do you want me to do anything before I give it to her?”

I don’t miss a beat. “Sometimes she doesn’t know how to play with toys so I have to demonstrate for her,” I tell him with my most serious face.

“Really?”

I nod, fighting the urge to laugh when he looks at Q and then at the whale. I see him debating before he moves to his hands and knees and places the orca between his teeth, shaking it back and forth.

The cherry on top is the little growl he lets out. And I would be turned on by that sound if it wasn’t so funny. Q looks absolutely baffled, taking a step back when she turns her head to look at me like, “Who the hell did you let into our house? ”

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing and Adam stops to stare at me, toy still in his mouth. He slowly takes it out and sits back down.

“That was cruel.”

“That was hilarious,” I say, wiping my eyes. The movement shifts my robe open. Almost involuntarily, Adam’s eyes fall to the strip of exposed skin revealing some of my chest before he catches himself and looks at Q, who’s still watching him curiously. I pull my robe closed.

“You can give it to her now,” I say, breaking the suddenly tense silence.

“Your mom is mean,” he says in a low timbre voice, the sound sending a shiver down my spine. He reaches out and presents Q with the toy, but after his display, she’s a little more cautious. She sniffs it.

“Gentle,” I tell her, and she carefully takes the whale into her mouth. When it squeaks, her tail starts back up again. All hesitation is gone as she plays with her new whale, Adam forgotten.

“You know that’s going to be destroyed by the end of the day?”

“I do,” he says, standing to face me. I’m clenching my robe closed, only because I don’t know what else to do with my hands with Adam in my apartment.

“Why are you here?” I ask when he stays silent.

“I needed to talk to you before the race.”