Sewn & Scarred (The Fated Creations Trilogy #3)

Chapter SeventeenSage

Chapter Seventeen

Sage

L auden sighed as he flicked the spine of another book past his line of sight, shuffling down the shelf on the wall opposite our bed.

“I need to get the set of Ankin’s books from Rominia,” he said, turning and making a point to look at me.

I shrugged. “I don’t want to go back yet. What if they know? Dean saw us, Lauden.”

His shoulders tightened as he turned to face the books again, sifting through a few more.

“This is useless, we don’t have any information on Rominium, not like Ankin did.”

My hands wrung in front of me.

“Why are you bothering to look here? You know my father’s library is far better stocked.”

Lauden tilted his head to the side to read a spine with particularly small print, then shoved it away and loosed a sigh.

“I have already searched it, it’s all I’ve been doing the last couple days. But it’s no use, the Vasi don’t have access to Rominium. Not the way that the Kova do.” He shook his head. “They’re sitting on a mountain of it, they had so much at their disposal and Ankin’s research was so extensive.” Lauden dropped his arm from the shelf and turned to face me. “I need those books back.”

All of our belongings—or at least what we’d taken from Mortithev to Rominia originally—were still there. We only had small bags we’d packed for Correnti, never guessing that we’d be back in Mortithev so soon.

We’d been prepared for it to happen, everything was in place, it was just a matter of when we had the opportunity. And while Lauden had tried to talk me into portaling her when we reached Correnti, I’d refused. I’d given the excuse that we could still gather more intel on the Kova, on the kingdom, before we came back.

But I’d been lying. Because even though this was my mission, to go to Rominia and take Evaline to Mortithev—at least it became my mission once she’d arrived on the island—I’d abandoned it. I’d decided to betray my father, to align with the Kova, with Maddox and Evaline. My father didn’t care about me, he never had, and it wasn’t until I saw the way he acted when I brought the Kova to Mortithev, that I understood that my father would never have my back, he would never be there for me, like the Kova already had been.

Like Maddox had, when he told my father to let me go, that he would sacrifice himself for me. Back when he thought I was only a Sorceress of the Rominian kingdom, and not Vasier’s daughter.

But as soon as Evaline had told me of her Gods gifted magic, as soon as I understood that I could give my father what he’d always wanted, that I might win his favor, I’d portaled to find Lauden, and told him everything, and then, I’d portaled him to Mortithev, first.

“I can’t go, Lauden. They’ll know! What if they have me killed?”

He strode forward and pulled my hands into his.

“Dean will only think that the portal was part of Evaline’s ability to go into the Night. There is no reason to be scared.”

I shook my head. “He would know by now that you had fled Correnti. How would he explain that away?”

Lauden tilted his head.

“I don’t know, he probably thinks I got lost or fell off the cliff by James’ house.” He shrugged. “None of them were very smart to begin with, considering we fooled all of them all these months.” He snickered as he pulled his hands from mine and threw himself onto the bed that sat behind me. “Who cares, anyway?”

I spun on him then, my eyes wide with anger. “I care! Obviously, or I wouldn’t bother bringing it up.”

His eyes settled on me, and he was quiet for a moment before he slowly sat up. “Why do you care about what Dean thinks?” he asked, his voice low.

I knew what he meant. He knew what he meant. I just don’t think he had let himself believe it yet, but I understood that what was between Dean and me was more than a crush.

But I couldn’t even think it, and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to say it out loud to Lauden.

So I did what my father had trained me to do—I lied. “I care about what he tells the rest of them.”

Lauden closed his hand over mine, tugged me closer to the bed, to him, until I stood between his legs.

“Evaline explained it all in her note. They’ll just be standing by, waiting for you two to appear again.”

I shook my head and my brows furrowed, begging him to understand.

“Lauden, it won’t be that simple. You think they’re just going to wait around? Dean saw my portal. If he puts the pieces together, he’ll realize I was the one who brought them to Mortithev in the first place.”

His eyes traveled down from my face, as his hands traveled up the sides of my legs. Up, past my hips, to my waist.

His eyes settled there, and I felt him finger the fabric of my shirt for a moment, before he looked up at me.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then his eyes tightened, and he closed his lips. Instead of speaking, he pulled me closer by the waist, until I was close enough that he could reach up to kiss me.

And I let him.

I let him kiss me, let his hands slip under my shirt, let him tug me down onto the bed with him.

I let him, despite the fact that our relationship had become strained for months, and then hardly even existed for the last several weeks.

And it had nothing to do with Dean or the pull I felt toward him. And I knew that because this strain had begun far before that pull began.

All those years that we were together, here, in Mortithev, I’d never noticed it. Never noticed that often, he barely seemed to care. Or that he pushed me instead of motivated me. Or that he hadn’t said he loved me in so long that I couldn’t even remember the last time I heard the words slip from his lips.

I knew that the reason I hadn’t noticed it was because my father was here. And if there had been a competition to show me little care, little love, and little respect, my father would win that game each and every time.

So I hadn’t noticed that Lauden was his replica, only mildly better, until my father was no longer around. Until I didn’t have to interact with him on a daily basis.

Until I was exposed to a different way of life, to the real friendship Evaline and the others gave me, to the true love that Maddox had for her.

And when that happened, the differences in my own relationship, became too obvious to ignore.

Lauden’s lips moved over my neck, his hands up my back, as I unbuttoned his shirt. Slipped my hands beneath it, and felt the lean muscles across his chest, his abdomen.

Now that we were back in Mortithev, now that the man I’d been in love with since I was a girl was holding me, and kissing me, I hoped that those old feelings would come back.

I ached to be close to him again, to feel my heart flutter at the sound of his soft gasps, to know that I could make him feel this way, convinced me that maybe it was possible. Maybe it was possible for us to get back what we lost.

Maybe it was possible for me to become blind to the way he’d snap at me, or the way he sometimes disregarded me. Maybe I’d forget the way Wyott smiled when he talked about Cora, or the way Maddox looked at Evaline.

Maybe I could really work at it, maybe I could force those images from my mind, and I’d forget that Lauden and I would never have that. Not unless he changed.

Maybe I could convince myself that this was enough.

He pulled off my last piece of clothing, and I his, and we slipped beneath the covers of the bed we’d shared since I was nineteen.

When we finished, he slid out from where I’d just settled my head on his chest and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“You best forget about them,” he said quietly, facing away from me. “ All of them.” He stood and walked to the bathing chamber, the pale skin of his bare back in contrast with the red stone walls around him, then he turned to face me as he got to the door. “You’ll go get those books, and after you’ll, likely never go to Rominia again, never see them again, save for any battles we’re dispatched to. So stop worrying over what they think of us now.”

I planted a hand beneath me and sat up.

“You want me to go get the books, but don’t you think they’ll be waiting for us to return?”

He put a hand on the door. “No Sage, I don’t. I think you did a masterful job at selling your devotion to them. Your pain at seeing Maddox’s change and your love for Evaline.” He tilted his head toward me. “I don’t think they’d ever expect that you’d betray them.” He gave me a long look. “They wouldn’t let themselves believe it, because it would be too painful. Someone befriended them, loved them, and betrayed them? What kind of monster would be capable of that?” He didn’t wait to watch those words decimate me, before he let the door snap shut between us.

The tears were already pricking my eyes as I dropped back down to the bed, and curled in on myself beneath the covers. I turned to the wall, as if putting my back to the bathroom would put even more distance between his ugly words and me.

But they’re true.

I’d betrayed them all, and in the days since we’d come home my gut hadn’t given up its twisting, my chest hadn’t ceased to be tight with grief.

“What kind of monster would be capable of that?” Lauden’s words echoed in my mind.

The kind that was forged over the years. The kind that thirsted so viciously for her father’s—even her partner’s —approval, that when she saw her chance to make them proud, she took it.

Even if I tried to stop the harm at the end, I couldn’t save them both. Just Alannah.

I wasn’t good enough to save Evaline.

As always.

Not good enough.