Sewn & Scarred (The Fated Creations Trilogy #3)

Chapter Twenty-FiveSage

Chapter Twenty-Five

Sage

I knotted my fingers together as I took a few steps from my father’s study and opened my portal. The soft sound of the waves outside of the loft came through, and I almost smiled as I stepped in.

But by the time my feet landed on the creaking wood of the upper level, I was sobbing. Loud, and uncontrollably.

The best part of Rominia was the Kova and Vasi soundproofed walls.

In one move I sank down onto the bed and put my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my knees as my body shook with sobs.

I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in my life. Gods, before Lauden and I were sent to Rominia I don’t think I’d cried in years.

I remembered very little of the time before Vasier, because I was so young. I only remembered my mother, her soft smile and long brown hair, and how warm her hugs were. But when she abandoned me, Vasier found me and adopted me, and I spent the first few months crying for the mother who left me in the middle of nowhere, to die. Because I was a Sorceress.

And then Vasier took me in, raised me as his own, and taught me how to use my magic. But eventually, he asked for too much, and my magic wasn’t good enough. He wanted me to be Alannah, and then Evaline, and I couldn’t be either.

He had a daughter with an extinct ability, and still, it was not enough.

And so growing up there were a lot of nights where I’d cry into my pillows, and pray. Pray that no one could hear my cries. Pray that the tingle of the newly healed cut on my palm would settle enough for me to fall asleep. Pray that tomorrow, I’d be good enough for Father. That I could make him proud.

But since I’d gotten with Lauden, I’d lost that space to cry. If I did, I could tell how uncomfortable it made him. And half the time he would end up telling my father about it, and I’d only get a lecture.

But when I was in Rominia, I learned to feel again. And it hurt. It hurt to feel, to be reminded of what I’d endured. But mostly, it hurt to see the relationships that I’d never have. To see the love that I’d never have. Between Evaline and Maddox, and Evaline and her father.

And now, apparently, I was the girl who cried in the dark, alone, with only the dust motes floating around the room to accompany me.

“Sage?” a low voice startled me and I screamed in surprise and jumped from the bed, throwing my arms up in the fighting stance that Cora had taught me.

My eyes landed on Dean, standing at the top of the stairs.

I let out a dry laugh and threw my arms out, looking to the ceiling. A stab of pain twisted through my chest at seeing him.

“Gods,” I groaned. “Of course it’s you,” I said, turning away from him and wiping my hands down my face, embarrassed I’d been caught crying.

“You didn’t hear me come through the door?” His voice was soft as he moved in closer.

I hadn’t heard him, my sobs must have drowned him out.

“Why were you crying?”

The tug in my chest, through my heart, pulled again. I wasn’t sure which was more surprising, that I hadn’t heard him enter or that I hadn’t noticed that he was here simply based on the tug his presence constantly pulled on my chest.

“Why are you here?” I asked, trying to drop my expression into a blank stare as I turned to face him.

His brows furrowed. “Wyott has one of us on guard here every night. I volunteered for the time being.”

In an instant, I remembered why I had come, and what him being on guard meant. Being around him muddled my thoughts to the point that I’d forgotten that he likely despised me, that they all did.

I gasped, my heart racing. I took a step back until I slammed myself into the wall behind me, bracing myself.

“Please, don’t hurt me. Evaline is safe.” My eyes were wide and scared but his features softened into a look of…sadness?

He swallowed and straightened from where he’d been slouching toward me. He put his hands in his pockets.

“Sage, I would never hurt you.”

I shook my head. “You don’t understand—”

He looked down. “Yes, I do. We all do. About your father, about your portals, about our abduction. All of it.”

I felt my chin quiver. It was one thing to have disappointed Wyott, to betray Maddox, but to see Dean standing there, bathed in the soft blue moonlight that streamed in through the windows above the bed, it hurt more than the rest.

Dean was my mate. I understood that now better than I did before. Now that we were alone, for the first time ever—save for the awkward and quiet dinner we shared in Correnti while Evaline slept. Now that I saw the look of pain on his face and felt the beat of it through my mind, through my heart. Feeling his hurt, as I felt my own.

And Gods, I don’t know what made me do it. Maybe I was delirious from fatigue, I hadn’t slept in days. The guilt kept me up at night. Maybe it was the tidal wave of emotions that had hit me from Evaline, and from my father. Maybe it was being back in Rominia.

Maybe it was Dean’s presence.

But I let my back slide down the wall and curled against it, in a ball. I folded my hands over my face, leaned my head down onto my knees, and let out a rattling breath.

I felt a stir deep in my mind before I heard Dean take a step closer.

“Can I…Can I comfort you?” he asked quietly.

He crouched a couple feet away.

I tried to blink my tears away and shook my head.

“You shouldn’t want to,” I whispered between hiccups.

He swallowed. “But I do. Very badly,” he said, and his voice was so hoarse.

I sniffled. “But I betrayed you. I betrayed all of you.”

His brows furrowed and his eyes looked between mine. “But you didn’t want to,” he said softly. It wasn’t a question.

I shook my head because I couldn’t speak through my tears, and something flashed behind his eyes.

“Let’s get you up off the floor, is that okay?” he asked, reaching for me.

I nodded and let him take one hand and place his other on my back as he led me to the stairs.

He sat me on the leather couch in Lauden’s study and started a fire while I curled in on myself and the arm of the couch.

“I don’t want anyone else to come right now,” I whispered quickly, eyes flashing to the door.

He crouched near the fireplace and threw another log on.

“They won’t. It’s late, everyone’s sleeping and I’m the only one guarding the loft.”

I nodded and pulled the satchel off, setting it down on the side table next to me.

When the fire was self-sustaining he moved to the kitchen to grab a kettle of water and some tea and brewed it over the fire before finally bringing me a cup.

Instead of joining me on the couch, he knelt in front of where I sat so we were at eye-level, and I sipped on the tea.

“I do have to ask, is Evaline truly safe in Mortithev?” he asked softly, looking up at me through his lashes.

“Yes. My father wouldn’t hurt her, he needs her. He’s given her the finest room in the castle, and she’s safe from everyone there.”

I knew they’d be concerned about her safety from not only my father but the other Vasi on the island.

“Thank you. I have to report back, but everyone will be glad to know she’s okay. We’ve been really worried, not knowing if you two were safe.”

I lowered my hands and rested the mug on my knees.

“Us ‘two’?”

There was a pause while he looked at me again. I wasn’t sure what he was searching for, but he finally spoke.

“Yes, Sage. No matter what you’ve done, I wanted to know that you were safe.”

My stomach did a flip at his words and I had to force myself to look away.

I tried to remember the last time Lauden had said something like that, with a look like Dean’s in his eyes.

“I…” I started but wasn’t sure if I should finish the sentence. But after a moment I realized that my father, Lauden, they’d never find out what I said to Dean. Because I was the one who could portal, not them. “I tried to stop it,” I whispered.

His hand raised to curl over my wrist and I nearly dropped the mug from his touch.

“I can’t imagine what a burden it must have been to carry. To choose between your family, or us.”

“I didn’t expect it to be so hard. But that was before I got to know everyone.”

Dean’s thumb caressed over the outside of my hand as he listened.

“I went to see her, before coming here.” I shook my head as tears started to sprout again at the memory of her words and how they cut through me. “She will never forgive me.” I looked down at the remnants of tea leaves floating in the bottom of my cup.

Dean’s other hand raised then and captured my chin before tilting my head back to face his.

“Sage, I think first you need to forgive yourself.”

My eyes widened at his words and I shook my head, shaking away his touch, and tried to change the subject.

My right hand was curled around the mug, but I opened it, palm up to point my thumb to the table beside me.

“I brought blood for Maddox, and a message for Wyott from Evaline.”

But Dean didn’t respond. His eyes were pinned on my hand, and his body coiled into what looked like rage.

Faster than I could keep up he took my mug and placed it on the table beside the satchel and pulled my hands into his, turning them both to open.

“Who did this to you?” he whispered and his voice wavered as he spoke.

I looked down at my hands and saw the pricks from Evaline’s braid on my right, and that long white scar on my left.

I tried to close my fists but he flipped them so that his thumbs could trace the palm on each side.

“These are new,” he said softly, caressing the pinpricks.

I nodded. “Evaline…she puts something sharp in her braid, apparently. I tried to stop her from going through the portal into Mortithev, and it was all I could grab onto.”

“Doesn’t Vasi blood heal, too?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” I whispered. “My father didn’t offer it. Before I tried to save Evaline, I saved her mother. He was angry with me.” I shrugged. “Besides, I hate drinking it.”

Dean’s hands shook as they held mine, and his voice was rough when he spoke again.

“And this?” he asked, motioning to the scar on my left palm.

I swallowed. “It’s nothing. It’s old.”

He shook his head. “It’s deep, and big. It has healed over countless times. Like it was opened again, and again.”

He ran a finger over it and I flinched from the touch and the memory. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the flashback. The memory of the vile taste of my father’s blood, watching the slice on my palm heal, before he’d call out the same order over and over.

Again .

I pulled my hands out of Dean’s. “I should probably get ready to leave,” I said, grabbing my satchel and pulling Evaline’s blood and note out. I placed them in his hands. “Give these to Wyott. Evaline brokered a deal with Vasier. I will bring her blood once a week to keep the Vasi alive.” I straightened as a thought hit me. “We never did find Charlotte in the Night.”

It seemed like ages ago that Alannah, Evaline, and I had been looking for her in the darkness, but it had only been days.

I stood and Dean did too. He watched as I shoved the various items I’d come for in my satchel. Some of Lauden’s clothes, my own, and my mother’s hairbrush.

I decided against taking the books Lauden wanted. Dean would be obligated to stop me, the books belonged to Rominia.

That thought reminded me of something, of the fight I’d just had with Evaline, and I knew I needed to be honest with Dean.

“There’s something else,” I said, turning to him. “Lauden isn’t related to Ankin, it was all a lie.” I swallowed. “And he didn’t die of old age. Lauden poisoned him to make it look like he had.”

A shadowed look passed over Dean’s face before he nodded.

“We had our suspicions after we discovered everything else.”

I nodded and stayed quiet, continued packing, and when I finished, I turned to Dean.

“You’ll make sure Wyott gets these?” I asked, even though he’d already agreed to it.

I realized I didn’t want to go back.

This quiet with Dean had been the only peace I’d had since Evaline and I had entered Mortithev.

He nodded again. “Of course.”

I sighed and then lifted a hand to open a portal.

Before I lifted a foot to enter, he stepped forward, a wild look in his eyes.

“When will you be back?”

I almost smiled. He knew the answer—I’d just told him—and I wondered if he was delaying my departure, too.

“In one week.”

He nodded. “Be safe, Sage.”

I gave one small nod and stepped through.

My boots landed in my bedroom in Mortithev, and I realized I had a small smile.

“Well, he sounds downright desperate for you to come back,” Lauden said behind me, and I jumped to face him. He was lounged back against our bed, a book in his hand.

He had been in the library when I left to see Evaline, and then for Rominia. I hadn’t expected him to be here.

I swallowed. “He was guarding the loft. He’s just worried for Maddox. He needs Evaline’s blood, Vasi or not.”

Lauden paused, still staring at the book’s page, then nodded.

“Obviously,” he dragged his eyes slowly up to meet mine. “What did you think I meant?”