Sewn & Scarred (The Fated Creations Trilogy #3)

Chapter Fifty-SixSage

Chapter Fifty-Six

Sage

“ C ome on, you need to rest,” Dean said and I could hear the worry in his voice.

I shook my head but allowed him to support me with an arm around my waist as we walked to the loft.

“I’m okay, really. It was just a lot, all at once.”

And it wasn’t just from the portal with so many bodies to pull through, or fighting the compulsion, it was all of it.

What Evaline had told me, that Vasier had killed my mother. That she never abandoned me. Wyott’s father being Broderick. The man I’d grown up around, nearly saw every day of my life. The very man who’d been my friend, acted like an uncle or father figure. Who I’d always wondered if he’d had children once. He had been a father the whole time.

Wyott’s.

And for Wyott to find out that way, with his father coming after us along with other Vasi in Mortithev, my stomach twisted just from thinking about it.

It was just as bad as when Evaline found out about Maddox, when his Vasi had broken her wrist.

My heart ached for Wyott, but that thought nearly caused me to laugh. Almost made me snort as Dean helped me up the stairs to the loft.

The idea of Wyott seeing his father for the first time in Gods know how long, as a Vasi coming after him during our escape made me feel so sad for him, as if I couldn’t imagine what it was like to see your father show such disdain—hate—for you.

But, I didn’t need to imagine that at all.

I’d lived it, more times than I could count or would care to recall.

And that thought, that one caused a tightness in my chest. Because despite the fact that he’d been a horrid father, and that I’d only ever known sadness and misery living in Mortithev all these years with him, the sound of his voice—the crack in it—when he realized I’d betrayed him, it hurt.

And while I knew that the surprise, the emotion, in his voice was likely only delayed anger, shock that he hadn’t seen this coming and that he’d underestimated me, it didn’t make me feel any less guilty.

But then I remembered that he’d compelled me.

It was one thing to use me. It was one thing to think me stupid or to manipulate my love life.

It was entirely another to manipulate my mind. My thoughts, my ability to make my own decisions.

I didn’t know if what he’d told Evaline was true. I didn’t know if he’d used it as some kind of manipulation over her, or if he really had killed my mother. And a part of me didn’t want to believe it.

But I did know that he compelled me.

And for that, I would never forgive him.

“I’m okay,” I whispered to Dean as he opened the door and helped me through. As soon as we crossed the threshold I pulled away, able to walk on my own.

I went to the couch, immediately sinking down onto it.

It smelled like Lauden.

The same smell of withering paper and ash that always accompanied him.

It was suffocating.

I knew, I knew , I’d done the right thing in saving them all, in betraying the two men I was supposed to love most in this world and leaving behind everything I knew.

But that didn’t make being here, in a home I shared with him for many months, alone and away from the reach of my father, easy. I hated Lauden, I hated that he lied to me, that I had ever loved him, that he never reciprocated. But still, being here, sensing his presence even though I knew he was a world away, sent an uneasy feeling through my gut.

“Do you need anything?” Dean asked, hands in his pockets as he stood a few paces in front of me. “I can change your sheets if you want. I don’t think they’ve been touched since you both left.”

That was when I realized that the idea of sleeping here tonight, alone and surrounded by reminders of what I’d lived through and what I’d done, was absolutely terrifying.

I stood. “I don’t think I can stay here tonight,” I whispered, and Dean’s face fell into a look of sympathy.

“Okay,” he said back softly. “Where would you like to go? I’m sure Rasa wouldn’t mind finding you a guest room in the manor like she is Charlotte.”

I shook my head quickly. “No, I don’t want to stay there. I still haven’t talked to Rasa or Kovarrin about what happened, about the betrayal.”

He nodded, then nodded in the direction of the town. “There is an inn here. I can escort you there, it’s pretty nice and—”

I shook my head and took a step toward him as one thing became clearer with each option he listed.

“I don’t think I can be alone,” I whispered.

Dean nodded, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I…” he started. “I’m not sure who to get to help you with that. Cora is busy helping Wyott, and Evaline just reunited with—”

I took another step toward him. “I actually meant you,” I whispered and his eyes flashed. “Dean you’re the only person who’s stood by me through all of this. You’re the only person I feel comfortable with.”

He looked down at me with shaded eyes and swallowed, before nodding. “Okay,” he croaked, looking to the ground.

“Would you like to stay at my house?”

I couldn’t get out of the door fast enough. The longer we spent inside the more my heart raced and stomach turned.

The walk took longer than it probably should have and I knew it was because he was keeping a casual pace for my benefit, knew he was still worried.

But when he opened the door and held it ajar for me to walk through, I smiled.

This home, it smelled like him .

Like cedarwood and geranium.

I’d never been in his house before, and my eyes couldn’t help but to drink in all the details of it.

It was small and cozy. The front door opened into a wide area that included a dining table to my right, up against a wall, and an open kitchen like the one in the loft, with no walls or door to hide it away. Straight ahead there was the sitting room, and on the far wall was the fireplace which had one long couch to the left and a short table directly in front of it. There was a small wooden desk on the right wall of the sitting room, and I could see a few books stacked on it.

I heard the door click behind me and turned to face him, my hands clasped.

“Your home is beautiful, thank you for letting me stay the night.” I chewed my lip. “It’s just for tonight, tomorrow I’ll figure out what I’m going to do.”

He gave me a small smile and shook his head. “Sage, you can stay here as long as you want.”

I blushed at his words and was thankful that he hadn’t noticed when he walked past me toward the kitchen.

“You take a seat, I’ll make you some food,” he said, waving to the dining table. I sat down and kicked off the decorative slippers I wore and tried to ignore the itch of the tulle skirt of my dress as I watched him prepare some food.

I only tried to look when he was turned away, because I felt wholly strange sitting here and watching someone prepare me food, but even more so when that person was Dean .

Since our kiss, we hadn’t discussed it or the fact that we were mates. I knew we’d need to eventually, but I was too exhausted and overwhelmed from the day to even attempt that conversation.

But that didn’t mean that I couldn’t look at him.

At the way his curly brown hair fell over his face as he looked down to cut something on the counter furthest from me. Or the way the muscles in his arms—in his back—moved while he went from cupboard to cupboard.

My heart raced and I noticed a similar soft beating in my head, and realized it was the bond. Wondered if that was his heartbeat.

I swallowed and moved my eyes away from him, worried he could feel my gaze.

My eyes slid past him and to the top of the cupboards where several plants stood. I could see a few pots, but mostly saw the way that the climbing ivy was crawling down the length of the cupboards, could even see that on one side it had started to grow down the end of the cupboards.

My heart gave a patter as I looked to the window sill in front of me, and noticed a table with several potted plants. More ivy, geranium with a small purple bloom—a germinating spider plant.

My brows furrowed, and for a moment I questioned why I hadn’t noticed them all when I’d first walked in. Usually I could feel all plants, the dirt below my feet, all of the time because of my magic. It must’ve still been too taxed from the portaling for me to even notice that much.

Dean must’ve noticed me looking at them all then, because he spoke.

“I know it’s nothing compared to your greenhouse,” he said, and even though his voice was soft I still jolted out of my trance.

I shook my head. “They’re all beautiful,” I said, meeting his gaze and trying to ignore the flutter in my heart. “And they’re growing well.” I shrugged, with a smile. “I have my magic to help me, you seem to have a natural talent.”

A small blush broke out over his cheeks and I silently reveled in the fact that anything I could say—do—would make him blush.

“My mother taught me,” he said as he picked up the plate and rounded the counter to me. “Is this okay?” he asked, setting a plate of dried meats, cheese, fresh fruit, and bread in front of me.

I nodded, smiling up at him and my stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten since this morning with Evaline.

“Yes, thank you.”

He turned back to get a glass and a water pitcher. “Of course. I’m sorry I don’t have more here, I usually don’t keep much in the house.”

I nodded and thanked him again as he poured me a glass, then sat down across the table from me.

He let me eat in silence for a while, but as I finished, he spoke.

“Sage, are you okay?” he whispered.

I nodded and pushed the plate away from me. “Yes, thank you. The food made me feel a lot better.”

His eyes saddened as he tilted his head. “I meant everything else. Leaving Mortithev behind. Your father, and Lauden.”

I felt my face pale as a cold wave washed over my skin. I looked down at my hands in my lap.

A part of me wanted to tell him what Lauden had done, what my father had made him do. But it was so treacherously embarrassing that I feared if I did tell Dean, he would see how clearly undesirable I was. That my father had to force a man to be with me, because he wouldn’t do it on his own.

“I’m not really sure what I feel right now,” I said, my voice quiet. “I don’t regret what I did, or coming back with you all. It’s just…different.” I looked back up to see him leaning forward, elbows on the table, listening intently. “I’ve dreamed of a day when I could feel free of Vasier, nothing I did ever satisfied him. He made me feel useless, and I knew what he was doing was wrong.” I shook my head. “But with Lauden, it was different.”

Dean straightened only slightly, and I saw him try to hide the tension in his muscles.

I looked at the ground beside me. “I’d been in love with him for so long, and it wasn’t until I came here and saw Evaline and Maddox, Wyott and Cora, that I realized he didn’t love me back. Not like that.”

I didn’t dare look at Dean, afraid that I sounded pathetic despite not even revealing the worst part, but felt a rush of rage swell through my head, and realized that it was from him.

“And then in Mortithev, after I got into a fight with Vasier and heard him send Lauden after me, to comfort me only to get me back on Vasier’s side,” I shook my head. “It became clear, as clear as it had ever been. I wasn’t wanted there, not by either of them. I was only needed. A tool at their disposal.”

Dean’s rage still sweltered through my mind and when I finally looked up at him I saw him quickly pull his fisted hands off of the table and hide them beneath it.

He didn’t respond right away, and I was terrified that I’d made a mistake in telling him even that much, but after he took a deep, shaking breath, he spoke.

“Sage, I don’t want you to ever feel that way again,” he said, furrowing his brows and looking up at me through his lashes. “I’m so, so sorry that all happened to you, that they treated you that way,” he said, his voice tight. “But I’m so glad you’re here. That you’re safe.”

I couldn’t help my blush, and pulled my gaze from him.

There were a few beats of silence before he stood from the chair.

“Would you like to change?” he asked softly, then gestured his hand up and down my attire as he swallowed. “That can’t be comfortable.”

I stood, a dry laugh falling from my lips as the dress fanned out around me.

“It’s definitely not,” I said, and even the thought of pulling on comfortable pajamas made my heart race with excitement. But that reminded me that I hadn’t brought any clothes with me. “Shit,” I cursed, sliding my hands over the skirt of my dress, looking down at it.

“What is it?” Dean asked and I shook my head.

“I don’t have any clothes,” I said, then turned to the door and put a hand on my forehead. “I barely have anything in the loft.” I shook my head. “And when I brought the bags earlier tonight, before everything happened…they were just keepsakes.” Tears pierced my eyes. “I didn’t even think—” I took a breath and tried to halt off a sob. “I have nothing.”

It wasn’t the loss of material items that made the tears steal my voice, it was the realization that I simply had nothing. Not even basic necessities.

Dean was at my side in an instant, taking my hand in his gently.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said softly. “You can wear something of mine tonight, and we can go shopping for you tomorrow.”

I looked up at him. “I don’t have any money,” I whispered. “Lauden had it all, he’s the one who earned it through Kovarrin,” I looked down at the floor, contemplating my entire life thus far. “He had it all, he still has it all.”

It was then that I realized that not only had I allowed those two to control all of my actions in my time with them—I let them control my independence. I didn’t have any. No money of my own, or a place of my own, or even clothes of my own.

Dean’s gentle hands rose until they clasped each side of my face, lifting it up until I could meet his gaze again.

“I have money, Sage.”

I started to object, but he shook his head. “I don’t want you to worry about that, any of it. They’re just things. We can buy more, don’t worry.”

I closed my mouth, realizing that I had absolutely no way of declining him anyway because I really did need help.

I only nodded. “Thank you,” I whispered. “But I’ll pay you back, as soon as I can.”

He shook his head and led me to the bathing room. “I’ll go grab you something to wear.”

I watched him walk off and then turned to the mirror. The little girl inside stared back at me. I let my gaze fall over the bags beneath her eyes and the tension in her mouth.

I gritted my jaw and started to undo my hair, and the clatter of the pins I dropped on the ceramic shelving around the sink basin was the only sound in the room.

Until Dean appeared in the doorway.

“Will these work?”

I shrieked, turning to him with a hand on my heart to calm its beating.

“I’m sorry,” he said as worry pinched his brows.

I waved, dismissing his apology. “No, I’m sorry,” I said, reaching for the bundle in his hand. “I’ve been on edge for weeks now.”

I unwrapped an oversized shirt from sleep pants and tried to steel my expression so he wouldn’t notice the way my heart raced at the thought of wearing his clothes.

I nodded. “Thank you so much.”

He smiled. “Of course, Sage.”

The door clicked behind him and I took the last few pins from my hair, a small smile on my face as I thought of everything Dean had already done for me and tried to decipher how I felt about all of it when I moved to take off my dress.

Fuck.

The corset.

The strings for it were on the back, too high up for me to reach.

But Gods, did I try.

I stretched both arms behind me as far as they could go. Bent my torso in all directions trying to undo the bindings.

I let out a breath as silently as I could, exerted from the effort.

My hands pulled at the front of the dress, a truly delusional act considering the bodice was already obscenely tight.

I threw my head back and looked to the ceiling in frustration. Gathered myself, then put on a brave face and stuck my head out of the door.

“Dean?” I called, as if he needed help to hear me.

I heard the door to his room open and he appeared in front of me, shirtless.

“Yes? Is something wrong?” he asked, his voice panicked.

I shook my head, holding my breath because I didn’t trust myself to speak while my eyeline was aimed directly for his abdomen.

I pretended like I didn’t just sweep my eyes down the hard muscles there, and looked back up at him.

“My corset,” I said and thanked the Gods for keeping my voice even. “I can’t undo it myself.”

He swallowed. “Sure.”

He pulled the shirt in his hand over his head and followed me into the room.

I walked a pace closer to the tub and turned away from him, but jumped when I felt his fingers brush along my shoulders as he collected my hair to move it away so he could access the bindings.

My hands would’ve been folded into fists if I didn’t think that would look odd.

My heart raced against my chest and I held my breath as he found the knot and began to undo it.

I’d never felt this flustered by him before, and we’d kissed for Gods’ sake.

But this seemed different. More intimate. A smaller room, his warm breath on my neck, and his body hovering only inches behind my own.

I could hear his breath, wondered if it sounded a bit labored, and heard the slow and smooth sound of the ribbons pulling over themselves, thread by thread.

Standing like this, I couldn’t help but think of that kiss.

It had been so quick, but so enthralling. The way he’d grabbed at my body, and pulled me close. The sound of his voice in my head, the press of his lips against mine.

“Is that enough?” he asked in a whisper.

I swallowed the surprised breath that tried to come out, and pulled against the front of the bodice, tilting my upper body away from him so he wouldn’t accidentally see down it.

I nodded, pulling the fabric close to me, and turning to him.

“Thank you,” I said, looking up at him to see his darkened eyes.

“Of course,” he said, but then his eyes wandered down to my lips.

And Gods, if he’d kissed me, I would’ve let him. And with my current state of undress and all the emotions of the day flooding me, I probably would’ve let him do far more than just kiss me.

But before anything could happen, he turned on his heels and walked through the door, closing it behind him.

I tried not to let that get to me, but even that small amount of rejection had me questioning my decision to stay here tonight the entire time I changed.

After I pulled the shirt over my head I walked out to find him sitting on the couch.

He stood when he saw me, running the palms of his hands down the front of his pant legs. “Do those work to sleep in?”

I nodded and took a step toward him. “Yes, thank—” But then my head went light, and I felt my legs start to give.

He was across the room catching me before I even fell a few inches.

“Sage.” His voice was breathless.

He pulled me to the couch and set me on it, kneeling in front of me and tracing a thumb down my cheek. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, running a hand through my hair.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I think the exhaustion of the day and my magic is just catching up to me the later it gets.”

He tilted his head, seeming unhappy with that answer. “What can I do for you?” he asked softly and I had to turn my head to escape the heat of his gaze.

My eyes landed on the couch. “I think I need some rest. Do you have a blanket I can use?” I asked, looking back toward him, and placing a hand on the cushion beside me.

His brows furrowed. “You are not sleeping on the couch, Sage,” he said, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. He stood, holding onto my hands as he did and pulling me with him. “You can have the bed, I’ll stay out here.”

I could only nod as he walked me to his room, to the foot of his bed.

“If you need anything, just let me know,” he said, and I nodded.

“Thank you, Dean,” I whispered and he smiled.

“Goodnight.”

I turned toward the bed, ready to fall into it and sleep for hours, when I noticed another potted plant.

I looked around the room, and while the other rooms had several different plants spread throughout them, his bedroom had only one.

I moved to stand at the side of his bed, and by the dip in the pillow, it was the side he slept on. I sat down on the edge of it and looked at the sole plant sitting on his nightstand.

My lips grew into an involuntary smile as I reached out and ran my fingers over the pebbled texture of the leaves.

I didn’t need a closer look to know what it was, I identified it the moment I saw it.

Sage.