Sewn & Scarred (The Fated Creations Trilogy #3)

Chapter Sixty-SevenWyott

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Wyott

I poked my head into Kovarrin’s office and saw Maddox sitting inside.

“Come in, Wyott.” Kovarrin’s voice was gentle and I saw the sympathetic look on Maddox’s face.

I shut the door behind me.

“I take it you saw that the Vasi are gone?” I asked, striding forward to sit beside Maddox.

Kovarrin nodded. “Yes, I was just letting Maddox know.”

Maddox turned to me. “Evaline and Sage took down the Kova ward yesterday. Will you let Cora know?”

I nodded. “Of course, she’ll be happy to hear it.”

There was a brief moment of silence and I knew that they were both waiting for me to talk about it, or at least give them the indication that I was open to them talking about it.

“I talked to Sage about him,” I started, and they both turned to me. “She had no idea.”

Kovarrin leaned closer. “She could just be saying that, Wyott.”

I saw Maddox roll his eyes out of the corner of my eye before I shook my head.

“I believe her. What reason would she have to lie about it?” I sighed. “She said that he’d been there since she arrived when she was a girl. That he was the kindest Vasi to her.” I sat up and leaned forward. “What if my father is still inside, like Maddox was?” I asked, looking to him. “What if he’s been pushing to get out, and that’s why he’s kinder than the others?”

Kovarrin’s brows pulled together into a look of pity. “I don’t know that I would hold out hope for that, Wyott. Because if that’s the case then it means that your father has been stuck in there, all these years.” I cringed, but he continued. “And as awful as thinking about him being truly gone, is, what’s worse is the thought that he’s been locked away for all this time, watching all the horrible things the Vasi has done, or that Vasier has done.”

Maddox reached over and placed a hand on mine as it gripped onto the armrest.

“Well, I hope he is in there,” Maddox said. “And I hope that someday we are able to get him back so you can see him again.”

I smiled at my brother and thanked the Gods that he understood my hopes. That he would be able to help if we got my father back.

“You cannot go get him,” Kovarrin interjected. “Vasier will have already set traps like he did for Evaline, none of us can risk going to Mortithev.”

I sighed. “Yes, that’s what Sage said.” Then I sat forward and locked eyes with Kovarrin. “But you need to make me a promise.”

He tilted his head. “What is it?”

My mind flashed back to the day we all met in here, everyone but Maddox, after he’d changed. How Kovarrin had been convinced that he was gone, that it was useless to hope otherwise, and that we should have a funeral service for him as if he was already dead.

I remembered my concern over what that had meant, what Kovarrin may have been willing to do to free his son of his prison.

“You have to promise me that when war comes, if he’s present, that you will give an order not to kill him. To all the Kova. That he comes back to Rominia, alive.”

Kovarrin pursed his lips. “Wyott, I—”

I shook my head. “He is in this position because of you,” I bit out a bit harsher than I intended to, and saw Maddox tense beside me. “He is a Vasi, with Vasier, because he was your best friend. You should want to make this promise, to save him, simply because you loved him, and you miss him.” I swallowed. “But if you will not do it for yourself, and you won’t do it for him, then do it for me.”

Kovarrin took a long breath, then nodded. “I promise that if it comes to war, I will give the order. Your father comes home alive.”

I shook my head and sat back in my chair.

“Why do you keep acting as if the war isn’t inevitable? As if it didn’t begin the moment that ward appeared, or Evaline was abducted, or Maddox was changed ?”

Kovarrin swallowed but didn’t speak, and Maddox sat forward.

“Father, it’s just us. You know that you can trust us. Please, tell us why you’re so afraid of Vasier? So afraid that you won’t do anything to fix this?” I nearly cringed at the hurt in Maddox’s voice, at the hurt on his face as he looked to his father. Begging him to make us understand why he’d done what he’d done.

I looked back to Kovarrin who made a show of shuffling papers around his desk, a distraction to give himself time to think.

“I don’t—I can’t,” he said, then shook his head.

It was Maddox’s turn to curl his hands over the arm of the chair, to grip it for strength.

“That’s not good enough. You’re my father, and you weren’t willing to fight for me. And you can say that it’s because one life does not outweigh an entire kingdom, but my change wasn’t Vasier’s only move. He’s made several, and at none of them, have you even come close to budging. We are free, now. The ward is down. What excuse will you use this time? When he makes another move, and we can counter it, what will you say to shove off responsibility for not answering his next attack?”

Maddox’s words rushed out the longer he spoke, and his voice rose. And by the end, Kovarrin’s knuckles were white as they gripped the paper in front of him.

“Maddox, don’t,” he ground out, but Maddox shook his head.

“Wyott was right. You’re a coward.”

Kovarrin slammed his hands onto the desk, wrinkling the paper he held, and snapped his angry eyes to his son.

“Maybe I am,” he snapped at Maddox. “Maybe I am a coward, but you cannot sit there and judge me for my choices, considering you haven’t the faintest clue what it’s like to be the leader of a people. To be responsible for so many lives, and for your greatest enemy to be your brother .”

Kovarrin jerked his head between Maddox and me.

“Look at how close the two of you are. Can you imagine hurting him?” He asked Maddox, who only shook his head, mouth open but no words coming out.

“That’s what it’s like for me ,” Kovarrin continued. “Vasier is my brother, he is my twin . You have no idea what that’s like, you can’t know.” He shook his head, ground his teeth in what looked like an attempt to fight back the tears in his eyes. “As a people, we talk about bonds all the time. Our own, with our mates. And it is a one-of-a-kind connection, but I have two. One is with Rasa, the love of my life. And one is with Vasier . It’s not the same, it couldn’t be. With your mother, it was forged by the Gods. It’s strong and powerful and wholly unique.” He shook his head, tears filling his eyes. “But the bond between two brothers is something else, and between twins?” His voice wavered as he spoke and he growled a frustrated sigh and shoved himself away from his desk, moved to press his back against the pillar of the balcony, and looked out over the water. The sun reflecting off of it, and his tears.

“We were quite literally in it together. From the moment we were conceived, we did everything together. We grew up side by side like the two of you did,” he said, throwing a hand our way but not daring to pull his eyes from the water. “But we were the same, him and I. Maybe it wasn’t so obvious because our personalities weren’t identical like we were, but at our core, at the base of who we were, we were the same. Made of the same stuff, grown in the same environment.”

Maddox leaned back in his chair, but neither of us could pull our eyes from the First as he confessed.

“I know what he did was wrong,” he whispered to the wind. “I know hurting Alannah, it was cruel and vile and wrong.” He pursed his lips. “But that, and everything he’s done since then, I’m to blame for it. And not because I was running away with Alannah, or because I killed him that night. But because I am his brother, and eight hundred years have passed, and I’ve never once sought him out.” He swallowed. “Sure, in the beginning, I didn’t know where he was. But then I did, for centuries, and still didn’t attempt to go to him. To hear his side, to tell him mine. To apologize for never coming to him. For turning my back on him. He could’ve been remorseful, he could’ve regretted what he did and wanted to make amends. And maybe he did want to, in the beginning. But so much time has passed, that maybe it is my fault it’s even gotten to this point. Every Kova, Sorcerer, and human life that’s been lost because of him, I’m also to blame. Because I didn’t try to pull him back from his darkness, I didn’t try to help him.”

He finally looked to Maddox and I now, and shook his head.

“You call me a coward, you say that I fear him, well it’s because it’s true. I’ve spent centuries hiding from him, because I’m afraid of what I’ll find. Because if I don’t face him, I can hope and pretend that the boy I grew up with, every moment of who he was before he had his hands around her throat, is still alive somewhere. As if it’s all a trick, and somewhere in the world is the Vasier I always knew. The brother who stuck up for me. The brother who encouraged me to be brave. The brother who bore the brunt of my father’s apathy and my mother’s anger. The brother who was my best friend.”

He looked back over the water, a few tears slipping free.

“And when I do see him, I’ll only be shown that I was wrong. That the boy I knew is dead. That far more died that night than just my humanity. I’ve never had to reckon with it before, because he wasn’t at any of the previous wars. And back then, I had the same fear, but I was young, and I had Rick with me. My new brother, my new best friend.”

I straightened at that and swallowed.

“It was easy back then because I knew he wouldn’t be there, that I wouldn’t have to come to terms with it all.” He pursed his lips. “And after all his actions, all these attacks he’s made, he’s angry. He hates me, and he wants his revenge. I’ve always known, but it’s never been so personal before. Except for taking Rick, he’s never attacked me, so it was easy to be convinced that he just hated the Kova because he wanted to be the only immortals. But it’s not true, I know that, and at this next war, he will be there.”

He wrung his hands and shook his head.

“This next war…I fear it will be the last. Between his military strength and Evaline’s magic, I don’t know who will come out on top. And you have to understand,” he whispered, turning to us, eyes desperate. “It’s either I go, and watch my brother die, or I go, and I watch you all die. Your mother die. Everyone I love.”

He shook his head, the movement tossing tears from his eyes.

“And that is hard to come to terms with. Of course I don’t want anything to happen to you all, I love you. But part of me still loves him, too. Still loves the kid I grew up with. So when I wish to stay locked in here, where he can’t get to us, it’s because I want to keep you all safe, and I don’t want to watch my brother die.”

He was silent after that, and Maddox and I looked to each other. And I wondered if he pictured it like I did. If he tried to imagine a world where the two of us were in the same position.

And if we were, I knew I’d still love him, too.

Maddox and I looked back to the First now.

“I’m sorry,” Maddox whispered. “I never thought about it like that, before.”

Kovarrin only shook his head and pulled out his chair to sit back into it.

“It’s fine.”

I leaned forward. “You should’ve told us sooner. We could’ve helped you through it.”

He swallowed. “No one can help me through it.”

Maddox and I shared a look, and Kovarrin picked his work back up, and it was clear that it was time to leave.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he said to our backs as he aimed for the door. “Don’t tell Cora, and don’t tell Evaline.”

We promised, and when Maddox and I left, as soon as the door shut behind us, he turned to me, a shadowed look in his eyes.

We didn’t speak about it, but reached to hug each other at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” we both said simultaneously, and I don’t think we really knew why.

We hadn’t done anything to hurt each other, but perhaps Kovarrin’s words had taken a toll on us, and we’d just realized how much we meant to each other. That imagining the pain that both Kovarrin and Vasier had to face at the loss of that relationship, made us more thankful for our own.

When we pulled apart, we turned down the hallway.

“I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Whenever, whatever you need.”

I nodded. “I know, Mads.”

There was a beat of silence, and then he spoke. “We’re going to go get Aurora and Jacqueline with Sage today, in a bit. Do you want to come?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I can make a trip right now, I’m sorry.”

I just wanted to be alone, even after Kovarrin’s confession. I could be thankful for Maddox and still need time to grieve.

We stopped in front of the main doors, and before I could speak, Evaline jogged down the stairs to our side.

When she saw me, her eyes widened and she threw her arms around me.

“How are you doing?” she asked softly.

I nodded against her hair. “I’m okay,” I said, but she was narrowing her eyes at me as she pulled away.

“Don’t lie, Wyott. Please. I know better than anyone.”

She was right, from losing a father to losing someone to a Vasi, she understood.

I sighed and wiped a hand down my face, down my beard.

I shook my head. “I just—it’s too much.”

Evaline nodded. “I know,” she whispered, then looked up at Maddox, then to me. “Do you want to go with us to Neomaeros?” Her smile was wide, and I knew she was doing her best to entice me to tag along, but I shook my head.

“No, but thank you. I just want to be alone.”

Her face saddened and she reached forward, placing a hand on my arm.

“I know. But sometimes it’s the last thing you need.”

Guilt wrenched through my gut at her words, because they were my words. To her, all those weeks ago. When she’d given up hope, and locked herself away.

And as I left to head home, I knew that I was doing the exact same thing that Evaline had done, what I warned her not to. I was withering away, I was hiding away, despite Cora’s, Evaline’s, my brother’s attempts to help me.

Back then, even though I knew Evaline needed to get out of bed, I understood why she didn’t. I understood that grief because I’d felt it before.

But still, I tried to help her, so I understood that it was all they were trying to do, too.

But nothing could pull me from this, not even everyone I loved, not even my Cora, because I’d spent a lifetime fearing Vasier. Hating him and fearing him and letting that control my life.

And maybe, if I’d spent a few minutes thinking about it all instead of letting my emotions ravage me about it, I would’ve noticed that my father had never been killed. That he’d been tortured all this time.

Perhaps I could’ve done something about it by now.