Shadow’s Heart (Devil’s Inferno MC #3)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Wreck

I managed to catch Joker when I left Shadow, and luckily he was free and able to take me to my apartment to grab what I needed. It was weird entering my apartment; for some reason it didn’t feel like my home anymore. I know it’s not good. I need to talk to Shadow and move back. I need time to reaccommodate myself and somehow figure out how to make my apartment feel like home again. The conversation I need to have with Shadow isn’t one I’m looking forward to. I know he’s not going to like me moving home, but it needs to happen, and soon.

Sitting at Shadow’s kitchen counter, going through all the files I’ve collected during my search, I hear the front door open and close, followed by the sound of footsteps heading towards me. Which means only one thing: Shadow’s home.

He walks into the kitchen, his face lighting up when he sees me sitting here. God, it’s good to see him getting back to normal. I’ve missed my ray of sunshine.

“Tech’s going to sort everything and send it over here for you.” He tells me as he walks towards the refrigerator and pulls out a beer.

“That’s great. I can go over everything and make sure it’s all here before handing it over.”

Shadow just hums, and I wonder if now might be the best time to talk about me moving home. Nothing is going to change the longer I wait to have the conversation. I guess there’s no time like the present.

“You got time to talk?” I ask, biting the bullet.

“I’ve always got time for you.” He says before taking a sip of his beer.

“I think it might be time for me to move back to my apartment.” I say, getting straight to the point. There’s no point in beating around the bush. No matter how I say it, he’s not going to like it.

Shadow places his bottle on the counter before walking towards me, spinning my chair around and caging me in with his arms. I have no idea what he’s doing or what he’s going to say. I wasn’t expecting this sort of reaction at all. Don’t get me wrong, I was expecting an argument, but this reaction and the look on his face are seriously unexpected.

“Why would you move back to your apartment?” He asks, looking directly into my eyes, there’s something in his voice, something I can’t quite grasp the meaning of.

“Because I can’t stay here with you forever, Alex. This is your home, not mine.”

“Answer me this. What do you see when you look at this home I built?”

“Your home.” I answer.

“No, the design. What do you see?” He says, staring straight into my eyes.

I take a moment to examine what he’s asking, and okay, it takes me a few minutes of really thinking, but then a memory from years ago pops into my head. Until this moment, I’d totally forgotten about it; we were fucking drunk as skunks when we talked about it.

“My dream house I told you about like ten years ago.” I whisper, my heart feeling like it’s crawling up my throat. What the hell does this mean? Why would he build my dream house? How the fuck did he even remember that conversation?

“Yep. I built your dream house without even realizing it. Not that I’m surprised; there’s a lot I didn’t realize at the time that’s become a lot clearer recently. Looking back, I can’t believe how fucking blind I’ve been.”

“Like what?” Hope fills me when his eyes flash with what can only be want, need, and love. Oh my god, was Flame right?

“Like the fact that what I’ve been searching for has been right in front of me all along.” He starts to say, cupping my face so he can’t turn away from him. I know my face is showing so much right now—hope, fear, longing, and want.

“I’m going to need you to say it, Alex. I can’t just take a wild guess at your meaning.” I manage to say through the lump in my throat.

“You’re my world, Avery King. You’ve been my world for my entire adult life. Fuck, I feel like such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. When I found out you’d been taken, I felt like a part of me was ripped away. You want to know why? Because it was. You’re my fucking heart. My soul. My everything. I fucking love you.”

Without giving me a moment to reply, he leans forward and takes my mouth in a sweet kiss. There’s a time for hot and heavy, and this isn’t it. This is about us both finally being true to what we feel for one another. I can’t believe he’s kissing me right now; it feels fucking perfect. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’ve dreamed about this moment, but hell, my dreams can’t even hold a candle to reality.

I bring my hands up and mirror his actions, holding his face in my palms just like he is with me. Maybe kissing my male best friend should be weird, but it’s not; it all just feels right. Like this was meant to be. It makes no difference that he’s a man. Yeah, there’s the obvious difference from kissing women, but kissing women has never felt this amazing.

We both pull back to catch our breath, and fuck there’s no denying the heat in his eyes. Or the want. Need. Love. Everything I feel for him is being reflected right back at me; I know he can see it. For the first time ever, I’m hiding nothing away from him. I’m showing him how I truly feel, and nothing has ever felt as freeing and right. Fuck. If I wasn’t still banged up, I’d be fucking dragging him towards the closest bed. Actually, I wouldn’t even worry about finding a bed; just a flat surface would do. Or maybe a wall. I don’t think I’d care as long as I got my hands on him. I wish more than anything I could show him truly what he means to me, but that’s going to have to wait. Instead, I’m going to have to use my words. At least for now.

Once my breathing is back under control, which takes far longer than it should have from just a kiss, I finally manage to speak. “When I was being held, it wasn’t the torture that threatened to break me. It was the thought of never seeing you again. You mean everything to me, Alex Jacobson, and yeah, I was blind to my true feelings until Sera pointed it out. But god, once I realized there was no putting them back into a box. I couldn’t care less that you’re a man; all I care about is you. What I feel for you, god, I can’t put into words. I never once thought you’d feel the same way. I thought that was a pipe dream. Knowing you feel the way I do is so fucking insane.”

“We’ve both been so fucking blind, Avery. You’re not alone there. As much as I wish we’d realized sooner and saved us both from all the pain we’ve been through recently, we can’t change the past. We can only embrace the future. As much as I hate everything that happened recently, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. Without it all, I doubt I’d have had the realization I have.”

“What do you want our future to look like?” I ask. I want to know where he sees this going between us.

“I want us to be together. I know there’s no one on this planet more suited to me than you.”

Tears well in my eyes at his words; I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe I’m going to get the one thing I thought would only ever be a reality in my dreams.

“I want that more than I can put into words.” I manage to choke out, despite feeling like my heart is in my throat.

“I’m the luckiest motherfucker on the planet. I love you.” He tells me, his face lighting up brightly.

“I love you too. God, I want this. I want you. More than anything.”

“Then you have me. I’m yours.” He leans forward and kisses me again. This time there’s a little more heat in our kiss, and I can feel his hardness against me. God, I can’t wait to be healed more so we can explore. I love that every first with a man will be with each other. We get to go on this crazy learning journey together, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Shadow pulls back, smiling wide. The look on his face makes me feel invincible. I can’t believe I’m the reason he looks like that right now.

“So does this mean you’ll scrap the idea of moving back into your apartment?” He asks, eyes and voice both filled with hope.

I can’t deny his request; this may be all new, but even when I mentioned moving back to my apartment, I didn’t actually want to leave. It’s what I thought I had to do. Everything has changed now that we’ve both admitted how we feel, and I couldn’t be happier.

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here with you.”

The smile that overtakes his face is breathtaking. I feel fucking amazing knowing I’m the reason behind that look on his face right now. I know this is new for both of us, but I’m really fucking hopeful everything is going to work out. Everything has to work out; I won’t accept anything less, and I don’t think he will either.