Shadows in the Dark (Dark Lotus #1)

34. Adrian

Clack! Clack! Clack!

My office door was only slightly ajar, but I could hear the sound of each and every key my secretary hit on her keyboard as if she was sitting right beside me. Shaking my head, I tried to focus back on my email. It seemed as if another business trip was in my future, only this time it would be in Thailand.

News of the microchips had traveled throughout the Japanese company I was working with, and now they wanted me to visit their satellite location in Bangkok. I ordinarily wouldn’t care all that much, but I had two very good reasons to suddenly do so. There was Brynn, and the girl who had been found murdered in Tokyo after my last visit.

Had I really been responsible for that murder, too? I wish I could remember something that would alleviate any further thought on it, but my memory had evaded me like it had so many other times. It was actually quite frightening to stare at your reflection and not know whether you were looking at the real you or not.

Was I this put together mogul? Or was I the monster I often felt trying to claw its way out of me? Most days, I thought I managed to hold it inside, but so many unexplainable events never failed to give me pause. That uncertainty, and terror if I was being honest, had been something I’d been plagued with since I was sixteen years old on that shipping dock in Athens.

Turning my thoughts to Brynn, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had gone too far with her the other night. I’d given her more than enough opportunities to use a safe or caution, but neither were ever spoken. Maybe it was post-scene doubt? Or it might have nothing to do with me at all.

I knew that last thought was wrong, but still allowed it to take up space inside my head. Something had changed with her. She still spoke to me whenever I reached out to her, only now her responses had been brief and to the point. While I could appreciate that, it was very uncommon for her.

“I’ve always said if you’re not a crying mess by the time it’s over, then we’re not done,” was something I’d said to her then, but it couldn’t have been too much for her. At least in that moment it couldn’t have been because she had begged me to finish her off, and I had. Even after, she was floating in subspace, and I left her to languish in it before sending her home.

Home. The very word reminded me of Greece. Now, there was a place I had no intention of visiting any time soon. As I closed the one email, my finger hovered over another. This one was from my mother. I already knew what she wanted, so there was no real need to click on it to find out. She had not only resorted to electronic mail to reach me, but she had called and texted me so many times that I finally turned my cellphone off.

Greek Christmas. It was still a few months away, but our family was one of the most influential in all of Athens, and my mother loved to entertain. I never enjoyed the crowds, and even less so now that I had gotten older. When younger, Aria and I would steal away some misplaced wine, and we would go upstairs where nothing could reach us. The adults would spend their time cavorting amongst each other as the party extended well into the morning.

I had never attended one since leaving Greece, and I had no intentions of changing that this year. My own recent tradition was much better than any I could remember from my youth. Instead of the multi-week celebrations my parents threw, I normally got something from Spondi and spent the twenty-fifth like I did any other day – alone.

My mother once asked me if I ever got lonely, but I didn’t. I preferred to be by myself. People annoyed me, even when they meant well. Between the talking, caroling, and just overall noise of the holiday, I much preferred a normal meal and glass of bourbon afterward. I wasn’t so much a Grinch or Scrooge, I just didn’t have the holiday spirit, and I sure as hell didn’t want to catch it either. I would rather catch the flu than be merry.

I chuckled. Most would trade a Christmas celebration or two over an illness any day, but it only proved how much I hated the very season that was upcoming. And so many countries celebrated it, too. No matter where I went, I couldn’t escape without some mention of it. The entire world was crazy, or maybe it was just me.

Clack! Clack! Clack!

“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered under my breath as her typing picked back up.

I suppose I had no one to blame but myself. After all, I did ask her to complete my calendar for October. Bea was an absolute godsend for me, and I knew I rarely showed my appreciation for her enough. Not one to gossip or get too close to anyone I employed, I rarely asked her about her life, and she didn’t offer any useless chatter about it to me, either.

My mind was somewhat spinning though and I needed a distraction. Usually, this is when I would log onto Olympus and set up the best kind for this evening. I could request Brynn’s presence, but she was anything else but eager to return to my lair. I might’ve pushed her too far. Or, as a nagging thought entered my mind, maybe I hadn’t pushed her far enough.

I wouldn’t know what it was tonight because I had no intentions of going to Lotus for anyone, especially her. I did need to quiet these visions in my head, and ones that swirled so viciously together that they all blurred into one fucked-up slideshow in my twisted mind.

I pushed away from my desk, wheeling the few feet back to the mostly bare bookshelf behind me. Other than a few degrees and random art pieces, the shelves lay bare. I glanced at the door, and because it was partially open, I knew she would hear me if I spoke so there was no need to pick up the phone to summon her to me.

“Bea,” I called out to her, then waited for her to acknowledge me.

It didn’t take long, because I saw her shadow cross my threshold, before she knocked lightly on the slightly opened door. “Did you need something, Mr. Benedict?”

“I did,” I answered. “Come inside and sit down with me.”

The woman looked shocked at my request, especially seeing as I had never asked her to do anything like that in the ten years she had worked for me. Not one to dwell too much on any request from me, she did slowly make her way over to my desk. Once she sat down, I smiled politely at her.

“Is there something you needed from me?” She once again asked.

“As a matter of fact, there is.”

Her brow arched in question before she smiled back. “Give me a moment and I’ll go get my notebook and pen.”

When she went to rise from her chair, I reached across the desk and placed my hand over hers to still her. “It’s not necessary. I just have a few questions for you is all. Nothing to do with Benedict Technologies.”

“O-okay.” I could tell she was nervous, and it was the last thing I wanted her to feel. “What can I help you with?”

“Do you have family?” I asked her, and wasn’t the slightest bit surprised at the shock on her face before she quickly schooled her reaction.

I knew it was such an odd question to ask, and one a boss should know about his employee of ten years. The truth was that I had never cared about the lives of those I hired and worked with, and shame might’ve filled me had I not remembered why.

Work was work, and I never engaged in workplace anything. As CEO of the company, I answered to no one. To most, I was completely unapproachable, but I hoped my secretary didn’t consider me the same as those others that scurried as soon as I walked in their direction. While I might not have cared enough to intrude on her life, I compensated her well for the tasks given.

“Well, yes. I...” She stopped talking as if she didn’t really know how to answer me. She stared at me for a few long seconds before finally breaking the silence again. “Are you well, Mr. Benedict?”

I let out a throaty chuckle, and while it was slightly hoarse, I knew it had been from underuse. I rarely ever smiled at all. I certainly didn’t laugh or carry on with others. I understood humor and found some things to be funny, but I never showed it all. Not to anyone, least of all to her.

“I’m perfectly well today. I just received a reminder of the upcoming holiday season. Right after, I heard you typing, and I began to wonder if you celebrated such things.”

I wasn’t even sure she knew what I was referring to, or trying to say, but she started to speak which cut the awkwardness like a knife. Her warm smile helped, and it made me think of my own grandmother.

“I have a husband, and daughter, and we all love the Christmas season.”

At small talk like this, my mind would often wander. Although I initiated this conversation with my secretary, it was still no different. As she went to speak, a brief flash of Brynn crossed my mind, especially of me fucking her tight pussy with a knife at Lotus. Her, and that club, were the last things I wanted to think about so I twisted the cap off my water bottle and took a swig from it while turning my attention back to Bea.

“How old is your daughter?”

Bea smiled. “She’s a bit older than you are, Mr. Benedict.”

I supposed that was true, especially seeing as Bea had to be close to sixty. She was very dignified, and mostly no-nonsense like me which was likely why the two of us co-existed so well together.

“Do you stay locally in town?”

Again, it seemed like a silly question to ask because it was something basic I should’ve known about her. Still, this useless conversation was putting my mind at ease like I had hoped so I persevered. It wasn’t centering me like a night at the club would, but it sufficed the purpose right now.

“We used to. In fact, I loved going to the mountains. We would go to Park City, Utah every year. At least until the last two.”

“Why don’t you go anymore?” Another thought about her vacation time did cross my mind, but she answered me before I could even ask her about it.

“Walter got sick a few years back, and with his cancer, it’s just too hard to travel like that.”

“He has cancer?” There were so many things I didn’t know about her. While the ins and outs of her life were none of my business, I began to mentally question why she worked so many long hours for me when her husband was going through so much. “I didn’t know. You rarely take leave, or?—”

“My job is to serve you, Mr. Benedict. Wally’s tumor is inoperable, so there is little we can do. I try to make things more comfortable for him, but–”

She stopped at the ringing of my business phone. I knew who it was, and while I was just getting to know someone I should have known better, this call was important. “I’m sorry about your husband. I must take this call...”

“Of course.” She rose to her feet. “I’m almost done updating your calendar anyway. I will lock up on my way out.”

The last words were partially whispered when I pressed the answer button. I gave her a nod, then cleared my throat. “Benedict, here. Did you get those figures for me yet?”