Shadows of Recovery (Everhart Family #3)

Chapter 37

Thirty-Seven

S ophie sat in the familiar calming environment of Dr. Chris Skylar's office. The walls were adorned with soft artwork, and the white noise machine provided a soothing background. Chris sat across from her, his expression one of patient attentiveness.

"How are you feeling today, Sophie?" Chris asked, his voice steady and reassuring.

Sophie took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I’ve been thinking a lot about... intimacy. Tristan and I have talked about it, and we’re considering making love for the first time since the assault."

Chris nodded, his face showing empathy and support. "How do you feel about that?"

"It’s overwhelming," Sophie admitted. "I’m scared, but Tristan has been so patient and gentle. He makes me feel safe. However, the memories are still so fresh, I’m not sure if I’m ready to handle all of this."

Chris leaned forward slightly, his eyes meeting hers. "It’s completely normal to feel that way, Sophie. The journey of healing from trauma, especially sexual trauma, is complex and non-linear. It’s important to take things at your own pace and communicate openly with Tristan about your feelings. There is no timetable. There are also two people involved. Tristan may not be ready when you are and vice versa.”

Sophie nodded, feeling a bit more reassured. "I want to reclaim that part of my life, but I’m afraid of what might happen if I can’t handle it."

Chris considered her words carefully before responding, "If you feel overwhelmed at any point, it’s okay to stop and take a step back."

Sophie sighed. "I just want to feel normal again. But after telling Tristan I came during the… assault. The sadness on his face...”

“He felt sad because he’s your partner. He’s part of this.” Chris gave her a reassuring look. "You are normal, Sophie. You’ve been through a traumatic experience and are working incredibly hard to heal. That takes immense strength. It’s okay to have moments of doubt and fear. The same goes for Tristan. He wants to heal too."

Sophie smiled faintly, appreciating his words. "Thank you, Chris. That helps." She looked at the clock. “Can we talk about me going back to work? When I think about it, I want to dive under the covers, and when I come out, I want to watch Real Housewives for the rest of my life.”

Chris laughed. “That’s not the best solution, huh?”

Sophie took a deep breath. "I love being a doctor, but I’m scared. What if people don’t trust me? What if I can’t function the way I used to?"

Chris leaned back, offering a thoughtful look. "Returning to work is a significant step, and it’s understandable to have those fears. Trust is something that can be rebuilt over time, both in yourself and in your patients. Your ability to function as a doctor will come back with patience and support."

Sophie nodded, the uncertainty still lingering. "I just don’t know if I can do it."

Chris leaned forward, his expression earnest. "There are other places where you could work that might provide a more supportive environment as you transition back. Have you considered a position at the Blackwell Institute?"

Sophie looked surprised. "Here?"

Chris nodded. "Yes. We’re always in need of compassionate, skilled doctors. It’s a more controlled environment where you can ease back into your role. Plus, I’ve read the notes you wrote to correct Kay Birdham’s charts. Your attention to detail and commitment to patient care are exceptional."

Sophie felt a flicker of want. "You think the Board would take me?"

"I’m confident they would," Chris said with a reassuring smile. "Your experience and skills are invaluable. And working here could provide you with a sense of purpose and stability as you continue to heal. You also would have the flexibility of hours."

Sophie took a deep breath, considering his words. "It sounds like a good idea. I just... I need to feel useful again. I need to feel like I’m contributing."

Chris nodded. "It’s important to find that sense of purpose. And remember, you’ve been through a tremendous ordeal, yet here you are, talking about moving forward. That takes incredible strength."

A tear slipped down her cheek, but this time it wasn’t from sorrow. It was from the tiny bit of hope she felt. "Thank you, Chris.”

He smiled warmly. "You have a lot of people who believe in you, Sophie. Take things one step at a time. Your timetable for work and intimacy is yours. And remember, it’s okay to lean on others for support."

Sophie nodded. "I will. I’m ready to take that step, even if it’s a small one.”

* * *

Tristan sat in the comfortable, warm office of his psychiatrist, Dr. Ellen Boyle. Despite the calm environment, a knot of anxiety clenched in his stomach. He thought this session was crucial, and he needed her guidance.

Ellen looked up from her notes and gave him a reassuring smile. "How have you been, Tristan?"

He took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts. "I've been... managing. But there’s something important I need to talk to you about."

Ellen nodded, her expression attentive and compassionate. "Of course. What’s on your mind?"

Tristan hesitated for a moment before speaking. "It’s about Sophie. She’s been making significant progress in her therapy, and we’ve gotten closer since she came home. But... I’m worried about the prospect of being intimate with her after everything she’s been through."

Ellen leaned forward slightly. "I can see why that would be a concern for you. What specifically are you worried about?"

Tristan ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find the right words. "I’m afraid being intimate might trigger her. I don’t want to cause her any more pain. But at the same time, I want to help her reclaim that part of her life. I want to show her that making love can be a beautiful, safe experience."

Ellen nodded thoughtfully. "Have you and Sophie talked about intimacy?"

"Yes, we have," Tristan replied. "She’s expressed a desire to be intimate, but I can see the fear in her eyes. I just don’t want to rush her or do anything that could hurt her, especially after what happened when she attempted to force it. She was so afraid to admit she climaxed during the rape. I’m not ashamed of her."

Ellen smiled gently. "Sadly, many partners are. It’s good you’re talking about it. Open communication is crucial. Sophie needs to feel in control and safe."

Tristan nodded, absorbing her words. "How do I ensure she feels safe and in control?"

Ellen seemed to consider her response. "Start by setting a pace she’s comfortable with. Be patient and attentive to her needs and signals. Reassure her constantly that she’s safe and that she can stop at any time. Go slowly and let her guide the process."

Tristan chuckled. “All at the same time as reining in my desire.”

“I wish it was easier.” Ellen smiled warmly. "But your concern shows how much you care about her well-being. Trust your instincts, Tristan. You know her better than anyone. And remember, it’s okay to ask her how she’s feeling throughout the process. Make it your story.”

Tristan nodded. "Thank you, Ellen.”

Ellen’s expression turned serious. "One more thing, Tristan. Be prepared for setbacks. Healing isn’t a linear process. There might be times when she pulls back or feels overwhelmed. The same goes for you. You may have a period of impotence. Be patient and understanding with both of you."

Tristan took a deep breath. "I will. I just want her to feel loved and safe."

"With your love and support, she will. You’re doing great, Tristan.”