Shameless (Made For Them #3)

7. Safe Haven

Lula

M y life is a real mess.

When I arrived in Star Cove a few weeks ago, I felt safe. Despite the fact that Dad made me feel like having me with him was an inconvenience, and despite the frosty reception I got from Stefan and Jules, I was almost three thousand miles away from Evan.

Things started taking a turn for the worse after my brush-in with Trevor and after Mason caught up with me. Even the guy I had considered my friend at the worst time in New York, turned out a threat.

My stomach lurches at the thought that I lost Mason’s bag in last night’s storm and I’m sure that will be added to my tab.

Stefan and Crew are talking about what will happen to Star Thunders without Eddie and what that means for them as we ride to the main island’s port to board the ferry back to the mainland.

I only half-listen to them, holding a sleepy Napoleon in my arms in the backseat of Crew’s Jeep.

Whatever happens with Mason, hopefully we can work something out. If he wanted to hurt me, I think he would have done it already and without Trevor in town, maybe we can take over supplying the college kids and tourists who want a little chemical enhancement to enjoy their summer to the fullest.

I know selling drugs is twice as risky for me because I’m on probation, but I need to pay my debt to Mason to make sure he doesn’t carry out his threat to hurt the guys.

If I can make a deal with him, maybe I can convince Mason to help me keep Evan away from me for however long he and Tiffany will be stuck in Star Cove.

One hurdle I’ll have to face is to talk to Arianna about quitting my job at the club. As long as Evan is staying there, there’s no way I want to be around.

With a tentative battle plan in mind, I accept Stefan’s hand to climb off the Jeep once we board the ferry.

“Oh.” I squeal as the relatively small boat violently rocks from side to side.

“Jeez,” Stefan bites out, almost losing his balance as the boat moves as if it was a toy in the hands of a toddler. “What the fuck?”

“The sea is stormy,” a very pale Arianna says, stumbling toward us from where Dad parked their car a few spots ahead. “While the boat race was canceled under horrible circumstances, I’m glad they did cancel it. It looks like last night’s storm was just the beginning.”

Crew runs a hand on his mouth, as if trying to avoid the urge to barf. “Is it even safe to be on a boat right now?”

Dad is right behind Arianna. “I just spoke to the captain and we just made the last trip they’re doing today. If we had missed this one, we would have been stuck on the island for another night. He also advised us to go out to the deck. It isn’t raining yet and he thinks fresh air will help with the sea sickness. The crew will distribute life jackets and sick bags just as a precaution.”

Great.

I follow behind Stefan with Napoleon still asleep in my arms and I’m surprised when my stepbrother takes my hand into his.

We’ve agreed to keep our distance from each other in front of Dad, but he doesn’t seem concerned about it right now.

As we make it to the main deck of the ferry, we don’t even need to get to the railing to see that the sea is big and choppy; tall waves spray on the deck as the vessel cuts through the formidable currents that govern this stretch of water.

“Shit,” Stefan groans. “It feels like being on one of those carnival rides that undulate from side to side.”

“You’re right,” I agree, as my muscles tense up to keep me upright. “I could never convince you to go on those rides. Remember that flying carpet one? I begged you one entire summer but you never wanted to go on it.”

“I never go,” Stefan pants. “Because I can’t take this kind of movement, it makes me wanna?—”

Oh, boy.

Stefan’s breath is taken away by a bout of nausea and rather than whatever he was going to say, he loses his lunch on his sneakers.

“Babe,” I worry. “Are you ok?”

He went from pale to a sickly greenish complexion that promises more vomiting in the immediate future.

“I didn’t even have time to open my sick bag. I need to go find some tissues to clean my shoes.”

I point toward Jules, who doesn’t look in much better shape than his younger brother. “Jules always carries some wet wipes, you might have better luck borrowing some, rather than attempting to go down one level to the bathroom.”

I’m no match for Stefan’s tall, athletic frame, but I offer him my support by wrapping one arm around his trim waist, while keeping Napoleon in the crook of my other elbow.

“Hey Jules,” I raise my voice to be heard in the loud wind. “Do you have some wipes? Stef has had a little accident.”

Jules has the small pack of wipes in his hands, he’s wiping his own mouth and the front of his t-shirt. “Thank fuck this isn’t a long journey. I feel like my stomach sunk all the way inside my shoes. Is that mutt ok? He was yakking on the way over to the island yesterday when the sea was nice and calm.”

Napoleon is fine, peacefully asleep in my arms.

“Hey,” Crew reacts. “It wouldn’t matter if he was a mutt, but Napoleon is a pure breed chihuahua and he takes offense to being called a mutt?—”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, running to the railing and projectile vomiting overboard.

Before I know it, I realize that ninety percent of the passengers are in the same boat—pun totally intended.

Dad and Arianna are holding onto each other for dear life, while Tilly is holding three sick bags with white knuckle force after dumping a full one in one of the trash cans on the deck.

Tiffany isn’t faring better than the rest of my family. “I should have insisted on not coming to Star Cove. Or at least make Howard fly us by helicopter. We would have already been there and we would have missed this ridiculous storm. Can someone tell the captain to keep this stupid boat from rocking this much?”

Dad rolls his eyes before using his sick bag again. “The captain doesn’t control the weather, Tiff.” It’s surprising, during their marriage Dad rarely stood up to her.

“I don’t care,” Tiffany screams. “If I vomit on my Louboutin boots, they’ll be ruined and someone will have to foot the bill.”

Arianna intervenes. “I doubt you can send the bill to God, Tiff. He or She is responsible for the storm.”

My mother doesn’t take kindly to her best friend’s rebuttal. “No one likes a know-it-all whore, Arianna. Butt out, if I ruin my boots, I?—”

Tiffany joins the ranks of the many passengers who have been throwing up so far.

The deck is a mess and several crew members are tasked with cleaning the floors.

One staff is offering free bottled water to everyone. “Sip the water to rehydrate,” she advises. “Move toward the center of the boat and avoid looking at the waves; pick a stationary object in front of you and focus on that. We should dock in twenty minutes.”

Napoleon stirs in my arms, finally waking up with one of his trademark noisy yawns.

Yip.

“You ok, Naps? You don’t look sea sick this time,” I observe, relieved that he isn’t vomiting like he did yesterday. “Maybe yesterday you ate something bad? I’m surprised I’m not sea sick, but we need to step away from all the vomiting people, or all bets are off. There’s nothing like hearing someone yack to set me off.”

I find a metal bench toward the bow of the boat, right under the bridge. “Let’s wait here, we should be on the mainland soon.”

I see his shadow before I hear his voice, and by then it’s too late to flee.

“What are you doing here all alone, sis ?” Evan is looming over me, his malicious tone matching the smirk on his lips.

I force myself not to look him in the eye, as my stomach plummets like when you’re in an elevator that starts moving suddenly.

Isn’t it ironic that the choppy sea didn’t affect me, but just Evan’s voice is threatening to bring up my lunch?

If terror wasn’t freezing my muscles, I would run and screw the vomit on the deck. I’d bathe in it rather than being near Evan.

He lowers himself on the bench, entirely too close for comfort. When his arm brushes mine, I shudder and slide as far from him as physically possible without standing up. That’s all the movement I can manage with my heart beating so fast that I’m surprised I don’t pass out.

I pretend he isn’t there, staring at the approaching shoreline as if it was the promised land.

“I see how it is,” he chuckles, scooting closer again. “You’re giving me the silent treatment. And to think that I missed you so much, Lula. We used to be close, you and I.”

Yeah, before he took my attempt at being friendly as an encouragement to creep into my bedroom at night.

It’s hard to believe that at first, when I was forced to move into Howard’s penthouse apartment in the Upper East Side, I thought Evan and I could become friends. It was nothing like my feelings for Stefan and Jules, not even close. But Evan had been friendly and I needed someone in my corner if I had to live under Tiffany’s tyrannical and loveless parenting.

When I still don’t talk to him, he snaps. “Talk to me you fucking slut. You don’t get to ignore me.”

The F-bomb is his biggest mistake.

Napoleon’s ears perk up seconds before a low growl shakes his tiny body.

Despite his many academic achievements, Evan isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed because rather than running for dear life, he tries to touch me and doesn’t shut his mouth.

“What the fuck is wrong with this mutt?”

Napoleon lurches forward, teeth showing, ready to draw blood.

I’m barely able to restrain him but he grazes Evan’s forearm.

“Fuck!” He yelps. “Keep that fucking mutt under control, he bit me!”

I tighten my hold on Crew’s dog. “He hates F-bombs. And he hates fuckers who come too close without permission.”

If I wasn’t terrified, I’d find the look on Evan’s face hilarious.

“You just said fuck and he didn’t try to bite you—fuck!” He stands up abruptly, when Naps snarls at him again. “I’m going to find the captain and report your dog. He bit me, he needs to be put down.”

I hate this man so much. “It’s just a graze, because you didn’t move away fast enough when Napoleon warned you. And he attacked because you attacked me.”

“You’re fucking crazy,” Evan wails, wiping at the streak of bright red blood on his arm. “We were just talking.”

I pet Napoleon’s head to try and keep him calm. “You called me a slut, you were aggressive. Napoleon wanted to protect me. If you go to the captain, I’m going to tell everyone that you were threatening me.”

Evan’s scowl morphs into a smile. “Go ahead. Let’s see who they’re gonna believe. Slut. ”

My stomach lurches again because he’s right. I know my guys will believe me, but no one else will. My own mother didn’t believe me when I went to her for help and Dad believed Tiffany’s story that Evan and I were “fucking around” and that it was consensual.

“Please Evan,” I beg, trying to appeal to his good side—if he even has one—but ready to jam my knee in his balls if he tries to grab me again. “Things don’t have to be this way between us. You’re stuck in Star Cove for a while and I think we can coexist.”

We can’t. We can only coexist as long as he stays away from me.

“We can only coexist if you stop being a prissy little slut who gives it up to anyone but me. Give me what should have been mine for years and I’ll back off.”

He’s delusional.

His privileged upbringing and the misogynistic chauvinism his father instilled in him convinced him he’s entitled to anything, anyone , he wants.

“I don’t want you, Evan. I never did. Nothing will ever change that.”

What did I just say? Delusional.

“You’re lying. You lured me in, flirting with me from the second we met. And then, when I came to cash in on all the silent promises in the way you giggled, the way you played with your hair when we talked, you decided to play some stupid game. Exactly like Maura. She wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. I should have known she’d try to play me. She reminded me of you after all.”

I can’t believe the way he’s talking about his dead girlfriend.

Actually, scratch that. I can believe it.

The thought that it’s possible Evan is responsible for the murders at the stables crosses my mind for the second time since Jules and I stumbled on the gruesome scene.

I know better than to say that out loud though. “I’m sorry for your loss by the way. I didn’t know Maura very well but I thought she was nice.”

The corners of his lips twitch into another creepy smile that doesn’t reach Evan’s dead stare. “She was rich. So rich that she makes me look like a penniless hobo. I’m just pissed whoever offed her didn’t wait until we were married. Even with a prenup, I would have gotten into some serious cash if she died rather than divorce me.”

I take advantage of Evan’s distraction to try and get up and slip away from the bench.

He’s standing close but his focus has temporarily shifted away from me.

I’ve compared Evan’s dead stare to a great white shark before and his senses are the ones of a deadly predator too.

“Where do you think you’re going, Lula?” his smile widens. “I’m not done with you. I’m telling you how this is going to go, sis . Star Cove sounds like a boring ass small town and I know exactly how I’m gonna pass the time until I can go back to New York. You’re going to be my welcome little distraction. And I’m warning you, I’m gonna fuck you hard after months of Maura’s reluctant handjobs. When I’m done with that little pussy and that tight little ass of yours, your precious stepbrothers won’t even want to touch you with a ten foot pole.”

The disgust on my face seems to encourage Evan rather than making him back off.

“Tell me, sis . Did one of your loser stepbrothers fuck you in the ass yet? I’ve been dreaming about that too. I’m gonna fuck you so hard, we’re both going to bleed. Well, mostly you of course, but our blood will mix when I fuck you raw, over and over. Ass fucking without lube isn’t easy, that’s why I’ll make you bleed. It’ll be all warm and slippery and I’m going to pump you so full of my cum, you’ll be mine forever. It’ll be like a branding. Just like this.”

He catches me by surprise, gathering the blood on his arm with the pad of his index finger and touching my cheek before I can move out of his reach. The movement is so sudden and quick that even Napoleon is caught unprepared and all he can do is growl in warning but Evan has already taken one step back, out of the dog’s reach.

“So beautiful,” he smiles.

His touch and the strong, metallic scent of his blood, do what the stormy sea didn’t do.

Nausea roils in my stomach and the little I ate today comes up, spraying on Evan’s black t-shirt.

To my surprise, he doesn’t react with the disgust I expected.

“This was a designer t-shirt,” he snarls. “You’re going to pay for this too. I’m going to have so much fun with you, Lula.”

A siren signals our approach to the port and I thank all the gods that Evan decides to take that as his cue to leave.

My arms tighten around Napoleon. “Thank you for protecting me, Naps.” I whisper to the tiny pooch.

As the other passengers begin stumbling down to the lower level to retrieve their cars and get back to the safety of solid ground, I wonder if I’ll ever feel safe again.

I take my phone out of my pocket and open the camera app, turning the lens toward myself. Anyone who sees me might think I’m taking a selfie, but in reality I’m staring at Evan’s bloody fingerprint on my cheek.

This is how Tiffany’s stepson has made me feel since that fateful night in his father’s house. Dirty. Tainted. Even if he didn’t succeed in forcing himself on me, his touch left an indelible mark. Not just on my skin but deep in my soul. It’s as if I deserved what happened.

On a rational level, I know it isn’t true, but the little voice in my head won’t shut up.

If even your own mother doesn’t love you, how could anyone else? You’re a disappointment, Lula and you destroy everything you touch.

As I wet the tips of my fingers with my tongue and wipe the mark away, my phone vibrates in my hands. It startles me and I almost drop it on the deck floor.

The text message preview makes me fight the urge to be sick again.

Mason:

I know you’re going to be back soon. Meet me tomorrow morning on the beach. Be there, Lula. We need to talk.

I close my eyes, struggling to breathe.

I knew this was coming but I was hoping I would have at least a day or two to come up with an explanation for losing Mason’s bag.

I wish Jules hadn’t fished me out of the stormy sea. If I were dead, I’d be free.

When Stefan and Crew come find me, I quickly lock the screen of my phone and pocket it.

I don’t even know what they’re talking about, my mind is reeling with fear for the future.

Lula

High season means that there’s only one room left at the Country Club and Jules’s stuff has to be vacated from the manager’s cottage in order for Tiffany to move in.

Rather than having the family dinner Arianna was planning on, it’s decided to grab something quick on the road, so that everyone can help Jules with the move.

I couldn’t even tell you what drive-through we stop at or what I order.

I’m just glad we eat in the car, so I don’t have to endure Tiffany’s probing stare and her disapproval of my diet. Living in Star Cove meant being away from her constant control. She even had my boarding school and rehab prepare special low calorie meals for me to keep my weight under control.

I have never been overweight but to Tiffany, if you’re anything over a size double zero or zero, you’re fat.

When we cross the town limits, I ask Crew if he can drop me off at home rather than taking me to the Country Club to help with Jules’s move.

No one questions my claim that I’m not feeling well, probably assuming that I was sea sick like they all were.

I haven’t texted Mason back yet and I just need to be alone to do it. I can’t risk to be seen if I don’t want to face questions I’m not prepared to answer.

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok by yourself?” Stefan asks as Crew stops the Jeep in front of Arianna’s door.

“I’ll be fine,” I lie. “I just need to lay down and brush my teeth after being sick.”

That part isn’t a complete lie, even though I wasn’t sick because of the storm.

The house is dark and silent. We’ve barely been gone for one night and yet it feels like forever since I looked at the tasteful furniture, the light colored woods and the pastel colors that finish each room.

Everything in here feels airy and welcoming, it feels like home like no other place has ever felt before.

This has always been my safe place. Even when my life seemed to spin out of control, this was the place my heart yearned for, my safe haven.

But the truth is that my life is spinning out of control again. There’s nowhere to run, no place where my past won’t catch up to me with deadly consequences.

A familiar pressure starts to build in my head. A dull throb behind my eyes, that travels down, burning everything in its wake. My throat feels hot and scratchy, my heart is pounding as if I had been running.

I climb up the stairs to my room, my limbs trembling with the exertion.

I close my eyes in the futile attempt to calm my racing heart. My fingers are trembling as I reply to Mason that I’ll be there.

The pressure is overwhelming and I need something, anything to relieve it.

My eyes go to the nightstand closest to the bay window near my bed. To its top drawer to be precise.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” I whisper to myself, clenching my fists and willing my feet to stay rooted in place.

Look away, Lula. That isn’t the solution to your problems and you know it.

I don’t listen to the voice in my head, my body moves on autopilot. It takes my shaky hands three attempts to open the drawer.

When Arianna came looking for my stash, unknowingly causing the issue with Mason, she didn’t think about the secret compartment in the nightstand.

Stefan and Jules’s Mom has always considered me the daughter she never had and she furnished my room with the bedroom set from her teenage years.

I’ll never forget how excited I was when Arianna showed me my new room. She had spent weeks repainting her old bed frame, nightstand and chest of drawers. My new bedroom had been painted too and new curtains covered the big bay window that offers the most stunning beach view in the entire house.

But the best part was what Arianna showed me next. My mom’s best friend had always understood my need for an outlet. Especially when Tiffany focused her critical eye on me. She gave me a journal with a lock and key to write my thoughts and then she showed me a secret compartment at the bottom of the drawer in her nightstand. In there my diary would be safe from prying eyes and to my thirteenth-year-old self nothing was more special.

It feels like a double betrayal that I hid my emergency stash in Arianna’s secret compartment.

I was sure that no one however, not even my stepmom, would think about looking in here.

My hands are shaking so much when I get the small bag with a K2 joint and two Oxy pills, that I almost drop the last of Mason’s drugs on the floor.

These will help me survive the night. I swear it’s the last time I use. The last time. I just need to forget for one night and then I’ll?—

“Lula.”

The deep voice comes literally from nowhere and I jump, dropping my precious loot on the floor.

Fuck.

A large hand covers mine as I reach for it.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I murmur as Crew pushes me against him, closing his arms over my chest.

My back is flush with his front, his head lowered to speak into my ear.

To my surprise, he doesn’t sound angry.

“Baby, I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do this. You promised you’d call me if you felt the need to use.”

He’s right and if he hadn’t caught me, I would have broken my promise to him.

Tears well in my eyes, but they’re more because I’m letting myself down even more than anyone else.

“Sorry, I just?—”

I stop. There’s nothing I can say to change the fact that I was caught red handed and that despite feeling like shit about it, a part of me still wants to light that joint and swallow those pills.

Crew turns me around to face him, his dark blue eyes searching mine. “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I snort. “What’s wrong? We’d be here until next summer and I thought you were going to the club to help bring Jules’s stuff back to the apartment by the garage?”

My attempt to divert his attention doesn’t work. “I was, but I’ve been watching you the entire ride home. Something is wrong and I asked Stefan to tell everyone that I wasn’t feeling well either and came to check on you.”

I’m grateful and mad at him at the same time.

“Where’s Napoleon?”

Again, my attempt to distract him doesn’t work. “In the kitchen. I gave him that quail or whatever the chef gave us. He’s having the best time of his life eating his dinner from Masha’s bowl. She’s still at the doggy hotel, so she won’t mind. Lula,” he laces his fingers with mine. “If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you.”

My voice is barely above a whisper. “Maybe I’m beyond help.”

“I don’t believe that.” Crew bites out. “I’m here for you, Lula. Tell me why you think you need these drugs.”

He’s so gorgeous and patient and calm. He isn’t freaking out on me when he should.

I know eventually he will. Everyone always leaves me when they realize that I’m not worthy of their love.

That thought takes hold in my mind and I spiral until I reach snapping point.

I’m the one who’s angry now. At Crew, at my parents, at the entire world. “Oh I don’t know,” my voice is laced with venom and sarcasm. “You choose. I almost died last night when I crashed the boat I stole like a dumbass. Jules wasn’t even decent enough to let me die in the water. Then I wouldn’t have had to see three people shot to a pulp. Oh and the first thing my mom said when she saw me for the first time after dropping me here—after weeks without a phone call—the very first thing she said was that maybe I was to blame for those murders. She’s always blamed me for everything that’s wrong in her life since the day I was born. I’m sure if you ask Tiffany, she’ll find a way to prove that I’m responsible for global warming.”

I’m so furious that my chest is heaving as I struggle to let it all out.

“Last night I lost something in the storm,” I admit. “And I’m not even sure what the consequences will be. I just know that it’s more trouble added to the shit show that my life has been since the last summer I was here.”

Crew latches onto my last words. “What did you lose in the storm, Lula? Maybe I can?—”

I can’t. I can’t tell him. He’s no match for Mason anyway. “That doesn’t even matter right now, Crew. I thought I was safe here. Sure, things were far from perfect, but at least I was safe from him. And now he’s back and…”

I tell him about my encounter with Evan on the ferry.

“Motherfucker.” Crew’s eyes flash with barely repressed fury. “Let me deal with him. When I’m done with his ass, he’ll wish he had never crossed paths with me or you.”

My eyes well with tears, but I’m so worked up, I can’t even cry. “You need to stay away from Evan, Crew. I mean it. He’s nothing but trouble and he’s already ruined your life enough. If anything happens to him, he’ll press charges, he’ll destroy you.”

He shakes his head, the moonlight casting a silver glow on his blond head. It looks like a halo. “Then I won’t kick his ass like he deserves, but I’ll protect you. I’ll ask Stefan to help me. We’ll make sure you’re never alone when he could be around.”

One single tear slides out of my eye and I blink it away. “You can try, Crew, but Evan is like a snake. He’s going to lurk in the shadows, waiting for the slightest chance to get me alone, like he did on the ferry. Napoleon protected me earlier, but what if I can’t fight him back? I don’t think I could live if he?—”

Crew pulls me closer, cupping my face with his hands. “Then you can have Napoleon by your side too, until Evan goes back where he came from. Just as an insurance in case he does catch you alone.”

I know he’s doing his best, he just doesn’t understand. “I don’t feel safe, Crew. As long as Evan is in town, I’ll be watching over my shoulder all the time. I wish we could just leave. But I’m on probation and I need to stay in Star Cove with Dad. Can’t you see why I need those drugs? I need to forget about him at least for tonight. I need to breathe at least for a second.”

Crew’s slightly rough fingers trace my jaws, his blue eyes fixed on mine. “No. I can’t let you use those drugs. I’ll do better though. Remember our deal? I’m here for you, baby.”

His mouth crashes mine.

When our tongues meet, for a second my mind quiets down. The whirlwind of frantic thoughts stops and I can breathe again.

I pull him closer, fisting his t-shirt, holding onto to him like a lifeline. My last lifeline.

Crew nips at my bottom lip causing sudden heat to shock my system.

It’s powerful and heady like the finest of drugs. I need more of this, I need Crew to take me away from my own head at least for tonight.

I pull away from him, lifting his t-shirt over his head, exposing his ripped, tattooed chest.

When he lifts my dress, I help him, impatient to feel his skin against mine.

Crew’s open mouth glides down the column of my neck.

Yes, that feels so good.

By the time his lips close over my hard, aching nipple, I’m greedy, dying for more.

“Oh.” I cry out when he grazes the tender peak with his teeth and my body answers with more sensation.

All my nerve endings are alive, my clit throbbing with need.

A moan of protest slips out of me when Crew’s mouth abandons my tits, descending to my stomach.

“I’ve got you, baby,” Crew chuckles, sliding my panties down my hips.

I help him take them off, my eyes fixed into his when he sinks down on his knees in front of me.

He presses a gentle kiss on the soft skin of my inner thigh, as his fingers dig into my hips to keep me in place.

The needy throb intensifies and I squirm at the first contact of Crew’s mouth with the bare skin of my slit.

I need to get out of my head and this isn’t going to do it. “I need more, Crew. Please, fuck me.”

He stops, his mouth hovering over me, his warm breath causing my skin to erupt in goosebumps; the good kind.

“Are you sure, Lula?” he asks, the blue of his eyes as deep as an ocean I want nothing but to lose myself into. “I’ll make you feel good. We don’t have to go all the way if you don’t feel like we’re in the right place.”

“I need to feel you inside me,” I say, taking his hand to pull him back onto his feet. “I need to feel like I’m yours. Like I’ll never be his even if he—” my voice breaks. I can’t even say it.

“Baby,” Crew whispers. “I swear I’ll protect you. And I fucking want you so much, but I don’t know if you want to do this for the right reasons. What I mean is, you clearly had a stressful night last night and today it was awful for all of us. Then he approached you on the ferry. I don’t want to take advantage of you if?—”

I silence him with a kiss.

“You could never take advantage of me, Crew. When I said that I’m falling for you earlier, I was lying. I’ve already fallen. I’m in love with you.”

The corners of his lips lift in that barely there smile I find so sexy. “Fuck. I’m in love with you too, baby. Just promise me if I fuck up, you’ll give me a chance to make things right. I’m new at this dating thing.”

My fingers find the button of his jeans. “I promise. Will you fuck me now?”

He sighs, his forehead touching mine after his boxer briefs hit the floor. “I want to but I don’t know if I can be gentle right now. I?—”

“I don’t want you to be gentle,” I close my fingers around the base of his thick erection. Crew is as thick as Stefan. “I need you to fuck me until all I can feel is you. If I can’t make my mind stop reeling with the drugs, I need you to be my oblivion.”

His cock pulses in my hand at my words, the defined muscles in his lower stomach twitching as his hips move forward to get more friction. “What if I hurt you?”

I nip at his bottom lip. “You won’t.”

“Promise me you’ll tell me to stop if you need me to.”

That’s an easy promise to make. “I promise. I trust you, Crew. Now fuck me like you own me.”

He takes my mouth in a bruising kiss, his hands closed around my biceps as he walks toward my bed.

“Now turn around.” It isn’t a request.

I love it.

The drugs make me lose control and Crew understood that giving away that control is exactly what I need.

I do as I’m told.

“Hands on the mattress and lean forward until your tits hit the comforter.” Is Crew’s next order.

A thrill shoots through me as I follow his instructions. In this position, my ass is in the air, completely exposed to him, totally at his mercy.

“Do you have a clue how beautiful you look like this?”

I don’t answer with words, I just push my ass against him in a silent invitation.

“Your pussy looks so perfect, so wet and ready for me to take her,” he praises me, his fingers tracing the edges of my outer lips. “Do you have a clue how many times I dreamed about this? About you being mine?”

One thick finger enters me from behind and I gasp, surprised as my inner walls greedily clench around it.

“Do you want more, Lula?” Crew asks, pumping his finger in and out of me at an excruciatingly slow pace.

“Please.” I beg.

I can hear the smile in his voice. “Tell me again what you want and it’s yours.”

A few weeks ago, I would have blushed at his request. I would have been self-conscious.

Now I need him so much that I would do anything to get what I want.

“Fuck me, Crew. Please.”

His fingers slips out and I miss the feeling of it so much that I almost cry out.

“I love how soaked you are for me, baby.” Crew croons as he drags his shaft up and down my front.

I moan when the head of his cock touches my clit and push my hips toward him in a silent plea.

“No,” he scolds me. “You get my cock when you’re ready and I don’t think you are.”

What the fuck is he talking about?

“Please Crew,” I beg again. “Fuck me. I’m ready, I swear.”

“If I fuck you now, I’m gonna come so fast that you’re not going to get anything from it. I need you to come for me first. Don’t move.”

He drags his shaft over my slit again and again and it feels so good but it still isn’t enough.

His fingers follow the same direction but rather than tracing my skin like he did before, they move to the front of me finding my aching clit.

“Oh.” I gasp when he pinches my swollen bundle of nerves between two fingers.

“Ready, baby?” he asks, releasing me.

I expect him to pinch me again. I’m dying for him to pinch me again. I hadn’t realized how close I was to coming until he touched me there.

But Crew doesn’t do what I expected.

His entire palm comes crashing down on my pussy.

“Oh my God.” I cry out.

It stings at first, but a second later a wave of unexpected pleasure floods me, making my clit pulse with an intensity I never felt before.

“Crew.” I beg again, but this time I don’t move.

Another firm tap is my undoing and as I writhe with my face buried in my comforter, Crew cups me, rubbing his palm against my clit, massaging me firmly until my cries of ecstasy subside.

My body goes limp, my mind blank for a few blissful moments.

I turn my head, still on the comforter, to look up at Crew behind me.

My heart squeezes in my chest at the way he’s looking at me. His dark blue eyes are focused on me as if I were the only thing worth looking at.

He’s so perfect, with his handsome face and the body of a tattooed god, that I never want him to stop looking at me that way.

“How are you, baby?” his deep voice is calm, unhurried but I can feel his steely erection pressed against my inner thigh. His hands are holding my hips, keeping me from crashing flat on the bed.

“Good.”

Crew nods. “Do you still want me to fuck you?”

I love him for being so considerate of what I want, despite his obvious desire; but I meant what I said. My need to feel possessed by him is primal right now. I need to give myself to someone that I choose, to remind me that I have that power.

“Please Crew, fuck me.”

That’s all Crew needs to hear. He wasn’t lying before, when he said he wouldn’t be gentle.

He enters me with a single, confident thrust. I’m still soaking wet after the most intense orgasm of my life, and he sinks inside me to the hilt.

My body melts around him, aftershocks of pleasure still coursing through me.

“Fuck, Lula,” he grinds out. “You feel so tight, so soft and perfect.”

He grinds his hips, his cock pulsing inside me and it feels so good. I focus on that feeling, it’s more powerful than a hundred chemically induced trips.

Crew’s fingers keep my hips steady as he begins thrusting in and out of me at a pace that causes my heartrate to pick up.

He’s hitting a place inside me that makes my inner muscles tighten around him as pleasure spreads out from my core.

His balls are hitting my outer lips with every hard thrust and every impact reverberates to my clit.

I’m on the edge of another orgasm faster than I expected, and I realize that the moans that fill the room are coming from me.

I beg him not to stop, crazy with need as I wait for his next punishing thrust.

“Lula,” his voice is tight, strained. “I’m gonna come. Please tell me you’re close?”

So, so close.

My body responds before I can, with a needy spasm that means the end for both of us.

“Oh, fuck.” Crew’s fingers press deeper into my hips as he stills.

Then his warmth begins to spill inside me and I have no choice but to follow him over the edge, with spasms of pleasure that leave me breathless and sated.

Neither of us moves for a long moment, the only sound in the room the frantic beating of our hearts.

When Crew slips out of me, I grieve his loss, feeling suddenly empty. But the feeling is short lived as he gathers me into his arms and settles against my pillows.

“I wish I could stay with you all night,” he whispers, his fingers threading through my hair in a soothing, almost hypnotic manner. “But everyone will be back soon and I don’t think today is the day to discuss our relationship with the parents.”

I hate that he’s right. “Can you stay just for one more minute?”

My voice is small, needy.

The world outside has become scarier with every passing day and Crew is my safe place.

And Stefan.

And Jules.

I close my eyes, fighting the thought that almost steals my physical bliss.

One day you’ll have to choose.

But how can I?

Stefan has always been my other half, my partner in crime, my confidant. When he kisses me and I’m in his arms, I feel like I’m home. That’s without even considering how tall and handsome he is with his short dark blond hair and his intense green eyes.

Jules has always had my heart. He’s my first crush, the sexy, slightly wild, golden boy. We share the same passionate nature and he’s proved to me that he would do anything for me; including risking his own life to save mine.

Crew has become my constant, my solid ground when everything around me is falling apart. He’s loyal and fierce. He has a hard shell to protect himself from the world, but once he lets you in, it’s impossible not to fall for his kindness, his selfless side. Our physical chemistry is off the charts. He’s as attractive as Jules and Stefan, with the tattoos that decorate his perfect body and his dominant streak in bed. He’s a bad boy with a heart of gold.

Napoleon’s barking alerts us to the fact that we’re no longer alone.

“I hate that I have to go,” Crew murmurs, cupping my throat with a large, warm hand. “Maybe next time you can come to my place? We’ll have more alone time.”

I nod, opening up to him when he kisses me so softly that the way he fucked me almost feels like a figment of my imagination. “Maybe I should go downstairs and help unload Jules’s things.” I say, unable to stifle a yawn.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. There’s enough of us to help. You’re tired, I’ll tell Tom and Arianna that the sea sickness wiped you out.”

I feel a little guilty, but I’m bone tired and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

I nod off while Crew gets dressed and open my eyes only when I feel his lips on my temple. “Just so you know, I’m taking these with me.” The small ziplock bag with my emergency stash dangles from his fingers.

“I had totally forgotten about that stuff,” I say, and it’s true.

“Good,” Crew chuckles. “Sweet dreams, Lula. I hope you dream about me.”

A deep dreamless slumber takes me under. For now I feel safe and I have Crew to thank for that. In the storms of the past twenty-four hours, he’s been my safe haven.