Shattered Dreams (Dream #1)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Autumn

The phone rings beside me, and I look over from all the papers on the desk and see it’s Mildred FaceTiming me. I slide my finger across the green button and wait for the circle spinning in the center with her picture, telling me it’s connecting. She comes into view, and I can’t help but smile big and also get a little sad at not seeing her every day. “Well, well,”

she says, her hair piled on top of her head, and I see she is sitting in the office. The creak of the old wooden chair squeals out when she leans forward. “Look at who it is.”

I’ve been home about three months, and in all that time, I’ve called her twice, I think, maybe three times. I’ve been horrible at communicating with her and know I need to do better.

“I know.”

I put the phone in front of me. “I’m the worst. I should have called,” I admit.

“Forget that.”

She waves her hand to the side. “How are you doing?”

“I’m holding on by a string,”

I admit and proceed to fill her in with everything that has been going on. “Which now leaves me with zero money in the bank and betting everything on the house.”

“You’ll never have zero in the bank,”

she assures me, “you know that. You should know after all this time that you are worth a million.”

I roll my eyes at her.

“Sometimes it helps having that million in the bank.”

We both laugh.

“You look different.”

She takes in my face. “Definitely look like you gained weight, thank God.”

I shake my head.

“I eat donuts for breakfast every single day.”

I joke back with her.

“It’s not just that.”

She stares at me. “Your eyes don’t look haunted like they used to.”

I don’t know what to say to that. “You have a lightness about you that I’ve never seen before.”

“Maybe it’s the ghost from the past that has left my body.”

I shrug. “Maybe it’s the lighting in the office.”

I look up and see the lights above me.

“It’s none of that. So am I getting an invite to this big party?”

I stare at her, my eyes big. “If you don’t invite me, I can always call your father and take him up on that offer to go out with him.”

I blow up my cheeks, fake vomiting to the side. “Not like that.”

She laughs. “Besides, who gives it out on the first date? Send me the details, and I’ll see if I can get someone to cover for me.”

“Mildred,”

I say her name, “I think I’m going to have to give up the apartment. It’s silly to just have it sitting there when you could be getting rent for it.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know when I’m going to be coming back.”

“You aren’t coming back.”

She says the words I haven’t said to her because I was too afraid to admit I didn’t have her as my safety net. “I’ll have your stuff boxed for you and bring it when I come down.”

“Mildred.”

I choke on my sob, knowing I really won’t be going back. “What if things don’t work out here?”

She laughs. “Silly girl. It’s already working out.”

There is a knock on her door. “Now, I have to go but I want you to text me, yeah?”

she urges, and I nod as the tears roll down my cheeks. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“Thank you,”

I croak out as she looks away from the screen as I see her blinking rapidly. “I’ll see you soon.”

“You betcha.”

I can see the tears in her eyes as she smiles. “See you soon.”

She blows me a kiss before she disconnects the phone. I put the phone down and close my eyes, counting to ten.

I open my email and send her the information for the night. I make sure there is no price anywhere and then check to see that Bryan has emailed me and told me he’s gotten an order for forty cases, and I swear to God I about cry at that. He also has brought down his terms to twenty percent this time.

I get up from my desk, noticing it’s a bit past five o’clock, so Brady will most likely be in the front. I walk out and see it’s jam-packed. “Shit,”

I swear, walking behind the bar. “Why didn’t you come and get me?”

I ask as I look at the orders on the bar and start filling them. It takes twenty minutes to get through all the orders, and I look around to see more locals than strangers this time.

The bell rings in the back, and I serve the plates, only stopping when it’s almost ten o’clock. We’ve been nonstop since five. I’ve only had time to take one sip of water. “You can go,”

I tell Brady. “I’ll close up. You got last night.”

“Where is your partner?”

Brady asks, and I look at him. “He hasn’t come in.”

I know he’s talking about Charlie. He’s a topic like the elephant in the middle of the room. Neither of us talking about the fact that he’s been a constant in the bar for the past two weeks. Or the fact he’s caught me making out with him more times than I care to admit even though we were away from prying eyes. I know he’s worried about the whole thing, but I also know he’s not getting on my ass about it. I mean, I don’t even want to think about what the fuck we are doing. “Guess not.”

I ignore the fact I’m worried about him, but I also know that it’s not my place to worry about him. We are fuck buddies, or at least that is what I tell myself we are.

“You sure you’ll be fine?”

he asks, and I glare at him. “Fine.”

He holds up his hand. “I’ll come in early.”

“Okay,”

I agree, knowing full well that I’ll also be in. “Have a good night,”

I say as he walks out toward the back. I serve the tables I have left and finally close up shop at close to eleven. By the time I clean up and walk out to my car, it’s a little past midnight. I drive home, ignoring the way my chest tightens when I think about Charlie. The scenarios run through my head the whole time. Him at home sleeping. Him on a date. Him being anywhere but here and me wanting to know if he’s okay.

Pulling up to my house, I see him sitting there on the second step, his arms on his knees, his hands in front of him. He looks up, and I see his face looks like he’s exhausted. “Hey,”

I say, getting out of the car and slamming the door. He stands up by the time I make it to him, and he doesn’t lean down to kiss me, like he always does, which makes my heart speed up even faster than when I saw him.

“Hey,”

he says softly. “We need to talk.”

His voice is tight, and I nod, walking past him toward the front door and letting myself in. We should have had this talk outside so I wouldn’t have the images in my head. If he’s ending whatever this is, I should not let him do it here in my house.

I put my purse on the table, trying to control my breathing. Trying to control the way my hands are shaking, trying to control myself. I turn to face him, and he stands in front of me. His hands go to my face, and he holds it in them. I look into his eyes, wishing I had left the lights on so I could see his eyes for one last time. He bends his head, and I inhale when his lips touch mine. My hands come up to grip his wrists as he kisses me. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you,”

he apologizes when he lets go of my lips, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks.

“That’s okay.”

I try to steady my voice so it doesn’t shake with the way my heart is pounding.

“I was afraid that if I came to see you, I wouldn’t be able to wait until we were here to have this conversation.”

I swallow the lump as I step back, his hands falling away from my face. “And I wanted to do this privately.”

“You don’t really have to do all of this, Charlie.”

I try to let him off the hook. “It’s—”

“This morning when you left me, I didn’t go to work.”

His voice is soft, and I look at him confused. “I had something to do beforehand, so I went to do it.”

“Okay.”

One of my hands grabs my index finger, twisting it nervously.

“I went to Jennifer’s grave.”

I put my hand on my stomach to stop it from lurching. “I went to tell her I’ve fallen in love with you.”

The minute he says the words, I think the air is being sucked out of me. I have to put one hand on the table to stop myself from falling. “I told her she would always have a piece of my heart, but that it now belonged to you.”

The tears come so fast and so hard I can’t even control wiping them, falling one after another on my hand that is at my stomach. “I told her it was time for you to have all of me.”

“Charlie.”

I shake my head. “You don’t have to do that. I know how much you love her.”

He chuckles as he sniffles at the same time. “Exactly what I told her. I was thankful I wouldn’t have to hide the fact that Jennifer meant something to me.”

“I would never ”—I shake my head—“ask you to do that.”

“I know, which is another reason I love you like I do.”

I watch his Adam’s apple rise and fall as he swallows. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I wanted you to know where I was.”

“I thought you were ending things with me,”

I admit to him, and it’s his turn to gasp. “I also was telling myself that it was okay. But it wasn’t, I wasn’t.”

My voice cracks, and I put my hand on my mouth. “This is more than anything I’ve ever felt before.”

My chest rises and falls. “I never thought in a million years, after the heartache I felt, that I would feel this fullness. That my heart that was shattered into a million pieces would feel like it’s full again.”

I close my eyes. “The guilt of loving you and wanting you weighed down on me each and every day.”

He doesn’t give me another second to myself as he comes to stand in front of me. “Not sure if I deserve it or not.”

His thumbs catch the tears running down my face. “You deserve it,”

he assures me softly, “we deserve it.”

He rubs his nose with mine. “We deserve happy, baby.”

“You think so?”

I ask, my hands going to his hips, gripping his T-shirt in my hands.

“I don’t think so”—he tilts his head to the side, his lips hovering over mine—“I know so, baby.”