Shattered Hearts (Irish Kings #1)

25. Riley

Chapter 25

Riley

Up until this moment, I didn’t think I had any right to ask Finn about the particulars of his complex past. The only reason I’ve been able to gather my courage this time is because…on our way downstairs, Finn grabbed my hand.

Without reason, and without anyone else around, he laced his fingers through mine. Like we were two regular people in a relationship.

Just that simple gesture filled me with so much wild hope, I can barely contain myself, even now. And so, though I knew it might be painful for him and for me, I decided to let my curiosity slip.

The power Finn usually exudes has retrograded, the same way it did at the diner that morning when he ran into his ex-in-laws. This subject is one that makes him retreat into himself. That much is clear.

Is he willing or able to disclose the whole truth?

Looking into his troubled eyes, I’m not sure. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this subject up.

Without meeting my gaze, he tangles his fingers with mine once again and leads me toward his living room. Nervous butterflies flutter in my stomach. I don’t know how to read his silence. The only reassurance I have that he’s not angry at me for asking is his warm, gentle hand wrapped around mine.

When we reenter his den, the chaotic way we left things hits me. The last time we stood on this carpet, we were locked in a vicious verbal fight. Everything formerly on his coffee table remains scattered all over the floor. My pillow and blanket lay in a heap by his leather sofa, exactly where Finn discarded them earlier.

Sweltering heat blooms inside me when I recall the way he fucked me afterward. His rough hands, hard thrusts, angry eyes, and commanding words sear my memory. Delicate parts of my body still throb, prompting me to cross one ankle over the other and squeeze my legs closed after Finn comes to a stop on the rug.

My face must be red as a ripe strawberry when Finn turns to me.

“Coffee or tea?”

It takes me too long to realize he’s asking me. “Tea, please. I’d like to sleep eventually.”

He flashes me a gentle smile. “What kind?”

“Peppermint.”

“Sit.” He nods toward his sofa and leaves me here, striding toward his kitchenette in the corner by the window. “I’ll be right back.”

I track his movement, watching him make a cup of coffee and lower a tea kettle to his glistening electric stovetop. Even while doing mundane things, he mesmerizes me. There was a time when I used to daydream about this…what Finn’s like away from the eyes of our world.

How could I have known I’d find him dazzling, whether he was kissing me, dominating me, or offering me a blue mug of steaming peppermint tea?

I know I’m in trouble. More trouble than I’ve ever been in. But somehow, I’m starting to think in trouble is exactly where I want to be if it means I get to have him. Even if just for a little while…

Muttering words of gratitude, I take the mug from Finn, and he lowers himself onto the sofa beside me. He sips black coffee from his mug, his eyes far away.

Emotions skate across his face almost too fast for me to catch. Pain, acceptance, concern, frustration. He resolves none of it before he begins speaking.

“Around five years ago, I was sent on an assignment.” Finn settles his mug on the bare coffee table. “Nothing too exciting. Security detail for a Kings’ associate. He took a few meetings on the family’s behalf at a hotel downtown. While guarding him, we had a run-in with Leo De Luca.”

The name rings a faint bell. “Heir to the De Luca family?”

Finn gives a single nod but doesn’t meet my eyes. “I don’t know what the beef was about. To this day, I have no idea. I was outside the meeting room when a bullet came through the door behind me. Four inches to the left, and I would’ve been dead.”

My heart drops at the thought. I try to imagine how I would have reacted three years ago if I’d gotten the news that Finn had died.

The thought dumps ice into my blood. I don’t even want to go there.

I’m tempted to reach for his hand again, but I also want to give him space.

“Me and the other guys on the detail busted in there.” He peers at the leather between us, like a picture of the memory he’s describing sits there. “Our associate and Leo were in an open brawl, and when we all got involved, it turned into a shoot-out. Our associate was killed in the skirmish, among others. Cops and paramedics were called to the hotel. Leo De Luca tried to flee, but I refused to let him run off.”

The bitter regret in Finn’s voice sends a pang through my heart.

“What happened?” My voice gets small when I listen hard.

“I roughed him up. That’s my job. On a good day. But that day wasn’t a good day. Because,” Finn shakes his head, “the paramedics arrived before the cops. And as the emergency responders fanned out through the hotel, tending to the wounded and the dead, they walked in on me…beating on him.”

Dread layers the pit of my stomach like sand at the bottom of the ocean. My nerves worsen because I know we haven’t reached the worst part of this story yet.

“The first responder who found me on the scene was my wife.”

I swallow too fast and cover my mouth to keep from choking. “Your wife ?”

He nods.

“Your wife was a paramedic?” I try to imagine a woman who drives an ambulance throwing her arms around Finn, but the picture doesn’t come together all the way.

“Brianne wanted to become a doctor.” His eyelids lower whenever he speaks about her. “She worked part-time as an EMT while she was finishing medical school, and that day, on a call…she found me.”

“She wanted to become a doctor?” I should focus more on Finn’s tortured face, but I can’t ignore the buds of insecurity that pop up through the soil of my heart. “She must’ve been an amazing woman.” How could I ever compare to someone like that?

“She was.” He reaches for his mug and gulps more caffeine. “I told you she came from an upscale family. She wasn’t a mob daughter, and this wasn’t her world. She dreamed of saving lives…and still, she agreed to marry me, a murderer .”

On that last word, my hand flies to his knees. “Finn…” I want to refute him and force him to forgive himself, but I can only offer touch.

“I should never have…” His voice vanishes beneath the weight of his regret.

“It’s not a crime to fall in love with someone and marry them.” I give his knee a squeeze.

At my words, he glances at me, if only for a second.

“Anyway, I was shocked to see her there. Police were on their way, and I knew I had to go, so I left. Brianne patched Leo up and handed him over to the cops. Turns out Leo was wanted in Nevada on human trafficking charges…”

“Did they extradite him?”

Finn nods. “But not before he told his father, Matteo…the head of the De Luca family at that time…that Brianne and I were responsible for his arrest, and specifically me, for having the nerve to attack him.”

“Did Matteo confront Shane?” It’s not uncommon in situations like these for the heads of two mafia families to strike a deal in order to avoid war over an isolated violent outburst. Though I get the feeling, that didn’t happen here.

“If he did, my father didn’t tell me. And I doubt it.” Finn casts his eyes toward the window. “Around that time, I was distracted.”

“Distracted?”

“After seeing me…in action that day at the hotel, Brianne realized what kind of man I really am, and naturally, she wanted a separation.”

“Oh, Finn…” My heart sinks down into the couch, hurting for him. Resisting the urge to pull him close, I keep listening.

“What could I do? She was terrified of me, of the whole mob world. She’d always intended to leave all of this behind when she became a doctor, but…she wouldn’t get that chance.”

The dark finality in his tone reminds me of the look Michelle gives me at the shelter. The one that means, brace yourself for what comes next .

Finn pauses for a while. I know there’s more, and it’s worse than everything he’s already revealed. He stares at his hands for several minutes before continuing.

“I agreed to the separation, thinking forcing her to stay here with me was the wrong way to go about fixing our relationship. I was so naive then, thinking there was something to fix. Can’t fix murderer.”

His expression sours, and he lets out a dry, humorless laugh.

“Did you know the De Lucas were after her?”

“I had no idea. I didn’t know Leo’s father wanted revenge against us for sending his son and heir to jail. It’s not as though we did any of it knowing what would happen to Leo.” He exhales hard. “And because we were living separately, I…I didn’t know she was being watched. And I wasn’t there…to protect Brianne when they abducted her.”

“Oh my god.” My words come out just above a whisper.

“I didn’t even realize anything was wrong until a box addressed to me arrived at the house. Inside of it was…Bri’s hand.”

I close my eyes. The weight on Finn’s shoulders, all this time…the unimaginable guilt he’s faced in the mirror every day for years…

“They dismembered her.” His knuckles turn white as he clenches the mug. “With my father’s help, I found out Matteo was responsible. He ordered Bri’s killing. And so, to avenge her, I hunted Matteo De Luca down and killed him myself.” He lifted one hand and pointed to his face. “I’ve got the scar to prove it.”

“Your scar… You mean, Matteo cut you?”

He nods. “Right before I shot him dead.”

Killed him? Finn killed the don of the De Luca family?

For an enforcer to kill a don…the immensity of that act can’t be overstated. Finn beheaded the De Luca family, leaving them without their leader or the heir to the empire. He must have an enormous target on his back.

“In the wake of Matteo’s death, the De Lucas went under. Their member base fractured. A lot of squabbling and power grabbing…the whole nine. But we knew that one day this would happen, that they’d reappear, if only to get revenge.” Finn gazes at his mug but doesn’t drink.

“And…today?”

“From the phone Cian snagged, we learned that Enzo De Luca is the one orchestrating things these days. He’s Matteo’s younger brother. He’s likely the interim head of the family. As long as Leo’s in prison, anyway.”

My brain works overtime to process everything I’ve just learned. “And now that we know they’re working with the Red Hill Mafia…”

“That information, plus everything you’ve told me, helped us connect the dots. All the random shit happening around here is connected. Enzo wants me to pay for killing his brother, and he’ll use whatever means necessary to strike, directly or indirectly. However he can. And he won’t stop until one of us dies.”

At the thought of Finn dying, my eyes prickle with tears.

Imagining how Finn could’ve died three years ago is nothing compared to the reality of the enemies trying to take him out now.

I push out a shaky breath. His story is more tragic than I ever expected. There’s no way I could’ve known everything he was going through in the past several years. I remember the shadow that fell over him after his wife’s death, but I had no idea just how dark it was.

I rock forward on the couch and wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls me into his lap, squashing us together as his arms slide around my waist.

“You’re more than your job, you know.” I draw back to gaze into those brooding eyes. “There’s more to you than what you do. What you’ve done. A lot more. More than most people realize.”

We just stare at each other, locked in this embrace. And when I break the trance he has me under, my face is so hot, I can barely breathe.

Slow and horribly self-conscious, I detangle myself from him and remove myself from his lap, standing up and turning away.

Resisting the urge to squirm, I suck in a deep breath and whirl back around to face him.

He stands at the same time.

I lose my nerve the minute our gazes connect, and my mouth falls open, speechless. The loneliness and longing in Finn’s eyes melt me like hot candle wax…

“Um.” I drop my gaze, staring hard at our shoes.

Finn reaches for my waist. He’s hesitant, almost as if he expects me to pull away. I can’t think with his hands on my body and the scent of his skin in my nose, but what I need to tell him doesn’t require thinking.

Just honesty. And more courage than I’ve ever had.

“Your third question.” I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the knot. “Before I punched him out, Troy was in the middle of saying, um…”

Finn grips my chin, tilting my face until I’m looking into his eyes again. “Saying what?”

“That guy I liked…who used to work for my dad? It was you, Finn.”

Finn’s head tilts to the side, his face blank. “What?”

My heart struggles so hard in my chest, I’m worried it’s going to give out.

“Riley?” Finn hands move to my shoulders. His eyebrows come together in confused disbelief. “Slow down.”

Nervous, I ramble on. “I feel awful about what happened to Brianne. And I’m so sorry about Harper running away, and that I kept it from you. I was just trying to protect her.”

“Start over. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“What I’m saying is, I’ve had a crush on you for years.”

What I’m unable to say is, I’m in love with you.