Should’ve Known It’s You (Not You Again #7)

Chapter 52

CHAPTER 52

KENNEDY

M y head was spinning like a merry-go-round.

Austin had been talking numbers, investments, returns, losses, profits, insurance, rent, employee salaries, and God only knew what else for what felt like hours now. It was starting to feel like he’d thought about the hotel more than I had.

Well, that’s probably not true, but I still feel like a total amateur who’s only pretending to know what I’m doing. Freaking impostor syndrome.

Where he had considered all the logical elements of running a business like mine, all I had done was dream of the hospitality side, perfecting the overall presentation and the food. The homey vibe was crucial to the hotel’s business model, but it was sinking in that managing the business side was a whole different ballgame.

I stared at him from across his table, his hand on a piece of paper where he’d been jotting down notes. “I feel wildly unprepared for this conversation,” I blurted out, interrupting him but unable to hold it in any longer. “I have nothing to contribute.”

Austin looked up at me, those dark eyes intent on my own as he shook his head. “That’s crazy talk, Kenny. The whole concept is yours. And it was a hit. All our guests raved about it. That’s the most important part. Your idea resonates with people and it’s worth a lot of money, once we get it running.”

“Thank you, but I feel useless.” My shoulders sagged. “When did you have time to figure all this out?”

“Oh, ideas have been percolating in my head since you first pitched me,” he said. “I’ve been working through all the day-to-day needs. That’s my role in all this, isn’t it?”

“Sure, but I still feel like I should’ve been more prepared.” I fidgeted with my fingers in my lap, my heart pounding and my brain struggling to process all the things he’d said. I loved that he had been thinking about it, but I felt out of my depth. “Maybe we should hit the brakes a little.”

“That’s something you’re going to have to think about, but the way I see it, there isn’t any reason to slow down. We’re ready, Kennedy.”

“Are we?” I tilted my head slowly, my mind whirring as I thought about all the numbers. The many, many numbers. “I thought I was ready too, until you started talking about all this stuff. Now I just feel clueless about how to actually run a business.”

“You’re not clueless.” He shrugged. “You’ll pick this stuff up as we go. And this is all work the boss should delegate anyway. That’s something else you’ll have to get used to.”

He slid his hand across the table toward me, but I didn’t lift mine out of my lap. My fingers were wedged firmly together and that was where they would stay. “Why do you even want to do this? Clearly, you’ve given it a lot more thought than I realized at first, but why? And why now?”

He leaned back in his chair and shrugged. “I’m an investment banker and this is an investment that’ll pay off. I’ve been squirreling money away for years, waiting for the right opportunity to show up.”

“Are you sure this is what you want to spend it on?” I asked. “It feels like you might’ve mentioned being interested in being the investor earlier if you were sure.”

He chuckled. “The first rule of business is ‘never gamble with your own money unless you have to.’ Looking for outside investors is the smart first step, but that parade debacle scared people away. Now I can step in and reap the rewards.”

I tried not to panic, but all of this was suddenly getting very real. Austin was talking about spending a lot of money. Icy tentacles of fear and anxiety were creeping up the back of my throat, threatening to choke me. “What if it doesn’t work?”

“Then it doesn’t work.”

I groaned. “You can’t just say that. If it doesn’t work, I’ll never be able to look you in the eye again. I would’ve lost your hard-earned money.”

“It’s okay, Kenny. I can afford it without even touching the oil money. If the business doesn’t work out and I lose the money, then I lose it. That’s the investment game, isn’t it?”

“Exactly how much money are we talking about?”

I glanced at all the notes he’d written. All the dollars signs. All the numbers. A lump swelled in my throat, and despite my best efforts, I couldn’t swallow it down.

Austin shrugged like it was no big deal, but it was a big deal. It was the biggest deal.

“When it’s all said and done, I guess it’ll be around one point five,” he said. “Give or take some incidentals and miscellaneous expenses.”

“One point five?” I blinked hard. “One point five what?”

“Million,” he said casually. “For starting up a hotel and restaurant, that’s peanuts.”

My stomach rolled. That’s way too much money!

Sure, it was what I’d been hoping to get when I had been knocking on bank doors, desperate for an investment, but it felt weird talking about taking an amount like that from the guy I was in love with. What if I lose it all? What if I fail? What if things go sideways with us and he wants his money back? How would I ever repay him?

I felt myself blanching. Austin must’ve seen or sensed that I was spiraling because he got up and came around to my side of the table. Sitting down next to me, he put his hand over mine and squeezed gently.

“Take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on in that head of yours,” he murmured, reaching up with his free hand to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. “You really don’t look excited about this.”

“I can’t take your money,” I said urgently, my head shaking repeatedly and my eyes widening on his. My palms were suddenly clammy, my heart rate was irregular, and tiny bursts of light were exploding behind my eyes. “It’s too much. And it’s too complicated. I can’t do it, Austin. Thank you, but I can’t accept your offer.”

He frowned. “Complicated? How is it complicated? You need money to start a business that I happen to believe is a great investment, and I’ve got the money you need to start it. It doesn’t seem all that complicated to me.”

“You and me,” I breathed, sinking my fingers into my hair and trying to hold my thoughts together. “We can’t do us and that ,” I pointed at the papers on the table, “at the same time. It’s too much. It’s one or the other.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” he said sadly.

I met his eyes. “I’m sorry, Austin, but I can’t do both and it can’t be like it was before. We have to choose. It’s either us or it’s the hotel. What you’re talking about is a lot of money. Maybe it’s peanuts to you, but it’s not to me. We definitely can’t play fast and loose with it. I would never forgive myself if I failed.”

He stared back at me. The moment stretched until it became so tense that a whisper could snap it. Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes, and my chest throbbed with the pain of losing either one of those two dreams.

“I’m so, so sorry,” I finally whispered, swallowing a sob that felt like it had risen from the bottom of my soul. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

He shook his head, releasing my hand as he cleared his throat. “I understand, but I can’t make this choice, Kenny. You have to choose. It’s us or the hotel, then.”

As I looked into those eyes, seeing the hurt and the pain shining from deep within them, guilt clawed at my insides. Here he was, trying to do something amazing for me, maybe even for both of us, and I was potentially breaking his heart for it.

Well, probably not breaking it but definitely roughing it up a bit.

On the other hand, one point five million dollars was more money than most would see at any one time in their lives. The pressure of opening a new business was bad enough, but putting his money on the line on top of it? I would second-guess every decision and doubt my every instinct.

There was also the fact that love and relationships were hard enough without literally millions of dollars on the line. While I desperately wanted both Austin and the hotel, I just didn’t see how I could take his money without potentially putting too much strain on both of those things.

It didn’t seem possible or sensible to do it that way, and this was a life-changing decision regardless of which option we chose. Either I could be with the man I loved, and we might end up getting married and starting the family together that we both wanted, or we entered into this business venture and made my dreams come true while eventually making him some more money—unless I failed miserably.

When I closed my eyes, my mind conjured up images of a much older version of myself alone in the kitchen of the hotel, with no kids to speak of but a houseful of happy guests, beloved members of the community, and a basket of foster cats. In that sense, I would never be alone if this worked, but then my brain skipped to the alternate scenario.

I imagined myself at a dinner table surrounded by my children and their partners, their own children running around and Austin by my side. But in this vision, I’d never had the hotel.

Both mental images infused my chest with both joy and sorrow, the one option missing Austin and the other meaning that I’d given up on my dream career.

“Take some time to think about it,” Austin said, snapping me back to reality. He’d gotten up while I’d been lost in what-ifs. He was now back on his side of the table, collecting all his notes and the other papers strewn around. “I’ll wait, but if you’re not sure what you want, you probably shouldn’t spend the night. I’ll call an Uber to take you home.”

Without waiting for any kind of response from me, he slid his phone out of his pocket and his fingers flew across the screen for a few seconds before he nodded. “The driver is three minutes away. We should get your stuff together.”

I blinked rapidly, completely unable to believe how fast this was happening, but it was happening, alright. Austin was essentially kicking me out, and while I couldn’t blame him at all, knowing that he didn’t want me here right now hurt. A lot.

Even so, I stood up and went to the foyer to make sure all my things were still where we’d put them after we’d arrived home from Firefly Grove. It was difficult to believe that had only been a couple of hours ago.

Picking up my coat, I slid my arms into it and tied the belt. Then I looked at him over my shoulder. He’d followed me to the front door without another word, and I wasn’t sure what to say either.

“Thanks again for taking me to Merrick Meadows with you,” I said quietly, my voice shaky and tight with emotion. “I had an amazing time. Please thank your parents for me again as well.”

He dropped his chin in a shallow nod, checking his phone before he reached past me for the door. “I’ll bring your bags.”

As the door swung open, he wrapped his fingers around the handles of my luggage and silently started forward, leading me out into the driveway just as headlights swung onto the property. The car advanced slowly toward us, the trunk popping open as it stopped.

Austin walked around to put my stuff in it, then slid his hands into his pockets as he strode back to me. “Goodbye, Kennedy. Let me know when you’ve made your decision.”

So many things I suddenly wanted to say flew into my head, but before I could utter a single word, he spun on his heels and marched back into the house. My throat burned as I tried to swallow down the sobs that threatened to overwhelm me. My hand shook as I reached for the car door.

I climbed in, simply offering the driver a polite smile before I turned to face the window, making it clear I couldn’t really talk right then. The guy took off, not saying anything as he navigated us away from Austin’s house and toward my own.

Once I got there, I walked in feeling completely and utterly deflated, dropping my keys with a clatter on the kitchen counter and kicking off my shoes. Usually, I liked to unpack immediately, but I couldn’t muster the energy.

I went straight to my bedroom, shed my clothes, and donned warm, comfy pajamas before I climbed into bed. My heart ached, my being and my bed feeling strangely empty without him, but I couldn’t fault him for putting some distance between us.

In fact, this seemed to be a very good example of the old adage. Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.