Sick Like Me (Sick Like #1)

Chapter 24

TWENTY-FOUR

I gave the bouncer on the door of Club Temptation a sardonic smile, as if I was blaming and punishing him for my sour mood. He looked less than impressed by my attitude, but allowed myself and my friends to enter without comment.

The music from the floor below, where the nightlife say dancing, allured me. I followed the hallway down to the stairs, then the bottom floor. I didn’t even bother to check if my friends were following me, I just hoped they were.

I took a few swift steps, then I stopped as I reached the bar. Sure enough, a few seconds later I felt a person brush against either side of me. “What are we drinking?” I had to yell, the music loud enough to drown out most noise.

“Is getting drunk really going to solve your problems? I think the fuck not!” Stefan replied, but picked the menu up from the bar top regardless. His eyes scanned the menu before he placed it back down. “Let’s just get double vodka and cokes, I’ll get the first round.”

“You don’t have to offer twice!” I grinned before I placed my hands on the edge of the bar, then leant my body back as I closed my eyes .

The music was distracting me from all thought, and despite the heat of the place by all the dancing bodies just a short space away from, the environment of the space felt oddly comforting.

I had become a homebody who enjoyed staying at home with a glass (or bottle) of wine and a bowl of vanilla ice cream to drown my sorrows. But sometimes, when I feel too overwhelmed by the idea of being alone, I fell back into the habits of my late teens, early twenties.

Sure, those years were just a few years ago for me, but they felt like millennia before for me.

I hadn’t even heard Stefan order the drinks, but I was met with two glasses for each of us as I finally pulled myself to stand properly. I picked up my glasses just as Stefan and Peyton did, then we walked from the bar around the edge of the dance floor where the tables sat.

I placed my drinks down, then I leant against the tall table with my arms folded close to my body. “Last time we got drunk was weeks ago. I still can’t believe you followed me all the way home to make sure I got there safe.” I pouted my lips, reaching out to grab Stefan’s cheeks in one hand. I pushed his cheeks together, making his lips puff out.

He made no effort to remove my hand, but he tilted his head to the side with one eyebrow cocked. His eyes looked confused, so I pulled my hand back and frowned. “You forgot you followed me home and tucked me into bed? It was my most pure memory of us and you can’t even remember it.”

I laughed to show I wasn’t actually upset by the fact he had forgotten such a thing. All we did was squabble like siblings, so it had been a small fresh breath of air for us. But it was also out of place for Stefan to pick me over Peyton.

“I didn’t take you home that night,” He began as he shot a look at Peyton who was sat beside him, her fingers chasing the water droplets on the outside of the glass as her own eyes sought out Stefan’s. The pair shared a look, a silent conversation I was clearly not allowed to be part of. Then they turned to face me at the same time.

“Who took me home then? Did you let me leave alone with some rando? That’s low guys, even for you,” I shrugged the idea off. It had been weeks ago, and I hadn’t noticed any of my belongings were missing so whoever the now-mystery person was, they hadn’t stolen any of my belongings.

“Babe, do you really not know who it was?” Peyton asked before she took a sip of her drink. She looked nervous, and a nervous Peyton included her having a dry mouth.

I shook my head and pulled my lips down into an upside down smile. I then cocked one shoulder and let out a small laugh to dismiss the conversation. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Babes, it was Dakota. You called him when you were drunk and he asked you where you were… He said you called him to take you home…” She began, and I felt my stomach drop momentarily.

I shook my head, denial consuming me. “No, you’re kidding. He wouldn’t waste his time on me like that. Now isn’t the time for jokes about him,” I mumbled, picking up my drink and taking several long gulps of it until it was almost gone.

I then dropped my glass back on the table as I threw my arms up in the air just as “Filthy/Gorgeous” by the Scissor Sisters began to boom through the speakers. “Let’s just forget about it and dance!” I yelled as I forced a smile.

They could probably tell I was tackling something deep down, but they chose to say nothing as they dropped their own glasses down and followed after me to the middle of the dance floor.

I moved my body to the beat, closing my eyes as I prayed I would find a man to dance with, one who I could use to forget my stresses as of recent weeks.

Work was hectic. Picking up the work others lagged behind on, and then working Stefan’s shifts without much break between. It was as if I was begging to become stressed. I wanted some time to relax, to acknowledge I was overworking myself and that it was okay to take time to breath sometimes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Peyton asked, shouting into my ear as she neared me for a second, then she stepped back to allow me space once again. I shook my head, closing my eyes as I tried to force myself to feel nothing.

I felt everything at that moment though. As if every emotion I had been hiding in for months had knocked on the door all at once with such force they flung it open and my brain was finding it hard to shut the door once again.

I felt the fear of never falling in love, and I saw the faces of the men I had shared dates with that went no where. I saw the face of Owen, and knew that while I enjoyed his presence, I could never truly love him.

I felt the anger and abandonment of Dakota not just all those years ago, but now too. I remembered every time I sat on my phone waiting for his response, for him to ask to see me. Only for him to either not reply for days on end, or for him to claim he was too busy to see me.

I felt shame that I allowed myself to allow a man to turn me into a pathetic dog begging for attention. I knew that if he told me to bark, I would sit and happily do so.

I felt the overwhelming and sinking stress cling to the edges of my brain, telling me I wasn’t good enough and that all my effort was for nothing—it told me I was going to fail at the end of the day anyway, so why was I making so much effort?

I tried to push every nasty thought aside, regardless of how truthful they may have been. I opened my eyes again to be met with the concerned ones of not just Peyton, but Stefan stood close behind her.

But I couldn’t help but notice his hands on her hips, his stance like that of a protector. He must have made his move on her at some point, otherwise she wouldn’t be allowing him to touch her in areas she deemed almost intimate of nature.

“You guys know I love you with my whole heart, right?” I asked, and at first they seemed not to hear what I said but as they read my lips, they seemed to finally absorb the information. They both smile, but it was Peyton’s beaming one that made my own smile form.

“I know babes,” She reached out for my hands, but I took a step back, moving into the start of a crowd. Peyton looked shocked by my avoidance, I had next to never avoided her contact. It looked like it stung for a moment as an emotion of hurt crossed her eyes, but she soon covered it up.

“I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be back before you have the chance to miss me!” I shouted, waving my hand to her before I retreated further into the dancing group behind me. I made my way through them, the bodies pushing against me without much thought or apology.

I cringed, the sweat mixed with the scent of men’s woody scent or women’s fruity cocktails a mixture that smelt less that alluring. Once I broke free from the group, instead of making my way to the bathroom, I turned right and walked along the edge of the room.

I pulled my phone out, and sure enough he had text me.

Kota: I think I just saw you and your friends leaving Frankie’s. Why didn’t you come over and say hi before you left?

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, then rushed to type back.

Me: Because your date was ogling you up a little too much. I would hate to let her know you love to wank your tiny dick off to the memory of fucking me.

I looked away from my phone and held my head high, my chin slightly raised as my shoulder pushed back. I sure fucking told him, I convinced myself my jealous words of rage were worth the potential backlash.

I didn’t bother to wait for his response as I raised my phone and clicked the plus button next to the message bar. I clicked the camera, then I held my phone up to show myself reflected back on the screen.

I smiled, a bitter and vengeful one. I even dared to move myself and the camera a little to show a man behind me, hinting that I was with him. It was a petty move, but I wanted to make him think I had other options beyond him too.

But he probably knew me all too well. He probably knew if I sent it I was trying to get a rise or reaction out of him. He probably would chose not to reply. After all, I was on date 9 of no response from him.

God, I felt fucking pathetic begging for his attention. Like some desperate whore that couldn’t wait until he gave me his attention even if it ended in him degrading and humiliating me until he found his release in the idea.

I stared at the photo for a phew seconds, then went to lock my phone but the man from behind me bumped into me. He stunk if alcohol, and looked beyond wasted. He had to have been drinking of hours, and he looked in no mood to be stopping anytime sooner.

My phone fell to the floor with a loud clatter, and I rushed to bend down and pick the decide up. I sighed, turning the screen to face me to show it was unsplintered and looked just as new as it had before.

But something else caught my eye on the screen.

The photo had sent.

My mouth fell open and I went to try to delete the photo in a panicked rush, but before I could do so, I saw that he was typing. I decided to leave the photo there. He had clearly seen it, and somehow, it had finally elicited a response from him.

The word typing showed up, then disappeared several times until finally my phone buzzed in my hand to reveal he had finally sent a response. I looked down at the message.

Kota: You look like you’re having fun .

At the lack of reaction to my message, I couldn’t help but let out a scoff, a bark of laughter. I went to lock my phone and storm my way back to my friends to take some shots, but as I looked over the crowd and saw them grinding against one another to the beat of the music with their lips locked in a passionate makeup, I decided to give them their space for the time being.

I unlocked my screen as I took a few steps backwards. My back his the wall, and I knew I was safe from the dancing hooligans around me. So I typed on my phone, deleting and retyping the message until I felt proud enough of my response.

Me: Much better than I had with you. Boring fuck.

In mere seconds, the word typing appeared under his name once again, and I bit the inside of my cheek as I tried to stop myself from giggling manically. I had no clue why I wanted to piss him off so bad, why I was trying to self destruct us with my harsh words. But a part of me knew he wouldn’t take what I said to heart. He probably knew I was in a wind up mood.

Kota: You want me to prove how much of a ‘boring fuck’ I can be, whore?

There he was, caught hook, line and sinker.

I had to bite down harder on my cheek to stop me smiling like a fucking idiot.

Me: Your date boring you?

Kota: I told you, Olivia and I aren’t like that.

Kota: Is that why you’re acting out? My dumb pretty whore jealous her daddy was sharing his time with someone else?

I let out a huff. He was right, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him.

Me: No, I couldn’t give two fucks who you sleep with.

Kota: Liar, you’re totally jealous. Don’t worry, I know you’re my good slag and you’ll do as I say.

Kota: Send me your location. I’ll come pick you up and we can go back to yours. Then I can rein you in a bit for that fucking attitude.

Me: No.

Kota: You think I won’t find you? Try me.

I shrugged and locked my phone screen, then slipped my phone into my bag before I made my way back to my friends, who when the second they saw me, flung apart like two teenagers caught kissing on the front door after night out with their friends.

I smiled, but looked away in a rush to pretend I hadn’t seen them playing tonsil tennis. They looked flushed, their cheeks read and their hair messy. I bit back a smirk as I got to the pair, swaying my body to the music.

“Miss me?” I asked, despite the fact I had only been gone for a song and a half maximum. Peyton wrapped her arms around my waist and faux pouted, nodding her head. I laughed, rolling my eyes. But I tapped the top of her head nonetheless.

She pulled away from me, and I noticed from the corner of my eye she reached her hand behind her so she could entwine her little finger with Stefans. I looked away, smiling to myself.

At least my friends’ love lives were looking up.

I had downed my two drinks before Stefan had gone up to the growing queue of the bar to buy us more. I had danced to several songs, and I felt a buzz forming as my legs began to feel numb.

Peyton stayed with me as we dance, just enjoying one another’s company. It felt like Stefan had been gone hours, but it was likely no more than a few minutes at most.

Like the worried wannabe girlfriend, Peyton tapped my arm to call for my attention before she leant into my ear and shouted over the music, “I’m going to go find Stefan, make sure he doesn’t need any help with the drinks.”

I smiled as I nodded my head. I wagged my hands to tell her to go off and find him, then I tilted my head back as I tried to absorb myself back into the music. I kept my body swaying to the beat of the music the best I could, despite the fact I was most uncoordinated person I knew.

I felt as if there were eyes in me, but I pushed the thought aside. No one would be checking me out, not in the simple clothes and little to no makeup I wore with my hair tied back in the laziest of styles.

But the feeling never once left me, and it only got worse. My stomach felt as if it dropped, and I rushed to open my eyes. I looked around, and sure enough, no one was looking at me.

I turned around in hurried circles, my eyes frantic to search out whoever was causing the chill up my spine. But a voice in the back of my head told me that I knew exactly who it was. The only man who could ever cause such a feeling to overcome me.

Dakota Vernon.