Silent Screams (Hollow #1)

CHAPTER 4

Harvey spent the weekend avoiding me. He stayed in his room all day and when dinner was ready, he told me he’d eat later.

A big part of me wanted to push him because I was starting work on Wednesday, and I wanted to soak in as much time as possible with him.

It didn’t go as planned. Nothing ever does.

So I spent the last few days reading, doing groceries and laundry, and baking muffins and granola bars for my upcoming work week. Gia also came over with Athena yesterday to lend me some of her work attire.

Here I am on Wednesday, sitting in my office chair, placing my purse in one of the drawers that Katherine told me to use as she went to fetch my boss to introduce us.

I take a sip from my glass water bottle, hoping to contain my nerves. This morning, a full-blown anxiety I haven’t felt in a while hit me square in the chest.

I don’t like leaving Harvey, no matter how irrational the thought may be. He’s alone this morning; I have to call Claire tonight to see if she can take on longer daily shifts .

“Gemma, this is Mr. Dreygon. Sir, please meet Ms. Ackerman.”

“A pleasure,” I say as I stand to greet the handsome man before me and we shake hands. He’s even better-looking in real life. I wait for him to speak but he simply wraps my hand in his before releasing it.

“Welcome, Ms. Ackerman.”

“Gemma works fine.” I can’t get a read on him; his dark brown eyes are the darkest brown I’ve ever seen. There’s no smile, no smirk, no welcome expression on his face. He’s as stoic as they come in both his posture and personality.

While his eyes swim in darkness, something else lurks there as well. He’s searching, eyeing my face as if he’s hunting for my soul.

“Gemma studied biology as well.” Katherine smiles at him. He doesn’t return it. His brow simply arches before his attention turns to me once more. “Mr. Dreygon studied business and biological science at Northern Illinois University,” she continues.

She then tells me she has a task to do but that she’ll be back in about ten minutes.

I eye his office door, hoping to get a peek. As a kid who often went to work with my dad, a proud owner of an architecture firm, office spaces always fascinated me.

Eventually my eyes are back to pinning his.

“Katherine spoke highly of you. I trust her judgment. I expect you’ll deliver.”

“I intend to, sir.” My voice doesn’t sound like me. I’m not this upbeat person who fawns over anyone. Not even a gorgeous man with dark brown hair, dark eyes, and a five-o’clock shadow whom women would pay to feel under their fingertips.

I finally notice the luxurious charcoal suit he’s wearing with a white dress shirt and red satin tie. I don’t need to know much about expensive brands to know he means business.

I’m wearing one of Gia’s plain black suits with heels .

I’d love nothing more than to dress like Marie, the girl who was wearing a dinosaur T-shirt last Friday. But it’s my first week here, and I doubt Mr. Dreygon would ever accept me wearing ripped jeans and a T-shirt.

He doesn’t even nod or acknowledge the end of our introduction as he makes his way back to his office. As he closes the door, though, he gives me a look so full of sin and promises that a shaky breath escapes my lungs when the door shuts.

I shake my head and walk to my desk, making myself comfortable.

Katherine eventually takes me two floors down to HR. I sign a ton of paperwork and consent forms I don’t read before I’m introduced to Julia, the executive director, and other colleagues.

Then Katherine trains me all morning. She shows me the phone system, talks about his meeting. We go through a few tasks that will come up on a weekly basis and upcoming dates to keep in mind for my boss.

By the time I know it, she insists I take my lunch. She shows me the lunchroom and tells me there’s the main cafeteria one floor down if I like crowded spaces.

I don’t, so I make myself comfortable.

I bring my purse with me, which has my lunch in it, and my eyes sweep across the lunchroom to make sure I’m alone. Then I call Harv.

He picks up on the fourth ring. “Hello?”

“Hey . . .”

“How’s your first day of work?” he asks.

“It’s good . . . it’s going . . . busy.”

“Good.”

Talking to Harv feels as if I’m trapped in a war zone and any action or word may lead to a blow up.

We’re so fragile—like the slightest crack of a broken vase.

“What are you up to?” I ask it nonchalantly, hoping not to sound like I’m checking up on him. I know it bugs him .

“Drawing.”

He says one word. But it means everything.

Because Harvey’s an artist, there was no Harv without art and vice versa. At least before the accident. He used to work at a tattoo parlor during his college semesters and worked with his dad’s construction business during summers.

He even drew the small rose on my bottom middle finger, giving me my first and only tattoo.

I’m so shocked by his answer, my throat is clogging up on me. I asked him if he’s been drawing once or twice since his injury, and the answer was always no—even with his ability to move his arms and hands. His hiatus had nothing to do with physicality but everything to do with his mental state.

I couldn’t blame him.

The fact that he’s drawing again and telling me sparks joy so deep within my core, suddenly I’m ready to take on the rest of the day.

“That’s great, Harv.”

We say our goodbyes as a twenty-something guy comes in with his lunch. He sits at my table without even asking to join me.

“Emon,” he says in greeting.

“I’m Gemma.”

“Yeah, the new girl.”

I guess so. “How long have you been working here?”

He shrugs. “A few years.”

Just as he takes out his sandwich with an apple from his brown bag, Marie comes in, this time sporting a Dr. Seuss T-shirt with khaki pants. She sits with us, and I’m starting to think I won’t be able to eat lunch alone unless I eat at my desk.

She points her spoon at me as she eats her yogurt. “I’m glad they picked you; you seem chill.”

I thank her and eat my chicken wrap, not knowing what else to say.

“So, met Mr. Grinch?” Marie asks, winking at me .

Emon laughs and shakes his head. “Don’t scare her away yet,” he says before taking a bite out of his sandwich.

The last thing I want to be doing is gossiping on my first day. Besides, the kitchen isn’t too far from my desk, which sits right outside his office in a more secluded area of its own. It wouldn’t be impossible for my boss to pass by and overhear our conversation.

So I aim for diplomacy instead.

“I did. He was very professional.”

Marie snorts, and Emon seems like he’s biting his cheek to keep himself from laughing.

“He’s not that bad. I mean Katherine lasted years. You’ll be fine.” He gives me an encouraging smile.

They’re making me nervous. I’m feeling out of sorts already, first because of Harvey, and something tells me working for Damon won’t be a walk in the park.

The two of them banter, and I chip in here and there. They don’t pester me with too many questions.

After lunch I head back to my desk. Katherine lets me answer the phone and shows me templates for generic monthly reports that I’ll need to draft for Damon. Basically, the legal and scientific departments add their pieces of advice and information to the reports.

She tells me that Damon will most likely want me to add my expertise to save time. This is where my degree will come in handy.

Five o’clock arrives in a flash, and my anxiety ebbs for the first time today as I drive home, speaking to Layla on Bluetooth. She’s currently traveling the world with her fiancé, something they wanted to do before they marry and have kids.

“Gia told me your new boss is hot. Do tell...”

“Why does it matter?” Gia can be such a gossip sometimes.

“It doesn’t. But life would be so boring if we didn’t appreciate beauty. ”

“I miss you, you know.” I do. It’s been four months already, and she’s not coming back anytime soon. Sure, we connect online, but it’s not the same.

“Me too, Gemma. I swear, some days I want to throw Flynn over the cruise we’re on and feed him to the sharks.”

I laugh. “Still want to marry him?” I then ask seriously, hitting a traffic light.

“Unfortunately, yeah. This wedding is fun to plan. He’s stuck with me. I love his British accent too much to let him go. How’re things with Harvey?”

“They’re good.”

My mouth feels dry from the lie. I hope I sound convincing enough to be off the hook. If she knew about our issues, she’d tell us to get out of town... to travel. It’s something I always longed to do, but ever since the accident, I’ve put those plans on hold.

Before we hang up, I tell her to have fun. Then silence weighs dangerously over my head, looming like a dark cloud.

I used to have fun. I miss going on adventures, being in nature, taking risks.

Harvey lost something post-injury, but in a sense, so did I.

I lost a part of myself too. And now I’m unsure how to navigate this next chapter in our lives.

My thoughts are crucially loud in my head by the time I get home—until I think of summer, something I look forward to. I used to love winter, when I could ski hours away from Chicago, though it’s been a while. Going without Harvey would feel like an insult, like I’m ditching him for something that was our thing.

Though, now that I think of it, everything that was our thing no longer is. So what’s our thing now? Is that why we’re at an impasse?

When I walk through the front door, I’m beat and tired, so I change right away into a light gray vintage T-shirt with pale jeans. Then I put leftover macaroni in the oven and head over to Harvey’s room .

I knock.

“Come in.”

The simple click of the buttons of his game console is enough to trigger me. And to think I was once obsessed with it.

I sit on his bed, right next to him, as he stares ahead at the TV screen.

“Did you go outside today for a bit?”

His jaw ticks, and he shakes his head, stabbing the buttons on the controller slightly louder. “Nope.”

I want to tell him to get some vitamin D. There’re too many words at the tip of my tongue—always more things I want to tell him, but he doesn’t seem to care.

We stay in silence until he wins the level of his game. Finally, he turns to face me, to acknowledge me, and my heart combusts.

The smallest gesture can send me over the moon.

“How was work?”

I smile because he doesn’t even begin to understand what the tiniest effort on his part means to me. It means the world. He’s my world, and I want to be his.

“It was good.”

He nods. “I’m happy for you, Gemma.”

I clear my throat, then I take his hand in mine. My heart flutters at his compliment, seeking more, like a creature in need of power.

He looks away, squeezing my hand, and I wonder if he’s thinking about our kiss. Gone is the honest boyfriend I dated for over a year before the accident. Now, he’s one with feelings buried too deep to uncover.

I want to kiss him again, but I don’t.

Last time I did he avoided me for days, and I don’t want a repeat. So I let him know that I have to make a call and that dinner will be ready in ten.

Claire is chirpier than usual when I call her to ask if she can work with Harv during weekdays while I’m at work and focus on the physical therapy exercises set out by Stefan. I imagine she’s keen on getting a full-time gig so soon post-graduation.

Massive clouds of doubt fill my head, but I can’t ignore the fact that Harvey gets along well with her. She’s good at her job, she’s punctual, and I can count on her to remember things.

Harv and I have a quiet dinner before he retreats to the bathroom. Dishes in the dishwasher, I press my ear against the bathroom door, hearing the water running.

I remember when he had a caretaker helping him shower, but now that he can lift himself and walk a small distance while holding on to the shower railing, he showers alone. There’s also a sitting area in the shower in case he needs a break.

I twist the door handle and sigh in relief when I realize he didn’t lock it. That was our deal—to leave the door unlocked.

Just in case.

I head to my room until it’s my turn to shower. Then I breathe in his scent, the bathroom still smelling like him.

The sweet amber and cinnamon aroma brings back memories of me leaning against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, inhaling his perfume.

I should’ve appreciated those moments more. Now they’re gone, and I’ll never get them back.

After my shower, I say goodnight to Harvey before I head to bed to read Harry Potter.

Tomorrow is another day.

A new day.

Sometimes life is messy. It’s darkness and emotions. It’s beauty. It’s success. It’s failure. It’s the unknown.

But most of all, life is all we get.

And I only have one.

So I want to make the most of it.