Silent Screams (Hollow #1)

CHAPTER 16

On Wednesday, work is hectic. I don’t even have the chance to talk to Damon. We’re go, go, go all day long.

I’m home now, having dinner with Harvey, Gia, James, and Athena. We’re eating a chunky homemade soup and fresh bread with soul-healing properties for a cold evening.

“How’s work, Gemma? The trip was good?” James asks as we all settle in the living room in front of the fireplace. I’m in my jeans and tee again, comfortable as I wrap the faux-fur blanket around me.

“It was. I met some knowledgeable people in the industry.”

“Nice. You’re lucky your boss brought you on. It’s a good way to learn. We always have a few lucky interns too. We bring them along from time to time. And the bike ride?”

My heart drops.

Two things. First, James just confirmed that I went on this work trip with my boss. Second, the bike —my promise.

James is teasing, so I can’t fault him. Maybe Gia hasn’t told him how much of a sensitive topic it is between Harv and me.

No matter what I say I can’t take it back .

The look on Harvey’s face—it puts everything in perspective. If this hurts him, imagine cheating on him. I can’t do it. I can’t do this to him.

I love you, Harv. Please. Can’t you see that?

Betrayal and fury filter through his beautiful blue eyes, and his hands are gripping at the tips of the armrests on his wheelchair.

“Way to go, James,” Gia tells him. She’s stroking her daughter’s hair, and James’s eyes bulge out when he seems to put two and two together.

I make a split decision. “It was good. I had fun.”

Harvey’s jaw looks like it wants to crack at the mere statement itself.

Maybe he needs to know. Maybe he needs to understand that he’s pushing me away. That I can’t be beholden to such a promise.

I can’t live in fear, yet I do every day. I worry I won’t live to see the world. To explore it all. I worry I won’t love or be loved to the best of my ability.

Maybe Harvey needs a shove. So here it is.

My brow arches while I stare at Harv.

I broke your promise. What will you do about it?

I feel like the middle flame of a fire, growing bolder and bolder with the force. I’m pushing back and a part of me is proud.

“Good,” James says awkwardly.

“Time for dessert!” Gia bounces up, making her way to the kitchen, Athena and me following behind her.

“I big bowl of ice c’eam.” Athena smiles at me while holding my hand. Gia and I take out the plates and spoons, and she gives me a look that says I’m sorry I told my husband and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Gia cuts the pecan pie, and I add a generous amount of caramel vanilla ice cream on top of each pie slice .

“Just ice c’eam,” Athena points to the pie, scrunching her nose in disgust. “More ice c’eam, me won’t eat pie.”

“I like your logic.” I grin at her, giving her two massive scoops of ice cream. She seems in heaven when she takes a bite of it.

“I’m sorry,” Gia whispers, digging into her own dessert. Her head shakes. “I’m gonna give James so much shit when we get home.”

“Don’t.” I shrug. “It’s fine.” It’s nice of my sister to apologize, except it’s not her fault, nor is it James’s. I didn’t want Harvey to know because I knew this would hurt him, but maybe we need to have this conversation.

“It’s huge.” She’s still whispering. “You haven’t been on a bike since the accident, and your first time was with another man.” She shoots me a glare. “A hot one at that.”

James comes in and Harvey wheels behind him before Gia hands each of them a dessert plate.

“You like pie?” Athena asks Harvey, sitting on his lap while he eats with one arm.

“You’re missing out, princess,” Harvey teases her.

I’m staring at James, who wraps his arms around Gia. She smiles at me then rolls her eyes at her husband, who’s trying to get back into her good graces.

I’m calmer than I thought I’d be given the circumstances. Given that Harv might ask me questions I’m not prepared to answer.

Luckily, my brother-in-law keeps him in a good mood while I listen to Harvey talk about his weekend trip at the cottage with Hen and his dad. I’m hearing all the details—the ones he’d probably refuse to share with me if I’d asked.

I finish my dessert, and Gia leaves with her loved ones shortly after. I’m tidying up when Harvey closes the door behind them.

I’m nervous. I feel like my mind can’t keep up with the damage my anxiety will do to my body .

He wheels himself to the kitchen island, his teeth tugging on his bottom lip. He’s debating, calculating his next words, his next move.

“You promised.”

Two words.

Yet they move mountains inside of me and tear open my heart in the center. Because he’s right. I failed him and I continue to do so every day. I don’t know what he needs me to be for him or what he wants.

I broke a promise I couldn’t keep. And, worst of all, I should feel remorse, regret. Something. Anything other than the thrilling memory of it.

Harvey says nothing else, but heads to his room and slams his bedroom door. I wince, knowing that it’s his way of telling me he’s beyond mad.

But guess what? I’m mad too.

I’m so mad I don’t even know who I’m mad at or why.

Because I want things I shouldn’t, and I can’t get what I truly desire.

All I’ve ever wanted was for Harvey and me to make progress and be happy together. Now, as the years flash by, I’m second-guessing everything .

I think a part of him died in that accident, and he’s not coming back.

I drink a glass of water, then walk to his room, ready for a confrontation. I don’t knock, I barge in. Something he hates.

“You broke promises too.”

“Okay. If that justification makes you feel better—by all means.” He makes a hand gesture then turns on his PlayStation, ready to silence me again.

I can’t do it. I can’t apologize when I don’t mean it.

“So that’s it? You’ll go back to playing your video games again?” Even I’m surprised I have so much frustration in me. I guess years of sadness and rejection can do that to someone .

Harvey raises a brow, but he ignores me.

“You’re not going to ask which promises you broke?” I’m pleading now, groveling for his attention. Back to square one.

He sighs, rubs his palm over the bottom half of his face, before he eyes me. I realize he’s waiting for me to say the promises he broke. I realize this is my time, my chance, the leeway to make some new development in our relationship.

And I drive straight in.

“You promised to love me. And to be there for me. You promised to never shut me out.”

I’m holding my eyes on his, but he doesn’t return the favor. No, he’s looking behind me, avoiding me, except I can see the pain written all over his face.

He chuckles.

I should’ve dropped to my knees. He’s chuckling. Weeks ago, I prayed for such a blessing to occur. Except this isn’t the happy laugh he gives his family or mine or Claire.

No, this one is vicious. It’s angry. It’s pain.

He can laugh all he wants; he knows I’m right.

He does neither. He doesn’t love me. Doesn’t show me in any way with gestures or words. He’s not there for me. I’m like a roommate he doesn’t want to associate with.

He grabs the game console, and in the past, this was my cue that the conversation was over. This time, I leave before he starts playing.

Because I’m half hoping he stops me to continue talking and I’m half done with all of this—with us, with the silences and the million words we don’t dare say.

I really hope I gave him something to think about. Hopefully he’ll fight.

Because I don’t know how long I can keep avoiding Damon.

And even though the man I love is a few feet away from me, I can’t stop thinking about Damon and his proposition.