Silent Screams (Hollow #1)

CHAPTER 30

“Hey,” I answer Damon’s call. I close my eyes, waiting to hear the sexy sound of his voice, but instead, a strange voice snaps me out of it.

“Miss, it’s Joey, Damon’s driver. He’s had a rough evening. I’m taking the liberty... of taking you to him should you wish.”

I don’t need a second to think about it. I give him Gia’s address and stay in my light jeans and cashmere sweater.

Despite her speech, Gia wasn’t in agreement with me spending so much time with Damon. If she didn’t think I should stay with Harv, that didn’t mean I should go to Damon.

I’m a ball of nerves as Joey drives me to Damon. Will he be mad that I came over uninvited? Will he tell me who the woman he left with today is?

So much is at stake for me here. Not only am I ruining everything Harv and I shared for the sake of being in Damon’s arms, but my heart is first and foremost on the line too.

Most importantly, what will happen to my job if this doesn’t work out?

I actually love my job. I love what I do. And the thought of having to leave it is depressing .

Joey lets me inside Damon’s home a little while later and tells me that he’ll be outside if I need his assistance. I saunter to the living room, where I find Damon, drinking from a bottle of liquor, his elbow leaning on the fireplace.

My gaze is fixated on his profile; even then, he seems lost. He’s holding on to something, a picture maybe, before he shoves it into an envelope and into the back pocket of his jeans.

“Why are you here ?” He’s drunk, and when he faces me, I’m shocked by the anger burning his pupils.

I should tread carefully. He’ll use this as a marvelous excuse to push me away. But I need answers. I can’t keep sleeping here and then Gia’s and sometimes home.

I need to figure out my next move, with Damon and with Harvey.

And most of all with myself and my life.

“The woman today... is it her? Is she why you’re like this?” I sit on the couch, my purse landing near my feet.

He chuckles the way you’d imagine the devil would. “You ask too many questions; you want to know too much . And”—he points a finger at me menacingly—“you want more.” He takes a swig of alcohol before roaming his hand through his hair.

“Come here,” I urge him.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because... then I’ll kiss you, and when I do, I forget everything.” There’s a crack in his voice; the sound is enough to snap a piece of my own heart. I want to help this man, heal with him, push away his demons.

My legs move to him before my brain registers my movements.

“No . . . no more, Gemma. We can’t .”

Maybe I shouldn’t have come; maybe he’s too drunk. I knew he’d push me away. When I reach for him, he pulls on my neck with one hand, the bottle of liquor swinging in the other .

And then he kisses me. Rocking my insides with a kind of love and lust that I’ve never ever felt in my life before.

Pain and sorrow consume him, our kiss. His tongue lightly moves against mine, heating me up. Nerves fly like floating candles in the pit of my stomach, and they’re not from the kiss.

Drunk or not. Last night was goodbye.

Damon doesn’t want me. He won’t fight for me.

He groans into my mouth and pulls away.

“What . . . ever . . . this was , it’s done. I’m officially just your boss.”

Slapping me would’ve surely hurt less. I take a few steps back, my mind exploding with thoughts. I nod, biting the inside of my cheek to keep myself from saying that my heart is bleeding out because of him.

Damon cut me. And now I’m bleeding.

“What?” he prods.

“I’ll be on my way then.”

“No! Say what you want to say.”

I look at him, and confusion zings through me. “I heard you loud and clear this time, Damon.”

“For ONCE in your goddamn life, Gemma—say what you fucking mean!”

Enough. That’s enough.

“Screw you!” I yell at him, reaching to push him again for the second day in a row. He catches my wrists. “Why did you seduce me then?”

He chuckles. “No.” He shakes his head. “You don’t get to blame me. I warned you. I told you how many—”

I smack his chest with my fists. “And then you told me to look at your actions and not your words. You... jackass !” I’m shaking violently. This man brings out the slowest of burns inside of me; he brings out of me the furies of hell like no one else.

“Why do you keep pushing this away, Damon? Something so, so good? ”

He shakes his head repeatedly, and I feel for him. I don’t know what he went through or what kind of day he’s had, but I imagine he wasn’t out having sex with that woman.

I nip the jealousy stirring deep within. At least I hope he wasn’t.

“ Why Damon?” I raise my voice.

“Guilt!” He snaps like a monster’s teeth on its prey. One second I’m in his arms, the next I’m alone as he paces in front of the fireplace. “Fucking guilt, okay?” He places one hand on the wall, leaning against it, while the other palms his face. “So much... so much guilt.”

This isn’t the Damon Dreygon he shares with the world. This is dark Damon with a storm raging in his eyes. With a temper not everyone sees because he controls his emotions so well.

“I’m sorry.” I don’t say anything else. Whatever it is about her , whatever happened, whoever she is, it still hurts him. So I vow to myself to let him tell me his story on his own time. The same way I keep Harvey my dirty little secret.

“I know about your boyfriend—”

“Ex-boyfriend,” I correct.

He waves me off, as if the details aren’t pertinent. “It’s not hard to guess. The modified car, the ramp at your house... You really need to register in that pretty brain of yours that I’m. Not. Good for you.”

I laugh, only to stop myself from crumbling to his caramel-wooded floor. The screaming lady inside of me lost her voice. Now she feels like she’s losing her sanity, like she’s that much closer to death, with a match at her fingertips, ready to ignite the flame.

“Why do you keep saying that? Why do you feel guilty, Damon?”

I sense the wheels turning in his head but once again, he refuses to answer, so I take my purse off the floor. I need to leave before I lose it in front of a man who keeps pushing me away .

“You don’t want me? I get it. I’m done trying.”

His eyes narrow, and I see the uncertainty building inside. I can’t keep pushing and pushing and making these men in my life want me.

I shouldn’t have to.

“I’ll call Joey,” he whispers.

“He’s outside. Goodbye, Damon.” My voice croaks over his name.

Tomorrow, he’ll be Mr. Dreygon again. I’ll have to be near him, so close to him physically, and learn to keep my emotional side detached from his completely.

How can I love a man who barely knows me and I him? How is that even possible?

Joey drives me home. I lose count of how many times he apologizes for taking me when Damon was intoxicated. He doesn’t know what went down between us, but it’s not hard to figure out that Damon sending me back isn’t good news.

When I get to Gia’s, I’m surprised to see Henrik there at this time, talking with my sister in the kitchen. I don’t have it in me to talk.

I really don’t.

“He’s here to see you,” Gia says.

“Let’s go out in the woods for a little chat.” He gestures to the yard. I haven’t responded to his latest texts; that’s probably why he’s here.

“It’s dark out,” I say as an excuse.

Henrik wiggles his phone as if the lighting of it is that bright. He grabs his coat, and I follow him because it’s better than running to the guest room to curl into bed.

We head out to a bench at the far end of the yard, where he removes the light snow atop it with his black boot. Then we sit, and he takes out a joint, lighting it at the tip.

“I wanted to talk to you.” He releases the smoke from his mouth and hands it to me. “Just like the old days?” he smirks.

And I take it. Smoke it. Anything to get rid of this heartache, this void deeper than a dungeon.

He laughs when he hears me exhale. I hand it off to him, but he refuses it. “You look like you need it more than I.”

I don’t argue. I take a few more puffs.

“At Harv’s PT appointment, he got some good news.”

I wait for him to continue.

“If he keeps this up, the new exercises he does and more, Stefan truly believes Harv might walk with or without braces sooner, like way sooner, than we think.”

We all knew this—we all knew it was always a possibility. But since Harvey’s had a slower recovery post-injury, it’s one thing for it to remain a possibility versus become his new reality.

“I’m happy for him... if this is what he wants and he can do it...”

“Yeah. I agree, Hen. I saw him walk in his room, and it just—did something to me. I wish he would’ve let me in.”

“It’s nothing personal—it’s his pride.”

Is this the key to getting my Harvey back—him walking again?

The joint trembles in my fingertips as I bring it to my lips. I think of Claire. Of her and Harv together.

And Damon. God, if only he could have his shit together.

If only he wanted me too.

My train of thoughts is enough to tell me that there might be such a thing as being too late.

“I slept with someone else.”

I stare at Henrik’s eyes thanks to the light from his phone, and I can see the shock lurking in them. He had no idea. Harvey didn’t tell him he suspected me of cheating. I’m surprised, considering they don’t keep much from each other .

At least, they never used to.

He takes the joint, facing away from me. Hen always did smoke joints like a badass.

“Don’t matter. He’ll forgive you.”

I shake my head, moreso to myself. “He wants Claire. I know he does.”

“Claire?” he asks, the joint expertly between his fingers. “Nah... Claire’s probably a come-fuck-me-nurse fantasy. Don’t worry about her.”

We’re both quiet, freezing and shivering on this cold winter night. I look up at the stars, and I don’t know why I say it.

“I love Harvey, but . . .”

“There’s someone else,” he finishes for me. “I don’t blame you, Gem. I’m trying to think of a way to save my brother. This will crush him; I know it will. But it’s not your fault. I’m not stupid enough to think he’s been attentive to you. I could tell at the party it was probably the first time in a long, long while, if I had to guess.”

I let him finish. I don’t know what more to say.

“If he has a small chance, even one percent, I wanna know. I wanna know, and if I have to knock his teeth out to bring him to his best behavior, I will.”

“You can’t make someone want me. You can’t force him to be happy with me. Neither can I.”

He squeezes my knee. I know it’s his way of agreeing with me.

“He’ll fuckin’ regret this one day. But I think at this point, there’s no need for Claire to be there full time.”

I lean my head on his shoulder, staring up at the sky. I don’t know what it is about the sky that relaxes me, reminds me how small my problems are compared to the massive universe that surrounds me.

“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know anymore.” I haven’t discussed any of this with Harv or Claire yet. She’s still working with Harv post-kiss, and I don’t know how to deal with any of this because all I can think about is Damon.

Silence. Nothing but comfortable silence.

I’m glad I followed Henrik. I take a drag and then another after stealing the joint from him.

“Aren’t you wondering why I cheated on Harv before leaving him?”

He laughs. “Who do I look like?” Laughter erupts from him again. “Who leaves their partner before cheating with the side piece of ass? That’s like leaving a job before finding a new one.”

The conviction in his voice tells me he truly believes his words. I can’t wait to see Hen fall head over heels in love. I might have to bring him a joint, too, when it breaks his heart. Because love does that—it hurts.

I would know.

Gia accosts me after Henrik leaves.

“God, you reek of weed! Are you high ?”

Here goes.

I put my coat and boots away, ignoring her comment, before walking to the guest bedroom. I want to sleep and forget everything that has happened in the last forty-eight hours. Then I think of Damon inside me, and I know that I don’t mean it.

I don’t want to forget him. No matter the bruised pain sheltering my heart.

“Geez, Gem. You think smoking with another man will solve your problems?”

I face the wall as I change into a long shirt. “It’s Henrik. ” I turn around and stare at Gia like she’s crazy.

She shrugs in self-defense. “He’ll do anything to get into a woman’s pants.”

“He wouldn’t do that to Harvey.” Hen and I are friends. She knows that. She’s close with him too. He always had an energy that my soul recognized and felt comfortable around.

“Maybe not, but still . You’re not a kid anymore, Gem. ”

This is the last slap of the day; I can’t handle any more . I want to tell her that I’m twenty-four. Figuring my life out is what I should be doing in my twenties.

“Say something,” she pleads, worry marring her features. A cute frown settles between her brows whenever she’s worried. James loves it too; he always kisses her there after they fight.

Instead of fighting with someone else, with my sister, my rock in this world, I cozy up in bed, repeating a silent mantra that tomorrow couldn’t be worse than today.