Sine Qua Non

Chapter Two

“You seem distracted.”

Jay pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked away from the far-too-many tabs she had open. “Hi, Arthur. No, I’m fine. I’m just—”

burned out from playing society darling? Sore from fucking my stepbrother? Her eyes skated over the jar of candies on her desk, the mug that said ‘World’s Best Cat Aunt.’ “—busy,” she finished lamely. “Did you need something?”

His smile was horribly sympathetic. “You missed our two o’ clock.”

But that meeting isn’t until two , she thought nonsensically. She swerved to look at her open calendar and there it was, highlighted in red. Arthur & Jay: 2PM.

“Oh god,”

she said. “It’s two-thirty. I’m so, so sorry—”

“It’s all right, Jay.”

He glanced at Annica, who was pretending she wasn’t listening. “There wasn’t really anything we needed to go over anyway, and I was thinking about canceling it.”

Jay didn’t believe that for a minute. “It won’t happen again.”

“Even the best workers deserve a day off.”

“You’re right. I’ll be sure to do that as soon as I have the time.”

A time when I haven’t just royally screwed up. “Thank you for letting me know.”

His smile turned slightly wry. “You sound like Nicholas. No wonder you got along so well. You’re cut from the same cloth. The two of you would both work yourselves right into the grave, given the proper incentive.”

Jay stared at the back of his suit as he strolled back towards his corner office on the second floor. Cut from the same cloth? she wondered, stunned. Nicholas?

She could see him on the phone with a client, elbows splayed on his desk. As she watched, he reached one-handed for his coffee cup, only to set it down in a way that suggested he’d forgotten it was empty.

I guess Annica still doesn’t ‘do’ coffee , she thought, smiling unconsciously.

Just as quickly as it surfaced, her smile faded.

It had been forty-eight days since he’d shown up at her job in San Francisco to blackmail her into coming back. Two weeks since he’d proposed to her in that empty mall.

Three days since their fight.

Cut from the same cloth was a funny choice of words, since even though they shared no blood, they’d been raised together like brother and sister.

When she shot down his first attempt to complicate their relationship further, he had taken the rejection personally. He had become obsessive, dangerous.

Her own personal tormentor.

For a whole summer, she’d been at his mercy—which was unfortunate, because he had none. He had taken her innocence and then, later, her soul.

Now, he was after her heart, as well.

When he had shown up in her life again, she had been terrified that he was going to humiliate her as revenge for her leaving all those years ago. His little blackmail mistress, take two. But, confusingly, he had given her a job. And rather than chase her around the desk like she feared, he had been a consummate professional about it.

Professional, but not nice, no. As his assistant, he’d kept her running around the office, getting his coffee, but also handling client files and sourcing out new clientele. She’d never had that much responsibility at her previous job and even now, working under Arthur, she often found her pace of work to be rather slow. With Nicholas, he had forced her to rise to the challenge. To prove to him—and herself—that she wouldn’t just roll over in defeat.

It had never been enough for him to have her on her back, after all.

Her face heated and she looked down at her lap.

She’d slept with him every night this week.

They didn’t exactly advertise their relationship but people talked. Just the other day, a group of women had been in the breakroom gossiping about how Nicholas went through assistants as if they were disposable.

“He’s had three secretaries this year! Can you believe it?”

“Maybe he’s screwing them and paying them off.”

“Madison!”

The third woman’s eyes darted in Jay’s direction.

They had laughed the nervous laughs of people who knew they’d gone too far when they realized she was in the room.

“Good morning, Jay,”

the third one had said, too brightly, while the others stared into their coffee, and Jay had said, “Hello,” in what she hoped sounded like the voice of someone who would never screw her employer.

Despite what he thought, he would resent her if she ended up costing him his job or turning him into a joke. Maybe he didn’t think he would now, while the bloom was still on the rose, but she knew better than anyone how quickly love could turn to resentment or even outright loathing as soon as you were no longer what the other person wanted.

She was going to have to give him an answer at some point. She just didn’t know what to do. He saw her in a way that nobody else did, with a clarity that often felt obscene. She didn’t have to pretend with him but that sort of honesty came with strings that tied you down, and after years of seeing her mother wither under the control of his father, she was reluctant to give Nicholas the same power over her if it meant a tragic ending.

He said he’d wait for me. So why do I feel like I’m running out of time?

Across the room, she saw Nicholas get up from his desk and jog down the stairs. She sat up. Her panic mounted as he headed in her direction, but instead of speaking to her dead on, he circled around behind her. A sudden pressure on the back of her chair suggested that he was casually resting one or both arms there. If she leaned even slightly back, her head would touch his chest.

“What—”

she began, only to fall short as he spoke past her, to Annica.

“Did you get the files I sent you?”

Annica lifted off her headphones while Jay stared very hard at her screen. “Yeah.”

The other woman glanced in her direction and did a slow double-take. “I haven’t looked at them yet. Can I review them by the end of the day?”

“I’d prefer it be done as soon as possible.”

The nape of her neck prickled as Nicholas began to toy with a curl of her hair. “I need it for the investors I’m meeting with at four.”

The screen blurred in front of her eyes. Oh my god .

He caught himself before she could bring herself to say something, clothing rustling as he straightened. The chair resettled with a squeak that seemed too loud. “Can you take care of it?”

Annica stared over Jay’s shoulder. “I’ll do it now.”

“Good.”

Not trusting herself to speak, Jay got up from her chair abruptly, drawing both their eyes as she headed for the bathroom. One look in a mirror revealed that her cheeks were flushed and she cursed, quickly locking herself away in one of the stalls as she tried to calm down.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Two women entered while Jay deleted the text message she had started to type out to Nicholas, that began, You promised you wouldn’t touch me in the office .

She knew what he would say. It’s not like I bent you over the desk in front of Accounting.

The exterior doors swung open with a bang. Jay let her hand fall back from the stall door as a group of women walked in, talking so loudly that their voices echoed off the tile.

“What time are we meeting for drinks tonight?”

“Five on the dot. Stacey’s been after me all day for not meeting quota last week. At this rate, I’m going to be double-fisting before seven.”

“Stacey’s not so bad. Steve Jensen’s a lot worse and I heard Mr. Beaucroft actually made someone scream. Security had to escort her out.”

“I wouldn’t mind if he made me scream. He’s fine as hell. I can’t believe he isn’t married.”

The women got into adjoining stalls, several rows down. “Speaking of, who’s the woman he comes in with every morning?”

Jay froze.

“What woman? I’ve only ever seen him come in alone.”

“They drive in together. He waits in the car for like five minutes and comes in after her. It’s weird. They leave together, too. One night I forgot my purse and security had to let me in after hours. When I passed by the window, I saw him leaving—with her .”

“Ohhh, I know who you’re talking about. Tall? Curly hair? That’s his sister—Kay.”

“The secretary ?”

The first woman scoffed. “They don’t look related.”

“Not his real sister. His stepsister. Their whole family is super weird. Supposedly the mom was some kind of porn star and the dad was in a sex scandal.”

“And how would you know that? You didn’t even move here until like a year ago.”

“There’s this guy who comes into the bar where my sister works at. Some creep they went to school with who won’t shut up about the glory days.”

Her scoff echoed like a reprimand. “When he’s not busy hitting on older women, he says that Mr. Beaucroft was always super possessive of his sister. In, like, a really weird way.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go around telling people that.”

The stall door slammed closed. Jay heard the sound of running water. “I heard he just got out of a lawsuit. You could be next.”

“Yeah? Good luck with that. I can barely afford rent.”

Their heels echoed off the floor. “I hope they actually remember to charge us happy hour prices this time,” the other woman said, her voice fading. “Make sure Mary-Beth pays up this time. I can’t drop twenty dollars apiece on drinks again. Maybe the dives have it right—even if they are full of sad creeps with mommy issues.”

The door swung shut with a bang and Jay was alone.

She washed her hands and went back to her desk, blinking under the too-bright lights. Someone said hello to her and all she could manage was a wave and a tight smile. “In, like, a really weird way.”

She couldn’t get the woman’s snide, knowing tone out of her mind.

The rest of the day passed in a sort of fugue. She found herself listening in on conversations, wondering how many other employees had suspicions about the real nature of her and Nicholas’s relationship. When Arthur told her to have a good evening, briefcase in hand, she jumped. Annica had already quietly slipped away and now, except for Nicholas—and Arthur—she was all alone.

“Don’t work too late,”

Arthur said. “Remember what I said, Jay. Even the brightest stars only work half the day.”

Actually, stars never stop burning until they die.

Jay waved goodbye, glancing up at Nicholas’s office. He’d turned his light off but she could see him in silhouette doing something on his computer in the dark. She wondered how that meeting with his investors had gone. HR had been keeping a tight rein on him after his misconduct.

I should ask him. She dug for her phone in her purse, wondering if there had been a text since she’d last checked. He usually told her how late he was going to be. Jay didn’t mind waiting, though. The later he was, the fewer people there were around to see them leave.

She did have a new message, but it wasn’t from Nicholas. It was from her mother.

How can you treat your own mother like this? You used to be such a good girl.

You selfish, ungrateful little brat.

Nicholas had threatened to bankrupt her mother, who didn’t have the funds to fight him in court. Her mother had pleaded with her to intercede on her behalf, which made Jay wonder how much she really knew about what had really gone on between her and her stepbrother.

Had she known what he’d had done to her and sold her out, regardless? It was a terrible thought, but one she kept coming back to, over and over again. No, ‘hi, how are you, how did it go?’ It was as if she didn’t want to know the details.

Or , Jay thought, with a little twist in her heart, as if she knows them already.

Nicholas had offered her ten million dollars to stay with him forever. She bitterly wondered what her mother would do if she found out that she refused the money.

“Jay?”

She jumped guilty, hand tightening as she unconsciously tilted the screen towards her chest. Nicholas was holding his briefcase in one hand and his car keys in the other, standing just a little too close. She backed away in her wheeled chair so his hips weren’t quite so level with her face.

“H-hey.”

“Hey.”

He looked a little tired around the eyes. As a concession to the lateness of the hour, his tie was gone and he had a bit of five o’ clock shadow. “Ready to go?”

“Yes.”

She began to gather her things, the words super possessive volleying through her mind as he loomed over her. “Just let me lock my computer.”

Nicholas pulled out his phone while he waited. “Who were you texting?”

“It’s my mother. She’s been after me all week. I haven’t responded.”

“Good.”

He tapped something on his phone. “Don’t.”

“I think she’s still fixated on the money.”

“Of course she is. You’re such a good little investment opportunity.”

“Don’t talk about me like that, like I’m tradable. I know you hate her but don’t diminish me like that to do it.”

The ice in his eyes thawed a little, although his mouth remained a solid line. She wondered if he was thinking about his proposal. If so, he wouldn’t bring it up here. He was far too proud to let any of his peons be privy to even the slightest chance of rejection.

“It was a slight against your mother,”

he said, a little coolly. “Not you.”

“I know what you meant. You think I’m a pushover just because I don’t announce my anger to the room the way you do. I can handle my mother.”

By avoiding all her calls.

Nicholas slid his phone back into his pocket. She couldn’t read his expression at all now. When he wanted to, he could make himself unreachable.

“If you’re finished, we can go,” he said.

“Fine,”

she said tautly.

She started walking, hitching her purse up her shoulder as they passed the silent rows of dark monitors. The sharpness of his gestures suggested he was irritated. That made two of them.

Nicholas punched the alarm code for the door. “I thought we’d grab dinner on the way home. I didn’t have time to eat today and I don’t believe you did, either.”

Still annoyed, she said, struggling to keep her voice civil, “Where did you have in mind?”

He closed the door. The parking lot was frosted in orange from the streetlights. Crickets chirped in the bushes and she could hear the distant roar of the freeway. His Tesla was the only car in the lot. She edged a little closer as they approached his car in the darkness.

“Accia,” he said.

The most expensive and visible restaurant in town? Jay nearly protested, then thought better of it. In his current mood, he’d only take it as the start of another fight.

He might even be trying to start one now.

For a man who had over ten million dollars, a $100 dinner was just 0.001% of his total assets. A far more comfortable indulgence than someone like her—who had perhaps $30,000 to her name, including her 401k—could fathom, when a $6 burrito was 0.02% of her total net worth.

She worried that Nicholas had done a similar calculation in his mind. That some of these latest efforts of his weren’t just courtship attempts, they were a buy-out.

“Accia’s fine,”

she said, suspecting this would annoy him.

“They have a new vegan carpaccio.”

He started the engine without looking at her, but there was tension in the tanned skin of his face. “It’s made with watermelon radishes and beetroot, with an almond butter and soy yogurt sauce.”

She felt herself falling into the silence that followed and gripped her battered old purse as if it were a lifeline. He was looking at her, as if for her approval.

Let him take care of you. The voice sounded like her mother’s. It would be easy, and he wants to. Would it really be so bad?

“Did they pay you to write their ad copy, too?”

“No, blue jay.”

He sounded amused, even though her attempt at light-heartedness came out sounding flat and hostile. “I just know you too well.”

The car hit a divot and his ring bounced off her collarbone, striking her sharply on the chin.

“Great,”

she said again. “I can’t wait.”

Of course it will be easy. And as soon as it becomes hard to love me, he’ll stop.

Nicholas parked the car. They were downtown and he’d parked on one of the less busy streets. They were far from the glowing street lamps throwing Main Street in a constant blaze and the neon sign from a closed sushi bar was the only source of light, the red neon gleaming off his profile.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m fine.”

He leaned over the center console—as if he were going to check, she thought, hysterically. His palm slid up her leg, calluses catching on the thin silk. He snapped the strap of her stockings against her inner thigh. “Stop saying ‘fine.’ You’re not fine. Is this about your mother?”

She tugged her skirt down. Over his hand, because he didn’t move it. Her stomach felt like it was going into freefall. “No. I missed a meeting with Arthur, that’s all.”

Nicholas didn’t look convinced. “An unimportant one?”

“That’s not the point. I’ve been distracted, making mistakes. I don’t want—”

Her voice broke off when she felt him touch her through her underwear.

He doesn’t care about your problems. He just wants to fuck his mistress.

“Come here,” he said.

She leaned reluctantly into the wavering band of neon separating them. In the shadows, his mouth curved before he closed the rest of the distance. Oh god , thought Jay, gripping him tightly by the back of his neck as he tugged her bra down through her blouse. Cool watery silk rubbed against her bare skin, sending a pleasurable frisson of sensation to her nipples.

“Tell me what’s wrong, little bird.”

Nicholas spoke against her mouth, squeezing her breast and kissing her so deeply that responding became impossible. She felt him begin to undo the small buttons of her blouse. “Why are you distracted?”

Because of you . She thought of those women, and the way that Angie had looked at her with such dry, knowing amusement.

They were probably envisioning something exactly like this.

“I feel like such a failure,”

she sobbed.

“You’re not a failure.”

“Then why do I feel so awful ?”

“I don’t know.”

Her skirt had ridden up again, exposing her garters. He put his hand on her upper thigh. The pressure of the seat on her swollen clit made her shift her hips as he bent to her again, pushing her shirt open as his lips grazed her bare throat. “Maybe I can kiss it better.”

An unsteady breath left her just as a shadow floated over the car and she realized, with a cold wash of horror, how shameful she looked with her legs splayed, skirt pulled up to her hips, blouse undone. What if someone was out there watching, while she was offering herself up to him like a—her brain short-circuited as she felt his breath stir against her exposed left breast.

(slutty girl)

She sat up, their heads nearly colliding as she tugged her bra back into place. Undeterred, his mouth brushed over her jawline, down the side of her neck. She felt the soft pressure of a bite as his fingers slipped into the leg of her panties. And then, a harder one as he slid inside her.

“Don’t!”

She gripped his chin, lifted it. He had her necklace between his teeth. The sight sent an arrow of desire shooting through her belly. “Don’t do that. Not here.”

The ring thudded against her chest, still damp. “It might relax you a little.”

“I’m plenty relaxed!”

“Sure you are, blue jay.”

“This isn’t a game.”

She wished she didn’t sound so breathless. “People talk about us. I’ve heard them discussing us living together and how we get out of the same car every morning.”

His amused smile disappeared. “Who the fuck is talking about that?”

“I don’t know all their names.”

She was afraid to mention the women she’d seen at work earlier. His face was starting to shift into an anger she recognized all too well. The potential for violence ran through him like a dark river. “People.”

“People like your old friends?”

“What? No.”

She’d denied it too quickly. He looked predatory now. “Nicholas, it wasn’t Michael and Angie.”

“Jay,”

he said warningly.

“I don’t want to discuss this. Let’s just go have a nice dinner and forget we ever did.”

She reached for her shirt buttons, her fingers fumbling. “We can still salvage the evening.”

“Someone said something that upset you and I want to know who it was.”

You know what he really wants. That voice was back, shrill and mocking. Distract him.

“Nicholas,”

she said, too loudly, a warning as much for herself as him. “Drop it.”

“Was it someone at work?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then it doesn’t matter.”

She saw his chest hitch slightly as she pulled her hair back and out of the way, fastening it with a clip from her purse. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Jay,”

he said, a growl in it this time. But he was getting distracted, watching her hands. “I am trying to talk to you.”

“What if we didn’t talk at all?”

She wrapped her fingers around the sizable bulge in his wool trousers. He was big enough that she knew to pull back on the zipper, as well as down, so she wouldn’t catch skin.

“What if I did this instead?”

“Jay,”

he said again, in a thick, tight voice.

They were close enough that she felt his breath stutter when she grazed the veiny shaft of his cock. He filled her hand when she wrapped her fingers around him and traced the entire length, from the wrinkled, velvety base, all the way up to the slick, blunt head. She saw his teeth clench as a shiver rolled through his massive shoulders.

“For fuck’s sake—”

“Yes, Daddy?”

She leaned closer and he stared at her helplessly. “Do you want me?”

His hips jerked. A strange, almost glazed look descended over his face as she used her wrist to further part his fly. She managed to get his pants half-open and had only just begun to lower her head to his lap, before he yanked her hand away, fingers biting into the underside of her wrist.

It hurt, but when she tried to pull away, his hand tightened until it felt like a shackle.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

he demanded harshly.

Jay licked her lips and saw his eyes register the movement. “I was going to suck your cock,”

she said, the words hard and unfamiliar in her mouth.

“You were—Jesus fucking Christ.”

A bead of pre-come rolled from the head of his cock to his frenulum, sliding down his shaft, only to soak into his fly. “Fuck,” he hissed. “Goddamn it.”

“Nick—”

He shook his head viciously. She saw his chest rise and fall in quick succession. With a grimace, he adjusted himself in a way that was fascinatingly vulgar before zipping his pants back up. The way he released her felt like a reprimand. “Get out of the car, Justine. Now.”

Her full name hit like a slap falling off his lips.

Look what you did. You pissed him off.

But another part of her whispered, He’s even better when he’s forceful, isn’t he?

Jay slid out of the Tesla, shivering a little at the bite of the cold. She pressed her lips together, determined to endure the chill, but Nicholas noticed. He noticed everything.

With a face like stone, he shrugged out of his suit jacket and draped the warm wool around her shoulders. “Thank you,”

Jay said, in a small voice, and something sharp lodged in her throat when he didn’t respond, turning to lock the car. Without a word, he closed his fingers around her bicep and steered her firmly towards the sidewalk.

“Nicholas—”

“Don’t.”

The word fell into the silence like ice in a glass.

She glanced at the bulge tenting his slacks and said nothing, hating that she felt so guilty now when, once, none of this had felt like it was her fault at all. By the time they had gotten to the restaurant, he was calmer, and even managed to dredge up a smile for the hostess that didn’t reach his eyes. But Jay could feel the tension in his body and knew this was far from over.

*****

He was finally nearing the end of his fucking company-mandated “sensitivity training.”

For several hours a week, they locked him in a room with a bunch of sad old men who had gotten caught playing grab-ass with their secretaries where they watched PSA videos featuring third-rate Hollywood actors and sat through apology tour seminars with guest speakers who talked about “microaggressions” and “accountability” while he discreetly checked his phone whenever the proctor turned away to adjust the tracking on the VHS player or hand out quizzes.

He had been furious when one of Meghana’s flunkies had floated the idea of him taking on a consulting position. The man even had the balls to bring up his father, as if what he had done was on the same scale. He had gotten up and left the room, because he knew that if he stayed, something—or someone—was getting tossed from the second-story window.

The meeting with today’s investors had been the first time in weeks that he’d been allowed out of his cage. He’d been surprised by how much it exhausted him. As he listened to their various pitches, while Annica took notes for him to review for later, he could barely bring himself to pay attention. Why should he? He’d heard it all before. Everyone thought their mission statement was the most important. They all believed that they were entitled to his money.

Nicholas cast a sullen eye towards Jay, who was sipping her blueberry mimosa. Her hair was mussed from his fingers. Even now, just thinking about her stockinged thighs was getting him hot.

Yes, Daddy?

His jaw clenched so hard that pain rocketed down the side of his face.

“It’s not too crowded for dinner,”

she said, lips parting into wavering little smile, like she hadn’t just offered to blow him with that mouth.

He stared at her. The smile flickered and she squirmed in her seat, looking so guilty that he would have been amused if she weren’t the reason for the throbbing ache in his pants.

“I, um, meant to ask earlier. How did your meeting go?”

“Probably as well as you think it did.”

He leaned back in his chair, spreading his thighs to relieve some of the godawful pressure.

She licked some sugar from the rim of the glass and another ache speared through his belly as he thought once more of the blowjob he’d denied himself. “Was it really that bad?”

“You remember what my meetings were like. Wealthy men, approaching hands-out, wanting to trade money for money. Then we all try to brutally fuck each other until someone yields.”

He shifted in his seat impatiently. “The negotiation process never changes. Just the stakes.”

A veiled look settled over her eyes. “That’s crude. I thought you were good at it.”

“I am.”

He scrubbed his unshaven face with his hand. “But I think I’m losing my taste for it.”

The waiter arrived with their appetizers. Jay had gotten a mustard greens salad with a vegan coconut cream dressing and he had ordered braised scallops.

“I’m sorry to hear that,”

she said, and he found himself watching the way her lips folded over each bite. “I thought you liked your work. I admired that about you, actually. Seeing how you turned yourself around to manage your father’s company—it was impressive.”

The scallop on his tongue felt as heavy as lead. He forced himself to swallow and took a long, bracing drink of wine. “I’m sorry to have disappointed you again, then.”

“Oh, Nick, no. That wasn’t what I meant.”

Wasn’t it? He set down his fork and knife, leaning back to let the waiter refill his wine. He had to strongarm her into being seen with him in public. She wouldn’t touch him unless they were both alone, in the dark. What was that, if not shame?

His eyes went to the ring that she had started wearing around her slender neck. The little rhinestones twinkled in the dim lights so fetchingly that he found himself longing to see it on her finger. But he knew her silence on the matter meant he wouldn’t like what was going on in her head. It had been weeks since he had proposed. Fucking weeks .

How long did she plan on making him wait?

“So what I’m hearing is that your meeting was bad and you had to deal with some people you didn’t like.”

She tilted her head. “Did anything else happen today?”

“Your landlord called. He’s giving you thirty days’ notice before he sells the place.”

“My landlord? For my apartment in San Francisco?”

“Yeah, seems like there was a rent hike and he wants to cut and run.”

He picked up his wine, watching her over the rim. “Looks like you’ll be needing somewhere more permanent to stay.”

“Why did he call you? How does he have your number?”

“Because I bought out your lease. I told you I would.”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you’d actually gone through with it. You never mentioned it again.”

Her face became troubled. “When were you going to tell me you owned my apartment?”

Anger flickered through him. “I didn’t want you to worry about it while you were here.”

“Did you forget why I’m here in the first place?”

There was an ugly silence. He watched her chest rise and fall beneath that prim little blouse, and it shouldn’t have turned him on, seeing her so pissed at him. But it did.

Whatever she’d been trying to do in the car, this was all her. The real her.

It made him want to push her further.

“I was going to pay ten million dollars just to fuck you, Jay. That should give you an idea of how ‘forgettable’ I think you are.”

She went rigid and he was immediately sorry.

“Ma’am? Your plate?”

The waiter took in the alarm on her pretty face, and quickly became ingratiating. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you finished? Can I take this away?”

Jay nodded tightly. The waiter hovered, asking if she wanted another drink, if the meal was to her liking. Jay said yes, with an edge of defiance that he knew was intended for him.

“You’re being very cruel,”

she said, when the waiter finally left. It was all she said, but he felt the sting of it like a lash, all the momentary satisfaction he’d felt flaking away like factory paint on fake leather. It made him feel worse—and that made him angry.

“You started this in the car.”

Their main courses came before she could reply. Her vegan carpaccio looked like a Jackson Pollock painting, with bright circles of root vegetables drizzled in sauce. His own plate of sea bass looked rather staid and dull by comparison, even with its overabundance of herb garnishes.

“You’re right.”

She spoke stiffly. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I think we both know what you were thinking.”

She looked away, color suffusing her face. “Is there a point to this conversation? Or did you take me out to dinner just to fight?”

“Marry me,” he said.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Marry me. I’m so fucking tired of this. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of having to sneak around. Say yes to me. I want you to be my wife.”

“I told you I needed to think about my answer.”

“It’s a yes or no question.”

“Marriage is a lifetime commitment,”

she said. “And it’s supposed to be a partnership between two equals. Equals , Nick. I’m not so sure you see me that way. Not when you treat me the way you do, like I’m an object you can just move around as you please.”

“I don’t see you as an object. I can afford to take care of you. There’s a difference.”

“But I don’t expect you to take care of me. I don’t want to be a kept woman and spend the whole day at the historical society or the salon. I’m not my mother.”

He laughed humorlessly. “Finally, we agree on something.”

Jay set her jaw. “See? That right there. You have so much disrespect for other women. I don’t like it. I don’t want you talking about me like that.”

“You could dance topless on every stage from here to Vegas, little bird, and you’d still have more class in your little finger than that dried up old c—”

Catching the dark expression on her face, he cut himself off. “The bottom line is, I’m not looking for an armpiece I can shut away in a drawer. I’m not my father. I want someone who can keep up with me, challenge me. Someone who cries for dying planets she’ll never see. I want you.” I always have.

She looked down at her lap. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yes, it is.”

Even though he’d lost his taste for it, he dipped a piece of fish in its pool of lemon butter. “How’s the carpaccio? Do you like it?”

“It’s very good.”

She sighed. “But you don’t have to give me things to make me like you.”

He flinched and despised himself for it, because it felt like she’d won. “So we’re going to argue about the nail salon again, now?”

“It wasn’t just a nail salon. You got me a $20,000 dollar makeover that I didn’t want and then you paraded me around in front of all your rich friends as if I were a brand-new car.”

“And did you hate it?”

he pressed. “When I clasped that necklace around your throat and you walked into that party on my arm, can you honestly tell me that part of you didn’t take to it as easily as breathing because you belong here just as much as I do?”

Jay didn’t respond.

But she didn’t need to, because he remembered that night perfectly. Until she’d decided to hide, she had been graceful and stunning. And when they had danced together—completely respectably—while the other guests looked on none the wiser, he had studied her in that shimmering dress that poured over her curves like tropical water and thought, this, forever .

He reclined in the chair, slinging an arm over the back. “What is it that’s really bothering you, Jay? Do you think I’m trying to mold you into a trophy wife? Do you think I’m not going to let you work? If you want to continue to be Arthur’s assistant while you’re with me, that’s entirely up to you. It really makes no difference to me.”

“You didn’t used to believe that.”

“I’ve changed. I can enjoy fucking you and buying you things—”

“ Nicholas —”

“—and still see you as my equal,”

he finished. “I know you’re not after my money. You’ve proven it time and again. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not free to enjoy it. I like seeing you happy. And,” he paused, “you deserve to be.”

Her face softened and he felt that tightness in his chest ease.

But then she said, “So if a woman marries a man for his money, she’s not his equal?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

He slammed down his wineglass, splashing a few drops on the white tablecloth. “We’ll get a pre- nup if it bothers you that much, though I don’t see why it should even be relevant. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“It’s relevant because my being equal to you is apparently contingent on this completely arbitrary pedestal of virtue you’ve put me on.”

“There is no pedestal. You won’t even wear my fucking ring. Not properly.”

He let out a heavy breath. “Maybe we shouldn’t even be having this discussion. It hardly matters what we do or don’t do if your answer is going to be no.”

“I haven’t said no. I just need time to think. Surely, after everything you’ve put me through, you can give me that?”

She glanced at him, her face hot and flushed. He sipped his wine and decided not to answer. Jay, looking sorry herself now, said, “How was training?”

“Wonderful,”

he said flatly. “They lectured us about microaggressions and then handed us all little dollies and told us about personal bubbles like we were all in fucking kindergarten.”

“Sensitivity training isn’t a joke, Nicholas.”

“Could have fooled me.”

He topped off his wineglass, deciding he wasn’t drunk enough for this conversation. “They suggested I step down.”

Her face fell. “God, I’m so sorry. You really are good at your job—even if you are a callous toad.”

She toyed with her necklace absently, which had him remembering how her breasts looked bathed in neon as the silver flared with red sparks. Her eyes flicked up to his. “Is that why you’re in such a weird mood? Are you angry at the board and taking it out on me?”

Nicholas pushed his plate away. “Our VP of Operations resigned. Arthur and I are picking up the slack for now. It was only just announced to the other executives. Officially, it’s because she wanted to ‘change her career path,’ but really, she has an issue with how I handle my business.”

Jay pressed her lips together. “She doesn’t like your fuck or get-fucked approach?”

“Something like that. But the board liked her. They like that new marketing director who’s driving me crazy, too. The first thing that dick-for-brains did was march into my office and demand to see all of our OKRs from the last ten years. I had Annica make him copies of the files and leave them in his office. I’m waiting to see how long it takes before he comes crawling back to me and admits he can’t make heads or tails of them without context.”

Jay gave him an exasperated look but the corners of her mouth were twitching. I saw that , he thought, and the tightness of his lungs finally abated. “You’re such a bastard.”

“We can’t all be sweetness and light like you.”

“Instead of fighting with people below your paygrade, why don’t you at least pretend like you’ve learned something from your training? Humble yourself a little. Pilot a company initiative to put the spotlight on some of your diverse staff or implement some culture workshops. Then tell HR that you got the idea because of them. They’ll fall over backwards with joy.”

Nicholas paused. “That’s brilliant.”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

“I’m not surprised that it’s brilliant. I’m surprised that you can be so calculating.”

“I guess I’ve changed, too.”

Nicholas watched her swirl her mimosa glass, catching one of the little blueberries in a vortex. You have , he thought. And every fucking day, you make me more and more in love with you.

“What are you going to do about your apartment?”

“I don’t know. Hire a mover? It’s just something else to deal with. I’ll figure it out.”

A prickle of irritation crept down his neck as he wondered if he was one of the things she felt like she had to “deal with.”

“Take some days off to handle it, then.”

“I can’t miss work.”

“You have PTO. Arthur can manage on his own—he has before. I’ll arrange the U-Haul and book your flight. You can put your things here when you get back.”

“You’d let me go?”

she asked warily.

The look in her eyes left him chilled. It looked desperate. “You’re not my prisoner. I thought I made that clear.”

“You keep changing the rules. I don’t know what your expectations are.”

She chose me , he reminded himself. She chose to stay.

“Will you be coming back?”

“Yes, Nick,.”

There was a slightly bitter note in her voice. “Of course I will.”