Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Emerson

A s I walked with my little girl from A Novel Place to Sugar, I held her hand, half listening to her talk about her new books and half-ensconced in a storm of worries.

I hated that this was so hard for her. She’d been increasingly anxious the past two weeks as the stacks of boxes had grown and our belongings had disappeared into them, but I’d hoped once we got to Ben’s and unpacked her most-loved things, she’d settle in and worry less. I thought maybe she’d get carried away with the novelty of having Ben’s kids around and sharing a room with Evelyn.

So far, she’d withdrawn more and clung to me. I didn’t know how to help her other than what I was doing today.

I’d taken her to the salon with me, where she’d colored pictures and worked through an activity book while I hurried through the admin stuff that couldn’t wait. Then we’d gone to the Dragonfly Diner for a special mommy-daughter lunch of Dragonfly Dust Waffles.

Next we’d hit Earthly Charm, where Harper Ellison had shown us pictures of her new kittens and helped Sky pick out a labradorite stone she said helps with courage and bravery during difficult times. I don’t know if Skyler chose it for its alleged powers or because of the shiny rainbow iridescence in it.

After that we’d hit the bookstore, where my friend Maeve worked. While Maeve and I caught up, Sky had painstakingly picked out a book after reviewing a dozen. Maeve had shown us a handful of kids’ books about moving, and I’d let Skyler pick two. I’d grabbed a cozy mystery for myself, and now here we were, heading for more sweets.

I hoped the mother-daughter time would help my girl feel more grounded. We couldn’t do this every day, but though I’d left a lot of work untouched at the salon, this was so much more important.

Times like this made me wish for a partner in parenting, someone with another perspective that could maybe help our kids. Someone else who could spend one-on-one time with them and love them as much as I did. Blake had loved them with all his heart, but being in the military didn’t allow him the chance for much hands-on time. Tragically our kids didn’t know their father. Xavier had been three when he’d been killed and Skyler only a month old. I’d made most of the parenting decisions alone since they’d been born.

Parenting was the hardest thing a person could do, in my opinion. Doing it solo? Some days I wasn’t sure I’d get through the next twenty-four hours, never mind twenty years.

When we walked into Sugar, Skyler ran to the counter, where my friend Olivia was working. The only customers in the place turned out to be Chloe Henry and her daughter, Sutton; Hayden North and her son, Harrison; and Sierra North. I’d graduated with Chloe and Olivia and knew Hayden from her family’s restaurant. Sierra was a more recent acquaintance because of her marriage into the North clan, which was now entwined with the Henry family.

“Hey, Emerson,” Hayden greeted with a smile.

“Hi, guys,” I said, veering toward their table before joining my daughter, knowing Olivia was chatting with her already.

“Look at your adorable little outfit,” I said to ten-month-old Sutton, who grinned up at me from her mom’s lap. “Rainbow dragons and ripped jeans? You dress better than me, cutie pie.”

“Faye loves to buy little-girl clothes,” Chloe said of her stepmother-in-law. “It doesn’t suck.”

“Don’t kid yourself,” Hayden said. “Faye also loves to buy little-boy clothes. She’s behind this jean jacket.” She tugged at the sweatshirt-material hood of her son’s jacket. “Right? Mimi got you this, didn’t she?”

Harrison’s mouth appeared to be full of cookie, and he nodded.

“Mommy!” Skyler called from the counter.

“We need to get treats,” I said to my friends as I headed toward my daughter.

“We’ll pull up two chairs,” Sierra said.

“Hi, Olivia. Sorry about that,” I said as I joined my daughter.

“No worries. Sky and I’ve been going over today’s specials. Haven’t we, hon?”

“I want the sprinkles, Mommy. They’re my favorite.”

“Sprinkles are your favorite?” Olivia asked, her voice animated.

Skyler nodded importantly.

“You know who else’s favorite is sprinkles?” Olivia continued.

Skyler shook her head and glanced up at me.

“Esmerelda the llama,” Olivia said. “She sometimes escapes her enclosure and comes all the way to this bakery hoping for a frosted sugar cookie with sprinkles.”

“We live with the llama now,” Skyler told her.

“That’s what I heard,” Olivia said. “Esmerelda’s owner, Dr. Holloway, buys her cookies every week.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said. I’d read about the llama’s love of cookies on the Tattler, the town app, but I found it hard to believe Ben indulged it. “Mr. Health Food himself?”

Olivia grinned. “Our veterinarian has a big, fat soft spot for animals.”

“That’s no lie,” I said. Ben had always been quiet and reserved…until it came to animals. “We’re living in a zoo, aren’t we, kiddo?”

“He hasn’t been in for a few days to replenish Esmerelda’s cookie supply,” Olivia said. “I can send some with you if you want.”

“I could do that. If he does it anyway, I could save him the trip. Not that a trip to Sugar is a hardship.”

“Right?” Olivia took out a cookie for Skyler, then raised her brows at me. “What would you like today?”

“Do you have my favorites?” I asked as I perused the display case.

“Of course. I’ve got two-dozen fresh-baked chocolate cherry bombs. How many?”

“Just one, please. We had waffles for lunch.”

“Sugar makes the world go round,” Olivia said matter-of-factly as she rang up our cookies, bottled waters, and a dozen extras for the household and…the llamas.

“Amen.” I paid her and directed Skyler to the girls, who’d pushed two bistro tables together. “You can sit next to Harrison,” I told my daughter, then helped her get situated between me and Hayden’s two-year-old, who mostly stared at Skyler as he chewed his cookie, his face an adorable mess of frosting.

“Chloe said you moved in with Ben Holloway,” Hayden said before I could even sit down.

“The kids and I are staying there for a few weeks,” I said to emphasize that it was temporary. I explained about Kizzy spreading her wings and finding love and selling the house and how I was looking for something to buy.

“It’s a tough time of year for that,” Hayden said empathetically. “Nice of Ben to take you in though.”

“He apparently likes to rescue people,” I joked after swallowing a heavenly bite.

Olivia pulled up a chair to join us while there were no other customers.

“You two must be close,” Sierra said. She was Hayden’s best friend and lived in Nashville, so she wouldn’t know any of our history.

“He was Blake’s best friend growing up. We all went to school together.”

“He’s the veterinarian,” Chloe added. “Single dad of two, right?”

“His wife passed away too,” Hayden said. “Sadly something you two have in common.”

“He’s really awesome to open his home to us,” I said carefully, “but I’m not going to lie. It bothers me more than I expected to depend on someone’s generosity so much.”

“Ben’s got a big heart,” Olivia said. “I don’t think he would’ve offered if he didn’t mean it.”

I frowned, knowing she was probably right, but still… “I’m not good at needing help.”

“Oh, do I get that,” Chloe said, her brown eyes sympathetic.

“And at the holidays? I feel like such an imposition.” I broke off another bite and popped it in my mouth.

I glanced at Skyler to make sure she wasn’t paying attention, even though she wouldn’t understand everything we said. She was being goofy with Harrison, each of them taking exaggerated bites of their cookie then giggling.

“I’ve been trying to think of how I could pay him back and make it worth his while to uproot his whole household for weeks,” I continued.

“I can think of one way.” Olivia’s brows crawled up her forehead suggestively, drawing laughter, even from me.

“A BJ here and there?” Hayden added. “Makes all the difference in the world for a guy.”

“You guys are terrible!” I said, again checking the kids, who of course had no idea what we were talking about.

“She’s my most inappropriate friend,” Sierra declared proudly.

“She’s not wrong though,” Chloe added.

“Ladies!” I said as if I was scandalized, not letting my mind go where they were suggesting, even for a moment.

Harrison climbed down from his chair and nearly darted off. Hayden caught his hand and wiped him clean. “You can go look at the books now,” she told him, pointing at the kids’ corner, where there was a rack of well-loved board books and wooden puzzles that had been there for as long as I could remember.

“Why don’t you help Harrison find a book,” I said to Skyler as she inhaled her last bite. She loved being the older kid for a while since she was the baby of our family and now the youngest at Ben’s. I wiped her hands, and she pranced off.

“On a serious note,” Olivia said, “are there feelings between you two?”

“Ben and me?” My mind flashed to this morning when he’d brushed my hair back so intimately. “No,” I said automatically.

“He’s nice to look at,” Hayden said.

“Caring, compassionate, kind…” Olivia added.

“He sounds like he’d be a catch,” Sierra said, and I laughed.

“You guys are so transparent.” I’d known going into this roommate situation that people would talk, but I didn’t worry about it, as long as nothing harmed my kids.

“Sierra’s right,” Olivia said.

“Do you want me to set you up with him?” I teased her. In the back of my mind, however, I thought Olivia and Ben wouldn’t be right together. She was too extroverted for him.

Olivia wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think I’d do well with farm life or instant momhood. But you, Emerson… You’ve got the mom thing down.”

“Mom thing, maybe, but farm life?” I told them how Gordon the rooster had scared the crap out of Skyler and me this morning.

“So many cock jokes, I can’t decide which one to say,” Hayden said.

“Cocks can be scary,” Olivia said.

“Or magical,” Hayden shot back, sending us into fits of laughter.

“Not sure I’ll look at my brother-in-law the same ever again,” Chloe said about Hayden’s husband, Zane.

“Maybe the handsome Dr. Holloway has a magical cock,” Olivia said, her attention back on me.

After the laughter died down, they looked at me as if there was a serious suggestion somewhere in there that I needed to put to rest.

I gazed down at my cookie, ran my finger over a large chunk of dried cherry. “I haven’t gone there with anyone since Blake died.”

The mood went somber in an instant, and I hated that.

“That’s understandable,” Hayden said, her voice teeming with compassion. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”

Attempting to lighten the mood a little, I said, “I’m doing okay. I’ll always miss my husband, but it was four years in September. I’ve done a lot of healing. Just…dating?” I cringed. “I don’t know how single moms manage that on top of kids.”

“That’d be tricky,” Chloe agreed. “I just have the one, and between her and work, my days are overfull. And that’s with Holden’s help.” She kissed the top of her daughter’s head.

“Single moms are badass bosses for sure,” Hayden said.

“That’s the truth.” Olivia leaned closer and lowered her voice. “But I just wanted to point out nobody but you mentioned anything about dating . You’ve got yourself a built-in way to take care of your lady needs. No dating required.”

I was taking a drink and nearly spit my water out.

“Lady needs are important,” Sierra said, grinning.

“Indeed,” Hayden said.

“You can take care of lady needs yourself, but I’m a big fan of getting help when there’s a suitable helper available.” Chloe bounced Sutton on her knee and winked.

After our laughs died down, I said, “When I get to that point, it will be weird.”

“Probably so,” Olivia said with an empathetic frown.

“So maybe that’s where your very fine host comes in,” Hayden said. “You trust him, right? He could help you get back on the bicycle. Friends-with-benefits scenario.”

Again with the traitorous mind flashes, this time to how Ben had looked last night in those low-slung sweatpants and the bicep-hugging shirt.

I shook my head, not letting the image get too vivid.

“I’m not ready, not with anyone but especially not with him. He’s my friend, and I don’t want to mess that up.”

That was only one of a dozen reasons I wouldn’t give in to the convenient circumstances with Ben, but it was a big one.

“I understand that,” Chloe said. “Holden and I went through that. I was terrified to lose his friendship.”

“But look how well it worked out,” Hayden said, turning her attention to Sutton. “We’re happy it did, aren’t we, sweet pea?”

The little girl gave her aunt a big grin.

“We just want you to be happy,” Hayden said. “Whatever it takes to get there. Sorry if we’re pushing.”

“It’s okay,” I said, meaning it.

These women were some of my best friends in the world. I’d made close friends on the base when we’d lived there, but I’d lost touch with most of them since I moved home to Dragonfly Lake. The girls I’d known since childhood were still here and had welcomed me back into the fold.

I knew what Hayden said was true. They did want me to be happy. They couldn’t help it if they were overzealously championing something I couldn’t let happen.

As much as I longed for a parenting partner when life or the kids got tricky, I knew better. Life had taught me loud and clear that I needed to be self-sufficient and able to handle it all on my own. Better to do that than to depend on someone, then lose them.