Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Emerson

T wo hours and a glass and a half of wine later, I’d finally calmed down from the llama business. Now I was worried about Ben driving in bad weather.

The storm had only gotten worse, with the wind picking up and the snow falling harder. By the time I’d walked from the barn to the house after locking Ms. Llama Pants in her pen, there was close to two inches on the ground.

I’d come into a house empty of humans, let the three dogs out to do their business, loved on the cats, who were nestled together in one of the chairs, then poured myself some merlot I found in the cabinet above the fridge. I’d turned on the fireplace and collapsed on the sofa to come down from the llama antics.

Less than three minutes later, I’d popped up off the sofa and funneled my restless energy into cooking chicken and rice soup.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a house—any house—to myself. It was an odd feeling.

Berty had texted when she and the kids made it to her home in town after the play. I’d talked to Xavier and Skyler both on her phone, letting them tell me all about the production and the cocoa and popcorn they got before bed.

Berty’s idea for a sleepover had been fortuitous, preventing her from having to drive them out this far. We agreed there’d likely be a snow day tomorrow, so we’d touch base midmorning. Despite my misgivings, she seemed genuinely happy to have her four kiddos, as she called them, staying over.

Once I’d put the leftovers in the refrigerator, I changed into my most comfortable pj’s, went back to the couch, pulled a blanket over my legs, and stalked the weather app on my phone, fretting over Ben’s safety instead of diving into my cozy mystery.

When I heard his key in the lock, I threw off the blanket, startling the cats, then hurried to the kitchen, the dogs at my heels. I waited by the counter, the only light the dim one over the sink, while he greeted the tail waggers one by one in the mudroom, then let them out one last time for the night. Finally he came in from the entryway, having shed his boots and coat, looking exhausted but so damn handsome.

I was so relieved on multiple levels, I couldn’t help it— I rushed over and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his chest and breathing in his masculine scent.

“Hello,” he said with a low laugh.

It hit me we weren’t on a hugging-hello basis, but then I felt his arms go around me and let myself soak in the feel of him.

“It’s bad out there,” I said. “I’m glad you made it okay.”

His scent was alluring, no hint of soap or shampoo, just the unique smell of a man who’d been working hard all day. Leaning on him after an evening that had tested me made me feel safe. Protected. No longer so alone.

He let out a quiet groan and didn’t move away. “You had quite an evening.”

“Your llama’s home safe and sound.”

He loosened his hold enough to look at me and chuckled. “I got your the llama has landed text. Thank you, Ems. That had to be an ordeal for you.”

Ordeal was one word for it. Trial. Nightmare. Trauma . Those were others, but I’d made it through. There was no reason to draw out the drama for Ben.

“She’s relaxing in her pen,” I told him.

“I checked on her before I came inside, filled up her hay trough,” he said. “You did great. She looked no worse for wear.”

“It took me three cookies to get her from the van to her stall.” I made myself untangle from him and give him space. “How’s the horse?”

“Holding his own. I got some meds in him. We’ll see how he does over the next twenty-four hours, but I think he’s going in the right direction.”

“I’m glad. I’m having wine. Can I pour you some?” I went to the counter and held up the half-full bottle.

“Sure, I’ll take some. It’s been a day.”

“I second that.” I laughed at the understatement as I filled a second glass.

“Berty let me know the kids did great. I hope she’s still saying that tomorrow morning,” he said.

“Right? The woman is a saint.”

I handed him his glass and picked up my own. Holding it up, I said, “To surviving.”

“To saving horses and llamas,” he said as he clinked.

We both took a sip, then our gazes caught, and the energy in the room changed. Ben set his glass on the counter and held out his hand, palm up. I put mine in his, my pulse picking up. Even though he’d just come in from outside, his hand was warm, strong, rough.

“I know you’re not a fan of llamas, Ems, so I appreciate what you did all the more,” he said in a low voice that resonated right through to my core.

“She gritched at me the whole way home,” I said, stepping closer, “but we made it through.”

“She groans sometimes in the van. I think she’s voicing her displeasure at losing her freedom.” He smiled. “She’s a pain in the ass, but I love that fucking llama.”

I laughed quietly, distracted by the way his blue eyes were so focused on me, so intent. For once there were no kids anywhere in the vicinity. The llamas and horses and chickens were taken care of for the night. The cats were sacked out again in the living room. With the dogs outside, it was just the two of us and a tangible tension arcing between us.

I set my wineglass on the counter, my eyes never leaving his, and stepped closer yet. Somehow our other hands became entwined, and I took it as a green light. Before I could second-guess myself, I went up on my toes and pressed my lips to his.

As our mouths connected, a spark of need shot through me, my insides going liquid and hot. I let go of his hands and grasped the back of his neck, pressing my breasts into his hard chest. I couldn’t miss his hardness against my belly, telling me he was as into this as I was.

The kiss became urgent, fervent, as he pivoted us and trapped my body between him and the cabinets. As our tongues twisted and teeth collided, Ben’s hands slipped beneath my pajama top and slid upward along my sides until they were just under my heavy breasts, so close to my needy flesh. He paused there for long enough I was silently urging, begging him to touch me with those work-roughened hands. When he finally lifted one thumb to my nipple, I gasped into his mouth, then intensified the kiss, my wordless way of telling him more, please .

He palmed my breast, kneaded it, fingered and pinched the tip, eliciting a moan from me. I lowered my hands to his ass, pulling him into me, needing to quell the pulsing ache between my legs.

A thunk sounded at the outside door, and we froze. Next came scratching, then a dog’s whimper, then a bark.

“Shit.” Ben put space between us. “I forgot they were out there.”

I ran a finger over my lower lip, catching my breath as I registered that we’d left the three dogs out in the cold. “Sounds like they’re done.”

“I’ve got ’em.”

As he walked toward the door, he adjusted his jeans, making my lips flicker up in a lust-struck smile.

The outer door opened, cold air swept in, and three dogs galloped inside, bringing their energy and the jingle of tags with them. Each one of them rushed up to me and sniffed. Milo and Sprocket apparently registered me as okay, trotted over to the water bowls, and started slurping. Nugget did a lap around me, rubbing up against my legs, campaigning for attention.

I reached down and rubbed the sides of her head. “Who’s a pretty girl? Did you get cold out there, Nugs?”

Ben ducked into the bathroom and returned with a towel. “I wasn’t prepared,” he said as he bent down and dried Milo’s, then Sprocket’s paws. He called Nugget over and sweet-talked her as he lifted each of her paws and dried them as well.

In a flash, the three headed out of the kitchen, probably to curl up in their dog beds.

Ben tossed the towel into the mudroom for next time, then settled next to me, both of our butts leaning against the counter.

“That was probably good timing for an interruption,” he said, his voice rough.

I pressed my lips together and considered what to say. “Stupid dogs” was what came out. I laughed, then sobered, doubt flashing through me. “I… Did you not enjoy that? The kissing, I mean.”

“Are you kidding me? I was two seconds from lifting you to the counter, stripping your sexy flannels off, and having my way with you.”

I laughed again, giddiness rushing in at his admission. “Flannels are not sexy.” The shorts showed off my legs, but the top was literally buttoned up tight.

His response was a quiet, rumbly growl. “I’m sorry that was getting out of control. You said it couldn’t happen again. As much as I want that to happen and more, I respect your needs.”

Yeah, those needs…

With an ache still thrumming deep in my core, my thoughts went to Olivia’s suggestion of letting Ben help me get back on the bike, so to speak. I was dying to ride that bike, or rather, Ben. The question was, did I have the nerve to ask for it?

“I did say that, didn’t I?” I said.

His answer was an affirming grunt.

I nodded, searching for the right words. “What if I said I wanted that and more to happen too?”

He swung his head to look at me from the side.

“Sort of,” I added.

“Sort of?”

I ran my tongue over the inside of my tender lower lip, then raised my hand, palm up, urging him to take it. He pressed his palm to mine but didn’t grasp it, so I wove our fingers together and lowered our entwined hands, then turned toward him.

“I don’t want a serious relationship with anyone,” I said. “Ever.”

“Never?”

I shook my head. “I can’t do it again. I can’t… I can’t lose somebody else the way I’ve lost Blake, my mom, my grandma.” Years-old grief bubbled up in my throat and threatened to take my breath. I fought it down, focused on the man in front of me. “It hurts too much.”

“Losing someone’s fucking hard.” His voice was low but laced with conviction, leaving me no doubt that he’d suffered gravely when his wife died. Not that I’d had any question.

“I’m not up for it.”

He raised our joined hands and brushed his lips over the back of mine. “You’ve lost the three people you loved most.”

I swallowed and nodded, shutting down on the pain again before it could seep in because I didn’t have the energy for it…and I didn’t want it to ruin the evening. I had hopes it could go in a different direction.

Ben unlaced our fingers to slide his arm around my waist, pulled me into his side, and kissed the top of my head like a supportive, caring friend. I appreciated the hell out of that, but it wasn’t what my body was thrumming with need for.

I inhaled a courage-steeling breath, then turned to face him.

“The thing is, I haven’t been with a man in four years.” I lifted my chin and tentatively sought eye contact. As soon as our gazes connected, my courage sparked, or maybe it was raw need driving everything. “I miss sex.”

I stopped breathing. Ben swallowed as he peered down at me, his pupils enlarging.

Before he could answer, I rushed on. “I’m not to the point where I could go out for a one-night stand, but I trust you, Ben. And it seems like we’re physically compatible.”

He let out a low rumble of a chuckle. “And you miss sex.”

“Maybe you have someone already,” I said as soon as the possibility occurred to me. Oh, God. What if he had someone else on the side?

His laugh was heartier this time. “Surely you know me better than that, Emerson.”

I let out my breath. “I don’t know. Maybe you have a whole team of special friends , and you told them things were on hold while you had house guests.” I couldn’t help a wide grin.

“Like a different lady for each night of the week?” he teased back.

“Sure. For all I know, you meet them in the barn and roll around in the hay after the creatures are fed.”

He laughed wholeheartedly and pulled me into him, then sobered. “No. I don’t have any fuck buddies who meet me in the barn or anywhere else.”

Thank God.

“So you want to be friends with benefits? Is that what you’re proposing?” he asked.

“At the risk of sounding like a rom-com that could have a bad ending…” I tried to laugh at my own joke, but nerves were taking over. “Yes? I mean, maybe. Roommates with benefits. If you’re interested.”

“And what happens when you find a house and move out? We’re done?”

I nodded. “If we’re not living together, the temptation should be gone, right? Back to just friends?”

“Nobody gets hurt?”

“Right,” I said. “We go into it with an approximate end date. The kids won’t know, so none of them will get hurt either.”

He continued to gaze into my eyes, all kidding gone, not a single sign on his face of what he was thinking. I waited, wondering if I’d misjudged and just screwed up our friendship for good, my heart hammering in my ears.

“I just have one more question,” Ben said.

I pressed my lips together nervously. “Yeah?”

“What the hell are we still doing standing in my kitchen with our clothes on?”