Single All the Way (Single Dads of Dragonfly Lake #2)

Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Emerson

A s I drove away from Ben’s after leaving the kids with Berty on Monday afternoon, uneasiness unraveled in my gut.

Not that I’d had any easy feelings for the past four days since taking refuge at the Marks.

I missed Ben and his kids and Nugget and the other animals and Berty. Even that stupid screaming rooster.

That just showed how attached I’d gotten in such a short time. Kizzy had done me a favor by forcing me to see the mistake I’d been making.

My nervousness now was more immediate though and had everything to do with the real-estate showing I was on my way to.

Darius had called an hour ago about a house that was going on the market tomorrow. He could take me through it today if I could make it. As this was the first new listing that met my requirements in nearly three weeks, I would’ve rearranged whatever I had to in order to get there. Since the salon was closed today, I was more flexible than usual.

I’d debated taking the kids with me, but I’d decided to go alone to avoid getting their hopes up or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, worrying them about another change. Skyler was back to crawling into my bed every night at the hotel, so I didn’t want to fill her head with possibilities that might not pan out. My kids needed solid plans. We needed to settle. I’d vaguely told them I had an appointment and asked Berty not to mention where I was going.

I followed the map app’s directions to the house in the older neighborhood west of downtown to a house that didn’t yet have a real estate sign in the yard.

As I pulled up along the curb, my brows rose. The house was adorable, with a cute little front porch, a postage-stamp front yard with a tree that looked climbable, and a long driveway to a detached, single-car garage.

Darius climbed out of his car and greeted me. “Just look at that curb appeal,” he said excitedly.

“It’s super cute from the front,” I agreed. As we went to the door and Darius repeated the features he’d told me over the phone—three bedrooms, a partially finished basement, two bathrooms, a newly updated kitchen—I coached myself not to get my hopes up. I’d been let down every time so far.

Twenty minutes later, my mind was spinning. The house met every need on my list and looked cute doing it. The master was on the main floor. The two bedrooms upstairs were connected by a secret crawl space the kids would lose their minds over. The backyard was fenced in for Nugget. The basement would make a roomy play area. The kitchen was small but functional and remodeled in whites that brightened it up.

“What’s going through your mind?” Darius asked me back in the living room.

“It checks all the boxes.”

He scrutinized me more closely. “Sounds like a but.”

I frowned, because I felt like there was a but, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. “I’m not sure…”

“If you like it, we have to move on it.”

I knew that was a fact and not some kind of manufactured pressure to get a sale. Darius wasn’t like that. The market was.

“I’m going to walk through one more time by myself, if you don’t mind,” I said.

“Of course. Take your time. The owners gave us an hour.”

“Thanks.”

I went through the entire house again, logging all the positives, noting any negatives, though there weren’t many. The linen closet was minuscule. The wallpaper in the upstairs bathroom was ugly but removable. The carpet in the upstairs bedrooms would need to be replaced. The garage was small but would protect the SUV just fine. All of these were minor.

Yet I was struggling to see the kids and me living here.

I squinted, trying to see past the current owners’ belongings to the bare bones. The rooms weren’t overlarge, but we didn’t need that much space. The layout was practical. I liked that the master was on the main level with the kids’ rooms above. The neighborhood was wonderful, with Posh just three blocks away and the grade school two or three in the other direction.

“Well?” Darius asked when I rejoined him.

“Do you know if anyone else is going through it tonight?”

“We’re the only ones they’re letting in early. They’re longtime family friends granting me a favor.”

“Wow. Nice of them. Okay.” I blew out a breath.

Logic said I needed to jump on this and make an offer tonight. But something felt off in my gut, and I couldn’t ignore it. I just needed to figure out what it was so I could determine whether it was valid.

“I need to think,” I told him.

“Emerson—”

“I know. I know, I know, I know we need to act right away. I need a little time to think. How late can I call you tonight?”

“Nine o’clock,” he said tensely. “I just don’t want you to miss out on this.”

“Me neither.” My stress level climbed higher. “I understand the risk I’m taking if I push it until tomorrow. I’ll do everything I can to call you before nine tonight, okay?”

He nodded tersely. “You might not have the luxury of being entirely comfortable with it.”

“Right.” I nodded again, distractedly, trying to put my finger on what was bothering me. “Thank you. So much. I appreciate you giving me this opportunity.”

“Of course. As soon as I saw it, I thought of you.”

We walked out and said goodbye, with a dozen puzzled glances from Darius. I got it. It didn’t make sense. Feelings didn’t make sense, but there was a feeling deep inside that I couldn’t ignore, at least until I figured out what it meant.

Once he drove away, I sat there looking at the cute little house, taking in the well-manicured evergreen shrubs in the beds and the stone-lined walkway to the porch and the ideal spot for a porch swing.

I drove around the block, taking stock of the nearby houses, noting signs of lots of families with kids. I drove to the grade school and back, then pulled into the driveway of the house to turnaround and go back to Ben’s to get the kids. Before backing out, I paused for one more long look. The most prevalent feeling in my gut was that I should fall in love with this. That was different than falling in love with it.

Was I being stupid to wait for some fleeting feeling? I suspected so, but I couldn’t discount it until I had an idea of where it was coming from.

I had a lot to think about.

I backed out and drove on autopilot to Ben’s, my mind churning, compelling my heart to speak up and tell it what the hell was holding it back from jumping on this.

Was it nerves over buying my first house? Fear about the financial commitment? The house was in my budget. I’d gone over the monthly payments multiple times. I could handle the mortgage.

I turned into the driveway on Ben’s property and noticed the clinic was already dark. They must’ve closed early since tomorrow was Christmas Eve. Continuing down the lane toward the house and barn, I checked for the horses and llamas in the pasture, but they appeared to be inside for the night.

I turned left into the drive next to the house, and a strong wave of something rolled through me. I braked, closed my eyes, deciphered it.

Comfort. Peace. Familiarity.

Home.

I’d stopped the car a long way from the garage. I wasn’t staying here anymore. This was where visitors parked.

And still the feeling undeniably washed over me, filled me with warmth.

Warmth that I hadn’t felt in the driveway of the perfect little house.

I whipped my head toward Ben’s home and peered at the kitchen window. There was Ben, as if an invisible force had drawn me to look at him.

The sensation deepened as I took in his handsome face, attention focused on the sink in front of the window. He was talking to someone I couldn’t see. Laughing. I could hear that laugh in my head. I could feel the way he’d made me feel when we were cooking a meal together or getting the kids organized for school or playing a family board game. Everyday moments that were secure, companionable, safe, comfortable because we were side by side.

Watching him from out here filled me with contentedness but also longing. I wanted to be inside that warm, love-filled house with him, talking about nothing important, listening to the kids chatter or bicker, smelling whatever Berty had simmering on the stove.

“No,” I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

I turned away and pressed my hands to my face, wiping the tears away as the truth settled in my head and my heart.

I’d fallen in love with Ben. And that scared me to the depths of my soul.

With my heart thundering, hands shaking, I had to get away. Needed to be alone.

I backed out of his line of sight and drove partway down the drive toward the clinic so he wouldn’t look out and see me. Then I took my phone out and sent him a message, too shaky to call.

I have a huge favor to ask. I looked at a house, and it was kind of perfect. I need to sort things out in my head. Could you possibly keep the kids for a couple more hours? I’ll return the favor.

Three minutes passed before I saw signs he was typing—I knew because I watched the clock on the dash, feeling more desperate to run away with every minute that ticked by.

They just started a game of Monopoly. Why don’t they spend the night here? Would that help?

I cried harder because here he was again, being amazing even when I was anything but.

Yes. Thank you, Ben.

Good luck with your decision.

I could barely see through the tears as I reached the road. I stopped and tried to staunch the flow.

I’d gotten myself into a mess. I’d gone against my own rules. Now it was up to me to figure out how the hell to move forward.