Smolder (The Road to Rocktoberfest 2024)

16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Sandy

Has there ever been a documented case of a man dying from blue balls? I’d never heard of one, and I was pretty sure if there was one, it would have definitely been on the news. Men around the world would have been pointing at girlfriends, wives, and boyfriends, saying, “I told you so.” That would have been a headline around the globe, no doubt.

I hadn’t taken so many cold showers since I was a teenager, but every time I looked at Skyler Ashe, I couldn’t help imagining him on his knees in front of me or bent over the arm of the couch in the theater room. My cock went from zero to one-twenty in the blink of an eye.

I was drowning in guilt about all the dirty dreams I’d had about Skyler since he was dropped into my life— thank you, Marshall . I was petrified to make a move on the guy. I knew beyond a doubt that if we started doing more than kissing, I’d get my heart shattered when he returned to West Peoria.

I had hoped the lure of the money he could earn might tempt him away from his teaching job and keep him in Cali where I could see him and maybe start something with him because my stupid brain kept telling me he was the one . That elusive unicorn I’d been searching for in every gay club and bathhouse I’d snuck into during college and my football career. The last time I tried that…

Skyler was determined to go back to his teaching job, and I didn’t believe I stood a chance in hell of getting him to change his mind. For both our sakes, I determined we should keep things on the friend level, which meant no more kissing, hugging, or flirting. It might be too late, but I needed to protect my heart.

After we returned to the house from our six-mile run, I handed Skyler the extra key I had made for him to use while I was on the East Coast for a week. I really needed the time away from him before I completely lost the fight to save myself from the pain of watching him leave.

He was a nice guy, and I didn’t believe he’d do anything to intentionally hurt me, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t happen. After the too-recent rejection by my mother and father, I knew I wasn’t ready to have my heart ripped out and stomped on again.

“I’m going to shower. I’ll be back, and then we can eat something. Are you going to need to work more, or do you have time to watch a movie?” Damn, my big mouth!

I’d planned to slowly pull back from our interactions until I left on Friday for Baltimore. Hopefully, by the time I returned in the middle of June, Sky would be busy planning for the small tour and probably have moved back to his mom’s place. That was my hope, anyway.

“I could watch a movie. Do you want to eat inside or outside? I’ll set the table.”

“Outside is great. Thanks.” I didn’t wait for him to ask me anything else.

I ran upstairs and into my bedroom, stripping my sweaty clothes as I went. I turned on the water and stepped into the large shower, standing directly under the ice-cold spray.

Had I been stupid enough to think it would be easy to shut off the feelings I was already starting to feel for Skyler? I should have my head examined.

I adjusted the temperature of the water to a mildly cool spray after my dick deflated and began to retreat into my pelvic cavity. Quickly washing my hair, I reminded myself I needed a haircut. I determined it was a bad idea to watch a movie with Skyler because being alone in the dark with the handsome teacher was entirely too tempting for my fragile resolve.

Kathleen Graves had emailed the team playbook, and I needed to study that instead of watching a movie, anyway. That would be a great excuse that wasn’t a bald-faced lie.

Once I finished in the shower, I did a touchup shave on my face and then got dressed to go downstairs to eat. I decided to turn on some music louder than usual, making it more difficult to carry on a conversation.

We made our plates and headed outside, both of us opting for water with our meal. We sat at opposite ends of the table, and I wolfed down my food as though I hadn’t eaten in days.

I finished my dinner in record time and gulped down the rest of my water. “I forgot I need to familiarize myself with the playbook for the Shuckers. Just put the dishes in the sink when you finish eating. I’ll load the dishwasher before I go to bed.”

I wanted to kick my own ass for leaving him stunned and sitting at the table alone, but I’d been enough of an asshole to him that it shouldn’t be a surprise I’d do something so thoughtless.

I hurried up to my room and grabbed my laptop from my nightstand, booting it up and opening the PDF I’d received from the Shuckers front office. As I read through the document, it was like being in a time machine.

Since high school, I’d been studying plays and committing things to memory. Plays, routes, and strategies for sacking the other team’s QB. They were divine inspiration to me.

I knew in my heart I couldn’t have put as much energy into anything else as I had football, which was why I was a shell of myself from two years ago without the outlet. I hadn’t given any thought to what I’d do after football because I never believed I’d leave the field. That was shortsighted on my part, but with this chance with the Shuckers, maybe there was more life left in this old dog.

The week progressed with little contact between Skyler and me. I didn’t suggest we go hiking, though I suspected Skyler had gone on his own. We didn’t run together, and I opted to run while Skyler was practicing with the new and old bands. We’d taken to leaving notes on the kitchen island in case information needed to be conveyed to the other.

I packed my bag on Thursday night, having booked a non-stop flight from San Jose airport on Friday morning that would get me to Baltimore in time to check into my hotel, eat, and get the lay of the land. I was scheduled to meet at the front office at M&T Stadium on Monday, then head out to the Under Armor Performance Center, the site for the Shuckers minicamp, on Tuesday. I wanted to be rested and ready, not jet lagged.

Thursday night as I dozed at the late hour of nine o’clock, my laptop still on my thighs, my phone pinged on the nightstand. I could hear splashing in the pool, so I got up and went to my bedroom window to see someone in the water, though the lights weren’t on.

I pulled on a pair of shorts, grabbed my phone, and rushed down the stairs as quickly as possible without tripping. When I got to the back door, I found it unlocked, so I hurried out onto the pool deck to see the tiki torches burning at the end of the patio as Skyler swam laps in the dark pool.

After pushing the button on my phone for the pool app, I turned on the lights, which caught his attention immediately. He stopped and wiped the water from his face as he turned in my direction.

“Why didn’t you ask me to turn on the pool lights? There’s a box by the back door where you can adjust the temperature, turn the lights on and off, and turn on the jets in the spa.” I was shouting, but he’d scared the fuck out of me.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m leaving tomorrow. No need for me to know anything about your place. Sorry I inconvenienced you.” Skyer returned to swimming laps, and I stood dumbstruck, watching him.

I was a fucking douche for how I’d spoken to him, but as I’d reasoned in my pea brain, I was in a no-win situation. My heart was already aching from the pained expression I’d seen on his face when he caught sight of me on the pool deck. I had to forget it if I wanted to survive.

Without another word, I stalked back into the house, glancing at my phone as I went upstairs. There was a text from Marshall that I didn’t give a shit about, but I opened it anyway.

Sandy—what did you do to my drummer? He’s moody and difficult to deal with, according to Hope. Did you fuck him, or did you fuck him over? Marsh

I wanted to tell my little brother to go fuck himself, but instead…

I’ve been getting ready for a trip to the East Coast. I’m sorry if my babysitting wasn’t good enough for your spoiled rock star. We’ll talk when I get back. I’m not guarding your band, either. I’ll be busy with a new job.

I turned off my phone and laptop before crawling into bed. I heard the security system beep when Skyler came inside, and I listened to his bedroom door snick closed. Something told me that would likely be the last thing I said to Skyer Ashe for the rest of my life.

Friday morning, I got up, showered, dressed, and went downstairs for coffee before I drove to the airport for my flight. There was a note on the counter, next to the key I’d given Skyler last week. Another stake of pain drove through my heart. I couldn’t bear to read the note—because it was longer than a sentence—so I folded it and shoved it into the pocket of my athletic pants.

Coffee in a to-go mug, I went out to the garage to find the SUV in its spot. How the fuck did Skyler get to the farm?

The door to the garage had a code to enter, which I’d given to Skyler when we’d agreed that he would drive the Yukon. I opened the SUV door to find the keys tucked into the sun visor, as I did for all my vehicles. Another stake in my heart.

I went to the Cadillac CT5 at the end by the garage door, tossing my suitcase, garment bag, and messenger bag in the trunk. Part of me chose to leave the Yukon in case Skyler needed it, though I was pretty sure he’d never ask me for anything again.

When I arrived at the San Jose airport, I valet parked the car and went inside. After suffering the long line at the discount airline’s kiosk, I checked my suitcase and garment bag and went to the gate area, taking a seat away from everyone.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone and the note Skyler had left, preparing to slice and dice the rest of my heart.

My heart was in my throat as my eyes began to sting. This was all my fault because I was the idiot in this scenario. Making sure I didn’t get hurt hadn’t worked, and now, I’d hurt us both.

I picked up a rental at the airport and followed the directions on my GPS to the hotel where I’d previously stayed when the Breeze was in Baltimore for a game against the Shuckers. I went to my room to drop my bags, rescuing my suit from the garment bag because I had to go to the stadium to meet with Kathleen Graves before the three-day camp began on Tuesday.

I had planned to go out for dinner but decided to stay in and get room service instead. I couldn’t imagine sitting in a restaurant on a Friday night, seeing all the happy couples on a date night while I sat alone.

I’d had two official dates with Skyler, the second one at my house the night after the blow-up at his father’s studio. We’d gone on a short hike through the hills behind my place and then shared a huge steak salad he’d made for us. We ended up laying on a double lounger by my pool, looking at the stars to find shapes and trying to convince the other to see them as well. It was a night unlike anything I’d ever done, and I would never forget it.

Saturday, I went to Camden Yards, which was only a few blocks from my hotel, buying tickets to sit in the bleachers and watch a baseball game. I grabbed a baseball hat from the team store and sat at the end of the top row by myself. I watched the people more than I watched the game.

Doing things alone would be a hard adjustment after those few great times with Skyler. Things between us had ended before they really got started.

On Saturday evening, when I was on my way back to the hotel, my phone rang. It was an unknown number with a Baltimore area code, so I answered.

“Hi, Sandy. It’s Kathleen Graves. I wanted to ask if you’d like to come to the house for brunch tomorrow. My wife’s a great cook, and I think it would be easier if our first meeting was in a more informal setting.”

Hell, it sounded good to me. “Sure. Uh, what time?”

“Can you hang on a sec?” The line went quiet, so I waited, pacing my hotel room.

A minute later… “Sandy? You there?”

“Yes, Ms. Graves.” The room was too small to get a worthwhile pace in, but I was nervous. I didn’t want to fuck anything up. Taking the coaching job with Baltimore might be my only salvation after Skyler returned to West Peoria.

“First, call me Kat. My very grouchy pregnant wife just reamed me out for not inviting you to stay with us. Why don’t you pack up your stuff and bring it along? We only live about a mile from the training center. Come out about noon. Again, I’m sorry for not thinking of this, but that’s why I call Lynette my better half. See you tomorrow.” The phone went dead.

The woman didn’t wait for me to answer, leading me to believe it was more of an order than an invitation. Obviously, she was a ball buster, but I had no problem working for a woman or being friends with them. I didn’t have any female friends because the women I went out with were disappointed when I didn’t call them again. I never told them I was gay for fear of it getting leaked when I didn’t sleep with them. I’d probably missed the possibility of having a good friend because of my behavior.

Sunday morning, I packed up, checked out, and followed the directions Kat had sent me. I was at a stoplight when my phone rang. I glanced down at the screen to see it was Marshall, so I hit the Bluetooth button on the steering wheel to answer.

“Yeah, Marsh.”

“Where the hell are you?” He was agitated, and that made me grin.

“Baltimore. Actually, I’m in Owings Mills. I’m meeting a woman about a job.”

“What the fuck happened with Skyler Ashe? The kid has lost all focus, and we’re about ready to pull the plug on the whole project and let the old men record the song as best as they can. I know you had to do or say something. What job are you looking into? I was planning to pay you for security, jackass.”

God, I was a fucking tool.

“Look, nothing happened, okay? We only kissed a couple of times, which didn’t do anything for me. Nothing against him. He’s just not my type, and I never told him he had to leave or not use my SUV. Tell him he’s welcome to stay and the keys are where he left them. I didn’t change any of the codes, though I probably should. It would keep you out.” It was the least I could do after I remembered Skyler would be staying with his mom and sleeping on a couch. Nobody wanted to do that.

“So, what’s this job?” Jackass didn’t even ask how I was doing.

“Defensive line and special teams coach for the Baltimore Shuckers. I’m headed to my new boss’s house now for brunch. Minicamp starts on Tuesday. I’ll be back home on Friday to tie up loose ends before I report to training camp in August.”

Why I was making it sound as though it was a done deal, I wasn’t sure, but he’d pass along the information, and then things would be settled between Skyler and me.

Maybe it wouldn’t be as messy as I’d anticipated?