Smolder (The Road to Rocktoberfest 2024)

18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Sandy

I was in the office at the Shuckers stadium to meet the staff. I’d spent the weekend with Kat, her wife, Lynette, and Lynette’s little brother, Hardy Boyer. He was a nice guy, likely early twenties, with long blond hair and blue eyes that reminded me too much of someone I knew, not as intimately as I’d hoped. Hardy was also a musician, which was ironic since I was avoiding one myself.

My phone pinged, and I pulled it from my jacket pocket to see it was the front door camera at my house. I pulled up the feed to see Marsh coming inside. I hit the mic. “Motherfucker don’t wreck my house. Call me tomorrow.”

Marsh flipped me the bird, which made me laugh. I could count on him to put me in my place every time.

After I shoved my phone into my pocket, Kat walked out of her office with a big smile. “Come on in, Sandy.”

Following Kat into the large room that faced the playing field, I felt a jolt of energy slide down my spine. Being on that patch of grass excited me, even if I wasn’t mowing down the offensive line.

Scanning the distance to the goalpost, I glanced through the glass wall at my right to see a large conference room where I saw sneers from the eleven men sitting around a rectangular glass table, which quickly deflated my dreams of returning to the game. It was easy to see I wasn’t welcome.

I was the gay guy—or the out gay guy—in the room, and it didn’t seem as though the folks on her staff liked me. Forget that they didn’t know me. They’d already pre-judged me, which wasn’t a shock at all.

Kat—or rather, the head woman in charge—walked to her chair at the end of the table. She stared at her staff, and I could see she wasn’t thrilled with the faces looking back at her.

“Wipe those looks off your faces before I fire all your asses. I’m sure I can go to the closest gay club and find folks who can do a better job than you without knowing a goddamn thing about football.”

The head coach smirked. “Sorry, boss. You didn’t tell us who was coming in. We didn’t know it was a jailbird.” I took a deep breath and didn’t react. It wasn’t worth it.

Kathleen started laughing, her eyes fixed on the men at the table, who all joined her in laughter—though I was pretty sure it was out of fear, not because they thought the situation was funny.

The boss stared at Tiny Sloane, a former linebacker from Tennessee State, back when I was just starting at Fresno as a baby defensive tackle. “Hi, Tiny.” I knew the man—who didn’t? He was an All-American during his college years.

“Sandy, man, how are you? What have you been doing since you left the Breeze?”

His comment made me laugh. “What do you think?”

Kathleen cleared her throat. “I strongly urge all of you to leave your preconceived notions at the door. Sandy will be joining us tomorrow at minicamp to assess the new talent. Last year, the team was a wildcard going into the playoffs, and we didn’t get into the postseason. None of you have any room for judgment since you were my father’s advisers. We’re starting over, and if any of you won’t abide by my decisions, get your asses out of my chairs.”

Each man in the room looked around, and I finally got it. There were no women in the front office, which had to be the way Jerry Graves ran the organization. It was easy to see Kathleen wouldn’t be a continuation of the previous regime.

None of them moved, so Kathleen smiled. “Okay, let’s give Sandy an overview of the roster.”

Each coach went through the exercise, explaining their veteran players’ weaknesses and strengths, and then, the team scout explained the draft picks and what they brought to the team. They had until the end of the preseason to trim their playing roster from sixty-five players to fifty-three, and I could see the coaches already had their favorites and were willing to fight to keep them. I wished to hell I’d had someone fighting for me back when I was still in the game.

We went out for drinks and dinner at a restaurant near the stadium after meeting all afternoon. Kathleen left after drinks to get home, and I told her I’d take a cab to her place after dinner. The other coaches weren’t rude, but they weren’t exactly warm and welcoming.

I exited the cab at the incredible house Kat and Lynette had welcomed me into. The sound of drumming caught my attention immediately. I knocked on the front door and laughed when Lynette opened the door. She laughed as she held her hands up like a megaphone so I could hear.

“I’m so sorry. When Hardy’s pissed, he beats the hell out of his drum set downstairs. We’ve hired someone to soundproof his room down there, but the guy’s a little backed up on another job and can’t get here until next week. Again, we’re sorry.”

I chuckled, thinking about my drummer. I missed him more than I could even articulate. He was fucking talented, and it was ironic to be in a house where I heard the familiar beats. It made me miss the man I dreamed about every night even more.

“I happen to be in love with a drummer, so this is nothing new. How old is Hardy?” I was shouting too, and Lynette and I both laughed.

Suddenly, the sound stopped, and Lynette smiled. “He’s twenty. He’s trying to find himself because our parents kicked him out. I’m not sure what to do for him, but we’re trying to love him through it.”

“For your sake, I hope it gets better soon. I’m going to go for a run if you don’t mind.” I needed time away to try to get my shit together.

“Go. I’d go with you just to enjoy the peace and quiet.” She rubbed her baby bump, and we both laughed again. “There’s cold bottled water in the fridge in the hall linen closet.” I nodded as I went upstairs to change.

I checked my video feed at the house to see my drummer had returned…with his brother and the other bandmates. Did it piss me off? Not really. I was glad they were making use of the house. I only wished I was there to see them in person.

Tuesday morning, I drove my rental to the practice field, ready to work. Unfortunately, the other defensive coaches and head coach weren’t ready to work with me. All my questions went unanswered, and by the lunch break, I was ready to walk.

I held my tongue but made notes on a team iPad that would go directly to Kat. There were a few players who weren’t keen to have me as a coach and didn’t want to accept any suggestions I had. I laughed at their stupidity. Maybe I wasn’t the guy they wanted, but I knew the game. I’d played it for a long time.

Wednesday, I got the defensive line together and tried to explain a play we’d done when I was in high school. The players looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.

“No shit. In a four-four-two formation, have your defenders fade back at the snap to maintain the backline. Midfielders come around, two on each side for the attack, and your forwards come up the middle for the sack.”

Not one face appeared to believe me, so I stepped back to let them decide what to do. The defensive line spoke in the huddle until the offense clapped and took the line. I was ready to walk off the sideline and pack up my shit when I heard the count and the snap.

I turned back to see the defense had run my play, and they’d taken down the QB as gently as possible. It was satisfying to watch, but I was still pissed they hadn’t given me the courtesy of acknowledging I knew my shit when I explained the play.

We ran patterns for two more hours, and I tried to coach the defensive line, but they didn’t respect me, and I knew it would never work. Once the head coach sent us to the locker room, I went upstairs to the office where Kathleen had been watching the practice out the huge windows that faced the field.

“They won’t respect or respond to me.”

“Give it time, Sandy. Show them you’re up for the job. Don’t let them intimidate you. Show them you’re not willing to put up with their bullshit.” Kathleen believed her advice could fix everything, but I knew football players.

Kathleen was right that they would laugh at someone they didn’t respect, but her team—and her coaches—were still trying to learn how to handle that they all now worked for a lesbian female owner. Maybe once they got the hang of that, they’d be accepting of a coach or player who was queer. Today wasn’t that day.

Thursday evening, after the end of the minicamp, I returned to Kathleen and Lynette’s home. When I walked through the back door, I saw Hardy sitting behind his drum kit as a video of Led Zepplin played on a big-screen television. He began playing along with the song as he closed his eyes.

That look was all too familiar to me from when I’d watched Skyler behind the drums in his father’s studio. It was more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen. I immediately knew what I had to do, and I had to do it fast.

I went upstairs to my room and quickly threw my things in my bags. I changed into a pair of jeans, rebooked my flight from Friday morning to the next flight out of Baltimore to San Jose, and carried all my things downstairs, leaving them at the door.

Noises from the kitchen caught my attention, so I followed them to say my goodbyes. Kat sorted the mail by the trash bin while Lynette moved something around a skillet. Lynette glanced up first. “Dinner will be ready in about half an hour. Feel free to grab a beer from the fridge.”

Kat glanced up and studied me for a moment. “Sweetheart, I don’t believe Sandy will be staying for dinner.”

I nodded. “Thanks so much, ladies, for your hospitality, but I need to get back to California. I’ve got a man who doesn’t know how much he needs me yet. I plan to make sure he does very soon.”

Kat smiled. “Let me see you out.”

I hugged Lynette and followed Kat to the front door. She pulled up the handle on my suitcase while I grabbed my garment bag. I’d left my messenger bag in the SUV. We went to the back of my rental, and I opened the tailgate. Once everything was inside, I turned to the woman.

“I wish you the best of luck. I don’t think your coaching staff is in a place to accept another queer person among their ranks. I’d strongly urge you to hire a diversity coach and make one of your offensive coaches go both ways with special teams and the defensive line until you can find a good replacement.” We both laughed at my choice of words, but Kat nodded.

“I brought you here because I respected you as a player, and I was sure you would be a big asset to the coaching staff. I also hoped that if the coaches and players saw a gay man could do everything they could, they might see me as a competent leader. I’m sorry if I inconvenienced you.”

“Naw, you didn’t inconvenience me at all. It gave me the chance to sort out my head, so thanks for the mini vacation. Please call me when the baby comes. I wish you and Lynette the best of luck with everything.” I hugged Kat and thanked her again before leaving.

I made the flight because the security officers let me take my luggage through to check at the gate, and once I settled into my seat on the plane, I shoved my earbuds in and turned on some soothing music. In about five hours, I’d be back home, where I could clean up the mess I’d made before running away.

When I arrived home at eleven that evening, the house was dark. I parked in the garage and unloaded my crap from the car. The Yukon was parked in its spot, so when I walked by, I touched the hood to feel it was warm, which was a relief. That meant Skyler had been driving it.

When I came out of the garage, I noticed the pool lights were on, so I went to the back gate to let myself in, seeing Marsh sitting in the spa with Arlo and Goldie, the three of them drinking my beer and laughing.

I glanced around to see River wrapped in two towels, sitting at the patio table with an acoustic guitar on his lap as he studied a paper in front of him. I walked to the spa first. “Where’s Skyler?”

Marshall started laughing. “You made good time, big brother.”

“That’s not an answer to my question.”

Arlo spoke up. “He’s inside at the piano. He’s working out some bars so we can play an old song at Mountain Fest.” At least he had the good sense to answer me without giving me bullshit like my brother.

I hurried through the basement, dropping my luggage and running up the stairs. I could hear the piano tinkling as I reached the main floor, so I stopped to listen. It was a Lifehouse song I remembered from high school: “Hanging by a Moment.” It was damn appropriate since that was exactly what I was doing.

I took a deep breath and walked through the house to the entrance of the living room. There, at the rented piano, sat Skyler. He was using the light from the porch to scribble something onto a paper next to him, seeming to concentrate very hard on the task at hand.

“I’m glad you came back,” I said into the semi-darkness.

Skyler jumped at the sound, his head snapping in my direction. I stepped farther into the room, flipping on the lights over the fireplace. I turned to stare at his handsome face, now illuminated by the soft light in the room.

“I thought you weren’t back until Monday.”

My brother was an asshole, but at least he’d done me a favor by giving Skyler bad information so he’d stick around. “Marsh had no idea when I was coming back. He needed you to keep working, so he lied. I’ll have to thank him for that.”

“I can leave. I mean, we can leave. We’re all leaving tomorrow anyway. Sorry for—”

I rushed over to the piano, pulling Skyler up from the bench. “You have nothing to be sorry for, so stop that. I’ve been thinking about you every waking minute and dreaming about you every night. I can’t stop. You’ve gotten into my heart, Sky, and I don’t want you out.”

Skyler’s shocked face made me smile as he struggled to speak. “I— I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you weren’t attracted to me and I was bothering you.”

“Oh, you bother me all right. Not in the way you’re thinking though. Hang on to your hat, Sky. I’ve fallen in love with you.” I kept my gaze on him, hoping to gauge his reaction to my confession.

I didn’t expect him to pull away. “Fuck you.”

I completely lost it. I laughed so hard at how quickly those harsh words came out of his mouth. I braced my hands on my knees to keep me upright, and I completely lost my shit.

“What’s so damn funny?”

After a minute, I stood upright and used the neck of my T-shirt to dry my eyes from laughing so hard. Skyler had his hands on his hips, staring at me in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, but hearing those words out of your mouth caught me by surprise. What happened to Mr. You Never Know Who’s Listening?” Now, I was deflecting the pain knocking on my heart’s door because it seemed he was rejecting me. That would never do.

“You made me feel”—he crossed his arms over his chest—“like I wasn’t worth your time.” His face was so vulnerable it ripped at my heart.

“I’m sorry. I panicked because I’ve never felt this way about another human, much less a guy who breezed into my life just a minute ago. I had no idea how to handle it, so I fucked it up, like usual.”

I figured I had nothing to lose at this point. If he didn’t want me, there was nothing to fight for. If he did but was hurt because of my stupidity, I’d make sure he knew he was the most important person in the world to me, bar none.