Snow Going Back

Chapter 6

SIX

The sound of Eleanor’s voice wafted into the kitchen from the hallway just as Kate and Amy finished off the bottle of Prosecco.

‘It’s a trick every woman should know and a good way of impressing a man,’ she said briskly. ‘I’ll show you now, so you have it up your sleeve for when you find a good prospect. With the Christmas season coming up, there will be plentiful opportunities to find young men. Parties and gatherings.’

‘Really, it’s fine,’ a voice replied. ‘You’ve given me those instructions. I’ll just give it a go at home later on.’

Kate and Amy exchanged a wide-eyed look, and Amy quickly shoved the bottle in the bin.

‘What are you doing?’ Kate whispered, amused. ‘We’re thirty-five.’

Amy clapped a hand over her mouth and let out a muffled giggle. ‘Well, we’ll probably still be in trouble for something .’

‘Nonsense,’ Eleanor continued firmly. ‘There’s a knack to it, Beth. You need to see the subtleties in the art of soufflé making first-hand or you’ll never master it. And no man wants a woman with a flat soufflé, let me tell you !’

Kate had to bite both her lips together to stop herself laughing as her mother walked into the kitchen with Beth, another of Kate’s close friends.

Eleanor stopped short and frowned. ‘What are you doing in here, Katherine? You need to get back to your guests.’

‘Lance has it handled,’ Kate replied, covering the snort of amusement at Amy’s I told you so expression with a cough.

Eleanor frowned. ‘Katherine, are you drunk ?’

‘No!’ she exclaimed. ‘Of course not.’ She glanced at the bin. ‘I don’t think.’

‘Right, well you’ll need to move over, girls. I’m showing Beth how to make a good chocolate soufflé.’ Eleanor rolled up her sleeves and marched around to their side of the island. ‘Come on now – spit-spot.’

Beth shot them both an accusatory glare as they stood up and moved aside, followed by a silent plea for help. Kate bit her lip with a silent look of apology, feeling bad. They should have brought her in here with them. Eleanor had probably pounced on her ages ago.

‘Do you know how to make a soufflé, Amy?’ Eleanor asked.

‘Of course,’ Amy lied. ‘Kate taught me your wonderful method years ago.’

Kate closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

Eleanor’s head popped up, and her sharp gaze honed in on Amy. ‘If Kate taught you how to make soufflés, then you’re in even more need of this lesson than Beth,’ she told her bluntly. ‘Despite a lifetime of my attempts to teach her, Kate could never quite grasp it. Her soufflés are terrible.’

‘Thank you, Mother,’ Kate said wryly.

‘Sorry, darling, but they are. You know they are,’ Eleanor said, her tone completely unapologetic. ‘I’ll need to unteach you whatever Kate showed you and reteach you the correct way. Beth, open that drawer and grab three pinnies out, please.’

Beth gave Amy a withering look of disappointment. None of them were getting out of it now it seemed.

‘Now, it’s all in the egg whites. I’ll show you when we get there, but just mentally note that, girls, and keep repeating it in your head so you don’t forget. It’s all in the egg whites ,’ Eleanor instructed.

‘Definitely, will do just that , Eleanor,’ Amy said, nodding seriously. ‘And I’m really excited to do this at some point, but we should really get back to the party, shouldn’t we?’

‘If you can be in here for this long drinking , Amy Ellis, you can spare a little longer to learn something useful ,’ Eleanor reprimanded, raising one eyebrow at her.

‘Yes, Mrs H,’ she replied with a resigned sigh.

She reached for a pinny, and Beth’s arms flew up in the air as her gaze moved back and forth questioningly between the two. Amy shrugged back and mouthed, What can I do? Kate held her hands up to show them she had nothing, either, as they both turned to her.

Eleanor popped back up and pulled up her sleeves. ‘Right, ladies. So?—’

‘Actually, Mrs H, I’m so sorry, but we really will have to do this another time.’ Amy said with a sad grimace. ‘It’s just that, um, it’s, er…’ She looked around helplessly for a moment, then her gaze landed on Kate’s hand and a lightbulb pinged up behind her big blue eyes. ‘It’s just that with Beth and I both being here at the same time, I thought Kate should take the opportunity to talk us through her wedding ideas.’

‘ What ?’ Kate asked, her eyebrows shooting up.

‘Oh, of course!’ Eleanor chimed at the same time. She clapped her hands together with a wide smile. ‘You do have both your bridesmaids here together, Kate. That’s an excellent idea, Amy. OK, the soufflé can wait.’

She began putting everything back again, and Kate shot Amy an accusatory glare. What the hell? she mouthed. Until her mother had walked in, she’d been starting to calm down, but now all her panic and guilt and worry and confusion rushed back at full force. The last thing she wanted to do right now was talk about a wedding. Amy’s reassurances had given her hope that she might wake up tomorrow and feel differently. But right now, this still felt like some strange, awkward nightmare.

She suddenly realised Beth was looking at her with a wobbly emotional smile, and she looked at her questioningly.

‘I know we always used to say we’d be each other’s bridesmaids when we were kids, but when it actually happens, when you hear one of your best friends wants you as their bridesmaid…’ Her voice rose to a squeak, and she flapped her hands wildly at her face as tears filled her eyes. ‘It means the world. Thank you, Kate.’ She sniffed, and a couple of tears fell down over her smile.

‘Aw, Beth!’ Amy pulled her into a hug. ‘It’s so special, isn’t it? You were both mine, now we’re Kate’s and one day we’ll be yours, and we’ll have gone full circle.’

Kate forced a smile as they looked at her, but she didn’t trust herself to make it a group hug right now, in case she broke down. They’d always been her people, Amy and Beth. Her safe place when she felt vulnerable and needed to ugly-cry over things no one else would understand. But this was different. This was something she needed to get her own head around before she pulled in anyone else.

‘Alright then, girls, let’s go!’ Eleanor said. Her eager gaze moved over to Kate. ‘Where shall we start, Katherine? We’re all ears.’

Eleanor stared at her expectantly, and Kate fought hard to keep her true feelings out of her expression as she was thrust unwillingly under the spotlight. ‘Um…’ She racked her brain, trying to come up with a suitable answer.

‘Thinking about venues, there’s Kirtlington Hall,’ Eleanor suggested with a spark of excitement.

Kate’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Kirtlington Hall is huge ,’ she reminded her.

‘And very grand,’ Eleanor added, missing Kate’s meaning entirely. ‘It’s ideal.’

‘ Too grand,’ Kate said with a frown. ‘Not ideal at all .’

Her pulse began to quicken at the thought. The fact they were talking about a wedding at all was enough to send her heartrate clanging through her chest like an old fire alarm, but the sort of royal circus it would be at that place was beyond comprehension.

Eleanor frowned. ‘How can somewhere be too grand for your wedding?’

‘If you’d prefer something more country-style, Caswell House is really nice,’ Beth offered. ‘It’s a big stone barn, really pretty.’

Eleanor gasped and put a hand to her chest. ‘My daughter is not getting married in a barn ! Of all the suggestions! Honestly, Beth, she’s not a cow .’

‘No, it’s not like a farmyard barn,’ Beth replied. ‘Seriously, it’s really nice.’

‘Wouldn’t you rather a London wedding?’ Amy jumped in. ‘That’s more you. City sleek. Contemporary sophistication.’

‘Of course she wouldn’t,’ Eleanor argued, seemingly affronted. ‘She’ll have a traditional wedding, somewhere around here, where she’s from .’

Kate watched them argue and suddenly wished that she could just tap her heels together three times and disappear, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz , back to her flat in London. Or to anywhere, really. Anywhere but here. But as the argument went round in circles and Eleanor began to bristle, Kate realised she was going to have to step up and take control of the conversation before it escalated any further. There was no escaping it. She took a deep breath.

‘Listen, the thought of a big wedding really just doesn’t appeal to me at all,’ she said carefully. ‘I think maybe something intimate would be better. Just something small, nothing too crazy. OK?’

Her mother drew back from her with a look of shock. ‘What do you mean , Katherine?’ she asked, flustered. ‘Darling, I love you dearly, but if you’re about to suggest some awful elopey-style registry-office dash, then you can think again. I mean really, Katherine, how could you even ask me to consider it?’

Kate blinked. ‘I wasn’t?—’

‘And I doubt Lance will be OK with that – he has such vision !’ Eleanor cut her off. ‘And this is his wedding, too, remember. It’s not all about you, Katherine.’ She gave Kate a disappointed stare. ‘Really, you can be quite selfish sometimes, darling.’

Kate’s mouth dropped open. ‘But?—’

‘No.’ Eleanor cut her off firmly. ‘I’m sorry, but you can toss that idea right out of the window.’

‘ Mum ,’ Kate said, holding her hands out to halt her. ‘No one said anything about a registry office. OK?’ This wasn’t going well at all.

‘Well, what are you thinking then?’ Eleanor asked.

'Um…’ Kate looked out of the window, searching for inspiration, but all she found was a bird staring back from a nearby branch. It took off, flying away into the distance. Lucky sod, she thought.

‘Well?’ Eleanor prompted.

Kate exhaled heavily and admitted defeat. ‘I don’t know, Mum.’ She spread her arms with a shrug. ‘It’s all happened so fast, I haven’t had time to think.’

‘Haven’t had time to think about what?’

They all turned at the sound of Lance’s voice. He walked into the room and over to Kate, resting an arm across her shoulders.

‘Hello, fiancée,’ he said warmly.

Kate looked up and forced the threatening cringe into a smile, squeezing his hand. She couldn’t answer him. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably at the sound of the word fiancée . As he turned his attention to the rest of the group, she rested her head against his taut torso and felt a wave of helplessness wash over her. There had to be a way to back out of this. But how , without hurting and embarrassing everyone she cared about?

‘We were just discussing possible options for the wedding, Lance,’ Eleanor told him. ‘I suggested Kirtlington Hall,’ Eleanor began.

‘That’s a great idea,’ Lance said enthusiastically.

‘Isn’t it? And I was thinking—’ Eleanor pushed on like a runaway steamroller, and Kate quickly sat upright, knowing she had to rein her mother in now before she got too carried away.

‘Actually, I really don’t want it there. I’m sorry, but a big wedding would be my worst nightmare,’ she said honestly. ‘I know it’s probably not what you had in mind, but I’d just prefer something small. More intimate.’

‘Gosh, OK.’ Lance pushed his tortoiseshell glasses up his nose and let out a small laugh. ‘Well, I can’t say I’m not surprised, but if an intimate wedding is what you want, then that’s what we’ll have. Whatever makes you happy.’

Kate shot him a small smile. Despite the fact he’d caused this waking nightmare, she was grateful for this support. It would make containing her mother a lot more manageable.

‘There are some great smaller venues in London we could look at,’ Lance continued. ‘We could maybe book one of the Michelin-star restaurants for the wedding breakfast. Galvin La Chapelle would be quite fitting.’

There was a chorus of agreement, and Eleanor jumped on board immediately. Kate’s relief swiftly faded, however, as Eleanor began listing which magazines might be interested in covering the event and Lance met these suggestions with great enthusiasm.

‘So, when are we thinking?’ Eleanor asked. ‘A spring wedding? Autumn?’

‘Actually, I’ve always rather liked the idea of getting married on New Year’s Eve,’ Lance said. ‘Saying goodbye to the old year and celebrating the start of a new one as a married man. What do you think, Kate?’

Kate hesitated, feeling like she was being backed into a corner with this question. Did they really have to make that decision now? ‘Um, New Year’s Eve?’ she repeated.

She thought it through for a moment. It was the end of October now, so that would make it over a year away. Perhaps agreeing to that wasn’t the worst idea. It would put a decent amount of time and distance between her and the wedding. Her hopes lifted a little, and she slowly nodded.

‘Yes,’ she said, a little more enthusiasm in her tone now. ‘I think that’s a perfect idea.’

‘Yeah?’ Lance queried.

‘Yes,’ she said firmly. ‘New Year’s Eve is ideal.’ Fourteen months , she told herself encouragingly.

‘Perfect!’ Eleanor clapped her hands together. ‘Then that’s settled. New Year’s Eve it is! Oh, Katherine, what an exciting Christmas this is going to be! Not long to plan, but that’s OK. What is it, nine weeks away?’

‘ This new year?’ Kate’s eyes widened in alarm as her strategic agreement completely backfired. This hadn’t been the idea at all.

‘It’s impossible,’ Amy said, horrified.

‘No, it’s not,’ Eleanor replied. ‘It’s just been agreed that it will be a small wedding, hasn’t it? No need to organise endless suppliers or hundreds of guests. We’ll simply book the venues, then buy the dresses, the suits and a cake.’

Kate opened her mouth to argue, then realised there was no argument there to use. She’d well and truly screwed herself over.

‘It could work,’ Lance said thoughtfully.

‘ Really, Lance?’ Amy exclaimed.

‘I can’t see why not,’ he replied. ‘Alright. Let’s do it! What do you say, Kate?’

Kate felt the back of her neck grow hot, and she placed a cooling hand there as she tried to think of any valid argument she could throw in against the idea, but there wasn’t one that didn’t betray her true reluctance.

‘I can’t see why not, either,’ she said eventually. Literally , she added mentally. I literally cannot find a valid reason.

‘That’s settled then!’ Lance exclaimed. ‘The date’s set. We’re getting married!’

There was a small eruption of cheers, and Lance lifted his glass. Kate lifted hers, too, automatically clinking it against everyone else’s with a fixed smile as she internally screamed. As she imagined herself leaping up from the bar stool and throwing herself through the window to escape. Because this was all moving too fast, and in a direction she hadn’t even chosen. This wasn’t a miscommunication over which restaurant they were going to eat at tonight or what style she asked her hairdresser for. Those things were temporary. This was forever. Heat crept up her neck into her cheeks, and she pulled at the neck of her jumper.

Standing up abruptly, she flashed everyone a quick smile. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

Not pausing to explain, Kate made her way through the house to the furthest point away from the party and the kitchen. The furthest point away from everyone . As she slipped out the side door, she sucked in a deep breath of air and bent over, giving in to the panic attack that had been hovering over her since she’d first seen the ring.

Pulling in great deep noisy gulps of air one after the other, she finally let it all out. All the panic and the horror and the guilt and the helplessness. It all flooded out of her in a series of big ugly anxiety-filled sobs, each one tripping over the next as they rushed to escape, to the point she could barely breathe. Her sobs grew faster and faster until she felt like she couldn’t get enough oxygen in her lungs. It was only when she started to feel faint that Kate forced her emotions back under control and sat down on the ground, exhausted. She leaned back against the wall, and slowed her breathing, staring bleakly out at the garden.

There was something wrong with her. She knew that. Anyone else would be thrilled to be in her position. But knowing that didn’t make it any easier. She rested her head back and closed her eyes. She needed to clear her head, but it was impossible here. She needed to get away somewhere quiet, somewhere where she could get a grip on everything without everyone buzzing around her.

A quiet ping broke the silence, and after a few seconds Kate pulled her phone from her pocket to see who it was. It was from her boss, Simon. She opened it with a small frown of surprise. He never usually disturbed her on a weekend.

Sorry to do this to you on a weekend, but you’re needed in Boston urgently. If I can get you a flight tomorrow, could you make it work? I know tomorrow’s Sunday. I wouldn’t ask this of you if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. Too complex to explain over text. Bob will fill you in when you land. Please let me know ASAP. –S

Kate blinked and sat up, grasping the unexpected and perfectly timed lifeline with both hands.

Yes, I can make it work. Book it. Whatever flights available. –K

Pressing send, she glanced back towards the door, then typed out a second message.

Actually, if you can get me on one tonight, even better. I can be at the airport in three hours. Let me know. –K