So Rare (Boys of South Chapel #3)

24. Greedy

Chapter 24

Greedy

NOW

Nostalgia swirls with the present moment, creating an all-consuming sweetness as I lie wide awake, holding my girl and watching her sleep.

For the three years she was gone, I’d wake in the night, disoriented and desperate to see her lying by my side. I never got used to the harsh reality of waking up and remembering she was no longer mine.

When she came back, I’d relish the monthly visits to my bed, despite her pain. I do my best to be a good person, but I can’t deny that I was exultant once I recognized the pattern and became stingy with the limited time I spent with her. I craved her monthly retreat into herself because it was the only time she’d allow me to hold her. Even then, I’d cling to her until the sun would rise, knowing I had hours, then minutes, then only heartbeats, before she’d wake and leave me once more.

Holding her like this is reminiscent of these sacred hours. I’m exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep if I tried. Not now. Not when I get her all to myself like this.

For the first time in a very long time, I know that when she wakes, she’ll still want me. There will be no sneaking out. No pushing me away.

I brush a few loose hairs off her forehead and let the silky strands slip between my fingers, taking care not to wake her.

There’s so much history between us. So much heartache and so much pain. But losing her this time—knowing it was against her will—has changed my outlook on everything.

Hunter’s not who she was when we fell in love at eighteen. I see that now. I see that so clearly. She’s endured. She figured out how to keep going when it would have been easier to give up.

Beyond her bubbly personality, sharp mind, and genuine kindness, and hidden underneath her natural playfulness and the vivacious spirit of the girl I fell in love with, is a survivor. She had to be tough, because it was the only way to survive. She had to be cold, because it was the only way to separate herself from Magnolia and the damage the woman leaves in her wake.

Hunter couldn’t fight for me back then because she was fighting like hell to hang on to herself.

The girl I loved is gone. I accept that now.

The woman I’m holding tonight is a survivor, and she’s perfect beyond all comprehension. Her poise. Grace. Resilience. Strength. She’s never looked more beautiful.

Every month, she goes to battle, waging war on the hormones and intrusive thoughts that come with PMDD. Every month, she holds on during the dark moments and fights like hell to keep chasing the light.

I refuse to let her fight alone ever again.

Another thing I’ve come to learn? It’s something I wouldn’t have been able to accept before, but that I can and gladly will now, both for her sake and mine.

I’m not the only one she needs.

Tonight should have felt like a dream. I thought it would, actually, when we crawled into bed and cuddled up under the covers, just the two of us, before she fell asleep in my arms.

Tonight, I have her back, and I’m all she wants. It’s what I’ve craved since the moment she moved back into my dad’s house at the start of the fall semester.

Now? I’m man enough to admit it’s not what I want. Not everything, at least. It’s not all she deserves, either.

I’m enough on my own, but Hunter deserves it all.

I want her to have everything—and every person—who fills her cup and makes her feel whole. I want to remain open and be willing to explore whatever sort of future makes sense for us as a unit.

With a kiss to Hunter’s head, I breathe her in, so fucking glad she’s finally able to rest.

As I continue to relish this moment, I can’t resist texting the guys. I don’t want to gloat, and I especially don’t want to hurt Levi more than he’s already hurting, but we’re in this together, and I want them to feel like they’re still part of this in every way.

G: She’s sleeping soundly.

Spence: Very good. Thanks for the update.

I hold my phone up and stare at the screen, willing Levi to respond so I’d know he’s okay. When the screen goes dark, I drop the device and let it bounce on my stomach, defeated.

An instant later, though, it vibrates against my lower abdomen, startling me.

Leev: Thanks, G. I appreciate the update more than you know.

Another text comes through less than a minute later.

Leev: I’m sorry for earlier. I was hurt and pissed off, but I shouldn’t have lost my cool. This situation sucks, but it’s no one’s fault. I shouldn’t have reacted that way.

Relief sweeps through me. Thank fuck. It feels good to know he isn’t holding on to his anger. Honestly, I would have reacted the same way had I been in his situation. For what feels like the first time, though, the Universe was on my side.

G: No need to apologize. It’s been a really hard day for all of us.

Spence: Speak for yourself. Had he not apologized of his own volition, I would have had to force it out of him.

I snicker, and when Hunter stirs, I hold my breath and tip the screen against my chest to block out the light. The device continues to vibrate in my hand as Levi and Spence banter. Once I’m sure she’s still asleep, I hold the phone above me again to catch up.

Leev: You wouldn’t dare.

Spence: Try me, champ.

Leev: Don’t tempt me, sir.

Spence: Temptation will be the least of your concern if you choose to activate your own version of Brat Mode again.

I can’t tell whether they’re flirting or fighting. Maybe both. I feel compelled to interject.

G: Chill, you two. She remembered some things from her time at Empire Forest. I think her memories will be fully restored sooner rather than later.

Leev: Good to hear. But however long it takes, I’m not going anywhere.

Spence: Nor am I.

I release a soft, satisfied sigh. It’s been a hard fucking road to travel, but it feels like we’re all finally on the same page.