Solstice (Midsummer #3)

6. Carter

6

Carter

I couldn’t sleep, and I was sandwiched between the reasons why. Something was going on with Lex and Ivy, something more than what they’d confessed. The sex had been amazing, another night in a long line of fan-fucking-tastic between us.

If it had been like all the other times, I wouldn’t be awake at two in the morning, staring at the ceiling like a lost puppy. I loved Lex, and I loved Ivy, and for as long as I’d known them, I’d suspected they loved each other as much as they proclaimed their immense hatred.

Once upon a time, I’d even asked him to take care of her, to put her back together when he tore her apart. He’d tried his best, but without Miri and me to soften the space between them, they’d never been more than frenemies. For the last four years, both had insisted that was it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

A stinging jealousy simmered just below the surface, the one that screamed at me for moving away. Ivy and Lex lived together. They got to have all of each other all the time, and in that existed a unique intimacy I yearned to have with both of them. But a new ache had added gasoline to what ignited long ago.

The implications of tonight rattled around in my imagination. He’d brought her up to this romantic, secluded cabin in the woods two days before I’d gotten here. When I finally did, I walked in on her tied to the table, having been edged for an hour beforehand. There had been moments where I’d swear they were communicating with more than their words.

Ivy could get inside anyone’s head whenever she wanted, but her eyes typically turned white when she did. So what the fuck was going on? It smelled like Ivy and Lex were keeping secrets again, like they had uncovered a hidden side of themselves they didn’t share.

Fuck, that hurt.

I should be happy they’d finally learned to love each other, but it itched like a backward pet, and I couldn’t stand it. I rubbed my hands over my eyes and extracted myself from Ivy’s embrace, floating over Lex’s body to get out of bed. I grabbed a fuzzy throw blanket from a chair in the corner and wrapped it around my shoulders before slipping out of their bedroom to tread silently across the white carpeted hallway.

Tiptoeing downstairs for something to quench my thirst, my attention caught on the embers from the dying flames glowing in the fireplace, illuminating the room in a soft, hazy light. It reminded me of winters in Chicago, the cold wind blaring outside, the warm fire crackling all winter long. I opened the fridge and poured water into a cup, taking a long drink as I considered this new complication.

I knew what I had to do, of course. I couldn’t play a knight on TV forever. If I wanted to be as close to Lex and Ivy as they were with each other, I needed to come home. Just like Lex had made me promise.

If they were keeping their secrets, perhaps that was mine. I had done all of this for the fame and glory. I’d left them both after college for my name in bright lights and a star on an already crowded sidewalk. Now that I had it, I wasn’t sure I wanted it.

What would have happened if I had stayed? What would our lives have been had I fought for Ivy and Lex from the beginning? Would I get those long hours in bed with them, making love every night and taking care of them the way they wouldn’t take care of themselves? Somewhere in a parallel universe, another version of me had made that choice. What a lucky prick he was.

The snow glistened outside in the moonlight, playing across the forest undergrowth like a million tiny diamonds, dancing and shimmering just for me. Maybe the early morning chill would temper down the envious stab in my stomach, so I crossed the living room to the deck and slid the door open to step outside. Inhaling a deep breath, I shivered against the sudden burst of freezing air. The shock revitalized me, cooling the boil in my veins, and I stood there with my face toward the sky, breathing in the night.

The glass door behind me slid open, and I startled, narrowing my gaze on a rumpled Lex as he stepped out half naked, boxers barely clinging to his hips. God, I could fuck him senseless like this: hair messed from sleep, pouty lips so freaking bitable, long body lithe and strong.

“It’s too early for you to eye-fuck me, Chicago.” He closed the door behind him, cupping his hands to light the cigarette between his lips.

I shrugged. “Never stopped you before.”

He chuckled and handed the pack to me so I could take one if I wanted. I did, and he lit it while I inhaled. I didn’t usually smoke, and most of the time, I gave him shit for the amount he did. But on nights like tonight, with the thoughts rolling around in my stupid skull, I needed the extra buzz.

Lex stayed silent for a moment, but eventually, he raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips in my direction. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a loud thinker?”

I barked out a laugh, taking another drag on my cigarette. “Once or twice.”

“What are you worried about?”

I debated whether I should say anything. Being poly wasn’t all sunshine and orgies; it took a lot of communication to keep everyone from getting hurt and that was before we factored in things like a fairy curse and an adopted child from another realm. Even if I didn’t say anything, Lex would have been able to pry it out of me if he wanted.

“Last night was…” I rubbed at the back of his head and took another long inhale on the cigarette. “What’s going on between you and Ivy?”

Lex sighed. “I know I promised you to I’d be gentle with her, but she doesn’t want that. Not from me.”

I looked down to the ground between us, letting the shame of not being enough for her simmer through my veins, settling in my gut like sludge. Of course, that was the point, wasn’t it? I wasn’t enough for her, and she wasn’t enough for me. That was why there were four of us. It still chafed.

“So you’re fucking now?”

Lex narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me that bothers you.”

I swallowed, my throat burning like I’d inhaled an entire sun. “What if it does?”

Lex laughed, probably thinking I was kidding. When I snapped my gaze to his, he stopped. “Oh. Shit. Really?”

“Was she in your head?” My mouth thinned. “Were you in hers?”

The boulder on my chest grew heavier as I waited for Lex to confirm my suspicions. He didn’t understand. Ivy was mine . She’d always been mine . He didn’t want her until I had her and even then, he continued this farce of pretending to despise her. They’d both sworn no more secrets to me. I couldn’t go through that again. Perhaps the same realization dawned on him because his features softened, and he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, bringing our foreheads together.

“Chicago, it’s not like that.”

“No?” I tried to pull away from him. “Are you two telepathic or something?”

“We’ve been practicing on each other.”

“Practicing? What does that mean?”

“Don’t give me this shit, okay?” Lex’s eyes radiated with adoration even as he cursed at me. “You’ve been on my ass for years to make nice with her, and now that I have, you’re jealous?”

I didn’t say anything, just hugged my blanket tighter around me. Okay, that was fair, but it still hurt to be left out.

“Where’s this coming from?” He took a step closer, cupping my chin so he could force me to look at him. “What aren’t you getting from me? You want me to tie you to the kitchen table?” I choked back a laugh and tried to whip my head away, but he wouldn’t let me. He gripped my jaw tighter. “You want me to force you to tell the truth over and over again?”

“You did that to her?” I hated that I’d missed it, that he might know things about her I didn’t. Christ, what she must have seen in his head that I never would. Yeah, I was lucky, but so what? To have that kind of connection with someone was unique and powerful, and I’d been chasing a stupid pipe dream while they’d been developing it.

He laughed that dark Lex laugh and leaned in closer. “She’s seen the memory of us in London so many times, I bet she could recite the whole night for you, word for word.”

“Fuck.” I stabbed out my cigarette and stepped away, struggling to remember the last time it had been just him and me. “Are you happy? Is she?”

“No. We miss you every fucking second of every fucking day.” Lex shook his head, narrowing his scrutinizing eyes on me. “You made me a promise.”

“I know,” I said. “I haven’t forgotten.”

Lex stabbed his smoke out in the ashtray and wrapped his hands around my blanket, tugging me closer to him. “She loved you first, Carter. We both did. We love you more.”

“Stop that,” I said. “It’s not true.” Lex furrowed his brows as I sighed and explained. “You and me, we’re two sides of the same coin. Foils in a messed-up tragedy. You and Miri, she’s the air you breathe, and you’re her prince of darkness. But you and Ivy?” I shook my head, exhaling into the cold, quiet night. “You two are the same soul.”

Lex let out another sad chuckle. “I know you’ve been out in LA long enough to fry your brain but spare me the new-agey bullshit.”

“I’m serious.”

He raised an eyebrow, still unconvinced. “If Ivy and I are the same soul, what does that make you and Ivy?”

I shrugged. “She’s my foil, too.”

“And you and Miri?”

“Ahh.” I laughed. “She’s my partner in crime. My star-crossed lover.”

Lex slung an arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer, leaning his forehead to the side of my head so he could whisper, “Just tell me you want me to tie you to the table, Chicago, and I’ll do it.”

I shoved Lex away before reeling him back in for a kiss, memorizing how his lips melted against mine, so soft and warm and distinctly him. “I’m jealous you two can read each other’s minds. I’m jealous you’re together all the time and I get you one week every few months.”

“It’s not as great as you think.” Lex kissed me again, lingering, licking my mouth slowly as he tried to make it up to me. “She can do it with anyone. Just ask and I’m sure she’ll be happy to let you into that hellscape she calls an imagination.”

I smiled again, making his teeth scrape against my lips, and when I responded by tucking my hand down the front of his boxers, Lex hissed and yanked me back into the house to make good on his promises of orgasms before coffee.

I had my cock in Lex’s mouth and my fingers in his hair when Miri arrived. She, too, had caught an earlier flight and now stood in the entryway, her hands on her hips, an eyebrow halfway up her forehead.

“Figures I’d find you two like this.” She shut the door behind her and dropped her luggage by our shoes. “Ivy’s upstairs then? Very well. Carry on.” She trudged up the steps to leave me and our husband to our own devices.

Lex throat fucked me until his eyes watered, holding me down when I squirmed under him. I loved his mouth, and when he let me go with a loud suck, I whined and tried to push his head back down.

“No, no, no,” he said, nodding toward the couch. “On your knees, Chicago. You wanted me to prove I love you? I’m going to fuck you so hard, you feel my cock in your heart. You ready for that?”

I swallowed a laugh as I moved, turning over on my knees so my elbows were on the back of the couch. Lex yanked my boxers down and stepped behind me, the sound of the lube being opened making me shiver. Then he did. He gripped me by the hips and surged into me so hard, I winced and nearly sobbed. It hurt in the best way, and I sagged on the couch, arching into him as he hit the spot inside that made me tremble. He dug his nails into my skin, there’d be marks later, but I didn’t care. My cock wept with his ministrations, and when I tried to touch myself, he slapped my hand away.

“That’s mine,” he said. “Mine. And you thought I didn’t want you?” He laughed. “You silly little slut. I’ll always want you.” Lex pumped me, his fist like a vise, and when I came all over myself in an embarrassingly short amount of time, he laughed and took me harder. “There it is. Such a good whore for me, huh?”

“Fuck.” I sobbed, but that only instigated him. His thrusts were punishing, and when I couldn’t hold myself up anymore, I relented to his fury. I loved him like this—so in control, so dominating. It almost made me hard again. When Lex reached his own climax, he stayed inside me and leaned over my back to bring his lips near my ear.

“You better keep your promise, Chicago,” he said. “Or I’ll hunt you down and drag you home by your filthy cock. You understand me? We’re nothing without you. We need you.” He cleared his throat and bit my throat hard enough to leave a mark, almost breaking the skin. “ I need you.”

Then he pulled out of me, cleaned me up with a towel from the kitchen, and kissed me deeply.

“Let’s go find our wives, huh?”

When I nodded, he pulled me to my feet and we went upstairs to shower, only to find them reacquainting themselves in the huge walk-in with four (that’s right, four) showerheads.

Ivy kneeled in front of Miri, kissing and sucking the most intimate parts of her, and Miri tangled her hands in Ivy’s long ginger hair. The sight of them together always lit my blood on fire, and if I hadn’t just emptied my cock in Lex’s hand, I would have bent one or both of them over to appease my own appetite. Instead, Lex and I shared a devilish glance while Miri cried out in release and smiled down at Ivy.

Then we joined them, and I kissed Miri to welcome her home.

That vacation was about more than early morning orgasms and butt plugs. We both had a surprise for them. Lex had always wanted us to sneak away to Miri’s cottage in Aberdeen. He had envisioned our children running through the yard, me and Miri chasing after them. The older we’d gotten, the more he realized we couldn’t leave the States. So we’d done the next best thing. He’d found us a hideaway here, and I’d helped him buy it.

We had purchased it together. Our accountants had figured it all out, discreetly, of course, and we could come whenever we wanted. I wrapped my arms around Ivy’s neck, hugging her tighter against me, pleased when she moaned. She was the air I breathed, the oxygen I needed to survive. Now that we were together again, a sense of completeness settled in my gut that I only knew in their company.

We were whole, the four of us, and only when it was the four of us did that very specific smile grace Ivy’s face. We spent the next week in domesticated bliss. We talked about a future we may never get to see, idyllic in the thought that we might actually have it. Miri and Ivy plotted to introduce a joint environmental structure into Congress this term while I decorated the Christmas tree and Lex took pictures of us all.

If I could picture my perfect heaven, it was this.

And when we told the girls we had bought the place on Christmas morning, neither could believe it.

“It’s ours,” Lex said with a wide smile.

Ivy squinted in confusion, brows furrowing, but Miri’s grin lit up her face. “What?”

“Carter and I bought it for you…for us,” he explained.

“What do you mean you bought it?” Ivy straightened.

“I used my money from Fractured Crowns ,” I said.

“And I cashed out some investments,” Lex added. “Traded a few things around.”

“Jesus, Lucifer.” Ivy pushed to her feet.

“We have a safe space now,” I said, even happier when tears bubbled in the corners of Miri’s eyes.

“No one else knows about this place,” Lex added. “No one except us and Theo.”

“And Poppy,” I cut in. “This is her safe space, too.”

“Of course,” Lex agreed, even if his tone made it seem like he didn’t…not really.

“I can’t believe you did this.” Miri wrapped her arms around Lex’s neck and kissed him, tender and sweet, the way she used to do when we were young.

Ivy crawled in my lap and kissed me deeply, whispering sweet nothings in my ear about what she wanted to do to me later.

And God help me…I never wanted this to end.