Someone Like You (The Ever After Agency #4)

Chapter 33

33

GABY

Ignoring the concerned looks from my family – especially Mom and Issy, who know how I feel about Raff – I get up and go into the entry, where I put on my boots, coat, and gloves. Issy is hot on my heels.

‘Are you going somewhere?’

‘I need to… be somewhere else – anywhere else.’

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘No, it’s okay, Is. I want to be alone.’

‘It might not mean anything,’ she says. ‘It’s just a text message. And he kissed you back last night. I saw it. We all saw it. He’s probably telling her it’s over.’

‘He called her “Jules”, Issy. Raff only gives his girlfriends a nickname when he’s serious about them. When Winnie became “Wins”, that’s when Freya and I knew for sure that she was sticking around.’

‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ she says dismissively. ‘He calls you “Gabs”.’

‘Exactly.’

She frowns, confused. ‘I don’t get it. ’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say, not wanting to explain something so frigging obvious. ‘I’m going for a walk. I need to clear my head.’

‘Okay, fine, but here.’ She thrusts a beanie at me and I tug it on, then leave.

At first, I don’t know where I’m going but then it comes to me, and I head towards West Highland Drive. It stopped snowing overnight, but everything is still blanketed – roofs, lawns, shrubs and bushes, cars… The snow is melting on the street itself, now a translucent, milky white, but the sidewalks are covered in white, a few sets of footprints, including children’s, the only indication that people have been out.

Ahead, outside a blue and white house, a father makes a valiant effort at helping his child ride their new bike on the shovelled driveway. He lifts his hand and says, ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ his child echoes, only they’re missing their front teeth, so it comes out as ‘Cwrithmath’. Cute .

I stop at the end of their driveway. ‘Merry Christmas,’ I say. ‘Did Santa bring you a bike?’

They nod at me, wide-eyed and flashing that toothless grin.

‘Well, you must have been very good this year.’

‘I was! Wasn’t I, Daddy?’

Daddy concurs, sending me a knowing smile.

‘Were you good this year?’ the child asks me.

‘Mostly.’

‘What did Santa bring you?’

Santa brought me my dream job and precious time with my family and freedom for my sister from a bad marriage and the realisation that I may have the best friend in the world, but that’s all he will ever be to me.

‘A sweater,’ I reply, and they scrunch up their nose at what is clearly a lame present. ‘Well, I’ll let you get back to riding your bike. You’re already really good at it,’ I say, and they puff out their chest with pride .

‘Thanks,’ says their dad with a wave.

I keep walking as a question goes around my mind on a loop: how can Raff and I remain best friends when I’m in love with him and he wants someone else?

By the time I get to Kerry Park, there’s a break in the clouds and actual sun shines down on me. An older couple is sitting on one of the benches, and there’s a guy with a Shih Tzu that’s wandering around off lead while he scrolls on his phone.

I cross to the wall and dust off some snow so I can sit, swinging my legs over the edge and looking out at my beautiful hometown.

And that’s the crucial distinction. Seattle is my hometown, but London is home.

Not too long ago, I wondered what it would be like to move back here, but I now know it’s not what I want. Sure, I’ll feel homesick from time to time, but after this past week, I can’t imagine moving back. Because my life is there now. And I have so much to be excited about.

My thoughts return to Raff… Not so excited about how that’s going to play out. But whatever happens, I’m not running back here. I’m not the same Gaby I was eight years ago, the girl who packed up her life to put as much distance as possible between her and the man who broke her heart.

Broke her heart…

Am I really heartbroken over Raff? Is that what this is? Can you feel the loss of something that was never yours to begin with?

‘All right if I join you?’

Raff.

Of course it is. Not only can I manifest family members with my mind, but Raff as well. What a shitty superpower.

‘Sure,’ I reply, and he repeats my actions from a few minutes ago, sitting six inches away.

‘I came downstairs and you’d left. ’

‘Just wanted some fresh air.’

‘Right.’ I can tell he’s trying to figure out how to say something and it takes him two false starts to get there. ‘Gabs, about last night?—’

‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ I say, laughing it off.

‘Sorry?’ He isn’t apologising; he’s asking for further explanation.

Sure, Raff – happy to explain why I kissed you in front of everyone.

‘It’s just… She just seemed hell-bent on getting you onto the dancefloor, so… you know…’

I glance at him and he’s clearly baffled, but I am not spelling it out for him – this is torture enough.

I expel a long sigh. ‘So, how’s Julia?’ I ask, mentally slapping myself. I don’t want to talk about the kiss, so I bring up his girlfriend? What the fuck is wrong with me?

‘Er… good. She’s good.’

‘Good – great .’

He angles his body towards mine. ‘Can I… Last night…’

I meet his eye. ‘You know what, Raff? I really don’t want to talk about it, okay? That girl wouldn’t leave you alone and you needed my help and I’d had a couple of glasses of wine, so I kissed you. No big deal.’

I’m hurting him, I can tell from his wounded expression, but I can’t see how any of what I’ve said is hurtful. I’m letting him off the hook.

‘Right,’ he says again – his go-to when something is anything but.

And I can tell he’s not only hurt, he’s also still confused. I make a split-second decision to spell it out.

‘Seriously, Raff, you don’t need to worry about me. Yes , I recently discovered that I have feelings for you, but I promise I’m content just to be your friend – your best friend. And I’m happy for you – really . I’m glad you’ve found someone, that Freya’s plan worked.’

I recognise the instant the words are out of my mouth that I’ve gone too far, Raff’s sharp inhale of breath proving me right.

‘Look—’

‘What do you mean Freya’s plan worked? Wait, are you talking about Julia ?’

‘Don’t you mean Jules ?’

It’s a ridiculous and unnecessary dig and it does nothing to make me feel better about how I’m handling this.

He huffs out another sigh, his jaw set with anger now. ‘ What? ’

I can’t sit here any longer, so I swing my legs back over the wall and stand, then stare out at the view. In a feat of curious timing, the clouds have cleared enough to see the base of Mount Rainier.

‘You called her “Jules”,’ I say, resigned that I’m in a nightmare of my own making – I may as well see it through. ‘Back there at the house.’

‘She asked me to – that’s what her friends call her.’

Well, that was unexpected. ‘Oh,’ I say, nothing else coming to mind.

‘Oh? A moment ago, that name seemed to carry a bit more weight than “oh”.’

‘Never mind,’ I tell him. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ Especially now it’s moot.

‘I will mind, thank you very much,’ he says, getting up and rounding on me. I’ve only ever seen Raff this angry when he confronted CiCi about entering him in Britain’s Best Bakers without his consent. It’s unnerving having his anger directed at me, even if I deserve it.

‘And what the bloody hell has Julia – or Jules or whatever you want to call her – got to do with Freya?’

Seriously? He still doesn’t get it ?

‘You know, for someone so smart, you can be really dumb.’ It’s mean, but now I’m getting pissed off.

‘I beg your pardon.’

‘Yep – dumb . Julia was a set-up, Raff. That party – the one you were invited to last minute – that was so you could meet her. You’d already passed on Jane and Ava, so Julia was Plan C.’

‘Who the hell are Jane and Ava?’ he asks, throwing up his hands.

‘The talkative one from the food safety course and the gal at the day spa. Those were set-ups.’

‘They were not. They couldn’t have been. How? ’

‘Come on, seriously ? You know Freya. Did you really think you could give her the okay to match you’ – he tries to interrupt me, but I continue – ‘what she perceived as the okay to match you, and she wasn’t going to run with it? And you told her “no dates”, remember, so we had to get creative.’

‘We?’

‘Oh, yeah. The second we left CiCi and Devin’s that day, she roped me into her little scheme, and it was full steam a-fucking-head.’

It finally seems to be sinking in, and he stares hard at the ground, then sits heavily on the wall.

‘And so, Julia…’ He lifts his head and looks at me questioningly.

‘Julia was “third try lucky”. All we had to do was get you to the party, then she would come over and introduce herself.’

‘So, she was in on it?’ he asks, unravelling yet another layer of deception.

I nod.

‘I see,’ he says – his other go-to understatement when everything’s gone to shit. His gaze goes back to the ground, several emotions traversing his face in mere seconds .

‘I suppose that explains a few things,’ he says, but it’s unclear if he’s speaking to me or himself.

‘Like what?’ I ask softly, the fight ebbing out of me.

I go to his side and sit, taking his hand. He places his other hand on mine, letting me in. He must have run out of steam too.

‘Oh, you know… certain things she’d say. Slip-ups, I suppose. It doesn’t matter, though. It was never going to work, anyway.’

‘What?’ Now it’s my turn to be surprised.

‘We’re too different. We want different things. She’s old money and privilege and… too much like my parents’ set, if I’m honest.’

His thumb moves slowly against the back of my hand, as ‘whys’ whiz through my mind.

Why did he keep dating her?

Why all the texts and video calls since we arrived in Seattle?

Why did he suggest we all get together for a frigging games night when we’re back in London?

But that’s where the line between ‘best friend’ and ‘wannabe girlfriend’ gets blurry.

Which Gaby wants answers the most?

I admit to myself that it’s the latter, which is why I keep quiet. Raff needs his best friend right now – and if that’s all I’ll ever be to him, then so be it.

I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him.

‘On reflection, I only went out with her because I was flattered that someone like Julia would be interested in me. I’m not proud to say this, but it was an ego boost of sorts.’

Ahh – someone like Julia. A tall, buxom, beautiful blonde with a fuck-tonne of money. The opposite of me.

And then out pops the question of a wannabe girlfriend. ‘What do you mean by “someone like Julia”?’

‘Flashy. Larger-than-life. Famous – and proper famous, not like I was for about fifteen minutes, but world-renowned. It was an intoxicating mix to begin with, but it’s been wearing off.’

‘So, why keep dating her then?’ Another question I probably shouldn’t be asking.

‘You make it sound like she was my girlfriend,’ he says with a dry laugh. ‘We only went out a couple of times – I haven’t even kissed her.’

He hasn’t kissed her?! My heart starts thumping even harder as the realisation hits. Raff hasn’t kissed Julia, but he has kissed me.

‘And, yes, she was fun enough to talk to, and she’s a very interesting person in some respects, but she’s not right for me – as a girlfriend, I mean.’

‘She isn’t?’ I ask, my eyes fixed on his face.

‘Well, no. And I decided that when I got back to London, I’d tell her we could only be friends. Only after this morning, I didn’t want to wait. When she messaged just now, I called her and told her it wasn’t going to work out.’

‘You did?’

‘Course,’ he replies with a gentle smile. ‘She’s not who I want.’

‘So, who do you want?’ I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. Hope perches on one shoulder cheering me on, while dread plonks itself on the other telling me not to be ridiculous.

He angles towards me, his grasp on my hand tightening.

‘I want to be with someone who shares my view on life – that family, including those we choose as our family, are the most important people – that “home” is a feeling, rather than a place – that being there for our loved ones when they need us fills us up inside.’

He shifts closer, our thighs now pressed together.

‘And I want someone who understands that to make a dream come true, you have to work hard at it – not have it handed to you, like…’

His voice fades away, but I can tell he’s referring to Julia .

‘Anyway,’ he continues, ‘I know I really can’t talk as I’m about to work for my aunt?—’

‘Hey, you earned that. You’ve worked extremely hard to become the baker you are – you’re an artist, Raff. You’re talented, yes, but talent means nothing if you don’t apply yourself to develop and hone it.’

‘And that right there…’ He gazes deep into my eyes, his eyes creased at the corners and glossing with tears. ‘I want to be with someone who knows precisely what to get me for Christmas – a gift that tells me they see me, they believe in me, they can imagine my future and that it’s brighter than I could ever, ever have dreamt.’

I gulp, not trusting my voice and transfixed by those beautiful green eyes.

He lifts his hand and lightly trails his fingertips down my cheek. If this isn’t a scene right out of a Hallmark movie…

‘I’m sorry it took me so long to see it – and I promise it had occurred to me before you kissed me on the dance floor last night – right after we ran into your ex, as a matter of fact – but never mind all that…’

He shakes his head, then meets my eyes again, drawing in a slow breath. ‘It’s you I want, Gabs. I want you.’

He wants me. Raff wants me .

My breath hitches. This feels like one of those surreal scenes in a movie where the camera tracks out while the focus zooms in.

‘And just to backtrack a few moments…’ he says, his mouth quirking. ‘You mentioned you recently had a similar realisation?’

‘I kept trying to talk myself out of it,’ I say, finally finding my voice. ‘I told myself that you were with Julia now and I needed to see how that played out. At least that’s the advice I got from Freya.’

There’s a flicker of something in his eyes – shock? – then it turns to something harder – irritation maybe. ‘She is quite the little puppet master, isn’t she? ’

‘Please don’t be mad at Freya. She only wanted you to be happy – wants you to be happy.’

‘Right. Only, it’s a lot to process right now.’

‘I get it. You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you and?—’

He leans close, stopping my words with a kiss.

It begins softly, his lips pressed against mine in a ‘shh’ of a kiss, and before I can draw back, his lips capture mine possessively. I succumb, melting into him, drowning in sensations.

With my free hand, I grasp the back of his neck and our mouths move together, hungry, curious, excited, yet with an undercurrent of familiarity. He tastes of vanilla and cinnamon and nutmeg, of the dry toastiness of the Champagne. His hand finds the nape of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair as the kiss deepens, the tip of his tongue sending an electrical current coursing through me, heating me up from the inside out.

I can’t say how much time passes. Or at what point the kiss slows. Or who draws back first. But eventually, we pause, our lips almost touching, and when I open my eyes, he’s regarding me with wonder.

He leans his forehead against mine, and our eyes lock as our breaths mingle in the air between us.

This is Raff – the funny, affable, thoughtful guy, my closest friend and ally, my champion, my person . And I’m overcome with how much I love him – all of him, who he is and who he will be. Who we will be together.

I sigh contentedly.

‘Gabs?’ he says, his voice raspy.

‘Mmm?’

‘Can we go back now? My bum is frozen to this wall.’

‘You dork. Way to ruin the moment. ’

He grins, drawing me in for a quick kiss. ‘I love it when you call me that. It’s so sexy.’

I get up. ‘Come on, dork. There are people at home who will be dying to hear our news. And Freya. And Poppy.’

He stands, placing a guiding hand on my lower back, but stops.

‘Wait – Poppy?’ It’s laughable watching him make the connection, the one I was worried about only a couple of days ago. ‘Ahh, so Poppy was my matchmaker.’

‘Yep.’

‘Well, she wasn’t very good at it,’ he quips.

‘Please never tell her that – I like Poppy. Besides, she’s better than you think.’

‘How so?’

‘Because she had me pegged from the get-go. And I’m only just realising this now,’ I say as more pieces of the puzzle slot into place, ‘but I’m pretty sure she had a hand in us getting together.’

‘I’m not following.’

‘It’s a story for another time, Rafferty. Let’s go home. I’m also freezing my butt off.’

‘Come here first.’

He gathers me into an embrace and I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his chest, eyes closed and listening to his muffled heartbeat through his coat. Dreamily, I inhale deeply and open my eyes.

‘Raff! Oh my god, look!’ I say, springing apart from him.

He follows my gaze and there it is, Mount Rainier, snow-covered and majestic against a wintry, pale-blue sky.

‘Fuck me, that is big.’

I laugh, and so does the guy with the dog.

‘Come on.’ I tug at his hand, and we begin the walk back to my parents’ house.