Spare Me

Chapter 23

T he morning of the royal wedding dawned bright and sunny, and Maddy spent it the way most of Britain did: on the couch in her pajamas, glued to the TV. Unlike most of the rest of Britain, Maddy was perhaps a bit more invested in the way the groom’s brother looked in his impeccably tailored morning suit, but who could blame her? The entire event was, as expected, stunning. From the literal trees planted in Westminster Abbey to the new choral pieces commissioned for the day to Hannah’s stunning bespoke Sassi Holford dress, to the way Prince Benjamin was visibly fighting back tears as she glided down the aisle on her father’s arm, it was magical.

Yet Maddy pretty much only had eyes for Alex the whole time. She thrilled as he looked over his shoulder to get the first glimpse of his sister-in-law-to-be and then whispered something to Ben, making his brother blush. The way he and Hannah’s sister had to shepherd the tiny attendants out of the Abbey. She found herself imagining what another wedding could look like, in spite of herself.

The king and queen had, as expected, declared bank holidays both Friday, the day of the wedding, and the following Monday, so between the end of the televised wedding content around one p.m. and when Graham was picking her up for the after party around 8:30, Maddy was kind of at sixes and sevens. The Stewarts had received invitations to the more formal luncheon reception following the wedding, so they weren’t home. None of the other embassy staff were working. And, even if she took the longest she’d ever taken to get ready, Maddy didn’t need to start showering and getting ready until at least 5:30.

She decided to try to work out some of her restless energy, but her standard longer run around the park only took an hour, so even after she got back, took a long shower, and started poring over some of the early wedding photos starting to appear on social media, she still had plenty of time.

Finally it was time to put on The Dress. She realized when she thought of it, she’d been capitalizing The Dress. Liz had found her some black peep-toe heels and a black clutch, which Maddy not only liked but could see herself using again, which was a plus. Knowing that every hairstylist in London would either be booked or taking the day off and not wanting to have to answer questions about where she was going with a fancy updo on the evening of the royal wedding, Maddy had done her own hair, blowing it dry and setting it with hot rollers before pulling just a small section of hair back on one side and clipping it with a black sparkly barrette.

Happy with her hair, she turned to the black velvet box waiting on her dresser. It had arrived by courier two days earlier with a note from Alex, written in his own handwriting: Hannah said these would look lovely with your dress. I can’t wait to see you in them. But mostly I just can’t wait to see you. XO, AW. The signature had immediately reminded her of the card that had come with the flowers he’d sent her after martini-gate. Inside the box she’d found a pair of diamond and emerald drop earrings and a delicate diamond and emerald bracelet. Her jaw had dropped when she opened them, stunned by Alex’s generosity.

Stunned and also slightly unsettled. Part of her brain was still insistent on the fact that this couldn’t turn into a long-term relationship. She would eventually have to return to America, and he would eventually have to find a bride befitting a prince. But part of her heard Hannah making comments about how nice it would be to have another woman in the family. Saw Alex buying lavish gifts for her to wear to his brother’s wedding reception. Noticed her thoughts idly shifting to what she wanted to get Alex for Christmas that year or what their own wedding could be like. And she felt her resolve melting. She and Alex had both been conspicuous and intentional in avoiding talking about anything beyond the immediate future. But she didn’t think she was the only one who had started to let herself imagine a future beyond the next month.

The email from Georgetown was burning a hole in her inbox. Something else they hadn’t talked about. She didn’t have much longer before she needed to accept or decline their offer. She’d almost succumbed to the temptation to talk to Alex about it multiple times. But she knew that, as supportive he would certainly be, as clearly as she could hear him saying “I’ll support you whatever you choose,” this had to be her decision and her decision alone. This was her future, and she had to make a choice. And soon.

Given the bank holiday, most of the staff were off for the day, and Maddy knew that Pierre and Nadia had left leftovers for the Stewarts to eat for dinner, so she just had to be sure that she didn’t accidentally cross paths with anyone as she slipped through the kitchen. As she crept to the top of the stairs out of her rooms and cracked the door open just slightly, she didn’t hear anything and so, tiptoeing in her heels, a tan trench coat covering much of The Dress, Maddy slipped out into the temperate late spring evening.

Since it was getting late, most of the holiday picnickers who had filled the park that afternoon were gone, although a few revelers still lingered. They were all too engaged in their own celebrations, though, to pay any attention to Maddy as she darted across the road to the side street where she and Graham had agreed to meet. Alex had tried to insist on Graham picking her up at Winfield House, but Maddy was already concerned about how she was going to sneak out of the house in The Dress without being seen, let alone getting into a Range Rover with a driver at Winfield House, and Graham had actually been on her side, so Alex had relented.

Maddy’s eyes looked for his standard Range Rover, but didn’t see it, so she was surprised when she heard his quiet voice call, “Good evening, Miss Maddy.” She turned and saw him emerging from a nondescript navy-blue hatchback.

“Hi, Graham,” she said, walking toward him. “Is this your car?”

“Yes, miss. I thought it might be a little less conspicuous than the car I use with the prince.”

“Great idea,” she said, grinning, and remembering what Alex had told her about Graham’s mystery-writing hobby. Alex hadn’t seemed overly concerned about anyone noticing her arrival at the palace, but beneath the excitement and general pre-event anxiety she’d been feeling in the lead-up to the wedding, Maddy had also noticed herself worrying about being caught. She was glad Graham seemed to be on the same page.

“If you don’t mind, miss,” Graham was saying, leading her around to the back of the small Citroen, “I was thinking you might be less noticeable back here. ”

He opened the trunk to reveal a soft-looking plaid blanket carefully laid out across the back of the pristinely clean trunk. “If it won’t ruin your dress to lay back here, we can pull the cargo cover over and you’ll be completely hidden until we get to the back entrance where I’ll let you in.”

Maddy was already climbing in as she said, “Brilliant plan, Graham,” over her shoulder. After she had arranged herself carefully to avoid being speared by one of the sequins on The Dress, Graham pulled the cargo cover carefully over her and shut the back hatch gently. It was completely dark, but that was fine with Maddy. It told her she was also completely hidden from view.

“Alright back there, Miss Maddy?” Graham called back. Maddy felt the car shift slightly as he sat down in the front seat and shut the driver’s door.

“Just fine, Graham, thanks!” she called back.

The experience of riding in the back of a car without being able to see out at all was both entirely foreign and wrapped in a strangely comforting cocoon of nostalgia. Even though the circumstances were completely different (and the fit of her body in the trunk of a car was, as well), it reminded her of their trips to the Adirondacks during her childhood. When they all piled into Evan’s family’s station wagon, sometimes there weren’t enough seatbelts for everyone, so she and Evan would wind up lying in the back of the wagon, their mothers’ admonitions to stay low and not move so they wouldn’t get hurt—or worse, caught by the police—ringing in their ears.

Maddy knew it would take roughly twenty minutes to get to Buckingham Palace, but her sense of time, like her sense of direction, was strangely muffled by her inability to see where they were. At first she’d tried to keep up with the turns, but she quickly realized that she didn’t know the surface streets well enough and was soon completely disoriented. Graham was too far away to make easy conversation besides his occasional calls back to check on her, so she mostly lay in contemplative silence.

She and Alex hadn’t seen each other in over a week and even finding time to text or FaceTime had been challenging with the mad dash leading up to the wedding, and so she realized that, despite the excitement of getting to attend the party, she was mostly just excited to see him. As she ruminated, she realized she didn’t remember ever having been this excited to see anyone. Sure, she’d always been relieved and happy to see Evan when he came home from long trainings or deployments. But, she reflected, never this kind of “crawl out of your skin to get to them” level of anticipation she felt at the idea of finally being in Alex’s arms again after just a week away. When she’d moved to England, it was supposed to be to start a new chapter in her life. Maddy 2.0. The dawn of a new era where she made decisions based on what she wanted and what was best for her, not anyone else. Especially not a man. And yet. She now found herself dangerously close to breaking rule number one of The Maddy 2.0 List.

Before she could pursue that tendril of thought further, she felt the car slowing and heard Graham roll his window down and mutter something to someone outside the car. Above the low murmur of their voices, she could hear cheers and realized this must be the gate outside Buckingham Palace, with folks still out and about celebrating the royal wedding and, perhaps, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone coming or going. Maddy felt the butterflies in her stomach whip themselves into a renewed frenzy. She was only a few moments away from Alex.

They hadn’t discussed how they were going to act at this, their first time truly interacting in front of anyone besides Graham. At that moment, Maddy would have been willing to walk up to him and shove her tongue down his throat, she was so eager to see him .

The car rolled forward and she felt them making a broad turn. Maddy imagined passing the majestic facade of the king and queen’s residence and looping around toward the back. Part of her wished she could see, but particularly with the knowledge that people were still congregating outside the fence, she was glad for her protective cover. A moment later the car came to a stop again. “Alright, Miss Maddy, we’re here,” she heard Graham say over the thudding of her heart, which was so loud it had to be clearly audible to anyone in the vicinity.

A moment later, the back hatch was opening and the cover was removed. Maddy blinked, her eyes readjusting to the lights illuminating what looked almost like a loading dock. Graham extended his hand and she took it as she swung her legs back over the hatch of the car and stood, smoothing The Dress. “Thanks, Graham,” she said, offering him a smile. She hoped nobody else could tell that her hands were shaking.

“Absolutely, Miss Maddy. Have a smashing time.” He winked at her and indicated a door that was opening outwards toward them. She saw Eric walking toward her, his tuxedo impeccably tailored, a hand extended to greet her.

“Maddy, lovely to see you again,” he said, taking her hand and leading her toward the open door.

“You too,” she said, her mouth going dry as she realized she was walking into Buckingham Palace. And this time she actually was an invited guest, not just The Help.

“Alex has been checking his watch obsessively and asking me if you’re here yet,” Eric said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, a smile on his face.

She felt herself relax infinitesimally, relief at the knowledge that he was as eager to see her as she was to see him coursing through her body. As they exited what was clearly a behind-the-scenes area and entered the more traditionally regal looking part of the Palace, Maddy felt her heart start to beat faster, if that was even possible. “Let me take your coat,” he said, stopping to help her out of it before handing it to a liveried servant behind a desk. “I’ll make sure it gets back to you,” he said, taking the coat check and slipping into the inner pocket of his suit jacket.

“Thanks, Eric,” she said, hoping that her voice didn’t sound too breathless or nervous.

“You ready for this?” he asked as they approached a larger hallway where Maddy could start to hear the faint sounds of music coming from several sets of doors. “You look stunning, by the way,” he said, with a smile. “Alex is going to lose his mind.”

She felt her cheeks flush. “Thanks.” She took a deep breath, adjusting The Dress and patting her hair. “And I don’t think there’s any way I could ever be ready for something like this, but I’m not going to get any more ready, so let’s do this.”

“Atta girl,” he said, taking her arm gently and leading her toward the grand ballroom and Alex.

Alex looked at his watch again. It felt like half an hour since Eric had left to go meet Graham and Maddy, but he knew realistically it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes. He tried to focus on the small circle of people standing around him: his cousin Elise, a friend of Ben’s from Oxford and his wife, and a few other people that he definitely knew but couldn’t be bothered to place. He’d intentionally positioned himself to have a clear view of the door he knew they’d be coming in, and he fought the urge to check every ten seconds for Maddy. It had, of course, been a magical day. Getting to see his brother marry the woman of his dreams and to stand next to him while he did it had been an honor, and finally getting to show his family once and for all that he could hold up under pressure at public events had been a side perk. But this, this moment, finally getting to see Maddy after days of only intermittent texting and fleeting calls, was going to be the highlight and he knew it.

He realized the people around him were laughing at something and he belatedly joined in, even though he had no idea what was funny, but his laugh died in his throat as he finally saw Eric standing in the doorway. He was suddenly slightly afraid he might pass out. He was pretty sure he excused himself as he moved away from the group and strode towards the door as Maddy appeared.

His breath caught in his throat and his purposeful stride faltered as he saw her. She was stunning. The sparkly green dress fit her like a glove, highlighting her breasts and the gentle curve of her hips before cascading to the floor in a sea of sparkles. The earrings he’d sent her glittered against the mahogany curtain of her hair. He realized they hadn’t discussed how they were going to handle interacting in front of other people and desperately hoped she was okay with PDA because there was absolutely no way he was going to make it through the next several hours without touching her.

He finally came to a stop in front of her and she looked up at him, her eyes shining. “Hi,” she said, her voice quiet and a bit breathy.

“Oh Maddy,” he breathed, his eyes taking her in up close. Of course the dress and the jewels were lovely on her. But her smile. The shining chocolate pools of her eyes. The way he could see her chest rising and falling, as nervous and excited to see him as he was to see her; those were the things that made her exquisite. Unable to control himself, he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the side of her face. “God, I’ve missed you,” he whispered into her ear.

“Me too,” she replied on an unsteady exhale. “So much.”

There was a moment of slight awkwardness. After so long of not having seen each other and now to be reunited in such a public place it was like neither of them knew what to do besides stare at each other, grinning slightly goofily.

“You look jaw-droppingly beautiful,” he finally said, wrenching his eyes from her to take in her appearance again.

She flushed slightly and smiled a bit self-consciously, “Thank you. So do you. I mean, you know I go crazy for you in a tux.” He’d changed from the morning suit he’d worn for the wedding to a classic Tom Ford tuxedo. “And the jewelry is just… thanks, again.”

“Hannah was right,” he said, smiling. “It’s perfect.”

“She’s something else,” Maddie said with a rueful grin. “I thought a tornado had entered Harrod’s when she showed up.”

Alex chuckled, imagining his new sister-in-law taking over Maddie’s shopping appointment. “I can only imagine.” He suddenly realized that they were in the middle of a party. “Let’s get you a drink, and then I want you to meet my brother.”

“Okay,” she said, taking his extended hand with a grin. A waiter cruised by the edge of the dance floor, and Alex grabbed two flutes of champagne from their tray, handing one to Maddy.

“To Ben and Hannah,” Maddy said, her eyes still shining as they clinked their glasses together.

“I mean, okay,” he said, smiling, “But also to you. You’re amazing, and I’m so bloody happy you’re here.” She smiled back at him as they clinked glasses again, and he took her other hand as he started searching the dance floor for his brother.

It would be incorrect to say that his brother had never met any of the girls that Alex was seeing. There had been Imogen, after all. But they’d also often been together when Alex was in his slutty era, sleeping his way through every weekend in the country they were invited to. This felt really different, though. Most of the people he’d dated casually in the past had been mutual acquaintances, members of the tiny group of those deemed appropriate company for the sons of the king, women they’d known since they were children. There had never been someone he’d wanted to be sure his brother met. Who he wanted to show off—in a totally non-misogynist way—to his big brother as if to say, “See, I can find someone normal and appropriate to date.” Much as he wanted to be perceived by his family as a real functional adult and a valuable member of the family business, he also found himself desperately seeking his brother’s approval.

But in spite of his and Maddy’s insistence that what they had was casual and short-term and their mutually resolute refusal to acknowledge or discuss the future, he’d finally started to admit to himself that, whether he wanted to or not, he had real feelings for the amazing woman weaving her way through the crowd next to him, and he hated the idea of letting her leave him to go back to America someday. He was terrified to ask about it, terrified of the rejection that was sure to come if he suggested anything less casual, but he also found himself growing more and more certain that he was going to have to bring it up. He was falling in love with her, and he couldn’t carry on without telling her for much longer.

He finally found his brother and Hannah, dancing at the center of a crowd of sweaty socialites. His brother’s bowtie was untied and hanging around his neck, the top button of his tuxedo shirt undone, and Hannah had changed from her massive wedding gown into a sleek white one-piece garment that he thought he’d heard someone call a “jumpsuit.”

When Hannah caught sight of them her face lit up as she pushed past Alex to hug Maddie, who narrowly avoided sloshing her champagne onto Hannah from the force of the embrace. “You look smashing !” Hannah was almost screaming. “I knew that jewelry was going to be perfect. You look like a snack !” Anyone else might think that a bride at this point on her wedding day was a few glasses of champagne past her limit, but Alex knew Hannah well enough to know that this was just her over-the-top level of enthusiasm for things she cared about. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Hannah was gushing as she drew Maddy into their circle.

Ben came closer, clearly waiting for introductions to be made.

“Ben, I’d like to introduce Madeleine Cartwright.” He realized that they hadn’t really discussed labels in their secret relationship, so as much as he desperately wanted to call Maddy his girlfriend, he refrained. “Maddy, this is my brother, Benjamin.”

Maddy dropped an adorable curtsey in his brother’s direction, “Congratulations, Your Royal Highness,” she said, just audible over the music.

“Oh my god, Alex, what have you told this poor girl about me?” Ben said, laughing and reaching for her hand. “Call me Ben. It’s about time my idiot brother brought you around. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Maddy smiled shyly as she shook his hand, “You too,” she said, looking as if she felt slightly out of her element shaking hands with the heir to the throne, but thankfully before she could retreat into her shell or Ben could start telling embarrassing stories, the Great Equalizer intervened as the unmistakable strings that signaled the beginning of “Come On Eileen” started blasting and everyone started jumping in synchronized absurdity. Maddy threw back the last of her champagne and Alex hastily found a corner in front of the stage to ditch their flutes before joining her and his brother and Hannah in an exuberant mass of flailing limbs and shaking hips. Alex took Maddy’s hands, twirling her and laughing freely at the mirth on her face.

The evening flew by. Alex couldn’t believe how easily Maddy fell into their circle of dancing madness. Despite her earlier protestations that she “couldn’t dance,” Maddy impressed with her ability to keep up with the seemingly unending key changes of Beyonce’s “Love on Top,” and delighted Hannah with her ability to recall every word and most of the dance moves to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.

After a number of consecutive upbeat bangers, the DJ slowed things down, and the mellow piano intro to “Come Away with Me” by Norah Jones began to waft over the crowd. Just as Alex started to pull Maddy into his arms, he found himself victim to something he’d only ever seen in movies—in one fluid motion his brother tugged Maddy into his own arms while simultaneously pushing Hannah into Alex’s. Alex almost protested, but Hannah cut him off, “Don’t waste your breath,” she said with an affectionately cheeky smile. “Give him a chance to make the ‘big brother’ speech.” Alex looked helplessly as his brother whisked his girl into an effortless slow waltz and finally, realizing that Hannah was right, refocused his attention on his new sister-in-law.

“Alex, she’s great,” Hannah said, as he rested a hand lightly on her back, taking her right hand in his left.

“She really is,” he said, smiling fondly over her shoulder toward where Ben was leaning down slightly to hear something that Maddie was saying to him.

“Do you think she can hang?” Hannah asked. She didn’t have to spell out what she meant: could Maddy make it in the royal family? Could she withstand the spotlight and the media attention? Alex knew she could —she would be brilliant at it—but would she was the real question. After everything she’d been through after Evan’s death, he couldn’t bring himself to think about asking. He wanted to, though. More than he’d ever wanted anything in his life before.

He sighed, refocusing on Hannah. “It’s a lot to ask of someone,” he said diplomatically .

“I mean, she’s done the paparazzi thing before,” she countered.

“So you know about that.”

“I obviously Googled her immediately,” Hannah said.

“Of course you did,” he said, rolling her eyes as he pushed her out into a gentle spin. “But,” he continued, pulling her back to him, “she moved to another continent to get away from it.”

Hannah sighed. “I was hoping that wasn’t why she was here.”

“It’s totally why she’s here.”

“Have you talked about it?”

“What, about how the paparazzi hounded her after her husband was tragically killed in action?”

“No, about what would happen if you went public. “

He huffed out a laugh. “We haven’t even talked about whether we’ll still be together next month, let alone whether it’s going to be more serious than that.”

“But you want it to be.”

Alex sighed heavily. “I do.”

“You need to tell her.”

“I know.” The song ended, ending their conversation, as well. Alex released Hannah as Ben and Maddy made their way back to them, but before he could ask Maddy what his brother had said to her, the inimitable ’80s synthetic rhythms of the opening of “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” started and the whole crowd went wild, the cream of young English aristocracy all singing, as if with one voice, into imaginary microphones. Even as he enthusiastically joined in, Alex couldn’t help but look at Maddy. He hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect from her at an event like this. She’d initially been somewhat reluctant to come, claiming she wasn’t sure that she really belonged, worrying that they’d be seen, that she’d be recognized, clearly just generally uncomfortable with the idea. Yet, after the initial slight overwhelm and awkwardness he’d sensed when she arrived, she’d loosened up noticeably, seeming at ease with both Hannah and his brother, dancing, as it were, as if nobody was watching.

As Whitney Houston’s unparalleled vocals faded away, the rich brass opening to Ray LaMontagne’s “You Are the Best Thing” began, and Alex pulled her toward him, a lazy grin on his face as he pressed their hips together, swaying Maddy back and forth in his arms, singing quietly in her ear and realizing that the lyrics about feeling seen perfectly summed up the way he felt with Maddy. To her, he wasn’t a prince, or a celebrity. He’d never been a cardboard cutout in her teenage bedroom. To her he was a real man—just Alex. She gazed up into his eyes, her eyes sparkling and, as the final chorus echoed the lyrics about being the best thing that ever happened to someone, it was like something moved through them. Some kind of tacit understanding. Alex felt absurd calling it a seismic shift even in his own mind, but it was as if their souls locked into place and some sense of mutual understanding flowed between them. Maddy’s eyes grew soulful as he saw her feeling it too. She gave him a tiny, subtle nod, and his heart soared. No words had been spoken, but he knew what she was saying and suddenly, he knew that he might have a chance and he really couldn’t wait any longer.