Spending Christmas in Hell (Diamonds of London #8)

Chapter Fifteen

Christmas Eve Night

Ridgeway House

Mayfair, London

Ashlynn sat at the dinner table at the Ridgeway’s home and felt as if she’d reached the pinnacle of her existence. Wouldn’t her father be proud to see his daughter as part of the ton , just as he’d always said she would be?

The conversation was lively this evening, and the dining room had been decorated for the Christmastide season. Pungent scents of pine and oranges occasionally wafted to her nose over the savory smells of the rich and filling food from the multi-course meal. Besides her and Timothy, there were three other couples including the botany professor and his wife that she’d met on her wedding day.

And even more shocking, a couple of these ladies were her new friends. Who would have ever thought that? A week ago, she’d been at her wit’s end with no prospects. Now she was married to a baronet, a lady, and her whole future lay at her feet.

It still had the power to boggle the mind.

Confidence was gained by donning the silver moonbeam gown. It sparkled with every movement, and she adored how the fabric felt against her skin. Too bad there wouldn’t be dancing tonight since it was only a dinner party, for the sparkling skirting would have been fantastic beneath candles in a grand crystal chandelier. The fact that her husband had gone to the trouble to commission the garment for her still shocked her, and if she thought over all the things he’d done this past week, she’d become a watering pot.

Then Ashlynn happened to glance down the table at him. He was looking at her with such affection and admiration that suddenly, she was frightened of how happy she’d been since the night at Covent Gardens. Surely, it couldn’t last. They’d only been married for a week and still hardly knew each other. Didn’t a marriage need more than that to survive?

Cold trembles played her spine, and her own grin faded. Once the holidays were over, the magic would disappear, wouldn’t it?

The longer she stared at him, the more fear and doubts crept into her nuptial cloud of bliss. There was no denying it, for the feelings had happened before she’d been away, but she was wildly in love with her husband. Or else it was naught but infatuation from a silly goose who’d never been in love before. Was she good enough for this life?

Dear heavens , how long would it be before Timothy resented her or realized he was trapped, even if he’d been the one to offer marriage in the first place?

Panic welled in her chest around the time the dessert courses were offered. I can’t stay here, can’t bear to see his face… “If you will all excuse me?” she said in a choked, low voice as she scrambled to her feet. “I am suddenly not feeling well and need some air.” It wasn’t quite a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either.

“Ashlynn? Do you want company?” Of course Timothy was everything solicitous, and that only added to her confusion.

“No, please don’t let me interrupt your meal.” Then she fled the room, blindly tearing along the corridor until she reached the stairs, which she took at a reckless pace, her skirting caught in her hands.

She couldn’t do this, couldn’t do any of this knowing that life was fragile and fleeting. Above everything, she couldn’t bear to know he might mourn for her and she for him if something dreadful occurred. If he cared for her, that was.

It was best she left now so he could live his life the way he’d wanted all along before he felt sorry for her and married her.

To say nothing of the fact she felt her roots were slipping away. The more time she spent in the ton the more she thought like the people who populated that class, acted like them, dressed like them.

In many ways, she was embarrassed. She was far removed from Ireland, could hardly remember what her mother looked like, it was almost as if her brother had been made up in her dreams, and her father’s legacy would be sold off piecemeal after Twelfth Night, so he would be forgotten soon.

She stifled a sob as she gained the ground floor and ran into the entryway. If something happened to Tim, would she forget him too? I couldn’t bear that.

“Lady Dashfield, don’t you want your cape?” the butler called behind her as she ran out into the night.

And she didn’t stop running until she reached the street. She couldn’t else someone would bring her back and she would be forced to face truths that were too outrageous to believe. With her heartbeat racing and her breath coming in pants, Ashlynn ignored the softly falling snow while she hailed a hansom cab. She had pin money in her reticule that Timothy had allotted to her; it would take her where she needed to go. In tears, she gave the driver a few coins and asked that he take her to her father’s shop. Then she climbed into the vehicle and sat on the worn bench, turning her face away from the townhouse in the event someone watched from a window.

Tugging a lace-edged handkerchief from her reticule, she dabbed at the moisture on her face. The cold air made the tears even more frigid, and once it sank into her skin, she shivered. Perhaps it had been stupid of her not to take her cape, but she couldn’t risk being delayed.

The journey to her former home didn’t take much time at all, even through the snow, and when she alighted, she stood on the pavement staring up at the dark facade of the building. Soon, she wouldn’t even have this, and all traces of her past would be gone, left to whatever she could manage to pack away in trunks.

With a sob, she rooted around in her reticule for the key to the front door, and when it wasn’t there, she remembered that she’d removed it to her jewelry coffin, for she hadn’t expected to need it again so soon.

Oh, Papa, I need your strength and council right now.

“Ashlynn.”

Her heart leapt at the sound of his voice. Of course Timothy would come after her. She rested her forehead against the window glass of the shop and sighed. Ignoring the snow that fell about her head and shoulders, she frowned. “Leave me alone.”

“You know I can’t do that.” The crunch of the snow and the reflection in the dark window let her know he’d come up behind her. “Why did you run away?”

“I don’t want to talk. I want to be left by myself.”

“We are married. Your problems and concerns are mine.” When he laid a hand on her shoulder, she craved his warmth. “Please talk to me.”

For long moments, she stood unmoving, then because she couldn’t help it, Ashlynn turned to face him. “I don’t want to.”

“Why?” Snowflakes dotted the shoulders of his greatcoat as well as his top hat, but it was the concern in his expression and the hurt in his eyes that brought her low. “Are you running away from… me?”

“Please, Timothy, just leave me be. It’s better this way.” A fresh wave of tears rose to her eyes and spilled to her cheeks, causing her to mop them with her handkerchief.

“You know I can’t do that. You’ll freeze to death.” So saying, with quick movements, he removed his coat and then bundled it about her shoulders. “Come with me to the carriage. We can talk there, and it will provide a bit of shelter from the snow.”

“No.” She shook her head.

“Then tell me why.” When she remained silent, he huffed out a breath that clouded about his head. “If I don’t know what’s wrong, I can’t fix it, or at least try.” As her chin trembled, he drew her away from the shop door. “Don’t shut me out, Linnie.”

The use of the nickname broke down the remainder of the barriers around her heart, the wall she’d unconsciously erected between them even if love had managed to circumvent all of that… had overcome the odds.

“Please, stop. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me any more than you do right now.”

“What?” His surprise seemed genuine. “It wasn’t pity that prompted me to ask you to marry me. Is that what you’ve assumed?”

“How could you not? We were strangers.” She focused her gaze on the knot of his cravat. “Perhaps we still are.”

“Where is this coming from? I saw the progression on your face at dinner.” He put a gloved finger beneath her chin and raised her head until their eyes met. “What has your head been telling you?”

How she wanted to drown in those rich brown depths! As a shiver racked her body, she pulled his greatcoat tighter about her person, and when his scent wafted to her nose, the rest of the walls dissolved until there was nothing left except raw, confusing feelings.

“Do you believe this marriage is a mistake? That we will resent each other before the year is out?”

“Of course not.” For the space of a few heartbeats, he stared at her. “I’ll admit, we married in haste, borne of necessity for us both, but none of that means I did it out of pity or a sense of charity.” Slowly but surely, he led her toward the carriage waiting at the curb. The soft glow of a nearby gaslight cast a golden filter over the street, making it almost magical. “After this last week? After spending time with you? After coming to know you better, I have been both proud and humbled by you.” He tucked an escaped lock of hair behind her ear. “Do you know how much I care for you?”

“What?” Shock plowed into her chest. “You care for me?”

“Can you not tell?” When she frowned, he sighed. “Perhaps I’ve mucked this whole thing up.” He took her hands in his. “Sweeting, when I tell you that not only have I fallen down that slippery slope to love, I have gone tip over tail in the swiftest of ways, believe it. There is nothing else I want except to keep going.”

“Oh.” The words were romantic, of course, and his use of the endearment caused her heart to squeeze, but was it true?

“How you’ve managed to twine my servants about your little finger is a testament to your charm and personality, but when I saw you in that Dials neighborhood, when I watched how you care for everyone you meet, how you remain humble—”

Her snort interrupted him. “I’m not, though. This life, having access to gowns and fripperies and food…” She shook her head. “It’s making me someone I’m not.”

“It is the life you live, but you don’t have a snobbish bone in your body, and you certainly haven’t gotten away from yourself. Hell, I can hardly coax you to eat a full meal yet.”

They both shared a soft bout of laughter.

“Darling, you deserve to have someone care for you, pamper you, look after you, encourage you. For far too long, you’ve struggled, and because I love you, I want the best for you.” He peered into her eyes with nothing except honesty there. “I intend to spoil you, at least through Twelfth Night, because I… I…” He cleared his throat. “Because I love you.”

Merciful heavens!

“You love me.” It wasn’t a question, but it certainly made her own emotions have a bit more validation and credence.

“I do.” He squeezed her fingers. “I only realized it a couple of days ago, and it’s been… freeing. You let me be myself, and with you, I don’t need to pretend to be strong with a stiff upper lip if I don’t want to.”

Ashlynn gawked at him. Slowly, she shook her head. “There hasn’t been enough time for such feelings to form between us, has there?”

“We had a spark initially.” He shrugged, and when he grinned, the action reflected in his eyes. The delicate skin at the corners crinkled, and it was adorable. “Besides, it’s the season of miracles. Why shouldn’t we take ours without question?”

A sob of relief rose in her throat, but she tamped on the urge to release it. “You don’t believe in miracles, and you don’t care for anything Christmastide has to offer. Because you have been jaded working in the counting house.” She pressed her lips together. “When we met, you were a hard, unyielding man.”

“I was. This is true.” A ruddy wash of color went over his collar. “However, I have changed since marrying you. Believe it or not, I have had a change of heart, in almost everything.”

Oh, how much did she want to take him at his word? A shiver racked her body, and he once more pulled her toward the carriage while the driver looked on with curiosity. “No one changes in such a quick time.”

“Like no one can conceivably fall in love that fast?” One of his dark eyebrows rose in question. “Ask yourself how you feel, Ashlynn, and see if I’m lying.”

Heat went through her cheeks. “Well, I…” If she admitted it and he was having her on, how humiliating that would be.

Raising one of her hands to his lips, he kissed the middle knuckle since she hadn’t donned her gloves when running out of the house. “I know you dislike that I make my living at a counting house. However, what if I told you I have found a way to make a living as well as help to give back to those less fortunate?”

“Oh?” Her heart skipped a beat. Oddly enough, her tears dried in the face of the facts. If he didn’t care for her, genuinely care for her, he wouldn’t try to overhaul his entire life. “I don’t see how that’s possible.” Why was she so damned stubborn? Must be Irish pride.

“Neither do I until I can map it out on paper, but I’ll make it work. In fact, I’m thinking of expanding the counting house clerks to give a few deserving men a paying position.” The smile he gave her could light up the night. “I want to use some of the profit we take in for your charity in the Dials; those people made an impression on me. I need to consult Hugh before I do an—”

“Please stop talking.” Ashlynn interrupted him by jumping so violently into his arms that he staggered backward, halting only when his body connected with the side of the carriage. Unfortunately, the back of his head smacked the vehicle as well, and he softly cursed beneath his breath. She stared into his face while bubbles of pure giddiness welled in her chest. “Did you mean what you said?”

“About the counting house? Of course, and—”

“Yes that, but how you feel about me? That you love me, after a handful of days?”

“I did.”

A thrill twisted down her spine. “Good.”

“Good? That is all you would say to me?” Yet his arms came around her and he held her close to his person.

She wanted to crawl into that warmth. “No, but I will say that I only just realized I’m in love with you as well, and I was doubting myself because real life isn’t like it is in fairytales.”

“Why can’t it be?”

“You are hardly a knight in shining armor.”

“But I did rescue you. Even you can’t deny that.” He snorted when she huffed. “Well, to be fair, you aren’t exactly a princess.”

Another truth. “And?”

“We will create our own fairytale, and for what it’s worth, there is no shame in believing in those stories. The world needs more hope like that.” His grin widened, and she fell deeper into those emotions. “You love me?” A trace of surprise shadowed his eyes.

The words her father often said to her swam into her mind.

…have faith that fate knows best…

Perhaps it was so in this case, and she shouldn’t question the connection that had strengthened between them. “Yes, quite desperately, I’m afraid.”

“Ah, Ashlynn.” Then he claimed her lips right there despite the fact it was scandalous to do so on the street where anyone could see.

Eventually, she pushed at his shoulder until he released her. If they didn’t stop, she would do something far too wicked. “Take me home, Timothy. There are things I would say to you—do to you—that I don’t want to announce here.”

His chuckle loosed flutters in her lower belly. “Yet you let me make a cake of myself?”

“It’s good for a man to grovel.” The kiss of snowflakes on her cheeks did little to cool the ardor in her blood.

“Why? None of this was my fault.” As he opened the carriage door, the driver chuckled.

She didn’t mind. “Don’t quibble.”

“Such a managing baggage you’ve become since wedding.” He handed her inside the carriage.

“I need to be in order to counter act the likes of you.” And she knew exactly what she wanted to do tonight that would bind her old life to her new. “Do you think your friends would mind if we don’t return to dinner?”

“I doubt it. They’ll understand that people are a bit crazy when in love.”

That made sense, because she didn’t know her own mind any longer, but there were worse things. “Good. I want to go home. With my husband. After all, it’s very nearly Christmas.”

And she wanted to make it a night to remember.