Spicy Sapphic Christmas

24. Bea

TWENTY-FOUR

bea

Bea had told herself that when she walked out of the apartment she’d never be going back.

So why was she standing outside Bunny’s door, hands twisted together, and bottom lip pulled tight between her teeth?

This was for Jo.

Bea would do anything for Jo, and after hearing all about what happened earlier that day, Bunny needed to be properly thanked. And, well, Bea owed her an apology for skipping rehearsal with no warning and no conversation. Yet she still couldn’t bring herself to knock on the damn door.

What was wrong with her? She’d never been in such a tizzy over something before. And Bunny wasn’t exactly someone that she wanted to be with long term. She was a jerk on a bad day and closed off on the rest. Bea blew out a breath, ruffling her bangs from her face.

Maybe they should just have this conversation tomorrow before rehearsal started.

Except she really didn’t want to do it when Jo and Piper were around. Jo was embarrassed enough by the whole Mandy incident earlier that day, and Bea didn’t want to add to that.

“Just get over yourself already,” Bea said to herself before forcing her hand up and knocking quickly. The faster she did this, the sooner she could get home to check on Jo.

The door opened sharply, then stopped just as suddenly. Bunny filled the entry, shoulder to shoulder, with the door pressing into her arm as she leaned against the handle and looked Bea over pointedly. A shiver ran through Bea and ended straight between her legs. She hated that Bunny had the ability to do that.

It wasn’t why she was here.

“I’m sorry to bug you at home,” Bea started, biting her tongue when she started with the apology. She shouldn’t have done that. She should have just stated right out why she was there and left already. She didn’t need any praise or conversation from Bunny.

“You missed rehearsal.”

Bea pressed her lips together hard. “I did. But this wasn’t a planned rehearsal. It was an addition, and I couldn’t reschedule—”

“Then you should have told me about that when we scheduled it.”

“I forgot. It was a simple mistake.” Bea folded her hands together in front of her. “That’s not what I’m here to talk about anyway.”

“Oh?” Bunny pulled open the door a little wider and straightened herself. “Did you come here for something specific?”

“Yes.” But not that, she added in a thought. Then again, Bunny was looking marvelous today. Bea bit the inside of her cheek and glanced up and down the hallway. Bunny lived in a fairly private condo, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t listening ears or that her neighbors didn’t have those pesky cameras to catch everything going on outside of their doors. And she really didn’t want any more drama when it came to Jo. “Do you mind if we talk inside?”

She knew that it sounded like she was implying something else, and that Bunny would definitely be thinking that, but how else was she supposed to ask?

“This is important.”

Bunny’s lips thinned. She raked her gaze over Bea’s body and then back up to her eyes. “Sure thing, babe.”

Babe? Bea pulled a face when she stepped inside. Who was Bunny trying to play now? Because it definitely wasn’t who she’d been any other time Bea had met her.

Bea stepped inside and closed the door. As soon as she turned, Bunny only had eyes for her. Eyes that said she wanted sex, that she thought this was some sort of booty call. Bea shuddered. That’s all anything ever was to Bunny, wasn’t it? Sex.

She’d known that going in, but Bea had been stupid enough to think that perhaps she might be different or that she could be different with Bunny. She’d been wrong. And now she just had to protect her heart.

“I wanted to thank you for coming to Jo’s rescue today.”

Bunny halted her forward movement. “Jo?”

“Yes. With Mandy.” Bea rolled her eyes and forced her lips into a curve even though it didn’t feel right at the moment. “I didn’t think Mandy would take it to any more of an extreme than she had before, but this certainly escalated.”

“Tell me, did Jo give her the address to the rehearsal studio?”

Bea shook her head, her soft curls hitting her cheeks. “No, not that I know of. I don’t know why she would.”

Bunny’s shoulders squared, anger pulling together. Bea could see it from a mile away. She’d seen it before, but why would Bunny be getting so pissed off now? All Bea was there to do was thank her for doing what she couldn’t do. For stepping into that role because Bea had been absent.

“This is why this is a bad idea.”

“What’s a bad idea?” Bea asked, trying to keep all defensiveness out of her tone. She didn’t need to tick off Bunny any more than she already was.

“Relationships being out in the open.”

“Excuse me?” Bea frowned. “No one is out in the open.”

“ You are.”

“What are you even talking about?” Bea threw her hand out to the side. “We’re not in a relationship. I don’t want to date you.”

Bunny let out a raucous laugh. “Thank God. Because that’s the worst idea on the planet. But so is being out when it comes to this business, and Jo took it too far.”

“Jo’s living authentically, and so am I!” Bea clenched her jaw hard. She was so glad they’d come inside for this conversation. “Why do you insist that we hide who we are?”

“Because it’ll kill your career faster than you can see it fly.”

“That’s bullshit.” Bea shook her head slowly, the full realization dawning on her. Bunny wasn’t afraid of relationships, she was afraid of people knowing about those relationships. So she’d cut herself off from anything that could possibly become that. Everyone except Piper. There had been plenty of rumors about the two of them over the years. Bea had seen them. She’d wondered about them. “It’s ridiculous to try and be someone you’re not.”

“I’m not being anyone but myself,” Bunny fired back, stepping closer and coming into Bea’s personal space.

They were so close. Tempers flared. Bea was ready to yell and scream. She wanted to have it all out already. She wanted to be done with what was between them. “Again, I call bullshit.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Bunny took another step.

“Tempt you?” Bea furrowed her brow and wrinkled her nose. “Why would I even think about you like that again? It’s clear you want nothing from me. You didn’t even want to work with me.”

“Because you’re making bad decisions when it comes to your business.”

“No, I’m making decisions that are right for me and Jo. We make those decisions together.” Bea planted her feet. She wasn’t going to let down any of her shields. She needed them up to survive this argument, and probably to be in any room with Bunny afterward. This was going to kill everything they had together.

“You’re too young to understand what you’re doing.”

“Too young?” Bea’s voice nearly broke on the word. “Did you ever consider that maybe you’re too old and stuck in your ways to see that the world is changing?”

“And you call what I say bullshit?”

“Enough, Bunny. I’m not having this argument with you. I came here to thank you for helping Jo today, and I’ve done that.” Bea took a step backward toward the door.

Bunny reached out and snagged her wrist, holding her in place. “You’re digging your own grave.”

Bea’s eyes widened. Was Bunny even talking about her anymore? The tension in Bunny’s face was so tight. She was fraught with something, but Bea couldn’t name what it was. Not that she wanted to spend much time to figure it out, not after Bunny was being such a jerk about everything.

“It’s my grave to dig,” Bea finally responded. She twisted her hand, freeing it from Bunny’s grasp. “Are we done here?”

Bunny shook her head no.

Bea stayed put as she waited for whatever reaming she had coming next, but Bunny didn’t say anything. She didn’t move. She didn’t twitch.

“Bunny?” Bea finally asked.

“What?” Bunny grumbled.

“What else did you think we needed to argue about?”

Bunny scoffed. She raised her eyes, meeting Bea’s gaze. Her jaw was clenched, the muscles bulging on the sides as she ground her molars. But she still didn’t say anything. Was she trying to prevent Bea from leaving? What was going on in Bunny’s head?

“Anyway, thanks for helping with Jo. She needs more people in her life who can protect her.”

“She’s not the only one who needs protecting,” Bunny muttered.

Bea reached for the door and paused. She threw a look over her shoulder, debating whether or not to ask. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t throw away your career for a fuck, Bea. It’s not worth it. You have the talent to make it.”

“You’re saying I shouldn’t throw away my career for a partner? Or on coming out to the world?”

Bunny shook her head. “It’s the same thing.”

“It’s not.” Bea staggered back a step. If Bunny really thought that, no wonder she was in the position that she was in. “It’s really not.”

Bea grabbed the doorknob and turned it, but Bunny was there in a second, her hand on the edge of the door, holding it open only a few inches. Bea sucked in a sharp breath, barely able to stand next to Bunny for this long without wondering about so many things.

“Don’t let personal feelings get in the way,” Bunny whispered, stepping closer.

“In the way of what?” Bea was so confused now. Was Bunny talking to her or herself? Because it sounded like the latter. Bea swallowed hard. “I’m not going to tell Jo she can’t date just because of a job.”

“This isn’t a job. It’s my life.”

Bea paused before responding. “Are you that scared that we’re going to ruin your life?”

Bunny met Bea’s gaze again, but she didn’t move, and she didn’t answer. They stood in silence for far longer than was comfortable. She was just about to make another move to leave, when Bunny shut the door firmly and took hold of Bea’s wrist again.

“We’re done talking, Bunny,” Bea said matter-of-factly. She didn’t want to race through any decisions, but at this point, she had nothing else to say or add to the conversation. They were clearly on opposite sides of the fence on this one.

“So we are.” Bunny moved in swiftly, pressing their mouths together.

Bea squeaked before she melted. Bunny was so good at this, always able to take her by surprise, always full of fire and lust. Bea carded her fingers through Bunny’s hair, moving her lips and her tongue against Bunny’s mouth.

Bunny turned them, pushing Bea into the door and sandwiching her body. Bea groaned, her eyes fluttering shut as she almost gave herself over to the embrace. But something about Bunny’s behavior that night made her want to hold back. She had to put an end to this. Now. Before she couldn’t separate her feelings from sex.

Bea pulled back and sucked in a sharp breath. “Bunny. Stop.”

Bunny halted everything. She was frozen on the spot, waiting for Bea to give the next command. Bea had to work hard to catch her breath, barely able to focus her brain after the desperation that had flowed from Bunny to her. Shaking her head, Bea slid away from Bunny’s grasp.

“I’m not going to do this anymore,” Bea stated simply.

“Do what?”

“Anything when it involves you. I don’t live in a closet of my own making or choosing. And I’m not going to join you in yours.” Bea’s chest constricted from the pained expression that crossed Bunny’s features. Did Bunny even know she looked devastated by that revelation?

“Get out,” Bunny ordered.

“Absolutely.” Bea didn’t hesitate as she walked out of Bunny’s condo.

She made her way back to her car and slid behind the wheel before she managed to pause. She should have waited until after the charity event to do it, but she couldn’t force herself to go against her morals either. She couldn’t fake being someone who didn’t care, and she couldn’t fight to make Bunny care either.

The end was as it should be.

They could go to rehearsals and work together from there on out. Surely both of them could be professionals when it came to the concert coming up. Bea started the engine and pulled her seatbelt on. She still hated that it hurt so much, though. She hated that she wanted to climb into her bed and wrap herself in her blanket and cry.

For fuck’s sake—they weren’t even dating and this felt like a breakup.

It was for the best though. Bea couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t even accept herself.