Spicy Sapphic Christmas

34. Bunny

THIRTY-FOUR

bunny

“Here we go,” Bunny whispered to herself. She smiled and gave a sharp nod to no one in particular as she walked from the bus toward the back of the stage. She had watched Piper bounce off like Tigger, too excited to walk at Bunny’s forced calm pace.

Bunny knew she only had a moment or two left on her own, and she relished it. She had to get focused for this performance, because it needed to be as good as she’d promised it on the news the day before. She’d let her mind wander off in some wild and crazy ways since she last saw Bea. And she knew it was going to take some time, but she needed her world settled once more. The turmoil inside of her calm. Sad but calm—that’s about where she was at right now.

Bea had left, and Bunny had very little hope of enticing her to come back.

Nervousness coursed through her system, speeding up and down her body in anything other than a comforting sensation. Except it was comforting. She had these each and every time she got on stage to perform, but especially tonight, where there were so many other people relying on her talents and efforts.

Up ahead, Piper and Jo talked animatedly with each other. They leaned into the conversation, hands flying as they spoke and fingers brushing skin without hesitation or glances around them. Was this it for them? Was Piper confessing her love and adoration? Was Jo accepting it?

After the little conversation with Bea, Bunny had no doubt that Jo felt the same way that Piper did. And she wanted this for them. She wanted them to wake up and see exactly what they had. They fit together so well, and she had never seen Piper happier. She’d been stupid to try and block it before, angry and scared, and Bea was right. She wasn’t going to do anything to affect that again.

If Bunny couldn’t have her own happily ever after, she wanted it even more for her best friend.

Taking a deep breath, Bunny let the tighter fit of clothing do its work. She had never felt comfortable in the skintight outfits she wore on stage, and she was even less comfortable tonight in the subtle but undeniable rainbow suit she wore. But over the years, the outfits had helped her step into the character of Bunny the Performer . Bunny who crooned and made the women swoon. She rolled her eyes at herself. Who had she ever been kidding? They had always had a majority female audience.

And a lot of queer women at that.

She shouldn’t have been so dense as to deny that from the start. At the very least to herself. The fans would stay. They might not have all those years ago. But they would now. She had more certainty in that than ever before. Bunny tamped down her fear. Why had she still let it take the wheel?

Reaching Piper and Jo was a relief as she pushed back the churning thoughts in her mind. The two of them stood—though neither of them was remotely still, ever—near the stairs they would all go up shortly, one after the other as they were introduced.

The stairs were a crosshatched metal and clanged with the sound of their footsteps. During rehearsals yesterday, they had tried with and without shoes, but it hadn’t seemed to matter all that much. No matter what, the clanging was undeniable. They had decided to bang their way up the stairs only after they were announced. It would help build the crowd’s excitement and energy as they waited a little longer than normal. The crowd’s inevitable cheers would also minimize the sound of the performer’s stomping feet on the temporary stage.

A cold breeze picked up, biting at Bunny’s cheeks. They’d barely managed to practice one night out here, and it was going to be a chilly one at best. Bunny had jackets on standby for everyone as the hours ticked by and the temperatures dropped. It had been Siena’s idea to do it outside, a throwback to one of her favorite movies, but Bunny hadn’t been convinced it was the greatest idea. Then again, it was a beautiful night.

As they stood at the bottom of the stairs, listening to Allegra talk about the Holbrook Foundation, the sound of the crowd moved like the roar of the sea. It drew close and then pulled back out in its own rhythm.

“So, are we all confident and ready to go?” Bunny asked, hoping she didn’t sound condescending or as though she were in charge of them. It was natural for her to worry about those things. But just because certain things felt natural didn’t mean she had to keep following them as though that were her only path.

“Absolutely.” Jo’s smile was ridiculously wide, even for Jo. She just about vibrated out of her costume. A costume that Bunny still felt queasy about, although she had now come to the conclusion that it was more a trained reaction than her actual feelings. She was glad Jo had been open to talking to her about the costumes again. She hadn’t held up her end of the bargain, but Jo had adjusted the patterns anyway. These were definitely not as bright as the original designs that Jo had done and Siena had approved of.

Jo had been so kind. Hadn’t scoffed at Bunny or accused her again of trying to hide who they were, trying to play down the gay. She’d simply agreed it would be better to have each costume match their individual skin tones, as though that meant something to Bunny.

Looking at Jo and Piper in their dresses, she couldn’t help the pride at seeing them. Not only for their ability to embrace who they were, but how the slightly muted colors worked more powerfully against the false snow setting on the stage.

After this evening, Bunny really needed to take some time off, just like Piper kept suggesting. But for tonight, she would revel in the performance for a worthy cause.

Jo met Bunny’s eyes and the continued overly stretched smile that made Jo look like the joker had Bunny squirming uncomfortably.

“What’s going on?” Bunny directed her question to Piper in the hopes of some explanation, without anyone getting offended by her being too brusque or direct.

Piper’s own enthusiasm and too-wide grin did nothing to ease Bunny’s concern. The two of them together could charge a whole city with the energy they produced, and probably light up all of Portland with their thousand-watt smiles.

“Bunny.”

That voice.

Bunny closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It shuddered, warm and wet, over her lips as she breathed out.

She wasn’t imagining things, was she?

Then again, of course she would come to support her sister. Bunny should have figured that out already. If Piper was doing a solo performance, Bunny would be right there in the audience too. She flicked her gaze to Piper, wondering if Piper could read the discomfort in her body before she had managed to mask most of it.

Spinning on her toes, Bunny locked her eyes on the stunning, curvy woman standing right in front of her.

“Bea.” Bunny smiled. This smile was wider than her usual Bunny the Performer smile, even though it still remained a weak imitation of Jo and Piper’s. She didn’t have it in her to try and fake not being hurt anymore.

“What do you think?” Bea flourished her hands and traced the outline of her body, not quite touching the clothes she wore.

Bunny’s mouth dried instantly with the explicit permission to stare at the beautiful woman in front of her. Her eyes widened, following those hands, those wriggling fingers as they moved down to her thighs, and then back up to her shoulders.

“We’re just going to check that the water bottles are stocked up.” Piper rushed out her words.

Bunny forced her eyes away from the vision that was Bea and watched as Piper and Jo bounced off in the entirely wrong direction from where the water bottles were stocked.

Bunny chuckled. At least they tried to make their escape a little subtle.

“Have they finally admitted that they’re not faking the relationship?” Bea scooted in a little closer to Bunny, the warmth of her body pressing into Bunny’s icy skin.

“No.” Bunny shook her head, rolling up on her toes and back to her heels. “Well, at least not that I’ve heard.”

“They’ll figure it out soon enough.” Bea’s eyes twinkled and locked on to Bunny’s.

The intensity made Bunny’s chest hurt. Seeing Bea filled her with bittersweet feelings. But being so close and not being able to hold her, to wrap her arms around her and breathe in everything that was Bea, was an intense level of pain Bunny didn’t quite know how to deal with. She’d thought she’d left that all back at the club the last time they’d seen each other, but she hadn’t. She’d never been more wrong before.

“So, what do you think?” Bea’s voice dropped to barely above a whisper, and she slipped in even closer to Bunny.

“Think?” Bunny blinked. Had she been so caught up in staring into those eyes that she had missed something?

“Bunny.” Bea laughed and the sound was music Bunny could fall asleep to every night.

Bunny felt her cheeks flush and wondered how people did this—falling in love and feeling all of these feelings all the time. She pulled her eyes away from Bea’s, looking up.

“What’s in your hair?” Bunny took a half-step forward, hand reaching up as though to touch those beautiful locks, curled and set perfectly just like the rest of them.

Bunny stepped back and stared at Bea.

“Oh, it’s just a clip that I put in to represent. What do you think?” Bea gently patted her hair and the very subtle clip with a rainbow delicately painted into it.

But Bunny was no longer looking at Bea’s hair. She was finally looking at Bea, all of Bea.

She had been so intent on watching those fingers as they outlined Bea’s delicious body she hadn’t truly taken in just what Bea had been wearing. The subdued rainbow colors that matched the costumes perfectly, the pantsuit that she was supposed to wear when she’d still been joining in the concert.

“Bea?” Bunny asked, her voice a raspy whisper.

The show was about to start and suddenly she had no voice. That couldn’t be a good thing, but Bunny didn’t feel the same urgency about the charity event as she had just moments ago.

“Yes?” That knowing smile hadn’t left her lips since she’d stepped into Bunny’s presence, and Bunny knew immediately she had missed the biggest hint of all.

“You’re here? Really and truly here?” Bunny grabbed Bea’s elbow, not to keep Bea in place but to keep herself steady while her knees turned to jelly.

“I’d like to be.” Bea canted her head to the side, that smile faltering slightly.

“But?”

“Are you willing to meet me halfway?” Bea took a deep breath, and Bunny noticed the slight tremble in her lips.

God, how she wanted to trap those lips with her own once more. To kiss her and never stop. There was no way to deny it, not to herself and not to anyone else. Not anymore. She’d been such a fool to think she had ever been anything but falling head over heels in love with Bea.

“Halfway?” Bunny hoped she was reading this situation correctly. It’d take a long time before she ever trusted her instincts when it came to relationships. No wonder she had always leaned into the business and ignored the personal. That was a world with rules she understood and ones that she embraced willingly.

Bea skimmed her hand down Bunny’s arm, twining their fingers together. “Are we still able to use your modified lyrics?”

“Which ones?” Bunny’s heart rate picked up, her ribs feeling more like a cage pressing against her organs, trying to stop her from letting her feelings or her true self out.

“That’s your choice, but maybe we can sing it together? I think I understand now. There is more than one way to live authentically, and I wasn’t kind assuming you weren’t living your authenticity simply because it looks different from mine.” Bea’s lips were so close. If Bunny turned just slightly, she’d be able to press their mouths together.

“We’re on in thirty seconds,” Jo squealed in delight as she raced toward them, her hand in Piper’s and their cheeks flushed.

“Bunny?” Bea asked, her eyes filled with so many things that staring into them was like staring into an entire galaxy of stars. Bunny was so ready to jump in and fall into everything that Bea was willing to give her in this moment. Into what she knew would be a journey of moving boundaries and change, into what she knew would be more conflict and arguments, but also so much more than that.

Touches.

Kisses.

Love.

“Sing with me.” Bunny was pleased at how strong her voice came out this time. When had she finally decided that this was the direction she wanted to go? Bunny squeezed Bea’s fingers as they called Jo’s name on the stage and Jo pranced up the stairs, her arms waving. Bunny couldn’t look away from Bea’s blue eyes, from the perfection of brokenness that stood right in front of her, because that was exactly what they were together. “I promise I’ll meet you in the middle.”

The look they shared electrified every atom in Bunny’s body, from her eyes right to the tips of her toes. Which were currently squeezed into boots with a small square heel on the back. A heel that was entirely unnecessary in Bunny’s thinking, despite how small it was, though it would help her stomp out the beat during that fourth number they were singing.

“Piper!” The name boomed and the audience roared.

Piper ran up the stairs, leaving Bea and Bunny alone. Her name was next. Bunny swallowed the lump in her throat, lifting her hand and cupping Bea’s cheek. Bea’s eyes fluttered shut as the breeze picked up. The chill was sudden, and without warning, flakes of snow gently fell from the sky, kissing Bea’s skin and landing in her eyelashes and in her hair.

Bunny’s eyes teared up, but she couldn’t cry now. Not when she had to get on that stage and perform.

“Bea, I—”

“Bunny!”

“You’ll be amazing.” Bea wrapped her arms around Bunny’s waist and gave her a tight squeeze. “Now get on that stage before they start booing because you’re not there.”

“Bea.” Bunny’s voice cracked, and she had to clear her throat. Was Bea going to sing with them or not? Or was it just the one song she’d requested at the end? Either way, Bunny was ready for it to happen. She didn’t want to avoid this any longer.

Grinning, Bea stepped away from Bunny. “They’re waiting for you.”

“Bunny!” Siena shouted sharply from the side of the stage. “Get up here already.”

“Bea…” Bunny trailed off. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed more time.

“Go on, Bunny. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Bunny locked her eyes on Bea’s once again and nodded sharply. Before she could stop herself, the words were out of her mouth. “I love you.”

Bea grinned broadly, her entire body lighting up and relaxing. Bunny didn’t have a chance to wait around as Siena dragged her up the steps and onto the stage. Bunny threw two looks over her shoulder until she could no longer see Bea standing on the ground below.

She had a performance to give.

But she couldn’t get her mind off the fact that Bea was right there, standing and waiting for her. That she would be there when she stepped off to let Jo and Piper have their moment, and that Bunny wasn’t going to give Bea a second to breathe during those breaks.

When the crowd calmed again, Bunny grabbed her microphone and prepared to introduce the first song and get the crowd riled up as the concert began. But before she could say anything else, Allegra said into the microphone, “I’d like to introduce our last singer to you tonight. The second half of Sole Sisters, and big sister to none other than Jo. Let’s give a shout-out for Bea!”

Bunny froze, her eyes wide as she stared at the stairs.

But there she was.

Bea.