Stables (Black Gulch Ranch #2)

20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Char

I’m so stupid. Dixon is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and yet I keep feeling like I’m throwing up these ridiculous barriers.

Shouldn’t I be happy he wants to introduce me to his family?

But what do I do if I like them, and then he decides he doesn’t want me?

Maybe they’ll show him that I’m a bad choice.

I mean, who wants a woman with a kid and a crazy ex?

Dixon doesn’t deserve that kind of person.

Yet the thought of him with anyone else makes me feel nauseous.

Get it together. He isn’t pushing me, I don’t know why I can’t just give in.

It’s like he knows me better than I know myself.

“Shh, Paisley. You’ll wake up Dixon.” I follow her towards the kitchen, but narrowly miss stopping her from diverting towards the living room.

“Dixon! Daddy Dixon!” She runs towards the couch, and wastes no time climbing up into the low cushion to lay on his chest.

Oh my god.

His arm encircles her before his eyes open. “Good morning, princess.” His voice is husky. “But it’s just ‘Dixon’.” He smiles, cracking one caramel colored iris open to look up at me.

“Uh uh, daddy Dixon.” Paisley flattens her palms and pushes herself up to sit squarely over his ribs. “Libby said.”

“I’m sorry, Libby was being silly.” I reach down and slide my hands under her armpits to lift her off, but Dixon waves me off.

“It’s fine.” His fingers wrap over my palm, then doesn’t let go. “I’ll earn that title one of these days.” The corner of his mustache twitches as his thumb works over my wrist in a burning path before releasing me.

Wait, did he just say what I think he did?

My jaw drops open, but I close it soundlessly. How do I even respond to that?

“What can I help you with, princess?” Dixon doesn’t seem to notice the conflict I’m in just a few feet away from him.

“Hungry. Shrimp, please.” She folds her hands under her jaw and giggles. “Daddy Dixon.” Laughing at her own joke, she rolls to the back of the couch.

His deep chuckle joins her. “Oh, you liked that? As you wish.”

Kicking off his blanket, he stands, hoisting her to his side.

Damn, he looks so good with his broad bare chest and tight jeans.

How does he sleep in those?

I really miss the boxer-briefs.

Libby’s voice crackles through my head. “If you’d pull him into bed, he wouldn't need anything.”

The what-if’s are the only thing holding me back.

They’re doozies though.

I don’t think I’d survive another man like Matt.

It’s a terrifying truth. I’m not even sure I’ll make it out alive with him.

So why am I still holding back from Dixon?

What if there’s no tomorrow?

Watching him move effortlessly through the kitchen with my messy-haired little girl smiling on his hip as he makes her breakfast should be one of the best moments of my life.

But I’m scared I’ll screw things up. And now I have her to think about.

I wish I had a crystal ball to see the future.

For some reason, in every version I can fathom, he’s in it.

Maybe I should just say fuck it , and try?

Getting some water boiling in the teapot, I pull out enough of his favorite blend for two cups.

Paisley is happily kicking away in her high chair, a curly tailed shrimp clutched in each fist.

Dixon leans back in his chair, his dark eyes half closed watching me. The weight of his gaze makes my skin feel hot and my breath comes too quickly, making my head fuzzy.

When I carry the saucers carefully over, all I can focus on is him.

The short growth of whiskers on his jaw, the tiny touch of gray at his temple. And the way his full lips purse so slightly when I get closer.

I wonder what they taste like?

He’s been so patient with me, will it be the same if I did bring him into my bed?

Matt was never gentle, and so horribly selfish I don’t know if he ever got me off.

I hate that he was my first.

Dixon has to be better than that.

When I set the cups down, I let my thigh brush his before sliding into my seat.

He shifts to pull the contact away.

No, I need to fix this.

Turning, I frame his leg with mine, trapping him between my knees. “Tell me about your family.” I take a sip, trying my best to look innocently over the rim of my tea.

The heat from his body burns against me. I can’t be any worse than the flames that I know are scorching my cheeks.

His amber eyes move slowly up until I can see the smoldering light behind them.

Can’t he feel this? All the air has been sucked from the room.

He clears his throat while reaching for his drink. “You’ll like my brother, Mason. He’s a bit of an ass—” He glances at Paisley. “—jerk. But he has a good heart. His wife died about ten, well, eleven years ago—”

“I thought he just had a baby?” My belly quivers when his muscles flex as he readjusts.

“He remarried last fall.” His mustache widens over a broad grin. “I even got to officiate.”

“Wait, so you’re Pastor Doctor Dixon?” It makes me giggle more than it should.

I’m just so damn conscious of our legs touching, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else.

“Something like that.” His rough palm drops to sit on my closest knee.

I almost drop my cup as a warm wave courses through me.

“He has two older kids. My niece Sophia, you’ve met. And her twin brother, Sawyer.” His thumb works a slow circle on the bare skin of my leg sending blazing rivulets with each stroke.

“Does Sawyer do rodeo stuff too?” Am I curious? Not really.

I just want him to keep talking in that deep hypnotic bass while he touches me.

“He could care less. After Carolyn died, he hated the ranch. I think he only stays because he doesn’t know what else he wants to do.” Dixon sets his cup down and leans forward, moving his palm further up the outside of my thigh.

So fucking close. The warmth of his breath makes my own catch in my throat.

“What would you do, if money wasn’t an issue?” He stares at my mouth as if he’s going to read the words before I say them.

“I’d make sure Paisley is safe.” I blurt out my first thought.

She’s the most important thing to me.

A smile flickers over his lips before he reaches out and tucks an errant strand of hair behind my ear. It tickles, and sends a quiver down my spine to pool in the depths of my belly.

“That’s what makes you an amazing mother.” The rhythm of his thumb is doing crazy things to my insides. “What would you buy for yourself?”

“It’s going to sound silly.” I bite my lip in a struggle to fight down the embarrassment, the selfishness of my thoughts.

The whites of his teeth flash below his dark mustache as he laughs. “No limit, remember? What would it be?”

“Um.” I glance at Paisley before putting my empty mug down. “Okay, there’s these little chocolate truffles…”

His eyes narrow as he straightens. “Char?”

I must have made him mad.

“I told you it was dumb, I’m sorry.” I’ll just get everything cleaned up.

I pull away and start to stand, but his grip snugs on my hip.

“No,” he growls. “It isn’t. It makes me want to take you to town right now to buy out the store.”

It’s my turn to squint at him. “There’s a lot more worthwhile things than candy.”

“Then I’ll buy those for you, too.” When he stands, he towers over me, leaving me eye level with his very muscley pecs.

Not a bad view.

“Dixon, it’s not that big of a deal, I promise. I’m not worth a special trip—”

His palms cup my cheeks as he squats in front of me. With thinned lips, his jaw clenches sending starbursts up his temple.

“Char. You’re the kind of person that empires are built for. Let me buy you the damn chocolate.” His mahogany gaze focuses on the tears that spill from my eyes.

Salty droplets collect on the corner of my mouth.

I can’t take it anymore. With a sniffle, I wrap my hands behind his neck and pull him close enough that I can finally taste him.

Softly, tenderly, I press my lips to his.

I want him to know how much I appreciate him. How much his patience and his presence means to me.

That he makes me feel valued, wanted.

Seen.

His groan vibrates against my mouth as his fingers tangle into my hair, drawing me tighter before his hot tongue traces the seam of my lips.

I give in, opening myself to be claimed by the slow urgency of his kiss.

He’s almost tentative, but so damn sure, drawing me to taste him, then driving deeper with an intensity I’ve never experienced.

And I don’t want him to stop. Fire rages through me. I swear I’m going to erupt in flames. I want him to touch me everywhere, to soothe the raging inferno that’s ignited within me.

I beg him to own me with my lips, to melt into him so I don’t have to think, just experience.

“Mommy, all done.” Paisley’s arm sneaks out and grips my shoulder.

Dixon pulls away, still holding me firmly, his breathing is fast and hot that washes over my chest.

I’m sure mine matches.

He touches my forehead with a lingering kiss, then pulls me to my feet. “Let’s get everything done, we’ll pick this back up later.”

My legs are shaky when he lets go.

Did he have to adjust himself when he walked into the living room?

How does he have so much restraint?

It makes me want him even more knowing he can control himself that well.

I get Paisley all cleaned up, and let her down. “Go find a pretty dress, baby girl. We’re going to visit some friends.” I hope.

Nerves make my hands tremble.

When I’d meet new people with Matt, they’d either look at me with pity, or disgust.

It’s like everyone knew what an absolute douchebag he was, but no one would do anything about it except judge me for being with him.

I wonder what kind of looks I’ll get when I’m out with Dixon?

Will he get the sympathetic expressions, saddling himself up with a girl like me?

At least my face isn’t bruised anymore.

I don’t think I’d go if it was.

“I’ll take care of the horses,” Dixon calls before I hear the front door latch.

It’s a refreshing change. Matt never lifted a finger for the animals, always bitching about how much they cost, but quick to spend the money I’d make.

Even when I was nine months pregnant, I had to feed them.

Libby stepped in while I was in the hospital delivering Paisley, thank goodness.

I bet Dixon would never do that.

My stomach rolls with strange butterflies.

Daddy Dixon.

He’d make a good father, I think.

Paisley likes him so much already.

She follows me out into the garden where I check the timers to make sure everything is still running correctly.

I don’t have anything to bring with me to dinner tonight.

I can’t show up empty handed.

Everyone likes tomatoes, right?

Dixon is fastening Paisley’s car seat into the back of his Tundra when I show up outside with her and a plastic bag.

“Bringing groceries to the store?” His brow raises as he picks Paisley up to strap her in.

“Tomatoes for your brother’s family.” I hold it up high enough to show him the round shapes poking through the sides.

“They’re gonna love you.” He opens the passenger side and holds out his palm to help me in.

I’m glad he has step sides. It’d be hard to get in without them. Sometimes it sucks being short.

“Daddy Dixon, this is a big truck,” Paisley exclaims from the backseat. “It’s not loud.”

“Oh, geez. I’m sorry.” I bury my face in my palm.

I can’t believe Libby taught her that.

“Don’t be, it’s growing on me.” He smiles, then tugs my hand down to entwine his fingers with mine.

It makes me giggle. “You like being called ‘daddy’?”

He looses a low rumble deep in his chest. “It sounds different when you say it.” His mustache tickles my thumb when he pulls it up to kiss it.

I like this side of him.

“Dixon? Do you think, um.” I don’t know how to ask this. “Do you think that me being so young is going to bother them?”

He turns, fixing me with a stare long enough that the truck drifts in the lane. “No. I don’t at all.”

I can’t believe he bought all of that food. He even had two empty coolers in the back to keep the frozen stuff cold while we go to his brother’s house.

Guiltily, I unroll one of the shiny wrappers on a chocolate truffle as the truck bounces down a long lane leading past massive fenced pastures.

“Do you want to try one?” I feel almost ashamed that I let him indulge me in the sweet treat.

He shakes his head. “What I want is for you to enjoy it so much, you let me taste it on your lips.” He winks as he shuts off the engine in front of a massive wooden building.

I pop the decadent dessert into my mouth, savoring how it melts on my tongue.

“Char—” He leans over the center console, tilting his head so his cowboy hat frames my face. “—those noises make me wish I was a morsel of your favorite food.” His mouth crashes against me, his tongue dancing with mine just long enough to make me pant.

He pulls away, licking his lips. “I can see why you like them.”

When he leans back, I’m mortified to see a blond woman on the front porch holding a baby.

Did she see him kissing me?

Dixon slings his door open, then moves around the truck to help me down.

“Lori, this is Char.” Dixon doesn’t let go of my hand until I’ve crested the steps and standing next to her.

“Hi, Char. This is Jack.” Lori tilts her arms to reveal a sleeping infant. “I was so excited to hear Dixon was bringing someone for dinner.” Her green eyes glitter over a beaming smile.

I swear she’s my age.

Now I understand why Dixon didn’t think mine would be an issue. He’s even mentioned that Mason is older.

“Mommy, is that a baby?” Paisley runs up the stairs and clings to my leg.

Lori squats low enough that my daughter can see his tiny face. “His name is Jack. What’s yours?”

“Princess Paisley.” She turns her face against my thigh, burying against me.

I stroke her dark curls. “Can you say ‘hi’ to the baby?”

Paisley keeps one hand firmly gripping my pants as she turns and peers closer. “Hi.” Her fingers press against her cheek and she wiggles them towards the bundled three month old.

“Uppie.” Paisley lets go of me and turns away to be scooped up by Dixon who’s appeared next to me.

She smiles down from near his shoulder.

I’m glad he can lift her. Even before my ribs hurt, she’s been almost too heavy for me.

“Is Mason inside?” Dixon asks Lori before pulling the heavy wooden front door open for us.

“Yep, he has some new developments this week.” Her mouth thins as she falls in step with us going into the expansive living room.

This place is as big as a lodge. Huge logs make up the walls. They must be at least three feet in diameter each.

Amazing.

The smell of fresh bread and some sort of savory meat hangs heavy in the air.

And I already had dessert in the truck.

Dixon’s palm rests in the middle of my back until we move towards a massive oak dining table that dominates one end of the wide space.

It looks like at least a dozen people would fit around it.

What would it be like to have a big family that would fill it?

“Daddy Dixon, I hungry.” Paisley wiggles in his arms.

“Daddy?” A lean man who resembles Dixon leans back in his chair at the head of the table, grinning.

Fire completely consumes my face.

“It won’t be the last time you hear it.” Dixon tugs out a seat near him and sits, arranging Paisley to dangle her legs over his knee.

“It suits you.” The man turns towards me and stands, offering his calloused palm. “Don’t mind my rude brother. My name is Mason. Welcome.” His smiling amber eyes look identical to Dixon’s.

“Thank you for having me.” I hold up the bag of tomatoes from the garden. “Is there someplace I can set these?”

“Oh, yes. Lori? Look what she brought!” He moves closer to his wife, and gently takes the sleeping boy from her.

I catch him murmuring something under his breath to her, but can’t hear the words.

Whatever it was makes her blush and smile.

They look happy.

Will Dixon and I be that way?

“Maybe after dinner we can walk through the garden? I’d love some pointers.” Lori takes the bag and motions me to follow her into the kitchen. “I’ve had a hard time with mine. How did you get yours so big? They’re gorgeous.” Pulling two baseball sized fruit out, she rinses them and pulls out a long knife to begin to dice them.

“It took me a while to figure them out,” I admit. “They take a lot more water than I realized.”

“Oh, I’m excited. Sophia isn’t interested, so I hope you don’t mind if I pick your brain.” Lori slides the chopped pieces over a big salad. “These will make it taste so much better. I’m glad Sawyer isn’t here tonight, he’d eat them all off the top.” She giggles and grabs the bowl. “Will you get the bread?” Gesturing with her chin, she points at a heaping pile of fresh biscuits.

It feels good to help.

Placing them close to the center of the table, Dixon reaches over and plucks one of the steaming rolls off the top and splits it open, then sets the two halves on the table in front of Paisley. “It’ll be hot,” he warns her.

She flattens her pudgy palm to hover just over the surface.

He glances up at me, then pats the seat of the chair next to him.

When I slide in, he wraps his hand around my thigh and tugs me closer before turning to his brother.

“So, Lori said something about a development?” His thumb works in a circle next to my knee, stoking the coals that have been burning in me since this morning.

Mason leans back, his smile disappearing, and runs his fingers through his dark hair. “Yea, I think someone’s been poisoning some of the ponds.”