Stars May Fall (Stars May Burn #2)

5. Sophie

SOPHIE

T he world spun, fading in between endless darkness and blinding light. It was hard to focus on anything or form a coherent thought. But Kasten was there. He was my anchor as the world rocked like waves. I clung to his hand in the hope I would soon make more sense of what was happening.

Nausea hit my stomach in a grounding sensation. I flailed to sit up, and strong arms supported me as I retched into a chamber pot. Soft material wiped my lips and hands rubbed my back. I lay back down.

“Sophie, can you hear me?”

It was Kasten’s voice, gruff yet gentle and tender.

I tried to reply, but my mouth wouldn’t move properly.

Fingers stroked my hair back from my forehead. “We’re going to return home to Kasomere. You don’t have to worry about anything. Everything is fine. Your father is gone from Adenburg and can no longer hurt you. Lord Lyrason has been exposed. I’m not going to leave you. You’re safe.”

Despite my confusion, his words settled over me like a soft blanket. I lay still, holding his hand. I only reacted when water was placed at my lips, and then later, when broth was brought after I’d managed to keep the first down.

I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, I was being lifted into Kasten’s arms, a sharp pain blooming in my side as the movement made me clench my teeth. The room was clearer now and the world seemed more colorful. My cheek pressed against his chest, and I could feel a strange hum beneath his clothes. I tilted my head back to see my husband’s face. His chin was rough with stubble. It wasn’t like him to not shave. I reached up and grazed it with my knuckle. His shadowed eyes shot down to mine.

“Sophie.” His dark eyes skirted around my face; they appeared full of worry. Somehow all the harsh lines of his face had softened to tenderness. “I’m carrying you to the carriage now. Everything is fine.”

I managed a smile, and his lips tightened in response as if he were holding back tears.

Doors opened, and bright, garish sunlight smothered me for a moment before Kasten ducked over my body, shading my face as he climbed onto the step and settled me on top of a wide seat inside the carriage. The wood creaked as he sat beside me. He carefully moved me, cradling my upper body on his lap with his arm under my head. As the dizziness subsided and the world took on more and more focus, I relished how comforting it felt to be in Kasten’s arms. He’d never held me like this before, like he was my shield and my rock. For once, he wasn’t running off anywhere or hiding away. My body felt heavy and warm. I closed my eyes and clutched his hand.

Darkness. Giant starved dogs. A woman with a twisted face and sharp teeth.

I sat up, my heart racing. Pain lanced up my side with the motion, and dizziness made the nausea return. Beneath me, the carriage lurched and rolled. Kasten’s arms surrounded me, and he moved with a stiff motion as if he had been keeping still for a long time. Had I been sleeping again? It had felt like no time had passed at all.

“Sophie? You’re all right. It’s all right. I’m here. You’re safe.” His arms supported my back and gently coaxed me back down. “Do you feel like you might be sick again? I brought the chamber pot in case.”

I let myself fall back into his lap, releasing the weight from my aching muscles. He cradled my head in the crook of his arm. His eyes looked down at me, still full of worry. This was…nice. I had never expected to see this side of Kasten. The tenderness in his gaze made my stomach dip.

He pushed the hair from my cheek and tucked it behind my ear. “You might not be able to remember things, or you might feel confused. We were told to expect possible side effects since your very essence was taken away and given back. But don’t worry. Once you’re ready, I will help you remember everything you need to.”

My heart rate slowed as my world narrowed to his face. I lifted my fingers to his chin again and wet my lips, determined to form words this time. “You haven’t shaved.”

He barked a laugh in disbelief. “I’m sorry if I don’t meet your expectations right now.”

I frowned, tilting my head to get a better look. “You’ve never not shaved for this long before. I quite like it.”

He half chuckled and half sobbed as he caught my fingers in his hand, kissing each of my fingertips in turn. “Sophie. You’re back.”

He rested his cheek against the back of my hand. His other arm was locked tightly around me as if he was frightened I would disappear. “Sophie…I…you…” He cleared his throat, and his voice lowered. “How do you feel?”

I rolled my shoulders and stretched as an experiment. “Tired. But not too painful. I…” Fogginess clouded my brain and stole the rest of my sentence. I lifted my hand to where a large scab pulled on the corner of my lower lip. When had that happened?

Kasten’s eyes were still drinking me in. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much. Don’t ever try to leave me again.”

I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my mind. “What happened? What’s wrong with me?”

“You were bitten by a halfsoul outside where your father had been keeping you prisoner. I sedated you and Lord Lyrason returned whatever was taken from you by haemalcomy. If you feel strange or not like before, you must tell me. I still don’t understand what they were doing or how they made you better. I’m hoping Callum can enlighten me when we reach Kasomere.”

I looked down at my body. It seemed thinner than before—certainly weaker—and I had never been strong or had much body fat to spare. “So I didn’t turn into a monster?”

Kasten grimaced. “You turned into a halfsoul, but you were sedated the entire time. You didn’t hurt anyone.” He leaned forward and brushed the hair from my forehead. “What matters is you’re back now.”

I nodded, slowly, waiting for everything to click back into place. Kasten let my hand fall back to my chest. “Meena?”

“She’s outside, guarding the carriage. Sir Tristan and the other guards who were with us are dead.” Kasten hesitated. “There was one other casualty. Irabel, your half sister, died of her illness. A messenger came to Highfair yesterday to inform us. I’m sorry.”

I blinked up at him in shock. Pretty little Irabel who had been so innocent and excitable. We had never been close or spent much time together, but she was still my sister.

I closed my eyes as I remembered the sorrow and guilt on her face when she injected me. She must have been so distressed by the whole thing while being so ill. Had Father given her proper treatment at all? Could I have saved her if I’d been given the chance?

I opened my eyes and rubbed my tears away with my sleeve. Kasten stroked my arm with his thumb as he studied my face. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

I nodded, and one sob escaped. I tried to take a deep, calming breath, but pain lanced my side. Instead, I breathed shallowly and waited until tears were no longer threatening behind my eyes. “And my other sister? Claribel?” The word came out weakly.

Kasten looked to one side, but his thumb didn’t stop its strokes. “Everything has happened very quickly. You’ve been mostly unconscious or sleeping for the last four days. The day after you were cured, the king passed judgment on your father and your brother, George. The next day, he arranged a quick marriage for Claribel with a countryside lord’s son from a minor house. I don’t know him, but I’ve ordered a low-key investigation. I suspected you would want to know she’s safe. Your step mother went with her. George and Sir Halfield have been exiled from Adenburg and had their land confiscated. They will have no power or resources, but I have a man watching them just in case you wanted to be kept informed of their actions. I hear they’ve become tenants of a farm and have started work there as of yesterday. You don’t have to worry about them anymore.” He rubbed his chin.

I blinked, processing the sudden changes slowly. “Miss Claris?”

Kasten’s lip twitched into a brief, subtle smile. “All of Sir Halfield’s staff have been dismissed and his estate divided. Callum saw to it to help Miss Claris find new employment by writing some rather entertaining references for her without her knowledge. She is currently cleaning public latrines and finds herself unable to find any other employment.”

Relief that I would never have to see Father, George, or Miss Claris again made me close my eyes.

“Princess Annabelle is also fine.” My eyes snapped open, and Kasten shook his head, looking away. “Ah, though I forget, you wouldn’t have known she was there. I never had the chance to tell you.”

Princess Annabelle? I rubbed the heels of my hands into my eyes as if to force my brain to work. Why couldn’t I make sense of all of this? My memories and thoughts felt so slow.

Kasten caught my wrists and removed my hands from my face. “Don’t push yourself. I can explain more later, and you have a lot to process. Right now, both your body and your mind need rest.”

I focused on relaxing my body, which was easier than I had expected, being cradled in Kasten’s arms. I felt content here. I let my mind go blank, the muffled noise of hoofbeats lulling me until I was half-asleep. After a while, my body became stiff, and I shifted tenderly, the pain in my side still very much present. I became more alert and looked around the carriage, Kasten’s arms preventing me from sitting up. The curtains were drawn but dim light still danced through. I could make out the distorted shadows of people on horseback.

I twisted in Kasten’s lap to look up at his face. “You don’t normally ride inside with me.”

Kasten gave one of his half smiles. “No, I didn’t.”

I frowned, thinking back. “Except for our wedding day when you were so desperate to get away, you climbed out the door while we were still moving.”

He snorted. “Well, I was worried your dress would fall off.”

I snuggled back down. “That was entirely your fault.”

“It was. And from now on, I’m riding in here with you. When you were unconscious, I felt sick at the amount of time I had wasted when I could have been with you. I never want to leave your side again.”

Despite everything, I couldn’t help but smile. “Never?”

“Never.”

“Even if I’m knee deep in the bog.”

His smile grew, and he chuckled. “Even then.”

“What about the bathroom?”

He sighed; it was almost the long-suffering sigh he generally saved for Callum. “Well, I’ll just be on the other side of the door.”

I started to laugh, then winced as the jolt of pain returned. My ribs still ached fiercely down one side, and the carriage ride seemed to only be making it worse. I vaguely remembered Father kicking me, but it felt like a lifetime ago.

Kasten’s good humor vanished at once. “What is it? What’s wrong? Do you need more medication for the pain? Or a sick bowl? Is the position you’re in uncomfortable? I have a sleeping draught here as well if you need.”

I shook my head and practiced a deep breath. Again, my side ached with sharp pain. I focused on taking calm, small breaths, but they made me a little dizzy. I needed a distraction.

“How far is Kasomere?”

Kasten frowned as if I were hiding something from him but answered the question. “At this incredibly slow pace, four more hours. You’ve been asleep for a long time already on this journey. The physician said it was important for you to sleep as much as possible so your brain could recover.”

I studied the long, sharp shape of his eyes and elegantly pointed chin, wondering how I had ever thought him anything other than the most handsome man I had ever seen. Features I had once interpreted as unfeeling now spoke of strength and resolve. His eyes, which I had once labeled cruel, now appeared soft and full of emotion. And his lips had always been full, in contrast with everything else. His stubble made him seem more human, more reachable.

He lowered his head closer to mine. “What are you thinking about?” Kasten’s voice had become softer, tentative, as if he barely dared ask permission to see inside my mind.

I smiled and lifted my hand to the roughness of his cheek once more. I couldn’t help but touch him, thinking of the countless times I had wished to be near him despite the situation that had kept us apart. He didn’t catch my hand this time, but let it roam across his jaw and up to his cheekbone. His expression became more serious and intent.

“I love you, Kasten,” I whispered, as if it were a secret confession.

He looked down to one side and swallowed before meeting my eyes again. He seemed to stumble over his words. “I also love you. I don’t know how you’ve come to think well of me, but…I will treasure your heart above everything. I swear I’ll keep you safe from now on. I’m sorry for all the ways I’ve failed you. I’ll do better, I promise.”

I gave him a stern look. “You have never failed me, Kasten Batton.” I decided to lighten the tone before he dared indulge in self-hatred. “But I would prefer it if you didn’t spend the rest of your life avoiding me and smothering me with flowers in your stead.”

He grimaced. “No. You just needed a bog.”

I choked down a laugh before the pain spiked too sharply in my side.

Kasten leaned forward and kissed my forehead. The gesture was so sweet, it made my throat tighten.

“Anything you want in the future, you’re going to need to tell me plainly. If you hadn’t realized it yet, I can’t guess these things.”

I frowned and touched the flower pendant hanging around my neck that was also a reserve. “Nonsense. You’ve given me many wonderful and insightful presents without me saying a thing.” I entwined my hand in his. The way he was looking at me mixed with my exhaustion and made me feel emotional. “I want you to stay with me in Kasomere for as long as possible. I know you’re the general and we’re at war, but…” I looked away, blinking back more tears, before he could find me pathetic.

Kasten stroked my hair. “Don’t worry about that right now. I’m not leaving anytime soon. We’ll work it out together. Now you should rest. Sleep if you can. It will help you get better.”

I looked back at his face and the dark shadows under his eyes. “What about you? When did you last sleep?”

“I’m fine. I’m not injured. I can doze with you in my arms. And when we reach Kasomere, we can both rest together.” He smiled at my disapproving look and leaned forward. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you, remember?” His face dropped. “I almost lost you, Sophie, and it was hell. I need to be close to you. Being allowed to hold you and watch you again feels like a second chance that I am not willing to let pass me by. Not even for a second.”

I grimaced at the pain I had caused him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have made you worry. You were already dealing with so much.”

He shushed me, gently. “Sleep now, my love.” He leaned forward to kiss my forehead again, but I tilted back my head to meet his lips with mine. The soft restraint of the kiss flooded me with warmth and hope and the feeling of safety.

I was only just starting to comprehend how deeply I had fallen for Kasten. And somehow, he was my husband. I had been given such an extraordinary gift in this man. I, too, didn’t want to let a single moment pass me by.