Starstruck (Heartstrings Duet #1)

12. hold steady

[ 12 ]

HOLD STEADY

LENNON

“CRY FOR HELP” BY DAUGHTRY

“ W hat the hell am I going to do now?” I cry as my ears start ringing, my breathing accelerating.

Isa rounds my desk, bending down next to my chair. “Lenny, just breathe.”

I drop my head into my hands, barely registering as Isa shifts so she can read the email. Taking quick breaths, I glance up to reread it, too, unable to believe the words are really on the screen in front of me.

What pisses me off is that SON!C has been known to do this in the past, but for some reason, I believed they wouldn’t do it to me. With how close they were to my parents, it just seemed like a given that they’d do it despite the fact that they aren’t getting paid.

And that pisses me off even more.

“Lennon, you need to take a deep breath before you start hyperventilating,” Isa instructs firmly, squeezing the hand she has grasped in hers to get my attention. “Breathe in for seven seconds.”

My eyes flash to her, my knees bouncing. She holds my stare, squeezing harder to ground me as I inhale shakily.

“Now hold for four.”

I count to four in my head, Isa’s deep-brown eyes holding my hazel ones.

“Now out for eight.”

I do as she tells me and exhale, the ringing in my ears quieting a fraction by the time I reach eight.

“Again.”

I repeat the breathing exercise, feeling my heartbeat slow by the time I finish. She places a hand on my cheek as I exhale. I’ve been getting panic attacks since the accident, and Isa is the only one who knows. I’m thankful she’s been here to help me through it.

“Better?”

I nod slightly, tears welling in my eyes. I roll my lips between my teeth as her shoulders fall and she wraps her arms around me.

“It’s going to be okay, Lenny. You’ll find another headliner.”

“How? I had a hard enough time getting them to agree. You’d be surprised how many artists back out once they hear that no alcohol will be allowed on the premises.”

That was the only rule I had when I brought the idea to Jeremy. Considering the concert is for Mothers Against Drunk Driving, I wanted to make sure no alcohol would be served or provided for the show. It sends the wrong message.

She shakes her head. “The right person will come around. I’m sure of it.”

“Will you do it?” I rush out without really thinking. I’ve already spoken to Isa about headlining, and she told me then the same thing she tells me now.

“If you really need me to, yes. But you and I both know you can find someone bigger than me to headline. Someone who will draw the kind of crowd you want for your parents.”

I nod into her shoulder, though I’m not sure I believe her. There are certainly others who could headline who are just as big as, if not bigger than, SON!C. But it took me a month to get them to agree—I wasn’t prepared to have to convince someone else, and I’m doubting my abilities.

I pull away with a groan, running a hand through my hair as I turn back to my laptop.

“I have to get down to the studio.” Isa glances at her watch as she stands, making her way back around my desk. “Are you going to be okay?”

I nod with a sigh. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” She turns, heading toward my office door. “Try not to worry, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

I smile softly back at her. “Love you, Is. I hope you’re right.”

“Am I ever wrong?” she teases. The answer is no. Isa Cordova is very rarely, if ever, wrong. Which should make me feel a bit better, but instead does nothing to calm me down. “Love you, Lenny,” she adds.

“Always, Is,” I say as she leaves my office, closing the door behind her.

Once she’s gone, I lean back in my chair. My eyes fall shut as I grit my teeth, unsure whether I want to scream or cry. As confident as Isa is in this whole thing, the truth is, I have no earthly idea what I’m going to do now. Just when I thought everything was coming together for the show, this happens. I can’t say I’m surprised, really, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

The concert is still months away, but I can’t exactly move onto the next phase of planning this concert without a solid lineup to advertise. As of right now, without SON!C, I have eleven artists who have agreed to perform. Finn Evans, Julien Averies, Lilia Love, Silas Evergreen, Sadie Armstrong, LINCOLN, Sloane Westwood, and Cohen Scott are the eight new signs Jeremy asked me to include, so while they’re guaranteed, they can’t headline.

Aside from them, I have Isa, Harper Grace, and We, The Exiled. Harper—one of Revolution’s alternative artists—is a big name in her genre, but she isn’t an artist that would draw the kind of attention I’m hoping to receive for this show.

We, The Exiled has been around for years, and they could definitely headline, but when they agreed, it was on the condition that they perform earlier in the day as they’re performing at a wedding the next day and have to catch a flight that night.

Honestly, I was just glad they agreed at all after they told me that, so I’m happy to make that work.

I sigh, pulling up the spreadsheet I have of artists who would be suitable for the concert to see if there’s anyone else at the label who could and would.

That’s the biggest problem here—it’s not that we have a lot of artists who are unsuitable to headline; it’s that being a majority-rock label, a lot of the performers are going to have an issue with my no alcohol rule, even if it is for a good cause. Plus, half of them have probably been arrested for drunk driving at one point or another, and given how my parents died and the charity it’s raising money for, what kind of message would that send?

All I know is that if I don’t figure something out soon, the guilt I’ve worked so hard to ignore for the past few months will claw its way right back up.

And this time, it might really eat me alive.