Starstruck (Heartstrings Duet #1)

56. number one with a bullet

[ 56 ]

NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET

BAXTER

“SUGAR, WE’RE GOIN DOWN” BY FALL OUT BOY

I swear time stops as I watch her from across the room. Her mouth snaps shut, the words she was about to scream at me dying on her lips. She stares at me in disbelief as I take quick strides toward her, and though she’s only steps away, it feels like it takes years to get to her.

Standing directly in front of her, I hesitantly bring up my hand to tilt her chin so she’s looking at me.

“I’m so fucking in love with you, Lennon Amelia Thorne,” I say, watching her throat work as she swallows. Tears begin to well in her eyes as I add, “I didn’t tell you about Logan, because before his hearing a few weeks ago, I hadn’t spoken to him in eleven years.”

She inhales sharply at my words. Given everything that’s happened, I’m not sure what she was expecting from my explanation.

But I’m almost certain nothing could’ve prepared her for what she’s going to get .

I take her hand in mine, sighing as I continue. “My history with Logan is painful, and I didn’t see the point in reliving it when all it would do is hurt you, too. It’s a part of my life I don’t care to think about. But fuck , I am so goddamn sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. I’d like to try to explain it all now, if that’s okay.”

Her mouth parts as she nods, so I lean against the back of my couch and pull her between my legs, the same spot we were in all those months ago when this thing first started between us.

I never expected that being there then would lead me here now.

I take a deep breath, needing a moment to find my words. Then with a sigh, I meet her eyes and begin to share the part of my life I’ve ignored for so long.

“I was nineteen and Logan was almost seventeen when our mom died. He’d just started his senior year high school, and suddenly his entire life changed because our dad, the drunk that he was, killed the only real parent we had.”

A gasp leaves her lips at that information. She knew my mom had been killed by a drunk driver, but I had conveniently left out the part about my father being the one who drove drunk.

“I had just been signed to my old label and was about to head out on my first big tour when it happened, which ended up having to be put on pause so I could stay back and take care of Logan. I didn’t even think twice about it. Our mom was dead, our dad was in jail—I was all he had left.”

I pause, giving myself a moment to regain my composure before continuing. This history is never easy for me to recall.

“I did my best, but I was still just a kid myself. I was also grieving the loss of my mom. So when Logan started partying and drinking more, I let him, because I was doing the same—I guess it was our way of coping with the shitshow our lives had become, even though we both knew better.

“It wasn’t until after he graduated high school that he really started going off the rails. I stopped buying him alcohol once I saw what it was doing to him, but that didn’t stop him from finding it. He was nearly eighteen by this point, and I’d told him from the beginning that once he was, I’d be leaving. Which I don’t think helped the situation at all, but I was selfish. I still am.”

I swallow roughly, watching the tears stream down Lennon’s face as she listens intently.

“There were more than a few occasions when I had to bail him out for drinking and driving or public intoxication. None of those charges stayed on his record, because I was always able to sweet-talk or buy his way out of them. I’m shocked I never got into trouble for letting my underage brother, who I was responsible for, drive drunk, but I was getting pretty big by this point, and I used my newfound fame to my advantage. It wasn’t until our father’s trial that I realized just how far gone Logan really was.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, exhaling deeply to fight the tears that threaten to approach. This is always the worst part of it.

Lennon gently places her hand on my face, and my eyes snap open, connecting with hers. The feel of her hand is enough to ground me, keeping me focused. She doesn’t say anything—just a slight nod to encourage me to continue.

I know I need to. If I want a chance to get her back, I need to tell her everything.

So I do. Even though this part might kill her, too.

Eleven Years Earlier

September

The courtroom gallery is empty, save for my younger brother Logan and me. I’m not surprised by that fact—with our mom gone, we only have each other.

People may know me now as Baxter James, the newest up-and-coming rock star, but deep down, I’m still Baxter Jameson, the twenty-year-old kid from Regent Park. No one really knows who I am yet, so no one knows my family either.

Which is probably for the best, considering where I’m currently sitting.

I’ve done my best to keep this part of my life hidden from my fans. When most people learn about the poor boy from one of the sketchiest parts of the city, who grew up with a mom who worked three jobs and a dad who drank away every penny she brought in, they tend to pity me.

I don’t want to be pitied. I want to be adored.

Music has always been my greatest passion. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a rock star. I’ve always looked up to those who have come before me—Thorned Roses, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and so many others have paved the way for people like me. And now that I finally have it, I’m not going to let anyone or anything take it away from me.

Especially not the son-of-a-bitch sitting in the defendant’s chair right now.

My father.

The man who drove drunk a year ago and then crashed, killing our mother—who was in the passenger seat—instantly.

Sometimes I’m grateful I grew up poor and unpopular. It means that when bad things happen, shit like your father killing your mother, no one knows about it. And since the world knows me as Baxter James, they’ll be hard pressed to dig up any dirt on me.

But there are downfalls of coming from a family of nobodies. The biggest one being that it’s taken nearly a year for us to get here. The justice system moves slowly on a good day, but when your family has no money or power to speed things up, they move even slower.

I could’ve used my name to get here faster, but that would mean admitting to the public who my family is. And that’s the last thing I wanted to do.

So we’ve waited a year for this day. After today, all of this will be over and Logan and I can finally move on with our lives. Logan turns eighteen next month, which means I’ll be able to leave on the tour my label has been pushing for since I signed with them. We just have to get through today.

I didn’t even want to come to my dad’s trial—I already know they’ll find him guilty. His blood-alcohol content was well above the legal limit, and he wrapped the car around a street light post. No other cars were involved, as confirmed by the cameras at the intersection.

I may never know for sure exactly what happened in that vehicle before the accident, but I know one thing for certain: my father is guilty. The only reason I’m here is to make sure the bastard really does go down for taking our one solid parent away from us.

“Mr. Jameson, you’re being charged with one count of driving under the influence and one count of impaired driving causing death,” the judge states, pulling my attention back to the present.

I keep my eyes trained on my father, gritting my teeth as she continues. “I have been presented with and reviewed all of the evidence, and I have determined that you are guilty of this crime. Since you have one prior impaired driving charge on your record, pled ‘not guilty’ at your first appearance earlier this year, and had a blood-alcohol content of over zero-point-one-six, you’re being sentenced to eleven years in prison with a chance of parole after six.”

My dad barks a laugh from where he sits at the front of the room.

“That’s light work,” he jokes before turning to look toward my brother and I, smiling.

I ball my fists as I watch him, disgusted by the man standing in front of me. And when he says, “You know, if that’s my punishment, I’m glad your mom’s dead,” it takes everything in me not to storm up there and punch the sleazy look off his face.

“See you in six years, boys. ”

He laughs again as the court officer drags him away.

That’s when I look at Logan.

“Fucking scum—” I start to say, assuming his features mirror mine.

But when I notice the smile filling his face mimics the one that was on our fathers, I realize I don’t recognize the guy looking back at me.

My brows pull together.

“What are you smiling about?” I ask, even though I already know the answer. Logan’s been fading away before my very eyes for a year now, and this is the breaking point.

He shrugs, looking at me with our father’s brown eyes. “I hope he gets out early. The bitch deserved what she got, and Dad doesn’t deserve to be punished for doing what we couldn’t.”

I blink a few times, wondering if I heard him right.

Did he just say our mom deserved to die? That he wishes he could’ve killed her himself?

The next thing I know, my hands are wrapped around his throat. Pushing him back against the bench, I stare into his eyes as I grit out, “Take that back, you motherfucker.”

He gasps for air over my grip, but the grin on his face grows, and that’s when I’m certain the brother I once knew died with our mom.

A court officer is on me a moment later, pulling me off Logan. I push him away before he can say anything as Logan coughs. Shaking my head, I storm toward the door, ready to forget everything and everyone I once knew.

“Hey, wait,” Logan calls out.

With my hand on the doorknob, I freeze, hoping the past ten minutes have all just been in my head.

But when he says, “We’re both just like Dad, Baxter. It’d do you well to stop pretending you aren’t,” it’s clear the brother I grew up with is gone. He has been for a long time, and it’s time I finally see him for who he truly is .

He’s just like our father. But I refuse to be.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Logan,” I start, keeping my back turned toward him. “You may be like Dad, but I will never be him.”

I don’t look back as I shove open the door, leaving the world I grew up in behind me.

For good.