37. Talia
thirty-seven
Talia
The house is eerily quiet as I step inside and close the door. My mother’s car was in the driveway, so I know she’s home.
Each step up the staircase feels more ominous than the last. I’m wholly unprepared to talk about me and Cam.
About Nico.
My heart feels like it went ten rounds with the heavyweight champion of the world.
I just spent the better part of an hour crying in the back seat of Cliff’s car while he drove me home from Cam’s place. He was so sweet, offering me water and a box of tissues as I sobbed quietly to myself.
My insides usually get all gooey when Cam orders the car to pick me up from the hospital and then drives me home or drops me off at the hospital. This time, he called the car to take me home because he didn’t want to chance someone seeing us and upsetting my family more.
I understand his reasoning, but it stung.
Everything about our morning together was a version of goodbye. The way he held me and kissed me instead of devouring me like he usually does in the morning.
When I reach the landing, I find my mom sitting at the counter with a mug of steaming tea. She looks tired and her eyes are puffy, but she also looks happy to see me .
We stare at each other for a moment before I find my voice. “Hi, Mamma.”
“Hi, baby girl.”
She stands, and I rush into her waiting arms. She hugs me tight, and the scent of her powdery floral perfume is like a balm to my senses.
I’ve missed my mom so much. Ever since our fallout over Cam, we’ve been like two ships passing in the night. We’ve both been avoiding authentic conversation for quick pleasantries and excuses about busy schedules.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come home,” she says as we break apart. She tugs on my braid and smiles.
“I didn’t want to, but Cam made me.”
“I see.” She looks surprised to hear that.
She has no idea how wonderful Cameron really is. He thinks I don’t know what he’s doing—pushing me away because he doesn’t want to come between me and my family. Silly man. Like it or not, they are going to have to get on board. I won’t let them or anyone come between me and Cam. But he’s also right. I need to fix stuff here in order for us to have a future.
If we still have a future. This morning left me second-guessing everything.
Cam is stubborn, and he won’t come near me again if he thinks it will damage my relationship with my mom and brother. Family means everything to him.
“I underestimated him, didn’t I?”
“You did.” Everyone does. He even underestimates himself. I’ll just have to keep reminding him how amazing he is.
“I will have to thank him when I see him next.”
I’m pretty sure my jaw is on the floor. Does this mean she’s open to us being together?
Slow your horses, girl. She’s just being kind.
“Would you like to join me for some tea? Maybe talk a little?”
“I’d love to. ”
Mamma fills up the kettle. “You look like you’ve been crying. Are you okay?”
If we are going to move past this, then I need to be honest. It’s the only way for us all to move forward. “No.”
I watch as she busies herself getting my mug ready with a bag of Earl Gray tea. Then she opens the fridge and grabs a few containers. She places a few pre-sliced pieces of cheese and the soppressata I like on a plate with some grapes and crackers.
I don’t have the heart to tell her I’m not hungry as I watch her put together the small charcuterie plate.
“Did you see it?”
Ugh. Yeah, I saw it. I pulled it up as soon as the car drove away. I couldn’t stop myself from watching it on my phone, all the way on the way home.
“I did. It’s not every day your brother punches the man you love on national television.”
I needed to see it. To see what made Cam question his actions. At first, all I could think was that Cam needed to get checked for a concussion, but as I kept watching, I saw it.
Nico looked so angry, yelling at Cam while one of his teammates held him back. The pain in my brother’s eyes was unmistakable. It hurt me to my core to see my big, strong brother hurting.
I still think that, deep down, Nico’s hate for Cam goes deeper than some girl no one knows about. Don’t get me wrong; my brother doesn’t let just anyone in, so he must have really cared for this woman. But I can’t help wondering if there is more to his hate.
“It was not Nico’s finest moment. How is Cameron feeling this morning?” my mom asks, shocking me again.
“He says he’s fine.” After watching that video, I know he’s lying. His jaw has to be killing him. As well as his ribs. I don’t like how he conveniently left that part out, always protecting me like I can’t handle the truth. I’m going to have to talk to him about that.
I noticed the bruising when I was washing him, but I didn’t question it. Cam is usually beaten up after a big game or an intense training session. He doesn’t like it when I fuss over him, so I let him be. For now.
The kettle screams. My mom fills my mug and places it, and the plate of food, in front of me. She takes a seat across from me. Sensing that she wants to say something, I sit quietly and blow on my tea.
“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. For everything. Our last conversation really opened my eyes. You are right to be angry with me. I took your intelligence and sacrifices for granted.”
“Mamma, no.”
“Let me finish, Lia. I need to say this. I hate that I made you feel less important. I am so very sorry. You mean the world to me. You and your brother are my life. I guess in some ways, though, I overcompensated with Nico. When I chose to keep you and your father walked away, it broke me. It felt like it was all my fault that Nico didn’t have a dad anymore.”
“No way. That’s on him, not you. He’s the coward who left.”
“ Ragazza preziosa .” Precious girl. “I know that now, but I was young, and I had a little boy who didn’t understand why his dad left. Nico cried himself to sleep for months. Then you were born. As soon as your brother laid eyes on you, I knew he would protect you and love you enough that it didn’t matter if your piece-of-shit father had left us.”
“It didn’t matter. Nico is the best brother. I love him, and I hate that I hurt him.”
“I know, Lia. And I think, deep down, he does too. He’s just upset right now.”
“I get that. But he can’t treat me like I’m a little girl. I don’t need him or you to protect me anymore. I need you to believe I know what’s best for me.”
“You’re right. I’ve indulged Nico for too long and, in the process, I forgot to nourish your needs. For a second, I forgot you grew up and became this beautiful, intelligent, and capable woman with the biggest heart. I am so proud of you and the person you have become. I love you, Lia. With all my heart.”
Tears pour down my cheeks as I absorb everything my mother has just shared with me. It couldn’t have been easy for such a proud woman to admit she was wrong.
I stand from my seat and kneel beside her, throwing my arms around her in a fierce hug. “I love you too.”
“Oh, thank God. You made up,” Zia Rose shouts and throws her arms around us in a group hug. The three of us laugh and sniffle. She takes a seat and pops a cracker into her mouth. “Now, what are we going to do about Nico?”
“What do you mean?” I sit back down and wait for her to finish munching on her snack.
“He’s MIA. Hasn’t returned any of your mother’s calls or texts. I tried and … nothing.”
“Mamma?”
She places her hand on mine. “It’s going to be fine, Lia. He probably locked himself inside that stupid penthouse condo of his and is brooding. He just needs a minute to cool down.”
“Should I go over there?”
“Let’s give him the day, then you can go over there with some food from the restaurant.” If anyone knows what Nico needs, it’s my mom.
“Excellent plan.” Zia rubs the crumbs off her fingertips and gets up from the table. “I’ll head into the restaurant early and make a fresh batch of his favorite manicotti with the spicy sausage he loves and some of Sofia’s focaccia bread. He won’t be able to say no if you show up with enough to feed a village.”
“Thanks, Zia.”
She brushes the hair off my face. “You’re welcome, cara mia .“ My darling. “It’s all going to work out.”
When Zia Rose leaves, I turn back to my mom. “Do you think he’s going to hate me?”
“Never. He loves you. Just give him time. ”
I hope she’s right because the thought of my brother shutting me out hurts more than the idea of walking on hot coals.
“I have a key, and I’m not afraid to use it!” I knock on the door and ring the bell outside Nico’s penthouse apartment.
I know he’s home because Roberto, the sweet doorman—who looks like a jolly Latino Santa—told me my brother hasn’t left the apartment all day.
I knock again, in tune to shave and a haircut, and wait. Nothing. “Fine. You want to be stubborn? You asked for it.”
There is one thing my brother hates more than anything—the little baby in that weird cartoon with the talking dog who calls his mom’s name over and over.
Enter the annoying little sister.
“Nico. Niiiicoooo. Nicoooo. Niiiiico. Niicoo. Nico. Nicooooo. Niiiiicooooo. Nic.”
“Oh my God, you’re so fucking annoying. Go away, Lia,” he shouts at me through the door.
I pump my fist in victory. Yes, I got him.
“Just let me in already. I’m not going anywhere.”
I hear shuffling and thumps from the other side. He’s close. I can feel it.
Come on, Nico .
I can picture him knocking his head on the counter, fighting with himself.
I bust out my sad sister voice. “Please. I have food.”
“Leave me alone.” His voice sounds closer.
“It’s Zia’s special manicotti with the spicy sausage and cheese filling. She made it just for you.”
A minute passes before he asks, “Do you have the focaccia bread too?”
A wide grin spreads across my face. Mamma and Zia were right. Nico can’t resist their food. “Yes. And Mamma’s tiramisu.”
“Fuck. Fine.”
The slide of the dead bolt has me giddy. My smile falls as he opens the door.
He looks horrible, like he hasn’t slept all night, and possibly hungover.
“Hey, big brother.” Doing my best to ignore the way he looks, I push past him and head into the kitchen.
His stupid penthouse apartment is so sterile and boring. He moved into this place months ago so he could be closer to the stadium, and still there were unopened boxes everywhere. The only thing hanging on the walls are a giant flat screen and his jersey from the Saints.
I place the bags full of food on the counter before going through his cabinets. I sigh in relief. “Did Mom come over and unpack?”
“Yes. You know she can’t help herself.”
I smirk at his answer. No, she cannot.
I pull out two plates and crystal wine glasses from the cabinets before grabbing two forks from the utensil drawer. “Sit down, Nico. We need to talk.” I pull out the aluminum foil wrapped casserole dish from the bag.
He huffs and crosses his arms, his brows furrowed. “What if I don’t want to?”
So grumpy. I remember the days when he was a lot more relaxed and, dare I say, fun? And I don’t mean “going out with his guys, drinking in clubs, and chasing after girls” fun. Nico used to love spending time with me at home, playing card games and telling stories. I miss those days. I want my brother back. The one who makes me laugh and makes me feel safe and loved. That guy is a huge softy with so much love to give. This grumpy, vapid version of him that wears thousand-dollar suits and drives ridiculous sports cars sucks .
I slide the dish back into the bag. “Then I’ll just take this delicious food back down to the front desk and tell Roberto dinner is on you tonight.”
Nico looks appalled. “You would give my food away to someone else?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“Fuck. Fine,” he grumbles under his breath as he takes a seat at the counter.
Biting back a smile, I serve us dinner and sit back, enjoying the food and watching my brother eat something. He needs some food in his stomach before we talk about anything serious.
When he finishes, I plate him a second serving. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Cameron.”
Nico makes a face. “Ugh, don’t say his name like that, or I’m going to fucking barf.”
“Oh, stop. Cam’s a good guy.”
He faux heaves.
“Knock it off, Nico. I’m serious.”
“Fine. Continue.” He stares at his plate, pushing his food around.
“He told me why you hate him. How he slept with your girlfriend.”
His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. “He did?”
I nod. “Yes. We don’t keep secrets from each other.”
“And you’re just fine with him having fucked the girl I loved back in college?”
“Must you be so crude?” I cringe. I hate the thought of Cam with other women. It makes this irrational part of me angry and jealous when I have no right to be. Those women are in his past. He never loved them, only me.
“Wait? Did you say college?”
Nico looks away in shame .
“Cam has been beating himself up over this whole thing, and you’re telling me this happened over a decade ago? Do you hear how childish that sounds?”
“I know, but…” He rubs his temples in thought before speaking. “It’s not just that, okay? It’s complicated.”
“Well then, uncomplicate it for me because Cam pretty much broke up with me. He doesn’t want to come between us.” Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but it felt an awful lot like goodbye when Cam put me in the car this morning.
Nico looks shocked at that information. “Wait, so he broke up with you?”
“Not officially, but yeah, kind of. He said we should take some time apart. But you know that’s just fancy talk for break up.”
“What an asshole.”
“Cam’s not an asshole. He’s trying to do the right thing.”
Nico drops his fork in disgust. “Ugh, that’s why he’s an asshole. Fucking goodie two-shoes.”
“Nic,” I chide. My instincts are telling me to dig into his brain and figure him out. “This is about a lot more than just him hooking up with some girl you liked in college. Talk to me.”
“First off, I fucking loved her. I thought Chuck was the one. Then I saw her come out of his room after this big party at the baseball house. He thought he was all suave walking her to her car at four in the morning. But I saw him. Fucker. Fucked my girl.”
I roll my eyes at his outburst. I do not want to talk about Cam being with someone else. “And second?”
“I’d rather eat dirt than admit this, but I know you won’t leave me alone. So…” He chugs his wine and wipes his lips on the back of his hand. “When he started on the team, I used to see him leave every morning at five sharp. A car would be parked outside the house waiting for him. He had taken another senior’s starting spot, and I was pissed. He practically strutted onto the team with his good-boy attitude. We were all pissed. But I was also so damn curious. Thought maybe whatever info I found out, I could use against him. So, one day I followed him. Borrowed a car from a buddy and waited outside. Like he did every morning, he came out at five and climbed into the waiting car. I followed the car to the canyons and parked. I watched him and his dad climb out of the car. The old guy sat on the hood of the car with a stopwatch while Miller ran up the hill. When he returned from his run or whatever, the two of them had a good laugh, chatted, and then threw the ball around.”
My eyes water as I listen to my brother tell me something I didn’t know about Cam and his dad, Mark, and the special bond they share.
The story my mom relayed earlier hits me in the chest, and tears well in my eyes.
Oh, Nico.
“You were jealous,” I whisper. Tears spill from the corner of my eyes for the broken little boy who didn’t understand why his dad left him.
“So fucking jealous, Lia. I hated myself for it. The more I hated myself, the angrier I got at Miller. Vicious cycle. I would give him such a hard time, but I couldn’t stop. Every time I saw his dad sitting in the stands, cheering him on, I’d get pissed off, wondering why the fuck my dad left me. Then I met Chuck.”
“Who is Chuck?” I ask, confused.
“Sorry. She’s, um, she’s the girl I met in college and fell head over heels for. Anyway, she helped me understand I was projecting my anger. She convinced me to look our dad up.” He drops his head into his hands.
I can feel it in my gut. What Nico found wasn’t good. “What did you find out, Nico?”
“He’s remarried. Lives in New York with his new wife and their two sons.” Nico’s eyes glass over, and my stomach bottoms out. No wonder he’s so messed up. He feels abandoned and unwanted by his own father. “I hit rock bottom after that, drinking to numb the pain. I pushed Chuck away. Didn’t think I deserved a girl like her in my life. I mean, what can I offer her when my own father didn’t even want me?”
“Fuck that guy, Nico.”
His eyes snap up to mine. “Did you just cuss?”
I bite my lip. “Yeah. Cam’s rubbing off on me. He keeps telling me I don’t have to be perfect all the time, just me.”
Nico harrumphs. I know it’s going to take time, but I think someday Nico might come to accept Cam. Maybe even like him. They would hate for me to say it, but they really are similar.
“Seriously, Nico, fuck that sperm donor. We didn’t need him anyway. We had Mom and Zia. You didn’t need him to throw a ball with you to become one of the best players in the MLB. You did that because you worked hard, and you are fucking talented. You’ve won home run derby competitions, you played in one of those perfect game things, and I have a feeling you’re going to win the World Series someday. And you know what? You did all those things without a dad. You didn’t need him because he was absolutely worthless. We were stronger without him.”
“We are pretty fucking awesome, aren’t we?”
“Hell yes.” Nico’s honesty has me finding the courage to do the same. “Real talk: for the longest time, I blamed myself. I felt like it was my fault he left you and Mamma.”
“Lia, no.” He shakes his head and clenches his fists on the table. “He’s the one who left and missed out.”
“That’s what Cam said. Said mom loved me more, and that’s why she had me.” My mind drifts back to our talk in the hot tub all those months ago. It made me feel seen. Valued. I wasn’t ready then to talk about this stuff, but being with Cam has given me the confidence I need to go after what I want.
“I hate that I’m going to say this… Miller is right. But why tell me this now?”
“Because you aren’t the only one with daddy issues, Nic. I have them too. When I was, like, nine or something, I eavesdropped on Mamma and Zia drinking a little too much Barolo. She was crying and talking about him. It broke my heart to hear her so sad. She confessed to missing him. I didn’t know life with him, but then I thought about you. Felt like me being born robbed you of your dad.”
“I hate that fucker for making you feel like him leaving was your fault. I hope you know I’m glad he left because me and Ma needed you more.”
“I know. But I didn’t then. So, I just faded into the background. Pretended I hated ballet. Went along with anything you wanted. Did whatever Mamma needed. It’s why I didn’t tell you about my relationship with Cam. I knew you would flip and cause a scene. When Mamma found out, she forbade me from seeing him like I was a freaking teenager, Nico. That’s just wrong. I deserve to be happy even if it’s with someone you don’t like.”
“Ma knew? Why didn’t she tell me?”
I shrug. “Probably because me and Cam pretended to break up after she ‘pulled a Nico’ and kicked him out of the house. As for why she didn’t tell you, you’re going to have to talk to her about that yourself.”
“Fair enough.”
“Do you forgive me?”
“I can’t stay mad at you, Lia. You’re my kid sister. I love you too much.”
“I love you too.” I get out of my chair and hug my brother.
He fights back tears as I bury my head in his chest and let my tears fall. The weight in my chest falls away after years of carrying all that guilt.
“Nico?”
“Yeah?”
“You stink.”
He drops his head and chuckles. “Yeah, I kind of didn’t shower last night. I was so pissed I just got in my car and drove home. Then drank half a bottle of whiskey before passing out on the couch. ”
I let go of him and take the seat beside him. He wipes his face with his hands, hiding the water leaking from his eyes. Last night really tore him up.
“I saw the video,” I confess. I might as well get everything out there. Hang up all the laundry, so to speak. “Cam didn’t want me to, but I did anyway.”
Nico flinches in shame. “Fuck. I wish you listened to him. I never should have hit him.”
“Why did you?”
“Because I hate him?” He shrugs.
He’s uncomfortable, but I’m not going to let him off so easy. Not anymore. We are adults, and that means we need to be accountable for our actions and feelings if we want to have a grown-up relationship.
“Lies. Give me the actual answer for a thousand, Alex.”
His lip twitches. “I forgot how much you loved that damn show growing up.”
“Stop diverting,” I say, even though I would love to go off on a tangent about how Jeopardy! will never be the same without its original host.
He groans. “Fine. Because when I looked at you in that picture, you looked so fucking happy and in love, Lia. You are my baby sister, and I love you so much. I want you to be happy. I did everything I could to make sure you had a good childhood. To make sure you were happy. And there you were, with him, looking happier than I’ve ever seen you. But you were hiding your happiness from me. All because I was being an angry, jealous jackass. It made me feel like fucking shit.”
“Awe, you love me so much.” I mean, I always knew he did. It’s the only reason I came up with for why he was so overprotective of me growing up.
“Shut up.” He rolls his eyes at me, and I laugh.
Definitely a Romero trait .
“I should have told you sooner,” I admit. “Maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad.”
“I probably would have just hit him sooner.”
“Nico, what the hell?”
“Sorry. But it’s true.” He shrugs. “I don’t make things easy, do I?”
Understatement of the century. “No, you don’t. But that’s okay. I love you anyway, big bro.”
“So, you love him, huh?” Nico refills his wine.
“Yeah.” I sigh. Cam is everything. The whole damn sexy-sweet package.
“Barf.” He sticks his tongue out. “You make a really gross face when you think about him.”
“Get used to it.”
Nico rubs his scruffy chin. He’s already looking so much better after some food and our talk. “I will. In time. No kissing in front of me.”
“I’m not making any promises.”
Nico rolls his eyes again, but it’s playful, and it makes me want to cheer. He stabs his food and looks at me, his gray eyes looking lighter. “Just tell me you didn’t, you know… back in Arizona when I was in the house…”
I bark a laugh. “Definitely not.”
“Thank God.” The tension in his shoulders eases.
Too bad he was a naughty brother and needs some good old-fashioned payback.
“We snuck out of the house.” I wiggle my brows at him.
“I’ll kill him,” he grumbles.
I can’t help but cackle. “I’m kidding. Cam was the perfect gentleman. He made me wait forever before he slid home.”
“Stop, or I’m going to lose my dinner. No details. Ever.”
“You brought it up.”
“And I immediately regretted it.”
We both laugh .
Nico and I are going to be just fine. We spend the rest of the night chatting and catching up. It feels good to have my big brother back.
Now, I just have to get my man back.