Chapter Twenty-Five
Cameron
YOU WERE NEVER mine.
Always someone else’s.
Always in demand.
And I, I stayed behind.
But if fate is kind…
She’ll bring us back together.
I sing the lyrics to myself as I drive home from band practice. Today went well, way better than I thought it would. I gave the band a bit more of the song I’ve been working on, and Erin was into it immediately. When she sang my words, it brought them to life in a way I never imagined. They felt so strong, so big, so real.
The lyrics have been coming to me easier lately. That one line about fate bringing two people back together has grown into an entire chorus. Verses sprang up around it. With a little more tweaking, I think the song will be ready. And that festival we auditioned for could provide the perfect opportunity to take it on its maiden voyage and see how a real crowd reacts.
My hands are sweaty on the steering wheel as I race up I-5 contemplating hearing my words belted out in front of a huge crowd. The festival would be the biggest show The Ten Hours have ever booked, but getting a spot is certainly not a guarantee. These kinds of things are highly competitive, and we’re a tiny local band. We don’t even have a manager. It’s mostly Erin holding shit together and making sure we have demo tapes to send out and stuff like that. But if we could play a festival like that, we’d have to seriously consider our future as a band. And my stupid little song might be one of the things that gets us there.
Something still nags me about the song, but I don’t dare bring it up in front of the group. It sounds slightly wrong in Erin’s voice. Maybe it’s because I wrote those lyrics, and I’ve heard them in my own head and in my own voice so many times thanks to that. Yet as I sing the words to myself in the car, there’s a certain … right-ness to it. Some of those lines … they’re me. They came straight from my life. They’re not simply there to sound pretty. They exist because they matter to me.
I could sing the lyrics passably enough, but I don’t think I could ever do it in front of a crowd. There’s a reason that Erin is our frontman. Her charisma is off the charts, and she soaks up the energy that crowds give her, rather than cowering away from it like I would. Without my guitar to shield me, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself on a stage.
So suggesting I be the one to sing that song is completely ridiculous. Erin is the one with the stage presence and the pipes. I should stick to my guitar.
In any case, the song is complete enough that I can tell Mom about it next time I see her. Tonight, I’m eager to tell Julian about it, which is a strange feeling. I can’t deny it, however; I’m excited to get home and tell him all about the practice and my song and our hopes for the festival. It’s … it’s kind of nice having someone to go home to, feeling that buzz of eagerness to see them again, hoping to find them waiting and just as excited to see me.
Too bad it’s only temporary, but I should enjoy it while it lasts. There’s no point in dwelling on something that’s inevitable. I’m not going back to New Jersey, and Julian has his big important East Coast job, so I’m sure he’s not moving either. This week will be a strange, potentially wonderful blip in our lives, but only a blip.
That doesn’t make it less confusing.
I almost miss my exit while I’m busy trying to untangle my feelings. They’re like a ball of yarn knotted up in my gut. Julian and I are too different to ever work as a couple, thanks to both our personalities and our lifestyles. Sure, last night was great and this morning was wonderful, but that stuff can’t last. It’s a fake honeymoon period for a relationship that doesn’t exist. Hence why I didn’t bother telling Mom that he’s in town.
Well, that and the shame.
There’s no way I could tell her he’s here, let alone that he’s here for me. I don’t want to bring up all that old crap. We’re both doing great out here. There’s absolutely no reason to ruin it by dredging up hurtful memories. I mean, she was just getting back on her feet when she caught Julian making a move on me right there in front of her. How could I possibly tell her that I was seeing that guy?
I don’t want it to sour my mood, so I shove it aside as I pull into my designated parking space at the apartment complex. The sun has already set, which is typical for Seattle this time of year, but band practice did, admittedly, run longer than I thought it would. We fell into a good rhythm and we didn’t want to stop, especially when we started working on the new song. Sometimes, you have to go with the flow of the music if the vibes are right, and today the vibes were so, so right.
I grab my guitar out of the back seat and head for the entrance of the apartment complex. I push every thought aside that isn’t how good that practice was or how eager I am to see Julian. I have big plans tonight, and I’m not going to let future regrets sour them. In fact, I have such big plans that my stomach flutters with nerves. I intend to take a leap with him tonight, a leap I don’t take all that often. But something about being with him… I’ve known since the first time we got together that I wanted to offer this some day, offer it specifically to him. Maybe that’s crazy of me, but I planned it all out in my head, and this is the perfect night for it. I just have to keep my head in the game and get to my apartment without thinking about anything but the present.
Julian is waiting for me when I open my apartment door. I don’t even manage to unlock it myself before he throws it open. He’s wearing nothing but his briefs and an apron he must have stolen out of my closet.
I blink, too stunned to cross the threshold before he physically drags me into my own apartment.
“Don’t leave the door open,” he says. “I’m practically naked under this thing.”
“What … what the hell are you doing?” I ask.
“I went to the store while you were gone, and I want to make you dinner, but I thought I should look the part too.”
“But it’s only four o’clock. You’re going to dress like that for the next several hours?”
“Okay, I may not have planned that part out,” Julian says. “I saw your car pull up and threw this on as quickly as I could, but it’s getting kind of chilly.”
“Yeah, I bet it is. It’s October and my heating isn’t that good.”
“My nipples could cut glass.”
I can’t help chuckling. “Put on some damn clothes. You can put the apron back on and cook in it later if you want to, but it’s not going to do you any good if you freeze first.”
“But you’re surprised right?” Julian says, even as he slips off the apron and I get a glimpse of his bare chest and abs before he covers them in a sweater. “Like, good surprised?”
“Yes, I can definitely say I’m surprised.”
I cross the living room and set my guitar on its stand. Julian follows, and the moment I turn, he has his hands on my hips and he’s leaning in for a kiss. I indulge him, and myself, and let him tip toward me. We stand by the window making out until I finally push him away.
“Doesn’t seem like you’re thinking about dinner,” I say.
“It’s like you said, it’s only four o’clock.” His eyes flicker down, though I’m dressed normally. “We’ve got plenty of time if we want to.”
Nerves batter my stomach. It’s now or never. He’s given me the perfect opening, and if I don’t take it, I probably won’t get a second chance tonight.
“Let me at least shower first,” I say. “I left this morning without doing that because someone didn’t let me get out of bed.”
“Did your band comment on you smelling like hot, sweaty sex?”
“No,” I drawl. “And I didn’t.”
“I could fix that, you know. When’s the next practice?”
“Not for a few days,” I say.
“Then I guess I have time to work my magic.”
I can’t believe I’m laughing at this corny shit. Maybe it’s the nerves. Julian lays it on thick, wagging his eyebrows at me.
I turn us around and set him down on the sofa. He sits under me, his eyes flickering to my crotch, which is now at eye-level.
“Can you relax and let me shower?” I say. “I won’t be that long.”
“Is there any point when I’m going to mess it up as soon as possible?” he says.
“Yes, there is.”
He isn’t listening to me. He leans forward, nuzzling at my crotch through my jeans, and it takes all of my willpower to push him away and step out of range. I know he’d suck me off right there without a word of complaint, but that will derail my plans for the evening, and I’m not letting anything come between me and what might be my only shot at this.
“Stay there, Julian,” I say. “I’m going to shower. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”
“I don’t care what you smell like,” he says.
“Well, I do. Do you want me to be distracted because I’m thinking about how badly I wish I’d taken a shower?”
He huffs, but flops back on the couch. “Fine, but I’m telling you, it’s going to be pointless. I’m going to ruin it the second you’re out of the water. On second thought, can I come with you?” He perks right back up.
“No,” I say sternly. “A man needs ten minutes alone once in a while.”
His pout returns, fiercer than ever before. He crosses his arms as he sinks back on the couch. “You’re a cruel man, Cam.”
“Only because you like it so much.”
That shuts him up. His lips flap, but after last night, he doesn’t have a good way to refute that.
I turn away while I have a chance and stalk into my bedroom. I don’t take much into the bathroom with me, hopping into the shower while my resolve holds. Damn, but it was hard to walk away from him when he was looking at me like that. This hold he has on me better fade by the end of the week or I’ll be in serious trouble when he leaves. I can’t spend the rest of my life pining after a guy who lives three thousand miles away, a guy I feel I need to keep secret from my mother. What kind of pathetic life would that be?
Hopefully, what I have in mind for tonight will help get him out of my system once and for all.
But first, I need to get him into my system.