Succeeding Love

Find Your Happy

This was awkward.

It’s been over half an hour, maybe longer, and nothing has truly been said yet. After offering her coffee, and then water, we’ve so far just muttered tense greetings and light inquiries about each other’s day.

She seemed more animated hearing about the kids, smiling when I mentioned Jessie’s dance recital coming up. Once that topic awkwardly faded away, thanks to Kate huffing, “why do you care?” the conversation died again.

Now, Arlene was seated on the couch opposite me, flinching every time my sister made a loud noise in the kitchen. Kate was intentionally banging around in there, making her presence known even after Arlene asked to speak to me alone. I had to keep pressing my lips together from the urge to laugh.

Kate was much more upset than I was by the sudden visit from my ex-husband’s affair partner. I’m indifferent. Months ago, this may have upset me more, but now I’m just curious why she would show up here out of the blue.

“So,” I broke the silence, since she seemed to be still contemplating how to start, “what brings you here? Just in the neighborhood or….”

Arlene made a face at my attempt at breaking the ice. I guess my bad jokes aren’t her thing.

“No, I wasn’t in the neighborhood,” she responded in a careful tone. “No, I wasn’t in the neighborhood,” she responded in a careful tone, her eyes flashing hesitantly at me, “since your last Christmas party where I was invited.”

I smiled tightly. “I figured. It was just a grim joke. I meant nothing by it.”

Arlene’s eyes opened wide in surprise for a split second, until Kate dropped a pan loudly on the tile floor, making Arlene jump and huff.

Her response made me think she assumed I meant something malicious originally. Maybe she was assuming I was asking if she had been visiting this neighborhood often with negative connotations.

“My bad!” Kate yelled, and I couldn’t help but to laugh.

“I’m sorry,” I told Arlene. “Kate is protective. I’m sure you understand how siblings can be.”

Arlene had a hard expression passing over her face, but her eyes looked sad.

“No. I have no siblings. Just a mother I no longer speak with. I’m afraid I don’t entirely understand that protective bond between family members.”

“Huh.” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “Well, I guess you didn’t have to worry about sharing clothes, toys and other things with others then,” I laughed awkwardly.

It wasn’t until I heard Kate snorting and snickering in the other room that I realized what I had just said and how passive-aggressive it must have sounded.

Arlene, lips pulled tight in a grim expression, so I hurried to clarify, “I didn’t mean- “

“I know,” Arlene cut me off. “I knew what you meant. No need to specify the irony in that statement.”

I sighed, feeling exhausted from the five minutes we’d already been sitting here in this weird tension. “You know what the opposite of irony is?”

Arlene raised her thin eyebrows.

“Wrinkly.”

She stared stoically at my poor joke, and then her face split into a reluctant grin. She laughed behind her hand, shaking her head.

“I was right,” she snickered, the tension draining from her features as she laughed. “Your daughter is far more like you than her father. Thank God.”

I cocked my head to the side, curious about what she meant, but before I could ask, another knock sounded at the front door.

We both looked over as the door swung open, my new guest needing no invitation to enter. He knew he was welcome.

I couldn’t stop the beaming grin from erupting on my face at seeing Vin, still looking official in his work clothes.

“Honey, I’m home-” Vin stopped short, seeing Arlene and I seated in the living room across from one another. “Oh, am I interrupting something?”

“Is that the action star?!” Kate poked her head out of the kitchen.

Vin smirked, giving me a side eye before coming over to the couch I was sitting on and leaning over me. “You call me that to other people, too?”

I giggled as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. “Only to my sister. You have a problem with that?”

“Not at all,” he chuckled, kissing my cheek one more time before straightening up. “Hi Lynn’s sister,” he waved through the opening g to the kitchen.

“Hi Mr. Anaconda!” She sounded too enthusiastic, calling him that.

I sighed, wanting to knock her down to the ground and force-feed her green stuff until she puked.

“Mr. Anaconda? Haven’t heard that one yet.” Vin lifted an eyebrow at me.

“Ignore her,” I groaned.

He laughed, then looked at Arlene. His smile dropped quickly as he studied her. Arlene looked surprised to see him, wide-eyed, with her mouth gaping. I guess it would be weird and surprising meeting my boyfriend in this situation.

“Huh,” Vin mumbled, “Hello.”

He sounded so stiff compared to when he was speaking with Kate.

Arlene found the ability to close her mouth. It was hard to read her expression. She seemed a little sad as she shifted awkwardly, crossing her legs and fidgeting with the accent pillow. Her long red nails were pulling through the pillow’s fringe.

“Hello,” she nodded in greeting.

Something about Vin’s demeanor suggested he wasn’t open to any further conversation with her. But his eyes softened when he looked back down at me.

“Is your company staying for long? I was thinking about taking you to go grab a smoothie?”

I laughed softly. He knew I was never going with him to the gym to actually workout, but he still liked it when I was there. Probably because I text him inappropriate comments and observations the entire time.

“How long until you have to leave?”

He played with the hair falling down my back. “However long you need me to.”

“Aw,” Kate came out of the kitchen. “We’ll all be heading out of here in about thirty minutes. Uninvited guests included.” Kate threw a severe glance at Arlene before putting a smile back on her face and linking her elbow with Vin’s. “I can walk you out. Give them a chance to finish.”

“Well, alright,” Vin smirked while staring back at me. I waved my fingers, trying not to laugh. Kate was undoubtedly going to give him the third degree for the next thirty minutes. He didn’t seem to mind.

Arlene watched as they left, visibly relaxing with Kate no longer in the house.

“Sorry,” I sighed, smiling gently as I shook my head. “I know my sister’s a lot.”

Arlene’s lips twisted in their corners. “I was more surprised to see your, um, boyfriend.” She sent a blank stare towards the door, then muttered, “It all makes sense now.”

Makes sense?

I smiled tightly, not sure if her musing needed my reply.

She sighed, letting out a long, heavy breath, then met my gaze. “I apologize. I know you have no obligation to sit and speak with me. I just….”

Her eyes turned vacant again, and the silence stretched for several long seconds before she met my eyes again.

“I don’t know if you are aware, but… But Nicholas and I… we ended things several weeks ago.”

I nodded. “I was aware.” I was about to add that I was sorry to hear that, but I thought that would be overstepping. Their relationship was none of my business.

Arlene sighed and sat back like she was exhausted. “Of course you were.” Her shoulders slumped, and she gnawed on her bottom lip. It was the most vulnerable I had seen her since she got here. Then, when she looked up at me again, I saw such thick emotional turmoil, it was like I could feel it myself. “I’m sorry, Feighlynn. When… When things started, I never considered you, and was purely selfish in my meager pursuit of boosting my ego. I never thought things would progress the way they did, that is until…” she looked hesitant, but continued, “until I saw your life here,” she looked around the house. “I saw how happy you were and wanted more of what you had.”

She paused for a long time, staring at a picture of me and my kids above the mantle. I used to have a picture of us with Nick there, but that went away after he left. I didn’t have a single picture of Nick in this room any longer, but Arlene’s longing expression remained as her eyes swept over each image of me and my kids.

“I can not have children,” she admitted in a broken whisper. “That’s what broke my first marriage. Well, it was the largest factor, at least. I always wanted children, but tried to bury that desire. But when I met Jessie, that desire returned, more fiercely than before.”

I knew she and Jessie were close. I tried not to let it bother me, and over time, it didn’t. I was thankful that my ex-husband’s partner cherished my little girl in her own way. It’s more comforting now to hear such emotions coming from Arlene, all for my little girl, who I cherish so greatly too.

“I’ve settled my feelings for Nicholas,” Arlene admitted in a rough whisper. She then huffed with a broken laugh. “I realized how pathetic I had become with him. He was never worth the heartache I caused in both yours and my life. What I am having trouble letting go of, though… Is… Jessie.” Her eyes turned pleading, moisture glistening in them. “I have no right to ask this of you. I know I do not deserve this closure, but I had to ask. Please, Feighlynn. Please allow me to tell that little girl goodbye.”

A tear slipped down her cheek, and my heart went out for the woman who I once thought broke my family apart. I can see now that she was far more broken than we were, and Nick was just a catalyst for change and healing.

I’m happier now than I have ever been with him. I almost want to thank her for making me see how much better life could be without Nick in it. I felt pity for her, because while I was healing, he was breaking her more.

“You love my daughter. Don’t you, Arlene?”

She vehemently nodded her head, wiping the pouring tears from under her eyes. “More than I have ever loved anyone else in my life.”

More than anyone? The weight of that statement was so heavy and sad, I could feel her pain.

No, she deserves nothing from me, but I do not care about what she deserves. I couldn’t live with myself if I broke this woman more than she already was. This request came from her love for my daughter. How could I refuse?

“I’ll ask Jessie,” I told her softly. “It’s ultimately up to her.”

Fresh tears fell from the corners of her eyes, and she nodded. “Thank you,” she mouthed, air barely making it past her lips.

“And,” I hesitated for a second, “and I forgive you. I hope one day you can find exactly what will make it truly happy.”