Succeeding Love

What I Would Change

“But mom, he’s….. Yeah?.... Are you sure you don’t-.... Okay, mom. Bye.”

I was fidgeting on the barstool where I sat and stared at Preston as he spoke to his mom. I tried to call her twice with no luck, but she answered for her son with no issues.

That made me feel more like shit than I already did, but I still sat quietly and waited for him to get off the phone.

Preston sighed as he dropped his phone on the counter. His lips were in a tight line when he looked back at me.

“Sorry, bro. She didn’t want to talk about you.”

My face fell in my hands. My fingers roughly circled the tension in my forehead. “Yeah. I figured as much.”

Preston was quiet, silently standing across from me in the kitchen as I felt like I’m coming apart.

“One day,” I muttered. “All it took was one day for every damn thing to fall apart.”

“That’s because you both have crappy exes,” Preston scoffed.

I laughed humorlessly. “Yeah. You’re not wrong.”

Preston manhandled the dish towel laying across the sink, twisting the fibers between his fingers. “Um, so mom wants me to head over there,” he said carefully. “Uh, I guess my grandma finally showed up and was being a jerk about it being dad’s weekend.”

I nodded, getting the hint. “Yeah. You should go then. Your mom needs no more shit today.”

Preston looked around the kitchen, his eyes settling on the fridge. “I’ll tell my mom about the food. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

I smiled weakly. “Thanks. If she… If she needs anything else….” I hesitated, wondering if it was still my place to offer her or them anything still. I sighed, then just said it. “Let me know.”

After pushing in my stool and picking up my keys from the counter, I headed for the garage door. I still needed to move my car over to my house, since it was obvious I wouldn’t be seeing Lynn today after all.

As I was moving the car, all I could think about was all the things I wish I could go back and change to make this weekend different. Even if I just said no to Milton. I’d be in bed, Lynn lying on top of me right now for a nap, or floating in the pool while she giggled and shot at me with the water guns.

If I had just kept my cool and helped Lynn instead of trying to deck the asshole, we would have gone home together. She might still have had to take the kids, but we had already talked about living together. We could have had a talk already about what that would be like, and I could have spent the day getting closer to them.

I sat in my car far longer than I intended as I thought over everything. It wasn’t until mom poked her head outside to give me a worried look that I finally turned my car off and went inside.

She was lucid. Really lucid. She was fully aware of what was going on and what she had done, and it was worrying her sick. I thought I had reassured her enough earlier. She had calmed down and retreated to her room to take a nap. It must have been a quick nap, if she even had one.

“Hey, mom,” I kissed her head, smiling gently as I slid past her into the house. “You had a fast nap.”

“I.. I couldn’t sleep. Kevin… Did you talk with her?”

I tried to keep a smile on my face, but I knew I did a piss-poor job when she gasped and put her hand to her mouth.

“Oh, Kevin,” her eyes got glossy again. “I’m so sorry. Is.. is she home? I can talk to her and-”

“It’s alright, mom,” I took her hands and led her to her chair. “She’s just busy doing stuff for the kids right now. I’ll have time to talk to her when she’s done.”

“Are you sure?”

No, but I would not worry my mom more.

“I’m sure.” I kissed the top of her head again before handing her the remote. “Your show’s about to be on. See if you can rest down here, then when it’s over, mind making me that bouquet you talked about?” The flowers were the one thing Preston didn’t take inside. They were wilted and pathetic looking from the heat of the car by the time I noticed them again.

“Oh.. Oh!” Mom must have just remembered she offered to do that last night. “Yes! Yes, Kevin. I’ll.. I’ll start making it right-”

I stopped her as she got back up. “Not yet, mom. Feighlynn won’t be back… for a while. She’s… she’s busy, so there’s plenty of time.”

Mom looked anxious, but nodded along. As much as I hate seeing her in her confused state, I would prefer it about now. If she was ignorant of what was going on around her, her own mistake wouldn’t hurt her.

“I love you, mom,” I whispered, smiling as tenderly as I could at the woman who raised me. “I’m going to take care of some things. I’ll be in my room.”

By taking care of some things, I meant I was going to wallow in misery alone in my room, agonizing again over all the shit I wish I could change.

~

Lynn

“I’ll see you both on Monday,” I whispered to my kids at the door of Nick’s condo.

Preston looked upset, understandably so. He walked in when my ex-mother-in-law and I were having a very heated disagreement in the kitchen about whose fault it was Nick wrecked his car into the wall of the parking garage. She insisted I was the one ruining her son’s life, and everything going wrong for him is because of me.

First by agreeing to the divorce, and not trying to work through our ‘issues’. Our issues, meaning his cheating and wanting to leave me for another woman. How dare I have enough respect for myself to not fight to keep a cheater by my side, in a miserable excuse for a marriage?

Then, after going over the usual tirade of mistakes I made over the years, including vaccinating my kids and bottle-feeding Jessie after having issues with breast-feeding, she went in to how I should have let my kids stay with their inebriated father, because if they were there, he never would have tried to drive to get them .

I did not have the patience or the will to correct her about what really happened. It would only make her yell more, and I was reaching my threshold for crap being thrown at me today.

Nick was passed out from the pain medicine by then, so Jessie had to sit awkwardly, watching her grandmother berate me. I ended up asking Preston to come over after the tenth mention of his absence. I didn’t want to leave my daughter alone with the woman, anyway.

Nick may be a decent father, but his mother was proving to be a shrew since I divorced him. I’m seeing why Nick never wanted to move back to his hometown after he graduated. I also fully believe he was a big part of why his mom never showed this side of herself to me before. I guess there were good points to his controlling behavior. I didn’t have to deal with her .

Preston walked into the condo in a rage, hearing his grandmother reprimanding me for not keeping up with my ex-husband’s laundry. I stood in the kitchen trying to ignore her, keeping myself busy by making a pot of soup for Jessie to take to her father later. Preston went right into yelling at the old woman for talking to me the way she was, and told her if she wanted laundry done, then do it herself.

Jessie and I were both relieved he came. Now I could finally leave without worrying about Jessie being alone with her invalid father and nagging grandma.

Groaning down the hall turned all our attention away from one another for a second to see Nick had woken up and emerged from his room.

“Daddy!” Jessie ran off to help him as he struggled down the hall to the couch.

His mother looked like a different woman, coddling him as he headed towards a recliner.

“She’s a freaking bit-”

“Eh,” I put my finger over his lips. “No, sir. She’s still your grandma. Be nice and respectful.” He raised a brow at me, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Fine. Nice and respectful. Just watch over your sister for me, and make sure the,” I glanced up at my ex-mother-in-law, “the witch doesn’t gripe at her like she did me.”

“I’ll knock a witch out,” Preston smirked.

I laughed, hugging him one last time around the waist. “Okay. I’ll see you-”

“Wait, mom.” Preston held on to me, not letting me pull away.

He glanced at Jessie, who was sitting in her dad’s lap, drawing pictures on his cast. I couldn’t help but to smile at the sweet moment between them. That was the exact reason I couldn’t completely hate the man. He was a good father, and I know even Preston thought that right now by the look on his face.

“I’ll walk you out, mom.”

“I can find my car myself.” I rolled my eyes.

Preston laughed softly, shaking his head. “I’m sure you can, but I just… I just want to talk.”

My smile tightened. I was sure I already knew what he wanted to talk about, and I wasn’t ready to talk about the subject yet. Not when the witch spoon feeding Nick twenty feet away from me right now, acting like she made it herself, got me so riled up.

“I’m tired, Pres. Maybe tomorrow we can-”

“Nope.” He reached for his keys on the entry table. “I promised I would tell you something, so I’m going to.”

I pursed my lips, wanting to argue, but knew I wouldn’t win. Preston was bossy and stubborn. Like his dad. I fought enough with too many people today. I didn’t want to argue with him too.

“Fine,” I sighed, opening the door. Nick and Jessie looked up, and I waved bye. Nick looked rough, and his eyes were full of sadness, but then Jessie asked him a question about what to draw next and he put a smile back on his face for her.

His mother scowled at me, then explained the ingredients in the soups and how nutritious they were. It’s powdered chicken broth and frozen vegetables, Karen, with drop dumplings from a mix boiled in. There was nothing extra nutritious about it.

Right as the door was closing, I felt a small bit of satisfaction when I heard Jessie say, “Mom didn’t put the tomatoes in when she made it because she knows you don’t like them.”

Preston snorted as we walked down the hall. “Jessie knew what she was doing when she said that.”

“I know she did,” I beamed up at him. “Don’t let her sweetness fool you.”

“I don’t,” he scoffed. “I know she can be a brat. She just has everyone else convinced she’s not. Kinda like you.”

“Me?!” I feigned offense. “I’m an angel.”

“An angel until you get on your bad side, then you’re freaking vicious.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head as we got on the elevator. “It’s always the short ones you got to be careful of.”

“I’m not that short.” I lifted my chin, trying to stand to my full height.

“You look like a midget when you’re standing next to Vin,” he laughed, but his laughter quickly died into nervous chortling when my eyes narrowed on him. “See?”

I looked away, trying to hide my irritation. “I can’t see anything. I’m too short.”

“Mom,” Preston chuckled, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “You’re exuding short girl energy right now.”

“Outstanding energy,” I muttered under my breath.

“Sure,” he snickered, then sighed. “So, I take it you are really mad at Vin?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” I pulled out of his hold when the elevator doors opened to the garage level.

“Eh, it kinda is. Before kicking out his ex-wife from his house, he bought us groceries for the weekend. I told him I would tell you.”

I tried not to let it show, but my ears were perked at the mention of him kicking out his ex-wife. I figured that’s who Mindy, the girlfriend, was, but that didn’t stop me from getting upset.

“He went around all morning trying to find you and dad. I guess he felt bad about whatever happened last night and was trying to apologize to you both. He did not know his mom got confused like she does and called his ex to come over.”

I couldn’t help myself. I needed to know more. “Why would she do that?” I tried and failed to sound disinterested.

“Well,” Preston smirked. “I guess his mom saw how upset he was last night and asked what was wrong. She got confused and thought his girlfriend was the one he had twenty something years ago.”

That made more sense than every mad scenario I had played out in my head, but it still made me mad to think about how at home she looked in that house.

And how pretty she was….

And tall.

Darn it, I wish I were tall. Me and my short girl energy can’t even keep up with people when they walk too fast. I bet Mindy never has that problem.

“Stupid tall people,” I muttered.

“What was that?” Preston asked with a barely suppressed smile.

“Nothing,” I huffed, marching for my car as quickly as I could. Preston kept up with me easily, looking way too amused.

“Hey, mom,” Preston stopped me before I could get in my car. “You really should give Vin a chance to explain, or say sorry, or whatever. I know you’re in your short girl anger mode about his ex, but if you saw the way he threw her out, you wouldn’t be.”

I fiddled with my keys and asked with a mumbled breath, “How did he kick her out?”

The corner of Preston’s lips curled up in a crooked grin. “Well, there was yelling. Lots of it. He was yelling a lot about you, though. She said something about being sorry for messing things up with the neighbor girl before driving off, and he told her to ignore his mom if she ever calls him in the future. It was like watching one of those shows Miss Velma gets into. All that was missing was someone getting slapped in the face and someone else unknowingly getting their sister pregnant.”

I lifted an eyebrow, wondering how he was so specific.

“What?” He shrugged. “I caught parts of it when I was doing laundry at their house.”

“Uh, huh,” I smirked, looking down at my keys in my hand.

So, Vin didn’t know his ex was there. That made me feel better hearing that. And knowing he kicked her out when he got home.

“Well, I better get back upstairs and watch over Jessie. She might have sweetly locked grandma in the laundry room by now,” Preston said before pulling me in for a hug. “Enjoy your next two nights without us, mom. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Preston had a smirk on his face as he walked off towards the elevators. Both my kids could be mischievous brats when they wanted to me. I wonder where they got that from.

I thought about all that Preston told me on the drive home. I’d start smiling out of nowhere, imagining my action hero tossing his ex to the curb in the most dramatic action hero ways. I was so distracted with my thoughts, I almost took out a stop sign when I hugged the burb too closely, but luckily, I turned the wheel just in time.

I sat straight, both hands on the wheel the rest of the way home, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about Vin.

I missed him. Going over everything that happened, there was so much I wish had happened differently. If I had just texted the right person last night, I could have spent today helping Vin chase his ex out with my short girl energy and showing how my smoothie work-out plan was helping to toughen me up.

Vin was looking for me all morning. If I had just called him back….

As I pulled up to my house, the sun was just setting. I’d been gone all day. Was it too late to reach out to Vin now? Would he even be home?

He called me a couple hours ago, but I sent him to voicemail, not wanting to answer in front of Nick’s mother. I should have just answered once and told him I would be home to talk to him later tonight. Now, I do not know if he even wants to talk to me after I blew him off all day.

I got out of the car and walked around to go in through the front door. I normally would park in the garage, but I wanted Vin to see that I was home.

When I got to the front porch step, I froze when I saw a giant bouquet of Miss Velma’s wildflowers in an intricate vase on my welcome mat. They were gorgeous, and definitely the biggest bunch of flowers she had ever given me.

There was a card wedged between the colorful petals. I lifted it and almost cried, seeing the words scrawled on the outside.

My Lynn, My Love, My Home

I read the card with teary eyes, my breath hitching at every other word.

My Lynn,

Hey baby. I don’t know when you get home, or when you will see this. I hope it’s soon, because the longer I go without seeing you, the more I feel like I’m dying from not seeing your beautiful face.

No matter how late you get back, please just call me. Please, just let me come see you one time. Let me apologize for all the ways I fucked up last night and today and let me see that gorgeous face of yours once. Then you can go on being mad at me again.

I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes, but just let me see you once before I completely die on the inside.

You’re mine, Lynn. You’re my everything.

Love,

Your Action Hero Vin

Tears were spilling down my cheeks, but I still laughed at seeing the added note at the end.

P.S. I kidnapped Kevin. See me to get him back.

He wrote the soppiest, sweetest note, then had to blackmail me a bit at the very end. I loved it. I loved that I could see him in every letter that he wrote.

I picked up the vase and carried it inside, feeling a swell in my chest as I hurried across the street. There was so much I wanted to change about the last twenty-four hours, but this…

This feeling I had spread through me as I raced to see the man I love made all that fade away.

I felt like I had won. Life through everything it could at us, but this felt like the trial before gaining the greatest gift one could imagine. This felt like we were succeeding in love.