Sudden Awakenings (The Other Paths Collection)

Chapter 35

As soon as he was able, Darcy called again at Berkeley Square. Bingley took the news of Jane’s marriage better than Darcy thought he would. “At least this offers some explanation for her refusal of me. Had I only known her heart was already engaged to another! It is a bitter draught, to be sure, but I shall endure it. I would rather she marry another if her heart does not lie with me. I am determined not to think on it further. I shall retire to the country again soon. No, not to Netherfield. I do not think I shall ever return there. I have a mind to take up a place near Scarborough, where my sister Louisa’s family is. Hurst tells me the waters are wonderful for the body and soul and the weather there is fair this time of year.”

Bingley and his sisters soon called to take their leave. Bingley did not mention Mr. and Mrs. Rushworth once, but Miss Bingley, who inquired after the new Mrs. Rushworth’s health, appeared disappointed to learn that they were reportedly happy in their new home together in Northamptonshire. Elizabeth wondered if perhaps Miss Bingley had once held hopes of her own for Mr. Rushworth, as Jane had suggested. Perhaps fate had been cruel to her, in sparing her from having Jane as a sister in law at the cost of losing yet another wealthy suitor to a Bennet sister .

S

“I was quite shocked to receive your letter concerning Jane’s marriage,” Mrs. Gardiner told Elizabeth, when Elizabeth called the following week.

“I am more surprised that she did not call upon you herself to convey the news. I suppose I should be grateful she had the decency to tell me in person, rather than allow me to learn of it from the papers. Then again, these days, I suppose I have no right to be shocked by anything Jane does.” Elizabeth shook her head.

“True enough,” Mrs. Gardiner concurred. “But we must allow that Jane has only acted according to the principles given to her by her mother. Her entire life, she has been told her value lies in her beauty, and that her primary goal is to marry a wealthy man.

“Since you lived with us shortly before entering society, you were spared much of the pressure put on Jane and your sisters at that time, and were more immune to it once you returned to your family home. Your uncle and I have always impressed on you that your intrinsic value lies in your character, your heart, your mind, rather than your outward appearances or your fortune.”

“Or lack thereof,” Elizabeth laughed.

“Precisely!”

“But why did you not do the same for Jane, and for Mary, Lydia, and Kitty?”

“Oh, we wanted to, believe me! We asked that each of you might remain with us, in turn, for a year or so, but your mother refused. You were the only one she allowed, and I believe that is entirely due to your father. He saw, as I did, that there was a brightness to your spirit and an intelligence which your sisters lacked.

“He urged us to take you in, so we might make something of you that he could not, and persuaded your mother to allow it. I think perhaps she did not understand your wit, your sharp sense of humor, which she was largely without, and as such, she felt her influence over you was already lost; therefore it could do no harm to your chance of securing an eligible match to allow you to be influenced by us.

“She once hinted to me her belief that she thought you the most likely of your sisters to remain a spinster, and she hoped you might be the one to give her comfort in her old age, after your father has gone, for you remind her so much of him.”

Tears welled in Elizabeth’s eyes to hear such touching words. “She never said as much to me. I always felt I was the least favorite of her daughters, and that she never much cared for me nor was proud of me until I married Mr. Darcy.”

“Your mother loves each of you in her own way, and misguided though she is, has always wanted the best in life for her children.”

“I find it difficult to believe that Jane will be content having married for money over love.”

“Perhaps. But people have differing values when it comes to marriage. Also, we do not know the depth of love that Jane and Mr. Rushworth may have for each other. It may be more than we credit. And feelings can grow over time,” Mrs. Gardiner reminded her. “What of you, Lizzy? Are you happy in your marriage to Mr. Darcy?”

Elizabeth felt her throat constrict. “I hardly know. At first, I was entirely opposed to the idea. Mr. Darcy was, to me, arrogant, condescending, and viewed our family as beneath him. The last thing I wanted was to be married to such a person.”

“And now?” Mrs. Gardiner prompted.

“Now I have come to realize that I misjudged him. Beneath his stoic exterior lies a man who is kind and considerate, who thinks of others before himself, and looks out for the welfare of those who are in his care. And as for my family…well, we both know he was entirely right about them.” She blushed. “Mamma, Jane, even Kitty and Lydia, ar e as mercenary as he believed them to be, only I was unable to see it.”

Mrs. Gardiner pressed a finger to her lip thoughtfully. “I think hope remains for Kitty and Lydia, having been in your care. I shall ask again if they might come to live with us, that I might continue the work you have begun with them. But back to you, my dear. You have said that you now view Mr. Darcy differently from how you once did. Have you come to care for him?”

“I, I, do not know,” she stammered. Memories of kissing him flooded her mind, causing her complexion to color further still. “I feel something. But I cannot judge whether it is love or…something else. Aunt Gardiner, how did you know that you loved Uncle Gardiner?”

“I knew it early on, I believe. There was a moment in our courtship when he told me all he needed to succeed in life was the love of a good woman by his side; if he had her, then he could weather any storm, achieve any dream, and if he didn’t have that, then it would all be for naught. I knew then, I wanted to be that woman, to be by his side through our whole lives.”

Elizabeth remained pensive, absorbing her aunt’s words.

At length, her aunt spoke again. “You need not decide upon your own feelings today, love. Everyone comes to realizations in their own way, some softly and slowly, and some like a sudden awakening. But let me tell you, once you do know your own heart, do not hesitate to make your feelings known to the person you love. There are few things worse than going through life without knowing the heart of the person you share it with.”

Elizabeth thanked her for the advice and returned home.

S

Darcy let out an audible groan when Bixby announced the arrival of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. His aunt’s visits were never pleasant, and were sure to contain a repetition of demands to which he had already refused.

“Well, Darcy, I hope you are satisfied,” she launched, almost the second she entered the room. “That girl has utterly ruined the family! Her recent marriage to that Rushworth fellow is all anyone speaks of. I went to a luncheon party at Lady Linningtons, and no less than three ladies remarked upon it!”

Darcy was nonplussed. “Mr. Rushworth is a respectable man, with a substantial fortune. I suspect their remarks stemmed more from envy than shock.”

“Far from it! No, everyone spoke of how utterly disgraceful it was for Miss Bennet to have married a divorced man. As her brother-in-law, I cannot believe you could countenance her marriage to him– especially when it appeared, by all accounts, she was in pursuit of your friend, Mr. Bingham…Bangley…whatever his name was.”

“Bingley,” Darcy corrected. “And the matter was entirely out of my hands. By the time Elizabeth or I knew of the marriage, it had already taken place.”

“There is always annulment,” Lady Catherine’s eyes flashed.

“Aunt Catherine, you and I both know, annulments are not easy to come by, and are only granted under special circumstances. Besides, by that point, the dissolution of their union would have caused far greater scandal than the formation of it. It may not have been the outcome I had hoped for, but it was better than the alternative.”

“It simply goes to show how determined those Bennet girls are to ruin our family’s reputation, Darcy. If you had simply married Anne, as I had instructed you to, then you would have no connection to any of them. First your own hastily patched up marriage, and now this! The scandal– ”

“Is nothing compared to other scandals this family has faced,” he interrupted. “My cousin’s indiscretions with Signorina Valentino, for instance. Perhaps your efforts would be better served by directing them towards the repair of his marriage. Mine is already in good order.”

Lady Catherine’s face grew purple. “How can you be so insensible to the damage this girl has caused? How do you have no regrets over bringing her into your home, your family? How could you choose her over your sweet cousin, Anne, who for years has believed you would make good on your mother’s and my wishes to marry her?”

“Your wishes, yes, but not my mother’s,” Darcy pointed out.

“You dare contradict me! I heard it from your own mother’s lips, when you were babies, that she desired nothing more than for you to marry Anne, that our two households would be forever united.”

“She may have once spoken such sentiments, but I have every reason to believe that she changed her mind. On her deathbed, she instructed me to find true love, and made me swear not to marry anyone whom I did not love.”

“And how well you have fulfilled your promise! Marrying a strumpet who wormed her way into your bedroom for the sake of your fortune, forcing you to take her as your wife out of your extreme sense of honor and duty!”

“How dare you, madam!” Darcy snarled.

“You are confusing lust for love, Darcy, and this woman has you bewitched. It is Anne who you have always loved, ever since you were children.”

“Make no mistake about this!” he shouted. “I do not love her, nor have I ever loved her, and I never will!”

Darcy clamped his mouth shut, forcing himself to calm his temper. He placed the floor while his aunt glared at him from across the room.

“You will regret this!” Lady Catherine cried. “One day you will realize the mistake you have made, in choosing that girl over Anne .

“I do not regret my choice for one moment,” Darcy spat. “Elizabeth has proven herself to be a woman that any husband ought to be proud of, and no one, least of all you, shall ever persuade me to discard her or part with her for any reason except death itself!”

Hearing his tone becoming incensed once more, Lady Catherine took a step back from him. “You’re a fool, Darcy!” She spat. “Your reason left you the moment that creature walked into your life.”

“Yes, it did. And I shall be forever grateful for it. Now, dear aunt, if you have nothing further to say on the subject, I shall be grateful if you would let me get on with other matters.”

Lady Catherine growled, before turning on her heels and leaving.

Darcy slammed his hand on the table.

S

Elizabeth was still ruminating on all Mrs. Gardiner had spoken of when she entered the hall. Her heart beat quickly as she formulated the words she hoped to say to Darcy, to tell him of the growing feelings within her. Bixby informed her that Mr. Darcy was home, but he was entertaining a caller. From the drawing room upstairs, Lady Catherine and Mr. Darcy’s voices were heard, and it appeared they were having a heated discussion. Elizabeth could only make out bits and pieces as she came up the flight of steps, but she discerned the phrases “strumpet”, “honor and duty”, “confusing lust for love”, and “bewitched.” She pressed her ear to the door in time to hear Darcy shout to his aunt.

“Make no mistake about this–I do not love her, nor have I ever loved her, and I never will!”

Her heart dropped, believing his words were about her. In the space of the silence that followed, Elizabeth could listen no more. She raced up the next flight of stairs to her bedchamber and shut the door before bursting into tears.

He does not love me. He never did, and he never will.

S

“Parker is well again, and shall resume her place in my chamber tonight,” Elizabeth told Darcy at their evening meal. She had been unusually quiet, almost cold towards him, all day. He could not account for the sudden alteration. Darcy nodded. “I am glad to hear she is well again. I know Polly’s snores have been trying for you.”

Elizabeth changed the subject. “Have you heard any news from Georgiana?”

Darcy set his soup spoon down again. “She writes, but there is something about her letters which disturbs me, although I cannot put my finger on it.”

“Oh? What does she say?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” he replied. “She extols her friends’ kindness and generosity towards her and speaks of picnics under the orchard, musical parties, and a visit to the local fair. But something about the style of her writing is amiss, as if she were excluding something.”

“Could something have transpired which she is intentionally omitting?” Elizabeth asked.

Darcy shook his head. “I have never known her to be untruthful to me, not even by halves.”

“Perhaps she is unwell, but does not wish to alarm you. I am certain if there was anything serious, the Culpeppers would write to us. ”

He nodded. “Yes, you are correct. It is only the fears of an overprotective brother. What news from Kenshire?” He gestured to the letter Elizabeth had been reading.

“Mrs. Wilson writes amusing anecdotes about her boys. Apparently, Henry has grown fond of insects and taken to studying them. Nanny tolerated them so long as he kept his specimens in the garden shed. But you can imagine the horror she expressed when the boy decided to bring some of his favorite insects– still living– into the nursery!”

Darcy chuckled. “Boys will be boys. I recall a similar horror on my nurse’s face when George and I decided to bring our pet frogs into the nursery once.”

Elizabeth laughed as well, the tension between them broken for the moment. “Speaking of Mr. Wickham, Mrs. Wilson says he has left the county again.”

“Is that so? He did not mention to me his intention to do so.”

“Perhaps he does not feel the need to ask permission of his patron in the same way that my cousin Collins does every time he sets foot outside the borders of his parish.”

“I am surprised your cousin Collins does not ask my aunt’s permission to eat, sleep, and visit the necessary room!”

His comment made Elizabeth laugh even harder. “I am sure it would satisfy her greatly if he did!”

“When does Mr. Wickham return to his duties? Did Mrs. Wilson make mention of how long he planned to be away, or where he had gone?”

“She did not know, but she suspected he had gone to West Riding. He had told Mr. Kirby that he planned to ‘win over his lady love’. They supposed he meant Miss Silverman.”

“How odd. I had heard that Miss Silverman is lately engaged to be married. ”

“Perhaps he hopes to implore her one last time, before all is lost. It would be a romantic notion if he did!” Elizabeth suggested.

“A rather desperate one, in my opinion,” Darcy concluded. “Though I suppose it is no business of mine if he wishes to make a fool of himself to Miss Silverman.”