Taste of Commitment (Whisky and Risky #2)

23. Knox

Knox

I push my cardigan sleeves up and drape my bare forearm out the window as I drive up to the main house. The evening fall air blows through my loose strands of hair, cooling my body slightly but somehow not enough. It’s been three days of non-stop laughter, stolen kisses, and many trips out to the barn. Taylor and I have been inseparable, but I still find myself unable to shake away the feeling like she’s driving with one foot tapping on the gas, and the other hovering over the break.

It doesn’t help that we’re dealing with the looming threat of time as well. Every day I spend with her, I continue to fall harder, making the idea of her leaving in a week feel almost unbearable.

I have a conversation with her in my head multiple times a day, where I ask her how she feels about staying. Sometimes I see her smile that full sunshine smile of hers, she says yes and we celebrate with feverish kisses. Other times I see her physically and emotionally back away, putting her hands up and looking at me like I’ve gone completely mental.

For all the time I’ve spent playing these imaginary scenarios in my head, none of them have involved me explaining my offer from my old team. And I can’t very well ask her to stay if I don’t know how long I will be here, which creates all-new scenarios. I fist my hand through my hair, tugging lightly at the root, and then turn up the radio. The lyrics to the song Echo plays and my shoulders drop slightly as my breathing evens out and I get lost in the feeling of Taylor.

She’s here now.

Be here with her now.

After practice, I went home and showered quickly for our date tonight. A date that took some convincing no matter how entwined we’ve been the last few days.

“I’m taking you out to dinner tomorrow night.”

“Like, in public?”

“Yeah Nova, in public. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“God you’re such a brute,” her cheeky little smile is so animated as she throws her head back with a laugh and I kiss the column of her neck without a care in the world.

I’ve been thinking about this all day. So much so that I was slightly less pissed off with Ronan’s bad attitude at practice today. Gravel crunches under my wheels and before I pull to a complete stop long legs and a full grin come flying out the front door. I put my truck in park and hop out, Taylor doesn’t stop when she hits the steps and my chest flips when she jumps from the last one, throwing herself into my waiting arms.

“Hello, love.” I hold her tightly and it’s as if my body had just been waiting for her to make that leap to me.

“I missed you today.” It’s not much louder than a whisper in my ear, but fuck does it light me on fire inside. She pulls her head back, her teeth dig into her bottom lip and her eyes search mine. There's so much happening in her eyes right now. There's sincerity, something resembling fear, warmth, intensity, and longing. A deep ocean of emotion plays in those beautiful green eyes. I brush away the hair that's trying to hide this real vulnerability from her face. For someone who doesn’t take many things too seriously, the things she does deem important are held behind the tightest lock and key. When I’m lucky enough to get a glimpse of them, I marvel at the beauty and beg for time to slow down.

“I missed you, too,” I say against her lips and feel her body relax into me. My fingers tangle in the back of her hair as I pull her mouth to mine and press a kiss to her lips. A soft moan sounds from the back of her throat and her lips part slightly. Her strong legs are wrapped tightly enough around me that I’m able to snake along the back of her crocheted top feeling bits of her skin beneath it. My tongue glides along her bottom lip before I enter her mouth and her hips grind down my stomach in response. I use my hand on the back of her head to hold her where I want her, exploring her mouth as thoroughly as I can until my erection starts to grow in my pants and I know if we don’t stop now I’m liable to flip her over the hood of my truck and fuck her right here. I tug her hair enough to pull her back and take in her deep red, swollen lips.

“Let’s go, I have a pretty girl to show off.”

We drive down the road and I take her hand in mine, bringing her knuckles to my lips. “You painted your nails again.”

“You noticed? ”

“I always notice.” She smiles, and I kiss her fingers again before holding her hand in my lap. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“I’m starving. I forgot to eat today.”

My brow quirks when I take a peek at her. “What do you mean you forgot?”

“I got distracted. Camila called first thing this morning and she told me her husband surprised her by flying her home to Miami for the weekend,” she says. “And they ran into this girl we went to high school with and she was like ‘Okay wait, do you remember Kendra Khol’? Obviously, I didn’t because unless I see you every day, I will absolutely forget that you exist. The object permanence is strong with me,” she flexes her bicep and I ignore the bricks that start taking shape in my stomach at that statement. “Anyway, I guess a year after we graduated she ended up marrying our high-school gym teacher, Mr. Baby.”

“You had a teacher named Mr. Baby?” I interrupt her.

“You know what, now that I think about it, it seems kind of made up. But he was young for a teacher, like twenty-five maybe? And he was one of those teachers that would try to be your friend.” She says those last three words with air quotes. “Like he would talk to all the boys about their girlfriends, and try to give them advice—yes it’s absolutely as creepy as it sounds.” She holds up a hand to me when my lips pull down. “Anyway one time he was like, ‘You don’t need to call me Mr. just call me baby.’” Her cheeks puff up and she makes a deep gagging sound.

“Okay—” I hesitate wondering how we got so far off-topic here but also not about to stop her.

“Right, so get this, he just recently got caught hooking up with the current events teacher!” She’s smiling but her eyes are as wide as saucers. “And I guess Kendra has been posting all these cryptic quotes and song lyrics lately, and today, or I guess yesterday, one of the neighbors saw Mr. Baby come home for the first time in like three days.”

“So he’s back home with his child bride?”

“No! That’s the best part, she changed the locks and left a suitcase on the front porch and I guess he was standing out there yelling for like twenty minutes. She gave him the old hippity-hoppity, get off my property.” Taylor laughs, flicking her wrist in front of her. She’s so animated in the way she tells a story, I was immediately taken on this ride with her but now I’m wondering what this has to do with her not eating today.

“And did this story ruin your appetite?”

“What?” She looks at me confused and I quirk a brow. “Oh! No, sorry, that was a long story, not a short way of saying I talked to Camila, I spent a while convincing myself to get up and shower, and then when I got downstairs, I saw your cat.”

“Not my cat,” I mutter under my breath.

“Yet.” She gives me a pointed look. “Anyway, while I was petting your cat,

Liv was on her way out to grab a dress for a bachelorette party she was going to this weekend—it’s Sophie’s, by the way, so I was a little confused since she already got married, but apparently, her sister was sick the night they were supposed to go out so she just postponed it, which I originally thought was kind of silly but now I’m, like, fully onboard. I think everyone should have faux bachelorette parties and often.” I almost miss the turn into the parking lot completely as all my attention is spent trying to follow her story.

“You never got to the part where you forgot to eat.”

Her fingers wrap around my bicep. “I’m so annoying. Basically, while we were shopping I was going to run across the street and grab a snack, but then I ran into Sophie, and between her and Liv, I got ganged up on and harassed, and without all the unnecessary detail, I’m now going out with them for her faux bachelorette party on Saturday. Yada, yada, yada, by the time I got back, I remembered I hadn’t eaten yet, but by then it was too late because I only had a few minutes to get ready for our date.”

I still don’t fully understand the ride I was just taken on, but when I put my truck in park and look over to find Taylor’s eyes glued to her hands where she’s picking at her nails, I know I don’t need to understand, I just need to show her I’m here.

“First of all, you're not annoying.” I cover her hands with mine. “I like the way you tell stories and more than that, I like that you're comfortable doing so.” I tuck the hair she's attempting to hide behind over her shoulder. “Second, let’s get you some food.”

Her cheeks lift with a smile, and I kiss them once before we go inside.

The restaurant is dimly lit, with wood panels and live plants lining all the walls. Taylor’s eyes actually sparkle as she looks around, her hand casually resting in mine.

“Italian?” she asks, grinning ear to ear.

“It’s the only one in the area.”

“It’s my favorite.” She leans into me as the hostess takes us to our table.

We order one of almost everything on the menu, and Taylor fills the time we spend waiting by creating stories about the people around us. Ian and Kate, the young couple in the corner, were here on their honeymoon, she had said. It was their first night in town and they were both so hungry and tired from their long day of travel so rather than argue about finding the best authentic Irish pub, they walked across the street to the Italian restaurant instead.

“See those two?” she asks as a middle-aged couple smiles at us and walks out. “That’s Dom and Mia, and they just left to go have feral sex.”

“Mmm, I might disagree with you on that one. He was wearing socks with sandals. You really think he’s bringing the heat in the bedroom?”

“Look at that wad of cash he threw down as a tip,” she says, lifting her chin in the direction of their table. “A generous tipper is a generous lover.”

“Is that a fact?”

“Yes. Do you think someone who gips on a tip is going to go the extra mile in bed? No way.” She takes a sip of her wine, and we both laugh.

The food is incredible, however, the way Taylor moans around every new dish she tries makes it nearly impossible for me not to get hard under the linen tablecloth.

“Mmmm, this is it. The Arrabbiata is the best one,” she says, pointing her fork at the plate between us. I like that she’s adventurous and has a taste for life. Literally , she wants to try everything and to be honest, it really turns me on. “What?” she asks with the fork now halfway to her mouth, and I realize I’ve been staring at her with a dopey smile on my face.

“I just like watching you.”

Her tongue runs along her teeth. “It’s giving… serial killer.”

“Okay, let me rephrase. I like watching the way you enjoy things. ”

“Speaking of things we enjoy—” She twirls strands of pasta around her fork. “How are you liking coaching?”

“It’s…” I pause, really trying to think about how I feel about it. “Different.”

“Different is the word I use for things when I can’t decide if something is good or bad.”

I huff a small laugh because she’s absolutely right. “I guess I never saw myself doing anything other than playing professionally. I mean, realistically, I knew I wouldn’t be playing when I was eighty-nine, but I figured I would retire and then possibly work with the team in some capacity. I never even considered anything else.”

“Isn’t that sort of what you’re doing?”

“It is,” I say, lifting my glass.

“But it wasn’t on your terms.”

I nod. “I think that’s where I’ve been hung up. I was told I was done. It wasn’t a choice. That decision was taken from me. The day I woke up in that hospital room…” My fists clench in my lap at the memory before I shake it off. “When I got home, I was just so pissed off at the world.”

“But now?” Her legs cross under the table, and with a cheeky grin, she slowly drags the toe of her shoe up and down my shin. “How are you feeling now?”

I should tell her about my offer if only to have someone to talk to about it. Someone to help me sort out how I’m feeling, but I worry that her foot will crash so hard into that brake pedal, that we’ll be over before we even truly begin. So instead, I smile at her and lift my glass to her. “With you? I’m a lot less pissed off.”

“Do you like the kids?”

“Surprisingly.” I swallow my food. “I do. I was a little hesitant since I’ve never worked with kids before, and I’ve got who’s a little closed off, and that drives me up a fuckin’ wall sometimes, but for the most part, yeah, I like it more than I anticipated.”

“He’s lucky,” she says softly, and I pause my water halfway to my mouth. “I mean, it’s obvious you care. Sometimes I think just being there is supportive enough, you know? I’m sure he’ll come around.” She flashes me that wide grin. The one so infectious you cannot help but return the smile. It’s the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see before I fall asleep. A deep pang sparks at the possibility of that smile not being around anymore.

“You’re probably biased because you’re about as loyal as they come.” Her head flinches back slightly, like that surprised her. “I was thinking about how you told me you moved across the country and went to school all because your mate wanted to.”

She bobs her head up and down in understanding before reaching for her water. “What if I did it for selfish reasons?” she asks, taking a sip. “Maybe I couldn’t stand the idea of her leaving me behind.”

I study her face and beneath her dusting of freckles, behind the endless depth of her green eyes, for the first time, I see the girl who was abandoned. She hides her worries well, but someone wasn’t there for her and she’s never left that behind.

“Maybe it was an added bonus for you, but I don’t think that's why you did it. I think you’re more full of love than maybe even you know, and your loyalty knows no bounds.”

She studies me for a few moments, either unsure of how to respond or unsure of what I’m saying, but after a minute, I find it in me to ask her the one thing that’s been taking up a highrise amount of space in my mind.

“Are you enjoying yourself here?” The column of her throat works as she swallows and just when I don’t think she's going to respond, her voice comes out a small whisper.

“Possibly a little too much.” The iron grip around my heart releases, and I only just barely manage to not slump with relief across the table.

The Saloon is packed to the brim tonight, but that doesn’t stop Liam from talking to someone whose breasts are practically spilling out on the bar top. Surprisingly, Liam’s focus isn’t on her at all, but rather on someone on the crowded dance floor.

“What are we doing here?” Taylor shouts over the music.

“We’re going to check a few more things off your list.” I intertwine her

fingers with mine and head to the bar.

“KB!” Liam eyes me with something I can only describe as relief. “What can I get you two?”

“Two pints of gat,” I hold up my middle and index finger. Taylor’s head bobs to the music and her hands tap against her jean-covered thighs.

“Hey, Liv is here!” she yells over the slightly drunk and rowdy crowd, pointing to the dance floor.

“Go on.” I nod. “I’ll wait for the drinks.”

I wait, watching her squeeze her way through the crowd until she gets to Liv, who smiles and throws her arms around Taylor. They sway back and forth, seemingly excited to have found each other.

“Date night?” Liam asks, setting our beers on the bar. “Your girl looks good tonight. Maybe she could end up teaching you a thing or two.” He says in jest. I ignore the urge to smack him upside the head and instead focus on how much I like the way ‘my girl ’ sounds .

“Hey, so how’s the season going?” he continues, and I lean against the bar, watching Taylor’s confident hips dip side to side as she dances like it’s her job out there. I clear my throat and turn my attention to Liam. “You know if Coach ever needs an extra hand, I’m around.”

“You and Dax should come by next week. We’ll give those kids a good show.”

“I’m in.” He smacks the bar top with his towel. “You plan on coaching them again next year?”

I reach for my pint and focus back out on the dance floor.

“I’m not sure.” I scratch the back of my head, but Liam doesn't give me the courtesy of letting it go. “Alright, I got an offer to go work with my old team, but don’t say anything.”

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

“Why don’t you want me to say anything?”

“You know how this town is.”

“So… are you going to take it?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so.”

“Well, whatever you decide, you better be damn sure.” Hurt and warning are etched into my oldest friend's face, and I know this has been weighing on me, but either he’s not the person I need to talk this out with, or it’s just not the time.

“Hey.” Taylor smiles, breaking through the crowd with Liv in tow.

I clear my throat and lift one of the pints to Taylor. “Sláinte!”

“I’m not sure what that means, but ditto,” she says, holding her glass out to me.

“It means health,” Liv supplies.

“Seems odd to talk about health while drinking beer, but alright.” Her lips wrap around her glass, and she takes a deep chug. I laugh when she beats her chest with an open palm, working to swallow.

“How’s about that real, Irish beer?”

“Absolutely savage,” she says through a forced smile with a thumbs up and I drop my head back on a full belly laugh.

“Savage, eh? We’re going to make a real Irish girl out of you yet.”

The night air is cool as it breezes through the windows. I look over at Taylor, whose arms are wrapped around her legs, knees pulled up to her chest, and her head rests back with a content smile on her face. “Dreaming of that Irish beer?”

“Between you and me, I don’t think I’m actually a beer girl.”

“Nooo.” I feign shock and she laughs. The sound is a perfect melody clinging tightly to my chest. My eyes flirt between her and the road and when she looks at me, both my heart and my mouth lift in a smile. “What are you thinking?”

“I just love your smile.” I over-exaggerate, showing off every single one of my teeth and she laughs before turning towards me. “I’m serious. It’s so carefree and warm.”

That causes me to pause. “I don’t think those are the kind of words anyone else would use to describe me.”

“No? What kind of words would they use?”

“These days? I don’t know, cold? Maybe even a little cut-off?” Her eyebrow creases and I slow the truck down as we inch into my driveway.

“It appears you have a very skewed idea of how people perceive you, Browning.” She scoots across the bench, and her fingers drag through my hair with a comforting touch. “ Or maybe you’re projecting your own feelings onto how you think others see you.”

I love that she sees the person I used to be. The person I didn’t know I missed being. The person I was before I stopped having fun and deep or meaningful relationships. There’s a reason Dax, Liam and I got along so well. Somewhere along the way, when rugby started to really take over and I became obsessed, I shifted from fun, good-times Browning to serious, no jokes, complete determination Browning.

Without that obsession now, I should have been able to fall back to my old self, but I almost forget who that man is, and I’m not helping that by being so consumed with how other people perceive me now.

“Maybe you know me better than either of us realized, Nova.”

“I see you, Knox.” The soft skin of her fingers lightly brush the hairs at the nape of my neck as she pulls herself in closer to me. “I see a devoted son who cares about his parents and the life they’ve built. You’re a caring brother, albeit a little overprotective at times, but caring nonetheless. The hottest rugby coach,” she smiles and pulls the hairs at my neck to get me to look at her. “But more than just a coach of the sport, those kids have gained a confidant.” I let my head rest on the seat back as I stare at her in complete awe. “You’re a devoted friend. You should see the way you, Liam, and Dax all light up around each other. It’s contagious. Goofy as fuck, really. But contagious.” My throat constricts, clogging with emotion. Usually, when people talk about my good qualities, they’re accompanied by stats. I reach for her hip and pull her across my lap until she’s straddling me. The soft curves of her lips are illuminated only by the moonlight, but it’s more than enough to see how beautiful she is. “And you’ve helped me realize that maybe I want more than what I’ve been telling myself to.”

“Meaning?”

She bites the corner of her lips and I run my finger along it, pulling it out.

“I don’t know, when I’m in the kitchen here with your mom, everything about it just feels right. I’ve never given a lot of thought to doing the thing I love most as a career. I’ve always just considered it my safe space, but I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Seeing you be so passionate about something makes me think I could give it a go, too.”

My chest feels like it’s either going to implode or explode, either way. I know Taylor says she hasn’t felt pride, but lucky for her, I feel it enough for the both of us now.

“I know you still get hung up on what this town thinks of you since being home, and yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe some people do only see you as this rugby star.” I cup her cheeks as she drops her forehead to mine and her fingers dig into my chest.

“But I see you, Knox. I see all of you.” Her lips press to the corner of mine softly. “And I like everything I see.”