Taste of Commitment (Whisky and Risky #2)

29. Knox

Knox

It was borderline impossible to pull myself away from Taylor this morning. I was running out the door half dressed after I just had her bent over the back of my couch and she was screaming for god to help her before I finally pinched her clit and let her finish.

I pull into the parking lot and make my way out onto the pitch, where Dax and Liam are already waiting for me. Liam is in a wide stance, folded over, stretching his hamstrings.

“Boys.” I dip my head in greeting.

“What’s the craic, Coach?” Nolan looks between me and my mates.

“I brought some backup to help out today, boys,” I say. Liam smiles a wicked smile beside me. “Practice match. Ronan, Nolan, you’re with me.”

“Hell yeah.” Nolan smiles, jogging over to me, and Ronan follows.

“Your pick,” I say to Liam, and his jaw falls open. I can tell he didn’t anticipate being on opposite teams when I asked him to come help.

“I get Dax.”

My mouth splits into a shit-eating grin as we pick the rest of our teams.

“Let’s have a game of rugger, boys!” Liam and his team skip off to their side, and I let Ronan take the lead of mine.

My team won 19-12, even after an incredible try by Liam on the other team. He threw himself over the try line and popped up, flexing his chest with both fists in front of him. His team went wild, and in an odd turn of events, I found myself barking out a laugh with my hands on my hips.

Something I don’t think I’ve ever done before while playing rugby.

I drag a towel down my face, addressing the team. “Nice job today, boys. Do a cool-down stretch, and then you’re free to go.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

Dax, Liam, and I make our way over to the sidelines, where Coach Campbell stands with his clipboard.

“Did you see that, Coach? I still got it, huh?” Liam shouts while leapfrogging over Dax.

“You sure got… something,” he says, causing us to laugh.

“Thanks for coming out, boys.” I extend a hand to my mates, and they both clap me before grabbing their bags and heading towards the parking lot.

“We’ll see you tonight!” Liam calls, throwing a hand above his head.

I pull my arm across my chest, stretching out my shoulder.

“How’s the arm?” Coach asks.

I don’t know if it’s the endorphins from playing the game I love or what, but I—along with my shoulder—feel great.

“No complaints.” I smile, rolling my arm in a circle .

“It was nice to see you out there again.”

“It felt even better.”

“I bet.” A smile tugs at his lips. “I heard there’s been a lot of PRs in the weight room this week?” he says as I sit down, taking off my boots.

“The rumors are true.” I look up at him, and the pride in his eyes matches how my chest feels.

“Later, Coach.” Ronan high-fives me on his way by with an uncommon smile spread across his face that Coach Campbell takes notice of. He turns to face me with a raised brow.

“I helped him out with a little problem he was having,” I say, shrugging my shoulder like it was no big deal. Like I didn’t just get a smile from the team’s perpetual grump. Not only that, but I can’t deny how good it feels to have helped him. I’m sure helping Ronan with his relationship troubles wasn’t what Coach had in mind when he asked for my help, but in the eyes of a seventeen-year-old boy, that relationship is his whole world right now.

“Seems like it’s safe to say maybe you’re a better coach than you thought you’d be.” Sometimes, it’s not all about the drills. My brows furrow as I think back on that first conversation with him.

“Maybe,” I quip.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll do it professionally one day.” I study his face, and something about his words combined with the suspicious look he’s giving me tells me, he knows. “So when will you be leaving?”

“You know about my offer.” It’s not a question. But he answers with a slight dip of his chin. “How?”

“It was a guess. You just confirmed it.” Damnit.

“What do you think about it?”

“Well, I’m not surprised,” he says, picking up his clipboard. “Everyone knows any of the leagues would be chomping at the bit to get you. And it’s not like I didn’t know this is what you’ve been waiting for.”

Is it though? People keep saying this like it’s a no-brainer, like it’s common fucking knowledge but I can confidently say it was never something I thought twice about. If it were something that I desperately wanted, I would have already packed my shit and been on the first flight out of here.

I didn’t expect to enjoy coaching these kids the way I have. I didn’t expect to fall back in with my family and friends the way I have. I didn’t expect to be able to be close to this sport but okay with not playing it. I didn’t expect to be this happy back here. And I didn’t expect to fall in love with the girl up in the corner room.

I can’t give up everything I have now.

The roar of laughter and conversation could be heard from outside the main house tonight. The entire town is already gathered around the table as Ryder carries in the last serving dish. This dinner is a tradition my parents have had since before I was born. Once a month, my mum cooks an early dinner for the guests, does a quick clean-up, and then hosts a special town feast. It’s a time for the family and friends of Stoney Meadow to get together, swap stories, laugh, and catch up. When I stumble in a little late—after picking apart my earlier conversation with Coach—my chest does a little flutter when I spot Taylor sitting in what has become her usual seat and I feel weightless as I pull out the chair beside her, knowing that's she’s exactly where she’s supposed to be.

“Nova,” I greet her, dipping my chin to kiss her. At the last second, she turns her head, and my lips smush against her cheek. I blink once before pulling back but she doesn’t look at me.

There's a sinking feeling in my stomach throughout all of dinner and it has nothing to do with the mass amount of food my mom cooked. Group conversations and side conversations take place while Taylor continues to give a weary smile and push her food around her plate. That alone is enough to put me on high alert, I’ve never seen Taylor not thoroughly enjoy eating the food she’s cooked.

“So Knox, I heard you got a call to go back and join your old team?” My dad asks.

I look between Liam and Coach Campbell. Coach pauses, wide-eyed before shoving a spoonful of pork and potatoes into his mouth and Liam watches his plate with intense focus.

“Uh, yeah,” I mumble, dragging my napkin over my mouth and clearing my throat. “They offered me a position with their strength and conditioning staff.”

I actually feel my Adam's apple bob when I swallow, looking around the table. Ryder’s fork is floating halfway to his mouth and all eyes are on me, with the exception of Taylor’s.

“And did you accept it?” my dad asks, either unaware of the awkwardness that's blanketed the table, or he just doesn’t care.

“Not yet.”

“Are you going to?”

I look around the table again at Liam and Dax sitting across from me, with my little sister between them. I look down at my mom, who’s smiling through a light sheen in her eyes. Twenty-plus people gather around this table, all of whom care about where I’ll end up, but the only opinion that matters to me is that of the five-foot-ten-inch, green-eyed woman with the heart of a lion next to me.

“Probably not,” I say, not bothering to look back at my dad.

“Have you told them that yet?”

“I haven’t,” I admit. But I’m as good as going to. For the first time in my life, I’ve been living. I haven’t shut the world and the people around me out for rugby. I have the things I told Ronan were so important. For weeks, some part of me has wanted to respond to that e-mail saying thanks, but no thanks. But I haven’t responded for the very same reason that I haven’t called them back all these weeks. I have to be one thousand percent certain about this decision because, as he so graciously pointed out, I might not ever get this opportunity again. I also want not only Henderson to know but my family as well, so when I did respond, it wasn’t without thought.

I cover Taylor’s hand under the table with my own, silently telling her I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I’m here. We’ll talk about it. I’m not taking it. She pulls her hand up to the table and runs her fingers along the rim of her plate, where they stay for the remainder of dinner.

“Ahhh, Isla,” Liam groans, stretching his arms up before dropping one over the back of Liv’s chairs. “That was incredible, but I’m so full.”

“Thank you, Liam. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” Sophie and Max stand from where they were sitting down by my mum.

“Don’t forget, Craic and Clover are playing tonight,” Liam says to the table before turning back to me, drumming his index fingers on the table. “You two coming? ”

I look to Taylor who hasn’t said a word or even looked in my direction all night. A night out in a loud bar is the last thing we need.

“I’m actually going to head up and get to bed early tonight, I’m feeling super drained.” Okay, that’s the last thing we need. “But you go and have fun.”

It’s the first words she has spoken to me all night.

“Thank you for dinner, Isla,” she says. They exchange a pinched smile as Taylor backs out of her seat and makes her way around the table.

Not for the first time tonight, all eyes are on me. Some questioning, some concerned, but it’s Liv’s bulging eyes as she flicks her head in the direction Taylor scurried off in that has me jumping from the table and taking the stairs up to her room two at a time.

“Taylor.” I catch her just as she fits the key into the lock. She doesn’t stop though, and as soon as the door opens, I catch a glimpse into her room and find a pile of clothes covering the chair in the corner, and unmade bed, and the dresser littered with various cups, I know once she goes in there my chances of talking to her are gone. “Wait.” I step up, pressing my forearm to the door before she gets a chance to slam it in my face. “What’s wrong?”

Stupid fucking question.

“Nothing,” she says, not meeting my eyes.

“Is this about my offer?”

“No.”

“I was going to talk to you about it. I was?—”

“You don’t need to talk to me about it, Knox. It’s your business.” Ouch.

“Okay, well, I want to. Come back to my house with me.” I drop my arm from the door and cup her cheek. “Please.”

Her eyes flutter closed for a brief moment before she steals a sharp breath. “I meant what I said. I’m tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

With my arm no longer holding the door, she’s able to step out of my reach and close it. Not before I catch a glimpse of the tiny ball of liquid sliding down her cheek.

I hang my head against the wooden door, my fingers scratching against it as if I can claw my way in there. I was so hung up on her staying that I wasn’t thinking about anything else. When I woke up this morning for the first time I had hope. I was crawling out of my skin nervous to ask her, and sure, she didn’t outright say, ‘Yes Knox, I love you, I’ll stay here with you forever’ but ‘I’ll see what I can do’ was a close second, and in the span of one afternoon and part of an evening, I might have fucked that up. I shove both hands through my hair in frustration before turning back down the stairs.