Taste of Commitment (Whisky and Risky #2)

32. Taylor

Taylor

I think my attitude willed the weather as rumbling clouds begin to roll in over the hills, and yet, even on its darkest day, this place is still the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.

I take in all the beauty as I walk down the hill, stopping when I spot Dolly grazing against the fence. I look around for Pinto Bean, but it’s just me and the brown main. I look up at the looming dark clouds but I can’t leave without saying goodbye to my girl. I climb up the first rung of the white fence and drag my hand down her coarse mane. She stays still as the wind blows around us in a peaceful moment. She’s so strong and powerful yet graceful and divine. I don’t know why I’m getting emotional petting a horse.

In the near distance, I spot two more horses heading towards us, carrying Ryder and Olivia on their backs. I groan at how stupid I was thinking I wouldn’t run into anyone else out here. Especially considering how ridiculous I look with my comfort sweatpants tucked into a pair of Olivia’s rainboots I borrowed. And despite myself, I threw on the buttery soft Sundevils sweatshirt that Knox gave me the first night I left his house.

Confident that they’ve already seen me since they’re heading directly towards me, I know there’s nothing I can do except sniff back my emotions and square my shoulders.

“Taylor! We missed you yesterday. Are you feeling better?” Liv asks as they gallop up beside Dolly.

“Yeah, I think a little too much Stoney Meadow fun, finally caught up to me, I guess.”

“Maybe if you stay a little while longer you could spread out all your… fun,” Ryder says.

I look up at them, and something tells me this has nothing to do with me and Knox and everything to do with the fact that they really do care if I stay here. My throat tightens with more emotion that Knox isn’t the only one who cares if I stay or not.

“Anyway, we just came out here to get this one, come on Dolly.” Ryder clicks his tongue and Liv’s sad smile and watery eyes bore into me. “We’ll see you later?”

I pull the corner of my lip between my teeth and nod my head, not trusting my voice.

I stand at the fence a while longer, flooded with memories, and every possible feeling when something soft bumps into my leg. I nearly break down at the sight of Mi Hamburgusa rubbing her head into me. Knox’s house sits right behind the giant weeping willow and I just know she was waiting over there for him.

I crouch down to pet her and hear the unmistakable sound of the truck I’ve come to love and I think if I hustle now, I can make it back up the hill to the main house before he spots me. I turn, pulling the hoodie over my head, and it’s a terrible mistake because the scent of him envelopes me. My knees buckle as his calming scent overwhelms me, and my lips tremble as I begin a fast-paced clip up the hill. A trickle of cold water plops on my cheek, and I can’t tell if it’s finally started to rain or if I’ve failed to keep my tears at bay.

“Taylor!” Knox’s gruff voice shouts, and I know there’s no point in running. I roll my shoulders back and turn around to face him.

“What’s up?”

“What’s up? That’s what you’re going to say?” The water droplets continue to fall onto my face and I’m relieved to see his shirt getting wet, so it’s not just my tears. I try to think of something better to say, but my throat is so tight I can’t even form the words. “Why are you running?”

He steps closer to me and I shake my head, looking away. His familiar hand reaches out towards me. “Why are you running, love?” His voice sounds as fragile as my heart feels. Like both are on the verge of shattering. “Talk to me, please.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Truth.

“If it’s about my offer,” he starts, but I hold up a hand, cutting him off.

“No, Knox.”

“Is it about extending your trip? Do you want to go home?” I don’t respond but my mouth forms a tight line. “If you want to go back, Taylor, tell me.” I bring myself to look at him now. “If that’s where you want to be, tell me and I’ll be there with you.”

It’s not about that at all, but I find myself asking. “You’d come back to San Francisco with me?”

“Taylor, I’d follow you to the end of the goddamn earth!” The crack in my chest could be heard from her to California. “Is that what this is about?”

I drop my head shaking it .

He closes the distance between us, holding my face between his hands. I open my mouth but choke on the lump in my throat. The pressure in my chest is now unbearable. “Then why are you running?”

My chest pounds so violently it hurts. It physically hurts. “Taylor?—”

“Because I’m scared, Knox!” My voice cracks as a distressed sob rips through me. “I’m scared, okay!?” I suck in a shuddering breath and press my hand to my chest, desperate to relieve some of the pressure.

“What are you scared of?” It’s not condescending. His soulful eyes search mine, and his thumb swipes at where my tears have now broken free, spilling freely over my cheeks.

A laugh void of any humor escapes me as I bite my lip, trying to keep it together. “Talk to me, Taylor. Tell me what you’re scared of so I can fix it.”

“You can’t.” My voice is nothing more than a broken whisper as I shake my head.

“Try me.” The rain beats down heavily between us, I blink against mother nature and the damn now leaking from my eyes. There’s no hiding it, and I succumb to the weight pounding on my tired heart.

“Knox.” My voice cracks. “I’ve fallen in love with this place, this town, your family— you!” I push at his unmovable chest, but I’m unable to step out of his grip.

“That’s a good thing, Nova.”

I shake my head, unable to look at him. “My own parents didn’t even want to stick around,” I think my head is still shaking as if my body is physically trying to reject what I’m saying. “Why should you be any different? I was kidding myself to think any of this was possible. I can’t do it,” I cry. “I can’t do any of this anymore.”

My chest rips open, bleeding out down at my feet as I cry the words out into the rainstorm. The words that have been suppressed into the deepest part of my soul for twenty-eight years. I turn out of his grip and begin running. Mud sloshes under my boots when I run past the stables and every step I take feels heavier than the next. I don’t make it halfway up the hill before I feel his comforting warmth behind me.

“Nova—” I make it one more step, and then his hand hooks through the crook of my elbow as he spins me around. His chest is rising and falling, out of breath from running up this hill in the rain, but his eyes are pained. Fearful even. “Taylor, I can’t change what happened with your parents. And I won’t even pretend to understand it either because I can’t for the life of me imagine how anyone could know you and go a second of their life without you by their side. But I can tell you this.” He steps into me, covering my body with his, and cupping his familiar rough hands around my face, forcing me to look up at him. “You’ve made yourself a home here. And I’m not talking about this property, this town, or with these people, even though you’ve done that too. I’m talking about here.” He presses my hand tightly to his chest, where his heart knocks against my palm. “In my heart, in my goddamn soul. You are here, Taylor Nova. And nothing you or anyone else does or says could change that.” I choke on a sob that falls out of the deepest part of my throat. “I will never leave you. If you want to be here in Stoney Meadow, if you want to be in San Francisco, if you want to be in fucking Timbuktu.” He throws an arm out and something between a laugh and cough falls from my lips. “Wherever you want to be, is where I’ll be and I will spend every day of my life reminding you.” He kisses a tear that’s fallen from my right eye. “Proving to you—” His lips catch another tear on the other side. “That you are worthy of this love.” I sink into him, unable to fight against the pull of him any longer. No matter what Knox always feels safe. He feels exciting and fun and keeps me on my toes but he feels grounding and warm. He’s understanding and kind and the immovable boulder that steadies my chaotic thoughts and mind.

“What about your job? You could still take it.”

“I turned that down already, officially . Unofficially, I turned it down the moment I saw the offer because I’ve known for a while now that I don’t want to be anywhere you're not.” He says. “A life without you isn’t a life I want to live.” He brushes another tear away with the pad of his thumb, and I exhale something between a relieved breath and a cry. Not understanding fully but somehow trusting completely. He opens the flaps of his flannel jacket, wrapping me up in his warmth, and his head tips down, leaving a soft kiss on my cool forehead. My eyes flutter closed and I wrap my arms around him, pulling him in tighter.

Trusting.

“Don’t think I missed what you said back there.”

“I was in a blackout.” I smile against his black hoodie.

“Nah, Nova. You can’t take that back.”

“Why not?” I pull back just enough to see his face when he steals my breath in an all-consuming kiss. His lips part mine and they feel like the life raft that I’ve been waiting my whole life for. It’s a kiss that feels like being caught after free-falling for twenty-eight years. Fingers tangle in my now soaking wet hair, where he gently cradles the back of my neck, and the warmth spreads and floods through my whole body.

It stays there when he breaks the kiss, dropping his forehead to mine, and says, “Because I love you too.”

I didn’t need to hear the words to know it, because truthfully nothing in my life has ever felt the way it does with Knox. No one has ever shown me as much appreciation or ever made me feel safe and cherished the way Knox does. No one has ever adored me or protected me the way he does. From the moment Knox held me in his arms at that wedding, his beard sticking to the hairs on my head as he cradled me close, I’ve felt him falling in love with me.

But I can’t deny the euphoric feeling I get hearing the words.

“Of course, you do. What’s not love?” I smile at him and his answering growl is like a fire warming my heart.

“Cheeky girl,” he says, nipping my bottom lip.

For the next ten minutes, we risk hypothermia as we stand under the willow tree, his tongue exploring my mouth and my lips sucking his. Our hands roam each other's backs just down the hill from the barn we snuck off to so many times. I rub my cheek against his beating heart just a short walk up from his truck where so many of our vulnerable and unexpected conversations took place. And we hold each other soaking in all the words exchanged today and all the words we’ll share together in the future.

Mreow . I look down and stumble back. “Mi Hamburguesa!” I bend down, scooping up the little fur ball, holding her snuggly in my arms. “See, I was right. She does belong to you.”

“No, love.” He kisses the side of my head and I don’t miss the deep inhale he takes. “She belongs to us.”

Knox wraps his arm around me and we leave the willow tree, as we head back down towards his cottage.

“By the way, I like your sweatshirt.” The cocky smile that I love tugs at his lips.

“It’s from a boyfriend.”

“Oh, you’re so sentimental.”