Teach You to Love Me (Lindon U #4)

Chapter Nine

CHAPTER NINE

Rachel

I t’s the last game of the year for the Dragons, and they’re six points away from tying with the Davis Stallions and going into overtime.

There are two and a half minutes left.

The Dragons get into formation.

Coach Pearce stands tense on the sidelines, arms crossed. The ball snaps back, and the clock starts.

Ricky Wallace, who was put under investigation for allegations made by multiple women on campus, runs the ball past two of his teammates who are wide open for passing, trying to dart past the Stallion’s defense. They gain on him, one on either side.

“Throw the ball!” I hear someone sitting a few rows down from me yell in frustration.

“Pass it!” a couple of other onlookers echo as the clock counts down.

A minute.

Fifty-five seconds.

Fifty.

The defense lunges for Wallace, tackling him at the forty-seven-second mark.

“Dumbass,” the older woman beside me grumbles, making it hard to keep a straight face.

Wallace is definitely that. After reading over his records, it was evident that he’d had more than one incident reported against him that inevitably ended up being struck out. The reports don’t necessarily go away, but the repercussions do if the people filing them decide not to pursue them or the investigators decide there’s no evidence to justify the consequences.

Something tells me it’s a mixture of both because nobody with the number of strikes in his file should still be enrolled at Lindon, much less on the field.

Most of the Dragons go back to the sidelines, ignoring their quarterback on the ground. They’re angry. I am too, and I’m not even on the field.

One player walks over and extends a hand.

Number eleven. Matthew Clearwater.

But Wallace slaps it away and gets up on his own, shouldering past the wide receiver who offered him an olive branch.

My eye twitches. I overheard Coach Pearce yelling at somebody over the phone about a drug test for Wallace the other day, and it was clear that he wasn’t happy about it. It was also obvious that whoever was on the other end of the phone didn’t care what the head coach wanted. Usually, random drug tests happen throughout the semester to make sure nobody is using and going against policies and scholarships. Lindon only has so much money to dole out to people, so they’re strict with the rules.

Pearce knows that better than anybody, which I’m assuming is why he was fuming that day. I cringed when I heard him slam down the phone onto the receiver and cuss all the way down the hall until I didn’t hear another peep.

I thought for sure that I’d see Ricky on the bench or absent completely, so it was a surprise when I saw his name and number jogging out onto the field with everybody else.

“Boys like that will never get far in life,” the older woman beside me says with a shake of her head, pointing to Wallace as he makes crude hand gestures to the other team. “It’s a real shame too. He’s a decent player. He’s just not a team player. That’s what’s gonna get him.”

I turn to the white-haired woman with a small smile on my face. “You’re not wrong,” I agree sadly. “The old team played a lot better together. Since their captain’s and wide receiver’s injuries and their tight end leaving, it’s been…”

“Painful,” she finishes for me, sticking out her hand. “I’m Bea. I own the bakery on Main Street. I like coming to support the boys whenever I can break away since they practically live at my store off campus.”

I’ve heard of the infamous Bea from Bea’s Bakery. The boys spend a lot of time there. It’s a busy place—popular with the college students for its good, cheap food and coffee. It’s one of the reasons why I steer clear no matter how many invites I get from Matt or the others, even with the strong allure for her coffee that I hear nothing but good things about.

“I’m Rachel,” I introduce, gently shaking her hand before pulling back. “I’m the athletic adviser for the team.”

Her brows raise. “Ah. So you have the inside scoop. I almost feel sorry for you. I’ve seen how those boys act in my bakery. God help anybody who sees them in their element.”

Cracking a tiny grin, I turn to the field where the team is standing around their coach. “They keep my life interesting.”

“I have no doubt,” Bea replies with a nod.

We sit in silence, save the mindless chatter coming from other bystanders waiting for the game to start again.

I lean closer to her and ask, “Do you think they’ll tie?”

I have my own thoughts, but it seems like Bea knows plenty about what the Dragons are capable of. She’s even wearing a red jersey with the college mascot on it. And if the boys are always at her place, she knows the play-by-plays I’m sure some of them talk about post-game.

“Honestly?” she asks.

I nod.

“No.”

Lips rubbing together, I find myself bobbing my head in silent agreement. Maybe if they could pull together they’d have a better shot. But with Wallace running his own plays instead of doing whatever Pearce is telling him to, it’s going to ruin their entire dynamic on the field.

“Yeah,” I murmur. “I think you’re right.”

When the players jog back out, I hold my breath as they get into a new formation. There’s one player in particular I watch closely.

Number eleven.

The ball snaps.

The clock starts.

It’s a rush of loud cheering and anxious anticipation.

Forty seconds.

Thirty-five.

Thirty.

Twenty-five.

Twenty.

The Stallions intercept the ball, running it to the end zone and darting around the Dragons, trying to catch up to them.

Ten seconds.

Eight seconds.

Five.

Matt tries going after the ball as it flies through the air from one Stallion to the next but misses it by an inch.

With two seconds left, the Stallions make another touchdown, leaving the Dragons with a twelve-point loss as the clock hits zero.

I close my eyes as the opposing team starts celebrating their victory under the lights of our stadium.

“Well, there you have it,” Bea says with a sigh. She pats my leg and stands. “There’s always next season, right? Let’s hope the players coming in can work together better than these guys.”

I smile, because what else can I do? I feel bad for the boys who won’t get a chance to prove themselves next year, but I’m glad that the younger players still have the opportunity. “I hope you’re right.”

“You should stop by the bakery sometime,” she suggests. “I’ve never seen you there before, but I can tell you like coffee. I’m never wrong about those things.”

I’m pretty sure caffeine is what really runs through my veins, so I crack a grin. “I don’t think I’d function without it.”

“Good. First one will be on me,” she says, waving her goodbyes and telling me she needs to head back to the bakery to make sure her granddaughter hasn’t burned it down.

Ten minutes later, I’m waiting for the boys to leave the locker room. Fidgety, I tug on the custom jersey and shift my weight as a few of them start exiting, freshly showered and changed.

Most of them seem to be in good spirits despite the loss, which I’m glad. It’s never fun ending a season this way. But Bea is right. Next season is another chance to make a difference, even if the OG boys I’ve gotten to know this year won’t be coming back for it.

I wait another five minutes, hoping to catch Matt, when the locker room door opens, and the familiar face I’m looking for comes out.

Matt is laughing at something the person next to him says. They bump each other’s fists and part ways, the soon-to-be graduate walking in my direction and waving at a couple of people lingering in the hall.

Before I can say anything, his eyes shift to my little hiding spot and land directly on the way my arms hug my torso.

He stops a foot away, looking behind him before wetting his lips. “You came.”

“I wanted to support the team,” I tell him.

His lips tilt up into a secretive smile when I lift my gaze. He does a once-over at my outfit. “I saw you in the stands and had to do a double take. You weren’t in your normal spot.”

My normal spot was in the middle of the stands, blended into the other football fanatics. By the time I arrived, the game was starting, so I crept into the section closest to the exit.

“Thank you,” he says softly, tugging on the hem of my jersey. “For coming.”

“I’m sorry you lost.”

He rubs his lips together, releasing my jersey. “Me too, Ruby Red. Me too.”

We stare at one another for a stretch of silence longer. “I wanted to see you before I left. I promised my sister I’d go back to Pennsylvania for the summer to spend time with her.”

Matt’s eyes follow my squirmy movements, from the way I rub my arm to how I move my weight from one foot to the other. “Are you planning on spending time with anyone else while you’re there?”

Sadness sweeps over my chest at his hedging for information. “Matt…”

“It’s just a question.”

I look around at the people lingering in the hallway before my focus turns back to him. It’s not just a question to him. “It doesn’t matter if I am or not.”

He stands taller, his right eye twitching. “It does to me.”

“As a friend?” I ask quietly.

His nostrils flare. “Sure, Rach. As a friend.”

I know what he wants me to say, but that can’t happen. “You’re still a student, and I’m still a faculty member. That isn’t changing anytime soon, Matt.”

“I’m graduating,” he reminds me.

Throat bobbing, I nod. “I know. But then there’s grad school. Our positions won’t be any different than they are right now. That’s why I wanted to say goodbye today.”

His jaw grinds. “Goodbye.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he moves his head up and down slowly. “So you aren’t coming to graduation to see us off? Even after everything you’ve been through with us?”

I’ve thought about it but haven’t made up my mind yet. After Pearce heeded his warnings over involving myself in their lives, I’m not sure it’d be smart to. Then again, it wasn’t smart to order pizza or cake and then go through a student’s file either, so…

“I don’t know yet,” I answer.

A thoughtful noise comes from him as he looks away, evading my eyes.

“You should focus on being proud that you’re graduating and enjoying your summer,” I tell him, gently brushing his hand until he looks at me again. The hurt has grown on his face. “We both know you have plenty of girls who would love to have a shot with you.”

“What if I don’t want them?” he asks.

My touch lingers longer than it should, only breaking when I hear a throat clear from a few feet away.

Coach Pearce watches us, his eyes narrowed as they dart from me to Matt, to where my hand was moments before.

Face burning, I step back until there’s a healthy distance between us. “Sorry again about the game.”

As I walk away, I glance in Coach Pearce’s direction. He’s still watching me, but he simply shakes his head and disappears into the crowd without a word my way.

The next day, there’s a singular ticket to the spring commencement taped to my office door. I don’t need a note to figure out who left it there.

I stare at it for a long time.

It matters to me. His words have been ringing in my head since he said them.

Sighing, I slip the ticket into my purse.

*

Graduation at Lindon University hasn’t changed, so seeing the chairs set up feels like it did when I was walking across the stage in my red gown.

I’m supposed to be in my car on my way to Pennsylvania for a couple of weeks to be with my family for summer break. But the ticket that couldn’t have weighed more than an ounce felt like cement in my purse wherever I took it.

It matters to me.

Tugging on the black dress that I haven’t worn since my graduation, I feel an unease clawing at my stomach.

Following a group of people to the stands, I tuck a piece of curled hair behind my ear. I spent way too long getting ready for a graduation that isn’t even mine.

As I head to a section of bleachers that looks relatively empty, I see Matt’s family. Front and center, just like they are at his games. I offer them a wiggle of my fingers in greeting as I pass by, listening to them gushing over the boy who I’m here to see too.

“Hard to believe,” the woman beside Matt’s mother says. An aunt maybe? “Time flies by, doesn’t it, Maureen?”

Matt’s mom smiles. “It feels like he just came into our lives,” she gushes, reaching for her husband’s hand. “We’re so lucky to have this. It felt impossible for so long, and now our baby is leaving us.”

My mother was emotional during my high school graduation. Her face turned red, and it was hard for her to breathe. That night, she went to bed early and slept so long that Dad almost called 911. I thought she was being dramatic because she was going to miss me that much when I went to college, but I know now that wasn’t it at all. Her disease had progressed more than any of us knew. Maybe even more than she knew.

Sitting down, I study the rest of the bleachers. I recognize quite a few families from their attendance at the big football games. I wave at a couple of them when they catch my eye before looking out to the field. I can see the peak of red coming from the tunnel where the players usually walk out of.

The back of my neck tingles, then I capture a glimpse of a faraway face.

Matt.

It’s too far away to see him, but I know it’s him. He’s goofing off with a couple other guys, then starts dancing. And I know those moves. I’ve seen them on the sidelines and when he makes a touchdown.

“Rachel, right?” a familiar white-haired woman asks, stopping in front of me.

I look up and smile at Bea. “Hi. Are you here to support the Dragons too?”

I never went to the bakery like I said I would. Work got busy, and I’d been avoiding any places I knew Matt tended to gravitate. It was easier that way. “I come every year to show my support. Without the college, I wouldn’t be in business.”

“That’s sweet.”

She gestures to the spot beside me. “Mind if an old woman sits? My hip ain’t what it used to be. I’ve been on my feet all day making sure my granddaughter would be set at the bakery so I could come here, and lord do I feel it now.”

I scoot over. “Sit. Please.”

She takes her time lowering down with a content sigh as soon as she’s settled in. “You must be here for the boys too,” she notes. “I haven’t seen nearly as many faculty as I normally do at these things.”

That probably has something to do with the emails we got from HR last week about an investigation against a few staff members in the athletic department. It led to Coach Pearce’s abrupt exit only two days ago, followed by a few of the assistant coaches along with him. It’s left a lot of tension at work, like any minute, the hammer could come down on me unless I’m careful.

Yet here you are , a pesky voice inside my head taunts.

Clearing my throat, I rub my arm and watch the students in the tunnel. “There’s some turnover happening at the school, so you won’t be seeing most of the football staff if that’s who you mean. I think they were advised to skip this ceremony.”

Her eyebrows go up with interest. “I’ve heard some rumblings around town but didn’t know what was fact from fiction.”

When someone as well-known as Pearce leaves the school after years of coaching, it’s not going to go unnoticed. He’s led the team to victory more than any other coach has in Lindon’s history. Which is why the investigation against him has been so brutal. Zero tolerance is zero tolerance though. He let a lot of things slide to make sure they kept winning titles instead of disciplining the players, so it was bound to bite him in the butt eventually.

I’ll admit, I’d been a little shocked when I saw him carrying out a couple of boxes with two campus police officers guiding him out. He passed me in the hall and said, “Good luck. You’re going to need it,” in a cool tone that had me stopping in my tracks and wondering exactly what he meant.

I was even more surprised when I got an email saying that Ricky Wallace was being expelled too, and that a new interim coach would be brought in for the fall unless they find a permanent replacement over the summer.

“I’m sure it’ll get out soon,” I tell Bea, not wanting to get into details. For all I know, I could come back from break and be told I have no position with the football team anymore either. They wanted to hire a new staff to get rid of the former corrupt one, and I wouldn’t blame them if that included me with them.

My conscience has reminded me I deserve it.

One night or not.

And maybe…maybe it would be better that way. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself to prepare for what could happen.

Bea studies the field. “I haven’t seen you at the bakery yet,” she notes casually. “The boys like to rift on Matt for it.”

My eyes dart nervously over to her. It’s not a suspicious accusation, simply a statement. Still, the caution buzzing under my skin has me repositioning in my seat. “Oh, well…” What am I supposed to say to that? “You know how they are. Always picking on each other about something.”

The older woman hums, her cheeks twitching with a small smile. “And always about something important to them, it seems.”

This time, I press my lips together and fight the heat rising under my skin.

It’s smarter to say nothing at all.

Bea chuckles under her breath, patting my leg with her wrinkled hand. “I’ve seen it all in my day, child. Whatever it is that’s got those shoulders tensing can’t be that bad.”

Matt used to say that Bea was the eyes and ears of Lindon, and I’m starting to see how true that is. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She smiles knowingly. “I’m sure. Tell me, child, who are you here to see?” When I can’t produce an answer, her smile grows. “I’ve been around these boys for years. Watched each of them grow into their own person and deal with a lot of their own problems. But it always seems to work out how it’s meant to in the long run. That’s all I’ll say about it. It’s none of my business anyway.”

Unable to comment, I manage to force a slow nod in acknowledgment. Matt and his friends love the woman beside me. They support her business and like her sass and banter. She’s family to most of them. I can see why.

But that claw of discomfort only grips my insides ten times tighter as I think about what she said.

When the music starts, I know the ceremony is about to begin. I make myself focus on the students walking out in their formations to the rows of seating in the middle of the stadium rather than the woman who knows more than I’d like her to, humming thoughtfully to herself beside me.

The first half of the ceremony is a blur, but by the time they start calling out names, I perk up with anxiety. I don’t know how to react, but when Matt’s name is called into the microphone, and I see the six-foot-two football player stand, I can’t help but cheer with the group of people in the section over.

And when he looks to the crowd, I can feel the way his eyes lock on me in the mix of people. Even though I’m sure he can’t see, I offer a wave and thumbs up to show him that I’m proud of how far he’s come. Because I am.

Despite how irritated I’ve gotten with him and how many boundaries the two of us have crossed, I’m happy for the graduate shaking hands with the line of people before joining his classmates back at their seats.

Bea laughs under her breath, gaining my attention when the next set of names is called to walk the stage. I turn to her, but she’s watching the graduation with a big smile and a shake of her head.

A few minutes later, my phone buzzes.

Matt: You came

Me: You invited me

Matt: Meet me by the locker room after this is over

There’s not a question about it. I could argue, but what’s the point? I’ll meet him, congratulate him, and go on my way. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be drinking margaritas with my sister and trying to avoid Tatum and my father at all costs, so I might as well enjoy today while I can. Matt is someone I enjoy.

After the ceremony, I sneak out with the crowd and make a detour toward the locker rooms to meet the boy whose big day it is.

I think I beat him until two hands find my arm and tug me into an alcove and away from prying eyes.

Matt smirks at the startled noise I make, laughing when I swat him for scaring me. “I didn’t mean to make you jump,” he muses.

“You can’t just grab a woman,” I scold.

He grins. “Sue me.”

I roll my eyes. “I can’t sue you on your big day. Congratulations, by the way. How does it feel to finally be a graduate of Lindon University?”

All Matt does for a few long moments is look down at me. When his mouth lifts at the corners, I don’t know what’s on his mind until he says, “It feels like I finally have options.”

I get that. Anyone in his position feels freedom right after getting handed a diploma. Until reality reminds you that life is about to set in. “Did you decide on grad school? The deposit is due soon if you’re going in the fall.”

He blows out a raspberry. “I don’t want to talk about school right now.”

I lean against the wall he’s got me pinned against. “Oh. What do you want to talk about?”

“You came.”

“I did.”

He watches me, his eyes dancing with something that brightens his face. “You look damn good in that dress, Rach.”

I feel my cheeks heat. “It’s old.”

“It’s hot.”

Glancing down, I tug at the hem that feels a lot shorter than it did without his careful attention. “You’re always the flirt, huh?”

“It’s not against the rules anymore,” he’s quick to remind me. “After all, I’m no longer a student at Lindon. So, if I wanted to kiss you right now…”

My heart reacts to that by speeding up in my chest, and I worry he can see it trying to beat out of my skin.

He leans forward, almost teasing me with the possibility of a kiss. But instead of pressing his mouth against mine, he moves his lips to my ear. “And I think you’d like that.”

I close my eyes, not wanting to admit that he may be right. Because it wouldn’t be against the rules, which makes the temptation that much more intense.

Skin buzzing, I press my palms against my thighs. “I think you should go see your family before they start wondering where you are.”

Matt leans back just enough to meet my eyes. They study me carefully. “You know what I really want to do?”

“What?”

“Kiss you.”

“I know. You made that clear.”

He shakes his head. “Not here. Not in secret where nobody can see us. Out there. In front of everybody. Friends. Family. Classmates. I wanted that moment of celebration where I can show the girl I like that I want her.”

I swallow. Because… damn . Being wanted is one of the best feelings—like a buzz under my skin that sends prickles of heat up the back of my neck until I’m warm and fuzzy inside. But it doesn’t feel like a feeling I can hold on to. “There are so many other girls who are better suited for you.”

“They’re boring.”

“They’re attainable,” I correct, lips twitching downward. “And that bores you for some reason.”

He doesn’t give in. “Think what you want. But if I knew Caleb wasn’t out there dropping on one knee to propose to Raine, I probably would have kissed the hell out of you and not given a single fuck about what anybody thought of it.”

I blink. “Caleb is proposing?”

Matt sighs. “Is that all you heard? Come on, Ruby Red. It’s not like that’s shocking. You’ve been around Caleb. Man is dumbstruck in love with that girl. They’re probably showing everybody the ring and planning a future with babies as we speak.”

Then what is he doing in here? “Matt, go be with your friends. That’s a huge deal, and I know how close all of you are.”

“Are you leaving soon?” he asks, checking the time on his phone. “You said you were probably going to Pennsylvania for break.”

I nod. “I leave in the morning.”

“Give me tonight.”

Oh, Matt. “Don’t you have plans?”

“Sure,” he answers, smirking. “With you. Nobody else I’d rather celebrate with. I’ve got a party with the family this weekend, so that clears me for a couple days. Come on. You can’t feel guilty about anything. We’re not doing anything wrong anymore. Say yes.”

“You’re going to grad school.”

“But I’m not in it yet,” he points out.

He’s always going to have an argument.

“One night,” he whispers, those lips only an inch away.

One night. I squeeze my thighs together when my mind takes me to all the possibilities that could happen in twelve hours.

Swallowing, I say, “We already had one night.”

His eyes flare with mischief, which makes me nervous. “I’ll make it worth it. I promise.”

Matt reaches for my hand, squeezing it once before sliding his fingers leisurely up my arm until they stop below my chin. He tips my head up to meet his eyes, making me hold my breath for a moment so he doesn’t see what he’s doing to me.

My eyes dart to his mouth briefly before shooting back up to his eyes, earning me another knowing smirk from him as he begins to lower.

God. Can he hear my heart? I can. It’s beating so hard in my chest that its wild thumps echo in my eardrums.

“One night,” he whispers again, his lips only barely brushing mine when the door to the hallway bursts open.

I jerk back in time to see Caleb walking in with a distraught look on his face. When Matt sees him, he frowns.

“Cal?” he calls out.

“She said no,” Caleb murmurs.

Matt and I share a confused expression before Matt walks out of the alcove and over to where Caleb is leaning against the wall in his cap and gown. “What are you talking about? What’s wrong, man?”

Caleb slides down the wall until he’s sitting on the floor. When he looks up at Matt, there’s a shadow over his face like he’s not even here at all. “Raine said no.”

My eyes widen.

Matt curses under his breath before glancing over his shoulder at me. Our moment is broken. Over. All I do is shake my head. His friend needs him right now.

I back away.

Matt watches.

I point to Caleb before turning the corner.

It’s better this way.

Because one more night wouldn’t have been enough.