Tenure

10. Kiernan

10

Kiernan

I want to punch something.

I want to yell and kick and scream.

I want to do it again.

My first time being touched by someone else, my first orgasm that isn’t just mine, and it was in front of a fucking TA.

I need to drop out of college. I’m not ready for this.

I try to wipe up my mess in the bathroom, stripping off my panties because they feel like they’ve been in a pool and shoving them in my bag. My stomach is turning over, anxiety and adrenaline and fear and anger all roiling up into one big, messy game of dodgeball in my gut. I don’t know why the fuck this guy affects me like this, but I can’t be around him again. Not ever.

My pussy clenches in protest, and I snarl as I throw the bathroom stall door open, stalking angrily to the sink to wash my hands.

That wasn’t the best orgasm you’ve ever had. Nope. Definitely not. No ma’am.

Fuck my life.

I see Graham in the hallway with some other students I don’t know, and he beckons me over.

“Hey!” he says. He introduces me to some of his friends, most of them from the hockey team, but I’m having a hard time remembering names. I can’t concentrate, distracted by the ache between my legs. He stretched me open farther than I’ve ever been stretched, the sting almost too much to bear.

Almost.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

“So, what do you say?”

I shake my head, trying to focus. “Um, sorry, what?”

“ A party? Do you want to come? ”

“Sure. I’m in.”

He grins and the group all walks off together, shoving each other and laughing, a few of the girls eyeing me with interest.

“Are you a math major?” Graham asks.

I try to remain vague. “Undecided, for now . . .”

“Undecided but you signed up for a class with McGrath?”

“Fuck that guy though!” one of Graham’s friends says. “I have no fucking clue what’s going on, and he looks like he’ll stab me with a letter opener if I ask a fucking question.”

“I already dropped that class,” another says, and a few nod.

I stay quiet, and one of the girls drops back, matching my pace and watching me out of the corner of her eye.

“Kiernan, right?”

I nod.

“Can you picture him naked? McGrath?”

I stop dead, my heart flatlining, knees threatening to buckle.

“What?”

“God, I can’t stop imagining it,” she says wistfully, looping her arm through mine. “I’m Tanya.”

I don’t care, I almost say, but I plaster a smile on my face as we all head outside and across a parking lot.

I need a fucking drink.