Tenure

33. James

33

James

I’m reeling.

Clearly, it’s the girl’s first blowjob, and I almost hit the tarmac with her. I probably shouldn’t be driving.

We’re quiet on the way to the restaurant. She seems content, pleased even, but I’m the opposite. I’m fucking shook.

I’d helped her up off the asphalt and found very stupid words bubbling up in my throat and trying to fall out of my mouth. I kissed her to keep myself from saying them out loud, the taste of my cum hot in her mouth, and then—as badly as I’d wanted to lay down in the grass and have her ride my face until I died—I pushed her back into the seat so we could get going.

She put her seatbelt on immediately.

We pull into Allora, and I cut the engine, staring straight ahead.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Why haven’t you done any of this before?” I ask. My voice sounds harsh. Angry. Shit, I don’t mean to sound like this. Deep breath. Calm down.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re smart— too smart for your own good. And you’re beautiful as hell. Any man would—” I cut myself off, struggling a little with rattling off all of the reasons why everything with a dick will want inside her. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Who says I don’t?”

I give her a look.

“Sex and relationships aren’t mutually exclusive, you know,” she seethes.

“Don’t fuck with me. Not right now, okay?” I turn to face her. “ Please. ”

I’m not sure if it’s the eye contact or the please that does it, but she reaches out and places her palm against my cheek, brown eyes warm and sweet.

“I’m sorry, James. I don’t have a boyfriend.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

She also lets out a breath. “You’re upset James, and I don’t know why, and I got defensive about being asked about being a virgin like it’s offensive, somehow, thirty seconds after you just came in my mouth.”

Yep. Blunt.

“I’m not upset. I’m . . . concerned.”

“About me?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t think this is a good idea.”

“I know this isn’t a good idea, Kiernan. Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop doing it.”

She frowns, confused. “Why are you upset then? You weren’t upset earlier. Mad at me, but not upset.”

“Tell me why you don’t have a boyfriend. Haven’t had a boyfriend.”

She eyes me warily but pulls on her fingertips, fidgeting, giving her away like always. She’s nervous.

“I’ve just never been interested in anyone before,” she says quietly.

“Nobody? Not ever?” I’m not sure why this pleases me so much, but it does.

She shakes her head no. “Nobody. I’ve kissed a few—or they’ve kissed me”—my knuckles crack—“but it just never felt right.”

“Why?”

She blushes and stares down at her hands.

“Tell me why. Now.”

“They weren’t you,” she says quietly.

For once, I’m glad she’s not looking at me because I open and close my mouth at least three times before my tongue starts to work. Don’t say what you’re thinking. Don’t say what you’re thinking.

“You know I’m almost forty, right?” I finally blurt out instead.

She looks up at me and grins. “I’m kind of good at math, you know.”

I reach over and grab her chin, pulling her close.

“You little shit,” I say warmly, and then I kiss her again.