I suggested that we go out to blow off some steam since Lily had an uncomfortable run-in with one of her difficult clients, Craig. There have been several allegations of sexual misconduct, which forced him into mandated therapy by his job, which is what brought him to Lily’s office. But with every passing session, she’s more convinced that the allegations are true. We don’t make a move until we know for sure, but he’s definitely getting there and may soon be a new addition to our files.
We’re sitting at the bar, at the same club we were at a few days ago with the guys, waiting to have some fun getting rid of assholes.
I am incredibly nervous to talk to Lily about Damon. This is the first time in a long time I’ve kept something to myself, but I worry if I say it aloud, that means this is serious. And I don’t do serious. I take a deep breath in and exhale before swinging my bar stool to face Lily. “Sooo, there’s something I want to ask you.”
She furrows her eyebrows and curiously says, “Ohh-kay.”
After taking a sip of liquid courage in the form of a draft beer, I say, “So I actually got Damon’s number that night, and we’ve been hanging out.”
Her mouth immediately widens into a grin. “Oh, yeah?” Ugh. I guess we haven’t been as subtle as we thought.
“It’s not like that.” My eyes dart across the room, looking at anything but my best friend. “We’ve been playing wing person for each other.”
Looking disappointed she says, “Oh, okay. How has that gone? Any prospects?” She fully turns her chair to face me, interested in where this conversation is going.
“Well . . . it hasn’t really gone anywhere . . .” I say, biting my lip. “We never find anyone . . . good enough. So we end up spending the whole night at the bar together.” We’ve gone out two more times this week, but we always find ourselves at the diner, where they’re still giving us free dessert for our fake engagement the other night.
She gives me a knowing smile. “That’s not a bad thing, Char. It’s okay to have a relationship with—”
“I don’t do relationships,” I say, louder than I intended.
“Yes, you do. Here you and I are. A relationship. The best kind, I might add,” she says, winking at me. “And it’s okay to get close to someone else too. Even if they have a penis.”
“ButwhatifIwantmore?” I whisper at lightning speed. The first time I’ve allowed myself to admit it out loud. Fuck. This is real, isn’t it?
“So what if you do?” she challenges me, lifting an eyebrow.
“It’s what you said the other day, Lily. We do things . . . things that most people don’t approve of.”
“Why are we jumping ten thousand steps? How about we start with the first date and figure it out from there?” she asks.
Now it’s my eyebrow that goes up in defiance. “Okay. But I’m not you, Lils. You and Ade had this weird, undying love for each other that lasted no matter what happened.”
Her jaw clenches. Uh-oh. Here comes the best friend speech. “And you’re Charlie fucking Thatcher. Anyone would be lucky to have you, and I think D and you can be good together. It’s worth a chance. ”
“I don’t know Lils—” I start to say.
Her whole demeanor changes and she straightens her back. “It’ s showtime. Six o’clock.” She motions her head in the direction of the two men who walked into the bar, Mathew Olsen and Joseph Hall. Better known as Mullet and Pornstache—dubbed by Lily. They’re the assholes from the bar who tried to harass Lily and me. As always, we did our research, and of course their rap sheet of offenses are longer than a CVS receipt.
I nod back in understanding. We stand up and clumsily walk in their direction but sway a bit to the left.
“Oh my God. Babess I think I dwank a bit tooooo much,” she slurs and purposely grabs onto me.
I cling onto her too. “I-I thwink you’re right,” I say as I giggle.
“Well, well, well. Look what we have here,” Mullet says.
Pornstache turns his attention to us still clinging on to each other. “I-it’s you from the other day.” Lily leans over to them and pretends to stumble and fall onto them.
Mullet catches her, his hands automatically sliding down to cup her ass. I scream at every instinct I have to beat his ass as I stand there, slouched in character .
“I got you,” he says.
Pornstache walks over to me and puts his arm around my waist. “Why don’t we help these ladies home before someone takes advantage of them?” They both allow their eyes to roam over our bodies. We’re both wearing skinny jeans, ankle booties, and long-sleeve blouses that show off our cleavage.
“Oh. Would you? That would be sooooo sweet.” She giggles.
They smirk at each other like they just won the lotto. “Of course we will.”
As we suspected, instead of taking us to our homes—not that they even asked for that information—they took us to the woods a few miles out.
“W-where are we going?” I croak out.
“Oh, we just want to show you something fun up here. It’ll only take a minute,” says Pornstache.
“I want to go home,” Lily whines while pushing out her lower lip. “This doesn’t feel right.”
“Yeah. I’m going to be sick,” I add.
“Shut up,” Mullet says. “He said it’ll only take a minute.” We both visibly flinch to give them that fear they are looking for.
Once we arrive at their chosen destination, they park, yank us both out of the car, and throw us onto the ground. The fun I plan to have with them. There seems to be an open clearing in the woods.
We start crawling back, tears streaming down our faces, making our mascara run. “What are you going to do?” Lily asks.
“Fun things, beautiful. Fun, fun things.” They start prowling towards us. We try to scramble to our feet, but they grab us to yank us up.
What they don’t realize is that we crawled back to grab the hidden knives in our boots. We both look at each other, our sobs turning into smiles as we turn to them.
They pause, confused at our change in demeanor. Before they can say anything, we stab them both in the arm to shock them and then punch them as hard as we can muster, knocking them out long enough to tie them up.
When they regain consciousness, they are hog-tied and lying on their sides. “Have a nice nap?” I ask, grinning at them like the Cheshire Cat.
“What? What the fuck are you doing?” Mullet asks.
Lily steps forward to kneel in front of him and puts the knife under his chin. “Oh, are you the only ones who can take advantage of people?”
“You can’t do this,” he says .
She quickly swipes her knife across his cheek, making him flinch in fear. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.”
I happily take out one of my throwing knives and chuck it, sinking it a few centimeters from Pornstache’s crotch. He screams out in pain. “For the record, you dumbasses brought this upon yourselves.”
“You won’t get away with this,” Pornstache threatens.
She dramatically turns left and right, surrounded by nothing but pine trees and chirping crickets. “Who’s gonna save you? This idiot?” She points with the tip of her knife. They try to wiggle out of the ties, but they are only tightening the hold. “Keep squirming. It’s actually quite funny to watch.” She chuckles.
I say, “We’re going to have so much fun with you. My girl has had an especially irritating day.”
She bends down and slices a long gash into both of their asses, making them scream out in pain. “You thought it was okay to cop a feel when you thought I was drunk. How does this feel?”
I follow suit, making cuts across each of their chests. “Our chests aren’t for you to watch and gape at either.” Blood coats their shirts until it’s dripping onto the ground.
“You bitch,” says Mullet.
Lily punches him so hard that when he spits, a loose tooth falls out. “You want to say that again?”
“You moth—”
She swings her arm back, which makes him recoil to a stop. “That’s what I thought. How about you?”
“You and that cunt don’t scare me.” Pornstache spits at our feet.
I give him a sinister smile. “Oh, no?” I walk to him and signal for Lily to help me. We pull off his pants and underwear to his knees. “You want another chance? Or shall I have some fun?” I ask him, even though I know I’m not gonna stop regardless of his answer .
“How about you suck it since you’re already down there?” he says, trying to show no fear, but his shaking voice says otherwise.
We both look down at his shriveled up dick and cackle. “Suck what? A dum-dum has more surface area than that.”
He squirms, trying to break free, all while Mullet looks wide-eyed in disbelief. “Wait until I get out of these.”
“Enough!” Lily yells as she takes her dagger and stabs through his dick into his leg, forcing a gut-wrenching scream.
“Isn’t it so convenient that you brought us out here to the remote woods where no one is going to hear you?” I smirk at them.
Mullet starts whimpering, and we see that he is starting to piss on himself. “Is the poor little rapist scared?” Lily says in a baby voice while pouting.“Good. You deserve this and worse.” She slices his leg again.
“Please stop. I’ll—I’ll do anything. I’ll stop.” Mullet is just a blubbering mess, snot mixing with blood.
Pornstache moans out, “Don’t give into them, you pussy.” When she yanks out the dagger, he groans even louder. “FUCK!”
“You were saying?”
“Please just stop,” Mullet says in plea.
“Do either of you know anything on X?” I ask. Neither one of us think they do, but we always ask before getting rid of our victims just in case.
“W-we do! Just don’t . . . Please just let us go.” He stumbles over each word, trying to plead for his life.
“Shut up!” Pornstache screams. “These bitches don’t—” Before he can finish his thought, Lily brings the blade down, detaching his dick. Blood sprays everywhere, but I relish in the beauty of them getting what they deserve. When he goes to scream, she shoves his severed dick deep in his mouth, making me chuckle.
“Choke on that.” She turns and smiles at Mullet. “You were saying.” If he didn’t already piss himself, he definitely would have now with the fear emanating from his body and how pale he goes.
His body is quaking with how hard he’s crying, which is causing the words to come out stuttered. “W-we heard r-rumors about t-tru-trucks of women being tr-transported through a-a—” He starts grunting in pain.
I rush to his side. “I think he’s having a heart attack.”
“Just our fucking luck.” Lily bends down next to him. “Spit it out. Through where!”
“Th-through the shop off—off of Exit 39.” He strains to get those last words out.
“Is this through X?” I ask.
“I-I think s-so. . .” he says right before falling unconscious.
“Perfect,” she says, smiling at me. “I guess we have work to do.”
I’m smiling back at her. This is the big break we’ve been waiting for. “Let’s get ‘em babe.”
The song playing pauses as my phone chirps with an incoming message. It’s Damon, sending me another fox meme with a message attached.
Damon: If I need a pick-me-up, I just think of your laugh and it makes me smile.
That immediately makes me smile, but his text coming in right after makes my cheeks burn.
Damon:
I can’t think of anything snarky to add to that. It’s just fact. Hope you have a good night, Char.
Me:
You’re such a dork. Have a good night, Day.
Still smiling, I close my phone and head out of the bathroom.
My damp hair feels cool against my skin as I make my way to the living room after cleaning off the night’s events. I’m immediately met with the smell of nail polish as I walk through the entryway. All I see is Lily’s wavy brown hair bent over, hard at work painting her toes a deep crimson shade.
“What do you think?” she asks, looking up and wiggling her toes at me. My best friend is absolutely beautiful, and I can’t help but look at her in awe.
“Girl, I think you could make a puke green color work.” I laugh as I plop down onto the couch next to her.
She scrunches her nose. “Eww.” She pulls a nail polish bottle off the coffee table. “I don’t have puke green. But I do have this radiant emerald that I think will work for you.” I smile down at the shade; it reminds me of the ring Damon gave me. “I think it’ll make your eyes pop.”
Will he notice? My cheeks heat at the thought. “Okay,” I squeak.
“Charlotte Thatcher, are you blushing?” She nudges my knee with her hand. I feel my cheeks flush more. “Omg! Yes you are!”
I shove my face in my hands and groan. “Hush!”
Lily tugs my hands forcibly off my face. “Nuh-uh-uh! The conversation from earlier is not over.”
“Why?” I whine. “I had liquid courage then.”
Her eyebrows immediately go up. “First of all, bitch, you don’t need liquid courage with me. I’m your best friend, and you know I will always be your safe space.” I push my bottom lip out, knowing she’s right. “Second of all”—she lets go of my hands and leans over to pull a bottle of chilled fireball and two skull-shaped shot glasses from behind one of my blue throw pillows—“I knew you’d still want some extra help.”
I snort. “You know me too well.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I’ll write a manual for Damon.” I glare at her as I flip her off. She winks at me before pouring us each a shot. “Okay, shot first and then you spill!”
“Deal.” We each take a glass and clink them to cheers—the fiery burn feels nice as the shot makes its way down. “Did you order sustenance too?”
“Of course! It’ll be here innnn”—she checks the delivery app—“fifteen minutes.”
I smile, shaking my head. She literally has thought of everything to make sure I’m comfortable.
“Okay. Now pass me your crusty toes so I can paint them while we wait.” She sticks her tongue out at me, grabbing the green nail polish again.
Sticking my own tongue out at her, I swing my feet into her lap. I do exactly as she asks and spill my guts—telling her about everything that’s happened the past week, not missing a single detail.
“It hasn’t been that long . . . But I don’t know. I feel this long lost connection that I’ve only felt once before.” Lily looks up at me curiously. She’s been allowing me to talk without interruption. Her stupid social worker ass knows I’ll just fill the silence with more rambles. “With you. I knew I could trust you from the first moment we met in that chemistry class. The confused little Lils.”
“Would it really be the end of the world to see where it goes?”
“But what if—”
“Stop. What if nothing. As a wise woman once told me, you don’t need to figure it all out this second.” She smirks at me, making me roll my eyes. “This could be the best thing ever, or it can just not work out. Both are okay. And most importantly, you will be okay. But you know what won’t be okay, because I know you?”
I scrunch my eyebrows. “What?”
“You not trying and wondering . . . I love you, but you, my dear, will overthink it to death one way or another.” She’s not wrong. “So might as well try and see where it goes.”
I purse my lips and let out an exaggerated sigh. “FINE! You’re fucking right as always. I freaking hate you.”
“No, you don’t.” She grabs me for a hug.
“Fine. I don’t, but only because my mani/pedi looks amazing.”
Lily pinches my side.
“OW!” I exclaim as we both start laughing. “Can we move onto more important things? Like, you know, the lead we just got to take down X?” I ask.
Her eyes glisten in excitement. “Yes, let’s make a plan before heading over there tomorrow night.”