That Time We Kissed Under the Mistletoe (Abieville Love Stories #4)

Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Three

My insides lurch.

And not just because Nella interrupted what could’ve been a real kiss between Sara and me, but also because I’m about to talk to my sister without the convenient time delay of text threads and voicemail. I won’t have chance to think through my responses or plan out any questions of my own. And thanks to this concussion—not to mention Sara’s proximity—I’m not exactly firing on all cylinders. So it’s really too bad the success or failure of this conversation could impact the mood of my entire family for the rest of their cruise.

No pressure.

Still, I swipe to answer the call. “Hey there, Smella. Long time, no talk.” I force out a chuckle, then immediately kick into rambling. Of course. “The phones must be working on the ship now, huh? Although I guess you could be in port, too,” I add. “Wait. Could you be in port already? I’ve kind of lost track of days. ”

“I’ll bet,” Nella says. “That sort of thing happens with a concussion.”

“Heh heh heh. Yes, it does. Try to avoid them, will you?” I glance at Sara, whose face is flushed. Is she reacting to our almost-kiss? To her guilt? Maybe both.

“For the record, we’re somewhere out in the middle of the ocean,” Nella says. “None of us knew we had a signal until Carver called,” Nella tells me. “When my phone started ringing, I almost dropped it in my mai tai.”

“You talked to Carver?” I drag a hand across my bandage like I need to remind myself this is all really happening. Not a dream. At the same time, Sara rises from the couch and slowly backs away, motioning that she’s going to head out onto the porch.

When I nod at her—an unspoken thank-you for the offer of privacy—she grabs her coat, slips on her boots, then dashes out the door. “So, dumb question,” I say, once I’m alone again. “Obviously you talked to Carver.”

Nella snorts. “That’s not a question, Mr. Head Injury.”

“You’re right,” I say. “I’ll try again. Did Carver tell you who I was with?”

Nella takes a beat. “He did.” Her next words come out slow and soft. “So … Three … I have to ask. Are you … all right?” Her voice is full of concern without a hint of judgment. I should’ve known she’d focus on my well-being, not launch into warnings about Sara. Yes, my sister knows exactly how much loving Sara wrecked me, but Nella loves me too. And her compassion wins out every time.

“I’ll be fine.” My statement sounds gruff, even to my own ears. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“But this situation.” Nella lets out a sigh loud enough for me to hear. “You have to admit, it’s less than ideal.”

“Well, yeah.” I puff out a laugh. “You’re all on a cruise ship wearing leis while I’m stuck in the snow wearing gloves.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” she says. After a long moment she adds, “Just tell me you’ re being careful.”

“I always am.” I swallow hard. “Some might say to a fault.”

“Yes, under usual circumstances. But you’ve always had a weak spot when it comes to Sara.”

There. Nella finally said her name.

“You’re not wrong,” I admit.

“But forget the fact that you became a total mush pot every summer the minute she came to town,” she continues. “You also put your life on hold the whole rest of the year, waiting for her to show up for three months.”

“I was a stupid kid then, Nell. I know better now, and I promise I’m being careful. I’ve got things under control.” Even as I say this, my throat goes tight. But under control is subjective. And I’m not in my right mind, so yeah. I’m going with it.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Nella says. “Because the last thing you need is to fall back in love with someone whose life runs completely parallel to yours.”

Parallel?

I squint, even though Nella can’t see my confusion. “Is parallel a bad thing?”

“Not at all.” she says. “You and Sara are good people. You care about your families. You work hard and have goals and expectations. But you’re also traveling entirely different paths. So while you’re both heading toward your own version of success, the trajectories are still miles apart. I’m just being practical.”

We fall quiet for a moment, which may sound awkward, but with Nella it’s not. I love that she never feels the need to fill the silence with me. I also love that she’s more comfortable speaking her mind around me than anyone else.

Which is why I have to ask.

“So you don’t … hate Sara.” This comes out more like a statement than a question, and I find myself holding my breath waiting for confirmation.

“Of course I don’t hate Sara. Or her parents. But I do hate how her parents made you feel. To be fair, though, they had no idea you’d end up overhearing their conversation. They were speaking in private, not being malicious. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or the right place,” she quickly adds. “If you think things turned out for the best.”

A sharp pain slices through me, and I’m suddenly right back on the porch of this same house ten years ago. Except it’s summer, so all the windows are open. I hear Mr. Hathaway say something about Sara being way too involved with me. That he has to do something about it.

I freeze in place.

He goes on to say I’m just some small-town kid with zero goals beyond high school. Meanwhile Sara’s about to take Stanford by storm. He’s sure I’ll only hold her back if we stay together, and my blood runs cold.

I don’t disagree with him.

As for Mrs. Hathaway, she’s shocked Sara could be so infatuated with a boy from such an unambitious family. Not a single glowing resume in the bunch. And none of us had any desire to ever leave Abieville. Didn’t the Fullers want something … more?

Listening to them talk about me—about my family—that way cracked my heart straight down the middle. I’d already been questioning my worthiness. And scared of derailing Sara’s future. So hearing their confirmations out loud completely gutted me.

It guts me still.

Things only got worse when her parents went over their plan to confront Sara later that night. They were going to tell her to end things with me, and they were prepared with bribes and ultimatums if she put up a fight.

I knew how deeply Sara loved her family. That she’d only be hurt by a confrontation. And if she got angry enough, she might’ve rebelled. By staying with her, I’d be risking her future relationship with her parents. Not to mention, they’d be forced to spotlight all my many inadequacies. So in that moment, I decided not to let Sara find out how her mom and dad really felt about me.

No need for an argument.

In the pit of me, I already believed Sara deserved someone better than Three Fuller. So I did the only thing my stubborn ego and my broken heart could manage at the time.

I made sure Sara didn’t have to choose.

“I loved her,” I say, feeling both lightheaded and sick at the memory.

“So did her parents,” Nella says. “You’ve never been a father, Three. Who knows? You might be critical or overprotective if you have kids someday too.”

“Yeah.” I grunt. “I’d probably be the worst.”

“Stop,” Nella says. “You’d be an amazing parent. You’re already incredible with your students. But that’s not the point.”

“What is the point, then?”

“You’ve invested so much time and effort becoming the person you were always meant to be. You’re authentically you, and I’m insanely proud of my big brother. So don’t ever forget who you are, Three Fuller. And stick to that path. Be yourself. Listen to your heart. It won’t steer you wrong.”

My eyes begin to sting, so I blink back tears I’m not about to let fall. Man, I’ve been through the wringer these past two days, and my family’s thousands of miles away, not to mention it’s Christmastime. Of course I’m emotional.

Listen to your heart.

Be yourself.

“Enough about me,” I say, clearing my clogged-up throat. “How’s everyone there?”

“Do you want to hear that we’re miserable without you? Or that we’re getting along just fine?”

“Hmmm. I choose option two.”

“Good.” Nella lets out a small laugh, and I’m heartened by the change in tone.

“So Mom’s really okay?”

“Of course she misses you. She can’t stop saying, ‘Three would just love this,’ but there’s so much to do and see already. This experience is new and exciting for her and Dad. For all of us. So I just have to say … thank you.”

“For what? I didn’t pay for everyone’s cruise.”

“No, but it was really big of you to make sure we all still went without you. That must’ve been hard.”

“Nah. Easiest choice ever.” I gulp against the returning lump in my throat, even as a swell of relief rises in me. I may be about to experience my first Christmas alone, but it sounds like the people I love are happy and safe. And they’re together. That’s what really matters.

“So you’re not mad at me for tricking you into going on the cruise without me?” I ask to confirm. “Mom and Dad aren’t, either?”

“They’re the opposite of mad, Three. In fact, they’re at the ship’s fancy day spa right now.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. They won a trivia match this afternoon, and the prize was some romantic massage for two. They left their cabin a little while ago wearing matching robes.”

“Yeah. I did not need to know that.” I cough out a laugh, but talking to Nella’s making me feel more like me than I have in days.

Be yourself.

Listen to your heart.

Yeah. I’ll try, Nell.